Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ When Fairy Tales Attack!! ❯ Kurama Hood Part I ( Chapter 10 )

When Fairy Tales Attack!!

CoWritten by: Tuathafaerie and Nenagh24

Disclaimer: We don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, Disney films, or the Brother's Grimm. Note that any actual dialog taken from the movies might be interspersed without identification and that this disclaimer applies to any such lines. Please do not sue because of it.

Note: Any slandering of said Disney films or fairy tales is author intrusion and fully intentional. Enjoy!

Another one for the road before I close up shop today. Glad you like Kurama as Robin Hood, though I have a feeling I'm going to put him through a lot. (Me encanta Kurama, pero es necesario. Lo siento.) :) Anyway, thanks for all the reviews so soon! Enjoy!

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Chapter 10

Rewind:

Kurama: Me? Are you sure?

Koenma: (ignores) George! Bring on the scripts!!

Play:

George makes beckoning motions and this time Jade and Samantha come in with a third oni, with a nametag reading "Candy", to deliver the large packages that can only be the scripts. Everyone moans in horror. Well, Yukina doesn't, but she usually isn't included in these "everyone" deals. She's rather serene, really…so…hm.

They move forward to retrieve their lines, noting with sick fascination that most of them have two characters to play. This technical difficulty is unexplained in the packet, and no one asks about it, afraid of what the answer will be. Koenma taps his foot and looks annoyed.

Koenma: Where is that woman?! She's always late!

A portal appears to the right of the coliseum and three people step out, two of them highly familiar.

Flyr: Hey all! Doing the production thing again?

Hiei: Hn. Baka onna.

Kurama: Not willingly.

Jin: Ah, that's a real shame, lad. Ya should be enjoying life.

Botan: I can't really call this a life…

Yusuke: Who is that?

He is pointing to the last person in the group, a girl with strangely bluish hair, though in the right light it could be taken for black. She was young with a school girl outfit on, and carried a small video camera, currently taping the scene.

Koenma: Well, since you made such a big fuss about costumes last time, though I don't know why, I decided to get a professional in. This is Tomoyo Daidouji.

Flyr: Yep! I picked her up on the way.

Tomoyo: (keeping camera straight as she bows) It's very nice to meet all of you.

Kurama: (ever polite) Likewise.

Tomoyo: I'll just look over the script, then arrange the costumes, okay?

Koenma: That's fine. If you need anything, just ask George.

Yusuke: That little girl does costumes? Professionally? She can't be more than eleven!

Youko: (internally) Does this mean I won't be able to sew anymore?

Kurama: (sigh)

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After a short break to arrange the preliminary details, the play was set to go forward. Koenma took a seat in one of the many stadium chairs, close enough to the stage so he could direct when he felt like it. The stage, which was initially pitch dark, increased in brightness as Flyr once more took the opening role. However, this time she was adorned in a costume, wearing poufy pants, lime green, of course, and a peasant top, and carrying what appeared to be a mandolin.

Flyr: Is this really necessary? I look like some chicken!

Yusuke: (sniggering) You're a rooster, actually.

Flyr: (sarcastic) Thanks.

Koenma: Just go with it!

Flyr: Whatever. Okay, so there's been a lot of tales about Robin Hood. Like that hideous one by Kevin Costner. Prince of Thieves, I think it was. Terrible! Absolutely horrible! Ruined the good name of Robin Hood! The only good character was the guy who now plays Snape! Lousy acting, bad-

Koenma: It's only the beginning of the play! What is wrong with you people?!! Move on!

Flyr: Hmph. Whatever. I just have a problem with that movie, that's all I'm saying. So, anyways, hm. Okay, so we folks of the Spirit Kingdom, though I'm not really from there, have our own version. It's the story of what really happened in Sherwood Forest. Incidentally, I'm - gah, what a stupid name! - I'm Flyr, not this guy. And sadly, yes, I'm a minstrel, so it's my job to tell the story. Unfortunately.

Koenma: (to self) Please, when is she out of this?

Flyr: Ooo! I get to sing! Ha ha ha!

Jin covers his ears, the only smart move any one makes. In a moment, screeching can be heard from the place Flyr was supposedly last.

Flyr: Robin Hood and Little John Walkin' through the forest, Laughin' back and forth at what the Other'ne has to say.

Kurama, wearing green [an: and looking good], appears on stage with Hiei, wearing a stubborn expression and his traditional black outfit. They do not walk, nor laugh, nor talk. It is a sad day in acting world.

Flyr: (screeching again) Reminiscin' this `n that `n havin' Such a good time, Oo-de-lally, hoo-de-lally, golly What a day!

Botan: I have never heard lyrics that were more wrong.

