Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ When Fairy Tales Attack!! ❯ Kurama Hood Part II ( Chapter 11 )

When Fairy Tales Attack!!

CoWritten by: Tuathafaerie and Nenagh24

Disclaimer: We don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, Disney films, or the Brother's Grimm. Note that any actual dialog taken from the movies might be interspersed without identification and that this disclaimer applies to any such lines. Please do not sue because of it.

Note: Any slandering of said Disney films or fairy tales is author intrusion and fully intentional. Enjoy!

---------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------

Chapter 11

Rewind:

Kuwabara mutters something and goes off to find Yukina.

Kurama: (rolls eyes) Masterfully done, Your Excellency.

Play:

Yusuke: Whatever, just get in here.

Kurama enters the carriage with Yusuke, taking a seat across from him. A see through mesh thing, supposedly representing a real curtain, is drawn. Hiei remains outside, looking bored at this display.

Kurama: Now close your eyes and concentrate.

Yusuke: …

Kurama: (-XX) Close your eyes. Tight shut. No peeking!

Yusuke: What! This is what I look like with my eyes closed. (eyes remain open)

Kurama: (internally) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…

Youko: (internally) Are you counting the loot we're going to get?

Kurama: (internally) …145, 146, 147…

Yusuke: Well, come on, where's the show?

Kurama: (sigh) I can't win. From the mists of time, come forth, spirits. Yoo-hoo!

Hiei, outside the mesh, picks up a small crystal ball, looks at it, then tosses it inside the carriage.

Hiei: If any one falls for that, they're an idiot.

Yusuke: Are you sure those are spirits, because, quite honestly, I've seen some, and they don't look like that. More like people..

Kurama: (quickly) Quite sure! This is them in, um, pure form!

Yusuke: Well, okay, if you say so…

Kurama: Now, gaze into the crystal ball. Oo-da-lolly. Oo-da-lolly... Oh! A face appears... A crown is on his noble brow.

Yusuke: Oo-da-lolly? You've got the weirdest catch phrase, do you know that?

Kurama: Face, crown, hello?!

Yusuke: Oh, right! Yeah, it's me.

Kurama: (sweatdrop) What a wise deduction…His face is handsome, regal, majestic… lovable, a cuddly face.

Yusuke: Are you sure you've got that right?! I mean, the first ones are okay, but there is no way my face is "lovable" or "cuddly"! What kind've rep would I have on the streets with that?

Kurama: (internally; begins counting again) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…

Hiei: (outside) Kurama's taking too long. (looks around) What can I steal out here?

Botan: You're supposed to go for the hubcaps!

Hiei: Hubcaps? What are those?

Botan: You know, the things that keep the wheels of the carriage on!

Hiei takes a dubious glance at the carriage, which has no wheels and is sitting on cinderblocks.

Hiei: I'm not sure I want to steal those. They look pointless.

Botan: Uh, well…how about the chests the onis are carrying?

Hiei: Hn. Baka on-…actually, that might be a good idea. -.-u

Botan: (sticks her tongue out) Hiei no baka.

Hiei: (glares, but is distracted by the extremely large chests) Hn. We'll settle this later, onna.

After searching for his katana, before remembering that it cannot appear in the coliseum, Hiei shrugs and punches a fist into the chest, busting it open on the side. The onis remain strangely oblivious. [an: I never understood that in the real movie, either…strange.] Inside lie three shiny pieces of tin foil.

Hiei: (picking up foil) What the heck is this? (tries biting it) Hn. Tastes good.

Koenma: My Halloween chocolate coins!! That's where I hid them! Hand them over!

Hiei: (eyebrow up) I don't think so. (eats another one)

Koenma: What are you doing?!! I had to work hard to get those! Do you know how difficult it is to get into a Winnie the Pooh costume?

Everyone: O-O

Koenma: Um, never mind…

Back inside the carriage.

Kurama: (internally) …376, 377, 378…

Yusuke: Um, Kurama, are you in there? I asked when you were going to rob me?

Kurama: (twitch) 1000! Okay, hand it over, pipsqueak!

Yusuke: About time! Here you go! (gives Kurama a sack)

Koenma: My jawbreakers!

Everyone: -.-u

Kurama: I'm out of here! Let's go hit the K-mart! Come on Hiei!

Hiei: …um, hn?

Kurama: Ha ha! It's been a while since I've been out! (shivers for a second) You were out last week, Youko. (twitch) Stupid Shuichi! Go away! (shivers) Stop being temperamental. (sigh) I'll let you help me out with mom's carpet later.

Youko: (internally; sulking) Humph! Fine.

Keiko: That was really quite strange…

Botan: Talk about having a battle with yourself…

Hiei: So, are we going to K-mart?

Kurama: No.

Hiei: Hn. Youko's more fun.

Kurama: (rolls eyes) Did you find anything worth robbing?

Hiei: All they've got here is candy.

Kurama: Oh, well, let's just leave.

Yusuke: Come again some time!

Kuwabara: So, can I come back now?

