Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ When Fairy Tales Attack!! ❯ Kurama Hood Part III ( Chapter 12 )

When Fairy Tales Attack!!

CoWritten by: Tuathafaerie and Nenagh24

Disclaimer: We don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, Disney films, or the Brother's Grimm. Note that any actual dialog taken from the movies might be interspersed without identification and that this disclaimer applies to any such lines. Please do not sue because of it.

Note: Any slandering of said Disney films or fairy tales is author intrusion and fully intentional. Enjoy!

Whoa! Sorry it took so long to update! I've got a job now, which is causing me a lot of stress, but at least I'm making money. Here's the next chapter. I hope you don't mind too much. Oh, and happy belated birthday to Amaruk Wolfheart! Thanks for reviewing, even when I was falling behind! Ps. Marian isn't this chapter, but she's definitely the next! [I'm torturing you, aren't I?] Oh well. Please have patience!

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Chapter 12

Rewind:

Kurama: (sighs) This might take a while.

Youko: (internally) Whah!!! Where does she come from! Get her off!! Get her off!!

Play:

Kurama decides to continue as if nothing is wrong, ignoring Youko's head-splitting protests.

Kurama: (covers eyes with hand) Alms, alms, alms for the poor.

Little Yusuke: Hey, we're poor! Can you give us some of those `alms' things?

Little Kuwabara: What are `alms'? Are they trees?

Keiko: (sweatdrop) I think you mean elms.

Brunette Terror: Kurama? Are you begging for kisses?

Kurama: (freezes) O.O

Youko: (internally) Begone, demon! (makes cross sign)

Little Yusuke: Alms are kisses? Eww! Why do poor people want those?

Little Yukina: Actually, alms are the smallest denomination of currency in medieval England.

Yusuke: Oh, so he wants tic tacs.

Everyone: (sweatdrop)

Keiko: How'd you come up with that reasoning?

Yusuke: Well, the only currency this play uses is candy…

Minion of the Devil: I knew it, Kurama! You're begging for sugar!

Kurama: (internally) Some one get me out of here.

Youko: (internally) Me first!

Yukina: Do you have money for taxes?

Kurama: Um…

Yukina: If you don't have anything to give me, I'm afraid I'm going to put you in jail.

Kurama: (sweatdrop) We have a jail in this play? How strange… (notices Yukina looming closer, if that's possible. Yukina = looming?) Oh! Hang on! How about this little girl? Lovely brunette hair, nice eyes, dispenses sugar on command!

Heart-eyed child: KURAMA! You just said you LOVED me! I knew you did!

Kurama: …

Yukina: Well, usually it's against company policy, but I guess if this only happens once - so, okay, I'll take her.

Kurama, showing an amazing amount of gripping power and self control, removes the girl. Unfortunately, she manages to sneak in a kiss as she is lifted up, and Youko promptly faints. Kurama holds her out to Yukina, and the ice demon uses her magic to freeze the child, then takes her off stage.

Genkai: (coming back, tugging a slightly mussed Toguro) Where were we?

Everyone: O.o

Genkai: Oh, yeah, the brat is gone. (turns to Kurama) Though I can't say you didn't deserve the punishment.

Kurama: (sweatdrop) Moving on. (returns to script) Thank ye kindly, mother. Thank ye. Tell me now, did me old ears hear someone singing a birthday ditty?

Genkai: Mother?!! I've never had kids! (mutters) Thank goodness.

Little Yusuke: Yeah, it's my birthday, but you must be really old for that song to finally hit you. We sung it about half an hour back!

Kurama: It took me, um, a while to hobble over here?

Little Yusuke: Whatever.

Toguro: …So, do you want to tell us who you are?

Kurama: Not especially.

Little Yusuke: Ah, come on! That disguise is horrible! We all know you're Kurama!

Hiei: (smirks) See, I told you it was bad.

Kurama: (quickly) No I'm not! I'm a blind guy! A poor beggar man. Now, if you'll just excuse me, I think I've had enough here…

He walks away from the group on stage, only to be halted by the sight of the brunette, who is quickly recovering from her immobile state.

Archangel of Doom: KURAMA! You came for me!

Kurama: (quickly backpedals) On second thought, I'm feeling sorry for you, Yusuke.

Little Yusuke: Feeling sorry for me?! That's not very nice!

Little Kuwabara: (laughing) Yeah, every one feels sorry for Yusuke! He's such an idiot!

Botan: That is the pot calling the kettle black…

Kurama: (continuing) And so, I'll give you a birthday present!

Little Yusuke: (excitedly) More candy?

Kurama: No, I'll give you my prized costume hat and, um, hm…imitation flower whip!

Little Yusuke: WHAT?! Those are crap gifts! A thrift store hat and some cheap plastic flower!

Little Yukina: It's a nice gesture.

Genkai: Just take it! Sheesh! Kids these days…

Little Yusuke: (grumbling)

Kurama: (sigh) Maybe you can get a refund on it?

Little Yusuke: (rolls eyes) It better be worth some candy. Come on, guys, let's go see if this junk can actually do anything.

