Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ When Fairy Tales Attack!! ❯ Kurama Hood Part V ( Chapter 14 )

When Fairy Tales Attack!!

CoWritten by: Tuathafaerie and Nenagh24

Disclaimer: We don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, Disney films, or the Brother's Grimm. Note that any actual dialog taken from the movies might be interspersed without identification and that this disclaimer applies to any such lines. Please do not sue because of it.

Note: Any slandering of said Disney films or fairy tales is author intrusion and fully intentional. Enjoy!

I know, I left this for a long time. So sorry! But I'm returning with another chapter! Celebrate! Anyways, I had just gotten back from the doctors when I first wrote this, so if some of the humor is violent, don't blame me. The doctor just told me I'm going to be on medication for the rest of my life, so I was a little ticked. Stupid doctors!! (shakes) Okay, I'm better now. Please review!!

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Chapter 14

Rewind:

George brings out a large dressing mirror. Each of the children is forced to look at it in turn, then appears dazed. Flyr nods, then steps into a portal with the little loved child actors. Everyone heaves a sigh of relief. At least that won't be happening again, right? [an: I haven't decided…]

Play:

Keiko, after nervously looking at Yusuke, decides to continue with the play. She and Botan move over behind the castle, to a hastily decorated "room". Botan begins singing to herself, picking up lost nails and tacks from shoddy construction, while Keiko keeps her eyes on a suspicious Yusuke.

Botan: Ah me. Young love. Oh, it's a grand thing.

Yusuke: (eyes narrowed) Who's she talking about?

Keiko: Uh, heh. Oh Botan, surely he's not known how much I still, um, love him?

Yusuke: (eyebrow twitches) This better not be Kurama!

Kurama: I swear, it's not me!

Botan: But of course, my dear. Believe me, someday soon your uncle, King Richard, will have an outlaw for an in-law.

Yusuke: …I'm not an outlaw! In fact, that leaves only two people…(Glares at Kurama and Hiei)

Keiko: (with dread) But when?

Yusuke: Yes, tell me when I should kill him!

Kurama: (panicking, grabs Hiei) It's him! Botan's talking about him!

Hiei: (angry) Stop that, fox! I've already got a woman!

Kuwabara: (stunned) The squirt has found a girl? How?! He looks like a kid!

Hiei shoots a glare so thick it causes Kuwabara to keel over from the force of it.

Hiei: When I get my weapon back, I'll be sure to draw and quarter you.

Yukina: (interested) Who is it?

Botan: (blushing) Ah! Well, now. Patience, my dear, patience. Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Yusuke: I'll make sure it's a permanent absence!

Keiko: Or forgetful. Please let it be that. I don't especially want to see Kurama die.

Yusuke: I knew it was you, Kurama!

Kurama: (puts Hiei down) Darn it.

Youko: (internally) See, what did I tell you about girls flocking?

Keiko: (quickly) Oh, I've been away so long! He's surely forgotten all about me. Hint, hint.

Yusuke looks murderous while Kurama helplessly browses the script. He almost cries when he sees what is coming up.

Kurama: Why does everyone want to kill me?

Youko: (internally) Well, not everyone. Remember that nasty Karasu guy? Ugh! Terrible!

Kurama: (internally) Are you sure he didn't want to kill me? Because he gave a good shot at it.

Koenma: It's getting boring here! Get on with the story!

Kurama: (sighs, hums to himself)

Hiei, angry at being used as a "shield", decides to follow the lines exactly and dig his friend in further.

Hiei: (emphasizing) Hey lover boy, how's that grub coming? I'm starving!

Yusuke: (drearily quiet) Lover boy…

Kurama: (hums Taps) Dum dum da, dum dum da, dumdumda, dumdumda, dumdumda.

Hiei: (enjoying himself) Kur? Mr. Romantic?

Yusuke: (deathly low) Romantic…

Kurama: (switches song to funeral march) Dum, dum, da dum, dum, dum dum, dum dum, dum, dum.

Hiei: (smirking) Kitsune? Thief of ladies' hearts?

Kurama can't find a more depressing song and waits stoically for the axe to fall.

Yusuke: (almost inaudible) Ladies' hearts…

Kurama: (skipping forward in an effort to stave off the inevitable) What? What do you say?

Hiei: (close to grinning) Yeah, you heard me.

Yusuke: That's it! Keiko is mine, got that?! (lifts finger) You had this one coming! Spirit-!

Keiko has decided that she's had enough of this and runs out in front of Yusuke, glaring, making him stop in his tracks.

Keiko: Okay, that's enough, mister! It's just a freaking bed time story! Don't get so worked up about it! Jeez, you're such a baby, Yusuke.

Yusuke: But - but…he's, you're…argh!

Kurama: Whew.

Youko: (internally) See? Those flocking ladies are good for something.