Kurama: (attempting to support the lines) So, Hiei, remember playing Zelda?

Hiei: Hn. Idiotic game.

Kurama: Or, um, hm, beating up Kuwabara?

Kuwabara: Hey! That wasn't a good time!

Hiei: (smirks) We should do that again.

Kurama: (sweatdrop) Oh boy.

Flyr: (doggedly continues) Never ever thinkin' there was Danger in the water They were drinkin', they just Guzzled it down. Never dreamin' that a schemin' Sheriff and his posse Was a watchin' them and Gatherin' around.

Hiei: I'm not that stupid!

Kurama: Wouldn't I be able to tell if the water was dangerous? I could have some plants tell me…

Flyr: (sighs) Whatever. I was never cut out to be a minstrel anyway. Come on, Jin, let's go do something fun.

Jin: (eyes closed covering ears)

Flyr: (rolls her eyes and drags him off)

Yusuke: Normally, I would get upset when somebody skips their song, but quite honestly, I'm happy about that one.

Keiko: (recovering from the pain) Too true.

Hiei: Hn. (skips to next line) You take too many chances, Kurama, hanging out with these people.

Yusuke: (angry) That includes you, fire boy!

Hiei: …

Kurama: Um…(decides to go back to real script) Chances! You must be joking! That was just a bit of a lark Little - uh - (tentatively) Hiei.

Botan: (bursts out laughing) What a name!

Hiei: (glares) Baka onna.

Yusuke: You know, that can also mean-

Keiko: (hits Yusuke on the head) If you even say it once, you are a dead man!

Hiei: (rolls eyes) Do you actually enjoy this?

Kurama: (desperately dodging question) Wasn't there something else you wanted to tell me?

Hiei: Hn.

Kurama: (sighs and takes off hat, which has a fake arrow in it) Hello, this one almost had my name on it, didn't it? They're getting better, you know. You've got to admit it, they are getting better.

Hiei: No, they're not. I'd say they're getting worse.

Kurama: (fed up) Will you just return to the script?!

Hiei: (Startled at Kurama's outburst) o.o … The next time, that sheriff will probably have a rope around our necks. Ugh! Pretty hard to laugh hanging there, Kur.

Kurama: Kur? What?

Hiei: Well, did you want me to call you "ama" or something?

Kurama: No, no, I guess Kur is fine…well, the Sheriff and his whole posse couldn't lift you off the ground, and en garde! (Hands arrow to Hiei)

Yusuke: I could lift Hiei off the ground! Who IS this sheriff?

Hiei: (stares at arrow) What the heck is this for?

Kurama: Oh, come along. You worry too much old boy.

Hiei: Old boy? You're the old one here, Kurama.

Kurama: (sweatdrop) Yes, well…

Hiei: So what are we, thieves or something?

Kurama: Yes, but thieves on the side of justice!

Dramatic music plays again. Koenma looks annoyed as everyone freezes and calls up a group of onis to go investigate the occurrence. [an: they'll never find me. Heeheehee]

Kurama: Um, we rob from the rich to give to the poor?

Silence. [an: I can be moody sometimes]

Hiei: (snorts) That's ridiculous! The poor should fend for themselves!

Youko: (internally) I think Hiei's right. Who came up with this prissy idea?

Kurama: …hm.

Off stage comes the sound of some type of horn. French, I think. Kurama perks up.

Kurama: (relieved) Ha, ha. That sounds like another collection day for the poor, eh, Hiei boy?

Hiei: Hiei boy? Where do you get these names?

Kurama: Let's just go. (moves off)

Hiei: (rolls eyes) Hn. Sweet charity.

The stage dims for a moment, then relights to reveal a plush looking carriage containing two of our actors. They are accompanied by several onis carrying chests.

Yusuke: (relaxing) What are we supposed to be doing again?

Koenma: Traveling the country side! Get on with it!

Yusuke: Geez! What did I ever do to you-wait, don't answer that. (grabs a bag near his feet) Taxes! Taxes! Beautiful, lovely taxes! …How am I supposed to say this? Aha? I haven't discovered anything!

Keiko: Didn't you ever watch this movie?! It's A-ha.

Yusuke: That's a stupid evil laugh. I can do way better! Mwhahahahaha!

Everyone: -.-u

Yusuke: (defensive) Well, I've heard enough people do it, I should be good!

Kuwabara: These are my lines? I don't even know what some of these words mean!

Yusuke: Ah, come on, it can't be that bad.

Kuwabara: Sire, you have an absolute skill for encouraging conflagrations from the poor.

Kurama: Skill at what?! Burning things?

Keiko: (looks at own script) Um, I think that's contributions.