The group of children exit the stage, leaving Genkai heaving a sigh of relief, along with a tattered Kurama. Toguro remains impassive as ever.

Genkai: I hope they break their necks. Have fun, kids! (turns to Kurama) Now, I want my babysitting money!

Kurama: Well, all I have are those jawbreakers I swiped from Koenma, but…

Koenma: (fed up) I want all of my Halloween candy back to me by the end of this play!

Little Yusuke: (looking at stomach) Too late.

Hiei: (smirks)

Genkai: I'll take it. Hand it over, fox.

Kurama: (removes a small sack of jawbreakers from his outfit) Here you go. I don't need it. I honestly don't like candy much.

Everyone: O.O

Yusuke: Sacrilege! Blasphemy!

Botan: Can I have Kurama's share?

Koenma: That's MINE!

Unfrozen girl: What?! Kurama doesn't eat candy?! (pauses, as if coming to a life changing decision) Then…I won't eat candy either! See, Kurama? We're so perfect for one another!!

Kurama: I think that's my cue to go. -.-u

Genkai: (glancing over at the energetic youngster) You might want to start running now. (turns to find the stage empty) Um, Kurama? Oh well. So, Toguro, what are you doing tonight?

Toguro: ……

Genkai: (blushing) You're such a flatterer. Well, you know, I don't have the kids tonight, so I was thinking-

Yusuke: Okay, grandma! That's as much as I want to hear!! You're too old to be thinking about that kind of thing!

Genkai: You dimwit!! Toguro was the one who brought it up!!

Yusuke: The mental picture is hideo - what?! Toguro? (shudders) Argh! Can we just get off the topic?!

Botan: (stunned) I do believe the ice block has melted.

Hiei: Hn. This is just getting strange. o.o

Genkai: Whatever. I'm done with you people. Let's go, Toguro.

The two walk off stage as the lights dim. Scrambling is heard in the darkness, along with several loud bumps and muted cursing.

Keiko: Hey! There are kids in the room!

Little Yusuke: Ah, don't worry. I know a lot worse.

Yusuke: (dives onto his younger counterpart) Shut up, kid!

Keiko: (fire in eyes illuminates nearby surroundings) What was that?

Yusuke: Um, he doesn't know anything! I swear! I didn't learn those words `til junior high! (screams) Ow! Don't bite me, you little twerp!

Little Yusuke lets loose a sting of curses that causes Botan to cover her ears, Yukina to look a little wide eyed, Kuwabara to wake up from his dozing position, Little Yukina and Little Kuwabara to burst into tears, and even Hiei to blush slightly. Keiko looks like a candle and appears to be internally combusting.

Keiko: (burning Little Yusuke and Yusuke) I think BOTH of you need to come with me!! (drags them off)

Everyone: O.O

The lights return to the stage, and it seems as if a new set has been put into place during the, um, entertaining interim. Jade and Samantha can be seen jumping back behind a curtain to the left. Little Yukina and Little Kuwabara are still bawling their eyes out in the middle of the room. The brunette reenters from stage right, looking disappointed, while the main character for this skit is nowhere to be seen.

Creature from the Black…um…swimming pool: Darn! Kurama seems to have escaped me! (looks determined) But he won't get away again. Oh ho! No, we won't let him, will we? `Cause we wants it! We wants the precious! (muffled cackling)

Hiei: What the heck was that?

Botan: (shakes head) It seems SOMEone ODed on Lord of the Rings…

Kurama: I'm a precious?! What?

Alert alien child: Kurama? Where are you?

Kurama: … (obstinately silent)

Youko: (internally; waking up) Ugh! Where am I? Go away, Kuronue, we'll get the stupid rock tomorrow.

Kurama: (internally) Be quiet! She might read minds! You never know!

Youko: (internally) What? Oh, the devil's spawn! (quickly shuts up)

Tense child: I thought I heard something…(shrugs) Oh well. (turns to see her two sobbing costars) Ah, come on, get off the floor! (no reaction -XX) Stop that! Or I'll give you something to cry about!

Little K+Y: (sudden silence)

Botan: Wow. Flyr's younger sister sure is mean.

Hiei: Hn. Must run in the family.

Kurama: (puzzled) I thought it was her older sister?

Subject of debate: Kurama?!

Kurama: (internally) Stupid, stupid, stupid…

Youko: (internally, hissing) Shut up! Do you want her to find us?!

Child with ears of a bat: ….hm. I must be hallucinating things…

The two Yusukes suddenly reappear out of Koenma's office, looking emotionally and mentally scarred while scrubbing ineffectually at their tongues. Keiko comes after them, looking obscurely satisfied.

Botan: (quietly) What did you do to them?

Keiko: I washed their mouths out. High time I tried it!

Little Kuwabara: What happened to you, Yusuke?

Little Yusuke and Yusuke: I -

Yusuke: Hey, he was talking to me!

Little Yusuke: Why would he want to talk with a big oaf like you?

Yusuke: `Cause he's an idiot, that's why! …wait, that's not what I meant!