Kurama: (internally, grumbling) You need to stop obsessing about the ladies.

Hiei begins to torture both of his friends, sticking the knife into Yusuke, who is "unable" to do anything about it now that Keiko has put the leash on him.

Hiei: You're thinking about somebody with long eyelashes. You're smelling that sweet perfume.

Kurama: I am not! I don't think about anyone that way, especially Keiko. (throws a desperate glance over to Yusuke) So stop making it seem that way!

Keiko: (indignant) Hey, what's wrong with me?!

Kurama: (quickly) Nothing! Nothing at all! Um…you have nice hair? I like your school outfit…uh…you're nice to everyone but Yusuke…

Yusuke: (angry) I knew you had your eye on her! Back off!

Kurama: (freaking out) I can't win!

Hiei: (smirking more) Yep, I say, "marry the girl".

Kurama: (distracted) What?

Yusuke: (veins popping) WHAT?!!!

Hiei: (barely containing evil laughter) Oh, come on Kur. Climb the castle walls. Sweep her off her feet. Carry her off in style. You know, use that Kitsune charm.

Kurama dodges a wild blow from Yusuke, who has sprinted across the stage. Botan, after smacking Hiei in the back of the head, runs over with some extra sedative, and between the two of them, it is administered to a violent Yusuke.

Hiei: (rubbing the back of his head) Baka onna! What did you do that for? I was only following the script.

Botan: (muttering) Only…oh boy.

Kurama: Hiei, that definitely wouldn't work. Between Yusuke and Keiko herself, I'd be dead with in the month. What have I got to offer her that Yusuke doesn't?

Hiei: (quite serious) The hair, manners, intelligence, all around skills, Youko-

Kurama: Hiei! Be reasonable! And I don't think Youko would be a perk.

Youko: (internally) Hey!

Kurama: Anyways, I don't want her.

Keiko: Why you-! I'm a great catch!

Toguro: I agree with the lady.

The cast suffers collective heart attacks. Except for Yusuke, who's still in a stupor from the amount of drugs he was given.

Yusuke: Yo.

Botan: (huffing) At least give us some warning next time, will ya?

Toguro: (shrugs) Whatever, you rogues.

Hiei: Rogues? Is that an insult? (starts glaring)

Toguro: (ignoring) I'm supposed to tell you that Old Prince Yusuke's having a championship whip tournament tomorrow.

Yusuke: (unfocusedly bemused) I am? How nice of me!

Hiei: (snorts) Kurama'll win.

Kurama: Um, thanks Little Hiei -

Hiei: (glares)

Kurama: - but I don't think we're invited.

Toguro: (bored) No, but there's somebody who'll be very disappointed if you don't come.

Hiei: Yukina?

Kurama: Aren't you supposed to say, "Bussel britches"?

Hiei: (stony glare) You first, fox. I'll enjoy your funeral.

Kurama: …never mind.

Toguro: (rolls eyes) You lot were never bright. I had to start killing you off before you'd listen to me. No, it's Keiko.

Keiko: Why would I be disappointed? I'm not even going to the thing!

Toguro: (shrugs) Well, Genkai told me you were giving a kiss to the winner, so I guess you are.

Keiko: What?! What if it's some lanky freak?! I don't want to kiss just anyone!

Yusuke: (slurring) Yeash. The only guysh she kisshesh ish me. (pokes self in chest, causing him to fall down)

Kurama: How much sedative was in that thing?

Botan: (sweatdrop) Um, I'm afraid I put it all in. I didn't want him blowing up the stage any time soon..

Hiei: (shrugs) Let's get going Kurama. You can win this hands down.

Kurama: Wha - hey, wait! I didn't agree to this!

Keiko: Yeah! Who says I'm kissing him?!

Hiei: (point blank) Would you like to kiss any one else present?

Keiko: …Come on down, Kurama!

Kurama: Look, your boyfriend's almost knocked himself out, and you're fooling around?!

Keiko: (glaring) Can I give a punch to the winner?

Koenma: No! For once, just do it right, will you?!

The stage, at this pronouncement, falls dark once again. Sawing can be heard, along with calls for the Emergency Room, as the onis quickly assemble a new set. Botan shakes her head, imagining all the scraps that will be left behind this time. Like arms, and fingers. The lights come up, revealing a fairground.

Kurama: Joy. How exciting.

Kuwabara: Uh, I think Urameshi's supposed to be in this scene with me.

Keiko: (looks at the drooling Yusuke) Darn! He has to be sentient?

Botan: Whoops!

Kurama: (sighs) Well, I might be able to come up with an antidote, but it will take me a while.

Keiko: (frowns) Never mind that. Just give me a moment.

She takes a deep breath, before leaning down towards Yusuke. Closing her eyes tightly, she kisses him. After a moment, Yusuke's eyes fly open.