Yusuke: Darn, I was enjoying the peace. Hm, very well.

Kurama: (sarcastic) Oo-da-lolly.

The scene darkens…

Kuwabara: Whahh! I'm lost!

Everyone: -.-u

After a few minutes in total darkness, a voice comes from the shadows.

Flyr: Hello! Where's my spotlight?...Do you want me to sing again?!!

Suddenly, Flyr is illuminated by a thousand watt bulb.

Flyr: (sweatdrop) …I wonder if I should take that as an insult? (sigh) Okay, let's see. (pulls out script) Well even Prince Yusuke offered a reward for the capture of Robin Hood. That rogue kept on robbing the rich to feed the poor…

Hiei: Hn. Did we give them the jawbreakers?

Kurama: I guess. Though isn't that bad for your teeth?

Flyr: Again with the interruptions?! Sheesh! Anyway, it's a good thing he did, `cause the taxes on all the poor folks of Nottingham were starving them to death.

Hiei: (snorts) Well, you can't live on jawbreakers! Sweet snow, maybe…

Flyr: I hate my job! I'm taking another break! Enter the sheriff! (stomps off)

Koenma: Thank goodness she's gone.

The light grows on the stage to reveal cardboard houses and various onis milling around. In the center of "town" comes the sheriff.

Yukina: Every town has its taxes too, and the taxes is due, doo dee doo doo doo.

Everyone: O.o

Botan: W-wow. Yukina's very good at this acting thing, isn't she?

Hiei: …hn. o.o

Yusuke: SHE's the sheriff? No wonder she couldn't lift Hiei off the ground!

Keiko: Um, if she's the sheriff, then who's…

Toguro: Yo.

Yusuke: (groan) Back again?!

Yukina: Well, lookie there. Friar Toguro, the old do-gooder. He's out doing good again.

Kurama: I swear, the way she says her lines is just freaky.

Yusuke: Toguro's a friar?!! This casting is just wrong!!

Kuwabara: I don't have to work with him again, do I?

Keiko: Well, at least not right now…

Kurama: Do those words, Toguro and do-gooder, even go together?

Toguro approaches George, who is wearing a cast on one foot and leaning heavily on a crutch.

George: (nervous) Uh, hi there, Toguro.

Toguro: (plops bag into George's hand) Here, from Kurama.

Kurama: -.-u I don't recall giving him anything.

Botan: Are those jawbreakers?

George: Uh, yeah, thanks.

Toguro: …

George: Um, go Kurama?

Toguro: …

George: (desperate) Look, do you think you can leave now?

Yukina: (humming to herself)

Toguro: (calm) It's the sheriff. Better hide that.

George: (sweatdrop) Where?

Yukina: Here I come, ready or not! Well, greetings from your friendly neighbourhood tax collector.

George: Thank goodness! Yukina!

Yukina: (brightly) I've come to collect the money!

Toguro: Why bother a man who's down?

Yukina: (shakes head firmly) He needs to pay his taxes. You can't stand in my way.

Keiko: Oh, no! Yukina's going to get pounded!

Hiei: (tenses)

Kuwabara: My rose blossom! My snow globe!

Toguro: …very well.

Everyone: (sweatdrop) …eh?

Yukina: (holds out her hand) Okay, time to pay up!

George: (hands over bag) Here! Take it! Just take Toguro, too!

Yukina: (turns to Toguro) Well, would you like to come with me, Mr. Toguro?

Toguro: …

Yukina: I'm going to see Genkai next.

Toguro: Fine, then.

Keiko: (stunned) My goodness. She can get away with anything.

Yusuke: (happy) Hey, do you think maybe she'll agree to come with me when I don't do my homework?

Keiko: (hits Yusuke)

Yukina: (walks off with Toguro, singing) Doo da doo doo doo. They call me a slob, but I do my job. Doo da doo doo doo.

Kuwabara: Who calls you a slob, my darling? I'll beat them up!

Hiei is stopped before he can hit Kuwabara. Again the coliseum experiences darkness, which seems to be happening quite a lot in this chapter. Maybe there are power surges? Anyway, the dreaded scene has arrived, where several people have to play two characters at once. We will wait here and see what happens…

Koenma: Get the lights up! How am I supposed to do anything in the dark?!

Onis hastily hit a switch backstage, brightening the entire stage. Genkai stands in the middle looking highly annoyed.

Koenma: Where are the rest of the actors?!!

Genkai: Tomoyo is intent on getting them all into costume, the little brats. I can't understand why people insist on thinking I'm good with children.

Scuffling can be heard, and after a moment, tiny versions of a few cast members come trouncing out on stage. A small Kuwabara, Yukina, Yusuke, and anonymous child stand next to Genkai, all wearing bunny ears and cute one piece outfits. Tomoyo can be seen from the door backstage waving and making encouraging faces.

Genkai: (rolls eyes) Lovely. My children.

Yusuke: Whoa! How'd the heck did they get here? I mean, I'm right here! Ah! This is confusing!