Little Yusuke: (smirks) Suurree.

Yusuke: (mutters) Jerk. I was such a loser when I was a kid.

Little Yusuke: You haven't changed all that much!

Keiko: (feels pity) Come on, Yusuke. Leave your younger self alone.

Yusuke: (sticks his tongue out) At least I've still got Keiko. You ain't got nothin', kid.

Little Yusuke: (scrubs again at tongue) You can haf'..eh…her!

He turns away from the now angry looking Keiko and back to Little Kuwabara. Little Yukina has composed herself during the discussion.

Hiei: Hey! Wait a minute! That baka made Yukina cry! Why didn't I react?!

Botan: Um, because the sedative's still in effect? [an: actually, I just forgot about him. Poor Hiei.]

Kuwabara: And what about me? I didn't jump to the rescue of my miniature snow darling! Argh! I should punish myself!

Hiei: (bored) Go ahead.

Botan: (sweatdrop) Eh, heh heh. Um, I don't think that's a good idea… [an: no remorse for him. Back to the storyline. I've played around enough.]

Little Kuwabara: So, Yusuke, Kurama gave that stuff to you?

Little Yusuke: (looks at him like he's…well, he is…an idiot) Uh, yeah! You were right there!

Suddenly interesting devil's advocate: So, is that really Kurama's rose whip?

Little Yusuke: No, it's just a stupid felt one.

Little Kuwabara: Hey, may I try?

Little Yusuke: (defensive) No way! It's my birthday! I get to use it first!

Botan: Wasn't he just making fun of it? -.-u

Little Yusuke: Let's see. Kurama holds it like this, right? (Holds flower like cup of tea, pinky finger out)

Kurama: … -.-u

Youko: (internally) Hey, that looks pretty cool! Why don't we hold it like that?

Kurama fan girl: Hey! Stop making Kurama look like a sissy! He laces it through his fingers!

Little Yusuke: Like that's more manly! (complies) There, now…um, fake rose, release!

Everyone: …

Brown haired daughter of Anubis: What are you, a cardcaptor?!! Kurama would never have such a silly phrase!

Little Yusuke: Ah, cram it! (tries again) Go! Hit that girl! (remains a flower)

Annoying brat: (sticks her tongue out) See? Kurama likes me! His rose whip would never hurt me!

Kurama: (internally) Work. Please work. Just this once. I won't steal things for a year.

Youko: (internally; alarmed) Hey! I hope I'm not part of this deal. (pictures brunette girl) Wait…okay. Work. Please work.

Little Yusuke: (shaking flower) Man. I think it's broke.

He tosses the rose on the ground, only to have it suddenly become a full size whip. Everyone stares on in shock for a few moments.

Little Yusuke: ….COOL! (grabs flower)

Little Kuwabara: Hey, let me try!

Catalyst of terror: I'm Kurama's fiancé, so I should go next!

Kurama: O.O

Botan: Wow, Kurama sure is moving fast! I'd swear she's only in second grade! (turns to Hiei) How come you don't move that fast?

Hiei: O.o (wary) I invited you to my tree, onna. Isn't that enough?

Botan: Oh, yeah, that's right! (contemplative) I wonder how it feels to sleep in a tree?

Youko: (internally) Okay, just so you know, I didn't cause that to happen, so the deal is off, right?

Little Yusuke: Okay, let's go! (swings whip around, knocking Kuwabara in the head)

Kuwabara: Watch it!

Yusuke: Swing it harder next time!

Keiko: Yusuke! Stop encouraging yourself!

Little Yusuke looks determined as he slings the whip around again. This time, however, the centripetal forces are too strong, and he loses his grip. The whip flies over the stage, landing beyond the suddenly there castle. Little Kuwabara looks terrified.

Little Kuwabara: Look what you've done! That's Prince Yusuke's castle!

Yusuke: I've got a castle?!! Why don't people tell me these things! Next thing I know, I'll be bloody rich on top of it!

Kurama: Um, you are. -.-u

Keiko: When we get home, Yusuke, I'm sitting you down with some videos. Obviously your childhood was missing some things.

Little Yukina: I think you might want to get that. Kurama wouldn't like if his whip is mangled.

Slave driving child: Yes!! We must go rescue Kurama's prize possession! Then he will be forced to marry me!

Youko: (internally) NOOO! Stop her, Shuichi!

Kurama: (internally, sighs) It's not real, don't worry so much.

Little Yusuke: (rolls his eyes) Whatever. I just hope it hasn't turned back into a flower. Do you know how hard it was to make it become something useful?!

Little Kuwabara: Uh, do you even know what you did?

Little Yusuke: Shut up!

Insufferable kit: (ignoring) Onward ho!

The group of children moves procession like towards the castle, searching after the mystical rose thingie. The rest of the cast watches, bored, hoping for the entrance of some new characters so the mini actors can be formally retired and sent back home. Unfortunately, they will have to wait a while, as the lights go out.

Little Kuwabara: Wah! I'm lost!

Yusuke: Not again! -.-u