Botan: Aw. That's so cute! The power of love.

Yusuke: Keiko? (eyes gleam and he lifts up her skirt) What do we have here?

Keiko: YUSUKE!!

Botan: (sweatdrop)

Hiei: Or pervertedness.

Keiko: (slaps Yusuke…hard) Now! Get out there and do your stupid part!

Yusuke: Ow! Fine, fine. (mutters) You just look at her wrong and she slaps you! (turns to Kuwabara) Where are we?

Kuwabara: (lost already) Uh, the beginning of the scene?

Yusuke: Right. (reads script) Okay, this is a red-letter day! A coup d'etat! What the heck am I saying?

Kurama: Um, a coup d'etat is a takeover in French.

Keiko: Does `red-letter day' have anything to do with `The Scarlet Letter'? [an: I actually liked that book]

Kurama: No…it's just a good day. -.-u

Kuwabara: What are we doing again?

Yusuke: (stage whisper) We're capturing Kurama Hood! (mutters) Excellent!

Kuwabara: Oh…okay. Considering you never captured him the first time. Didn't he turn himself in?

Yusuke: Shut up! My trap is baited and set. And then, revenge! Ah, revenge!

Kurama: Uh…

Kuwabara: I think they can hear you.

Yusuke: (reading the script happily and ignoring Kuwabara) That insolent blackguard! Ooh! I'll show him who wears the Crown.

Hiei: I thought I was the only one who wore black.

Kurama: (closes eyes) This is really going downhill fast.

Kuwabara: Yep. We'll get him, what after he fooled you with that disguise.

Yusuke: (eyebrow up) The only person he could have fooled was you.

Keiko: (sarcastic) Um, yeah, this place is really exciting, Botan.

Botan: (rolls eyes) Just play along!

Keiko: (overacting - it's a disease) But how will I recognize him?

Botan: He'll let you know somehow. That young rogue is full of surprises, my dear.

Kurama: Darn. There she is, Hiei. Yusuke's going to have my head for this.

Hiei: (staring off at something)

Kurama: Hiei?

Hiei: (doesn't respond)

Kurama: Hiei! Are you even listening to me?

Hiei: …no. Should I be, fox?

Kurama: (sighs) Whatever. Just help me into this costume.

Hiei: That's Tomoyo's job. (dodges a rare Kurama glare) Oh, fine.

Kurama: This disguise wouldn't fool anyone.

Hiei: Hn. Maybe the baka.

Kurama: Oh well. Here we go. (rushes out to Yukina) Sheriff, Your Honour. Meetin' you face to face is a real treat. A real treat.

Yukina: (smiles) Well, now thank you. Oh excuse me. I gotta go win this tournament.

Yusuke: (sweatdrop) Yukina thinks she can win?

Hiei: (glares) So?

Kuwabara: Yeah! My lovely dominatrix will win for sure!!

Yusuke: Do you even know what that word means?

Kuwabara: Nope.

Hiei: Whatever. (walks up to Yusuke and Kuwabara, no costume in sight) Hn.

Yusuke: (looks at Hiei funny) What are you doing here, Hiei?

Hiei: I'm sitting here, "YU". Stupid script.

Yusuke: (misunderstanding) Why you? What? Are you alright, Hiei?

Hiei: Just let me sit down, baka.

Yusuke: (waves him off) Yeah, yeah. Just take a seat.

Hiei: (goes up to Kuwabara) Move.

Kuwabara: What?! Now watch it, shorty!

Hiei: Hn. Move or I will kill you.

Kuwabara: (Jumps up) I'll take you any day!

Hiei: (kicks him out of the way and sits down) Good enough.

Yusuke: ….bwhahahahahaha!

Kuwabara: Hey!

Yusuke: Aw, come on, Kuwabara, just go out there and look for that girlfriend stealer!

Kuwabara: But I wanted to watch the tournament!

Hiei: (suddenly finds the script to his liking) You heard the idiot. Move it, creepy. Get lost. Be gone, long one.

Kuwabara: Argh! Get over here, you!

Yukina: Come sit next to me, Kazuma.

Kuwabara: I'll - (calms down) Oh, okay!

Hiei: (growls but doesn't want to lose his seat)

Flyr: Wow! I'm suddenly back! Who knows where I came from?

Everyone: (collective startlement)

Flyr: Yep! That's right! No one! Anyway, time to read my line. (gains serious expression) He's up to something.

Toguro: Yeah. Come on.

Flyr: (clutches heart) I- I have to work with you?! I don't want to die!

Toguro: ……..

Flyr: Well, okay, if you put it that way…

Yusuke: How the heck do they understand him?!

Kurama: (sweatdrop) I think it comes from watching too much Zelda…

Genkai: Nope. I'm just gifted!

Koenma: Can we stop discussing Toguro's speaking mannerisms? (silence) Okay. Move on.