Keiko: Look how cute you were as a kid Yusuke! (sigh) Why did you have to grow up?

Kurama: I don't think he really did…

Koenma: I had Flyr suspend reality for a while to snatch your younger forms away in time. It's not too difficult.

Yusuke: (eyes spinning) My head hurts…

Kurama: Who's the last child?

The small brunette girl, turning suddenly at the sound of Kurama's voice, runs towards him and attaches herself to his leg.

Kurama: (sweatdrop) Um…

Koenma: (frowns) I'm not really sure.

Strange little girl who suffers from continuous sugar high: KURAMA!!!!!!

Kurama: (sweatdrop x2) Oh boy. (tries to gently detach child and is unable to)

Youko: (internally; freaking) Ah!!! What is that thing on our leg!!! Ah!!! Get it off!!!

Flyr: (strides out) Get off Kurama, you little demon!

Freaky little girl: No! And I'm not a demon! Mommy named me after a goddess! So there! (sticks her tongue out)

Flyr: Rrr! Just get over here!

Koenma: Who is this person, Flyr? I thought I asked you to pick up Keiko.

Flyr: (sigh) This is my sister, from a couple years back. Keiko wouldn't come with me. Wouldn't even talk to me! Kept calling me a "stranger" and telling me to "bug off!" Annoying brat.

Keiko: Hey! At least I did the right thing! How did you get the others here?

Flyr: (blandly) Candy.

Yusuke: (eager) Do you have any more?

Little Yusuke: That candy is all mine!

Hiei: Hn. Great. Now we have two of them.

Little Kuwabara: I'll fight you for it, Urameshi!

Hiei: (twitch) And two of them.

Yusuke: Watch it! I can whip both of you!

Botan: This is getting really stupid. How about we move on?

Flyr: Okay, this is your last warning, sis! Get off of Kurama!

Weird youngster: Pero, me encanta Kurama! Whahhhh! (is pried off by Flyr)

Flyr: Sorry about that, Kurama.

Kurama: Eh, no, that's okay…

Youko: (internally) Our savior!

Genkai: Okay, I just want you all to know, Yukina is the only one who is mine in this. The rest of the children were fostered off on me or something.

Everyone: -.-u

Koenma: (sigh) Fine. Just move on.

Genkai: Just as long as you know. Okay, brats, sing Happy Birthday or something.

Little Kuwabara: Who's birthday is it?

Little Yusuke: Mine!

Genkai: Just sing!

The children happily sing the song while Genkai plugs her ears. When they come to the last line, the older Yukina steps up and sings that, too. Toguro follows behind, looking like usual.

Little Kuwabara: Wow, she's pretty!

Kuwabara: Hands off, kid! This Yukina is mine! My lovely snow drop!

Hiei: (veins pop) Rrr!

Botan: (grabs onto Hiei) Hiei, you've really got to solve this problem soon. I don't want to have to grab you every time this happens.

Hiei: (angry) It's going to happen more?

Botan: Eh? Ha ha. Um, forget I said anything. o.ou

Yukina: (kindly) So, what did you get for your birthday?

Little Yusuke: Um, nothing. I think we're poor or something. Wait, I got some candy from that Flyr lady!

Yukina: I'm afraid I have to take it for taxes.

Little Yusuke: What?! No, my candy!

Toguro: (watches with no expression) …

Genkai: Hand it over, kid. (Kicks Little Yusuke)

Yusuke: Hey, stop bossing me around!

Little Kuwabara: (to Little Yukina) Hey, you're kind've pretty, too. I like your green hair.

Little Yukina: Well, I am an ice demon.

Hiei: (trying to get away from Botan) Argh! Now he's a pedophile, too! I'm going to kill him!

Botan: (struggling) Kurama? Have you got any more tranquilizers?

Little Yusuke: (under Genkai's foot) Fine! (hands over candy) Now get off me, grandma!

Genkai: Dimwit! I'll make sure to punish you in the future!

Yusuke: Shut up, kid! You don't have to live with that yet!

Yukina: Thank you very much, Yusuke.

Little Yusuke: (stops crying) Can I look up your skirt?

Keiko: YUSUKE!

Kuwabara: I'm going to pound you!

Hiei: (has received tranquilizer) Hn. (contemplates killing, but can't find strength)

Botan: Wow, they never really change, do they?

Kurama: I guess not. -.-u

Yukina: (to Little Yusuke) No, I don't think so.

Little Yusuke: Darn. Oh, well. What a waste of candy.

Yukina: I'm sure your grown up self wishes you a happy birthday, though!

Yusuke: It's not my birthday!

Kurama: I guess I better go stop this before it gets too bad.

Kurama approaches the children, Yukina, Genkai, and Toguro. The small, ever hyper brunette spots him as he gets closer.

Crazy girl: Kurama!!!!! (runs and attacks Kurama's leg again)

Kurama: (sighs) This might take a while.

Youko: (internally) Whah!!! Where does she come from! Get her off!! Get her off!!