Kuwabara: Whatever. I don't know what either word means, so it doesn't matter.

Koenma: (to self) Note: Give Kuwabara the easy parts. (sigh)

Yusuke: To coin a phrase, um, counselor, rob the poor to feed the rich. Am I right? Tell me, what's the next stop, sir Baka?

Kuwabara: Sir Baka? Why you-!

Yusuke: What?! That's what the script says!

Kuwabara: Really? So his name was Baka in the Disney version? How strange.

Keiko let that one pass.

Kuwabara: Well, let's see. (takes out what is assumed to be a map) Ooh. The next stop is Nottingham, Sire.

Yusuke: Sire? Whoa! I'm the king! Go me!

Keiko: You really haven't watched this movie.

Yusuke: (suspicious) What's that supposed to mean?

Keiko: Never mind.

Yusuke: (shrugs; glances at lines) Hey, what's with me getting all the girly lines?! Shove this! Okay, onward to Nottingham! We'll rob them blind!

Yusuke grabs a crown from the carriage, but unfortunately, it seems slightly too small for his head. He tries to jam it on anyways.

Kuwabara: Hahaha! Yusuke's got a big head!

Yusuke: Shut up! (balances crown precariously on head) Don't over do it! Remember, this crown gives me power!

Kuwabara: Really? Can I have it?

Yusuke: (rolls eyes) No. I was speaking figuratively.

Kuwabara: So when's King Richard getting back?

Yusuke: Eh? Stupid King Richard! I told you not to mention - hang on, I have a brother?!

Koenma: Uh…

Yusuke: Cool! I've always been an only child! So what is he, older or younger than me? Where is he?

Kuwabara: Actually, I think it says that I hypnotized him. Then you sent him to the crosswalk.

Keiko: Crusades. -.-

Yusuke: What?!

Kuwabara: Much to the sorrow of the Queen Mother.

Yusuke: (snorts) My mother's no queen, and she doesn't really notice when I'm gone. (reads script) Why do I always get the stupid parts?

Kurama: Weren't you just rejoicing at being king?

Yusuke: I have to suck my thumb?! You first, Gerber baby.

Koenma: (sniff) I do not suck my thumb.

Yusuke: Yeah, only that pacifier thing.

Koenma: Grr! Just move on, will you Kurama?!

Kurama: Why me?

Kurama walks forward with Hiei, getting closer to the carriage. Kurama seems to be wearing a female fortune tellers outfit, while Hiei remains clothed in his usual.

Hiei: (smirk) Bad luck. It's only a circus.

Kurama: (twitching and reading purposefully from the script) A circus, says you? Dunce, that's the royal coach! It's Prince Yusuke himself.

Yusuke: Darn! I'm only a prince? Who's in charge of this country?

Kuwabara: (pulls out a useful chart) Well actually, your brother's in charge. He's related to you through your parents. As you are a direct relative and he has no children, that leaves you in charge while he's gone. So, while you are a prince, you have the powers of a regent.

Everyone: (stunned)

Yusuke: (pokes himself in the side) Okay, Yusuke, you can stop having this nightmare now.

Kurama: (interested) Where'd you learn that?

Kuwabara: I did a little studying while I was hiding from Hiei last play. Yukina was trying to find a woodcarvers, but there don't seem to be any close by down here. We went to the library instead.

Kurama: Really? You'll have to show me where that is sometime.

Koenma: Move on already!!

Hiei: Hn. Baka. Let's go rob the royalty.

Kurama: Um, aren't you worried about the laws?

Hiei: No.

Youko: (internally) No.

Kurama: Why am I the only one with a conscience around here?

They move closer to get the attention of Yusuke and Kuwabara, who are already watching them approach with bored expressions.

Kurama: Oo-da-lolly, oo-da-lolly! Fortune tellers!

Hiei: (looks over at Kurama) Are you sure Youko's in there? Cause what kind of stupid disguise is that?

Kurama: (clenching teeth) Get-the-dope-with-your-horoscope.

Hiei: …That's bad.

Yusuke: (laughing) You got stuck with the girly role this time, Kurama!

Kurama: (ticked) Just let me in!

Hiei: That's more like it. Make some threats or something.

Yusuke: (sigh) Fine, fine. Get on in here.

Kuwabara: Don't you think they might be bandits?

Yusuke: Of course they're bandits! But are you going to tell them no?

Kuwabara looks at Hiei smirking and Kurama awesomely annoyed.

Kuwabara: Well, couldn't we ask them to bother someone else?

Yusuke: Do you have a death wish? I think you should sit this one out, Kuwabaka.

Kuwabara mutters something and goes off to find Yukina.

Kurama: (rolls eyes) Masterfully done, Your Excellency.