Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ When Fairy Tales Attack!! ❯ Kurama Hood Part VI ( Chapter 15 )

When Fairy Tales Attack!!

CoWritten by: Tuathafaerie and Nenagh24

Disclaimer: We don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, Disney films, or the Brother's Grimm. Note that any actual dialog taken from the movies might be interspersed without identification and that this disclaimer applies to any such lines. Please do not sue because of it.

Note: Any slandering of said Disney films or fairy tales is author intrusion and fully intentional. Enjoy!

Ho! Two chapters at once! I was feeling bad for ignoring you, so I rambled out another one today. Enjoy! Please keep on reviewing!

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Chapter 15

Rewind:

Koenma: Can we stop discussing Toguro's speaking mannerisms? (silence) Okay. Move on.

Play:

Kurama: (sweatdrops, nervously approaches Keiko) Ah, Your Ladyship. I beg your pardon; it's a great honour to shoot for the favour of a lovely lady like yourself. Hope I DON'T win the kiss.

Keiko: I don't know. I'm not kissing Yukina, that's for sure.

Kuwabara: Hey! What's wrong with my lovely law enforcer?

Keiko: Uh, number one, she's a girl?

Kuwabara: …oh, yeah, that's right.

George comes out onto stage, dressed in a medieval style outfit, and holding a trumpet.

George: Um, are we ready to begin?

Yusuke: What? Hm? (notices George) Oh, yeah, whatever.

George: The Tournament of the Golden Rose will now begin.

Youko: (internally; perks up) Golden…Rose?

Kurama: (smacks forehead with hand; internally) I don't want to win!

Youko: (internally; pouts)

George: Well, Koenma says that we have a competition area set up, so follow me.

Yukina turns and follows, while Kurama looks desperately around for other entrants. Finding none, he sighs with despair and walks after George.

George: Okay, here you go. Just aim for those targets down there. (points at targets forty feet distant)

Yukina: Okay!

Kurama: (looks at Yukina doubtfully) If you say so…

Yukina takes out a whip while Kurama backs away. Squinting, she looks at the targets, then pulls back her arm. With careful concentration, she moves her arm forward harshly, throwing the whip out. Unfortunately, it twists back on the return and falls to the ground.

George: Um, I think that was four feet.

Kurama: (sweatdrop) Heaven help me.

Kurama pulls out his own whip, trying to be as bad as possible. His instincts, however, rebel, and he manages a decent ten feet.

Hiei: Terrible.

Kurama: Crap. At this rate, I'm going to be forced to kiss Keiko. Argh! Can't I be just a bit worse?

Yukina: (with an annoyed expression) Listen Fox, if you throw as good as you blabbermouth you're better than Kurama Hood!

Everyone: O.o

Botan: (hesitantly) Yukina?

Yukina: (smiles) Yes?

Botan: (sweatdrop) Oh, nothing…

Hiei: You're better than that, Kurama.

Yusuke: (grinning evilly) He'd better not be. Heh, heh.

Keiko: (suspicious) Weren't you angry about the whole thing?

Yusuke: Um…

Kurama: …Right. By the way, I hear you're having a little bit trouble getting your hands on that Kurama Hood.

Yukina: (smirks) [an: smirking! It's the end of the world, I tell you!] He's scared of me. Now I told you. He didn't show up here today. I can spot him through them phoney disguises.

Botan: (shivers) This is just getting weird. How does Yukina do it?

Kuwabara: But, Yukina, cherry soufflé, that is Kurama.

Yukina: I know.

George: Okay. The final contestants are…Yukina and Kurama!

Kurama: There wasn't any one else to begin with. -.-u

Yusuke: (to Keiko) Who are you hoping wins?

Keiko: Uh…

George: For the final event, move the targets back thirty feet!

Kurama: That's seventy feet away!

Yukina: Fine by me.

Flyr: Hold on, I think we're missing some characters. (disappears in portal)

Yusuke: Who the heck could they be?

After a minute, Flyr reappears dragging two more people through the portal. The first one, a red head, smiles at the cast.

Jin: Hey! Doin' another one, or are ya still on the same one?

Yusuke: (sweatdrop) No wonder she remembered they were missing.

Flyr: (glares) So I like Jin? So what?

Yukina: Okay, so which one is the silly one?

The other new cast member, a short, blue haired man, points at Jin.

Jin: Ah, ya don't really mean that, do ya, Touya?

Touya: Yes. I do.

Yukina: Okay, Jin, remember what you're supposed to do.

Jin: I'm supposed ta remember somethin'?

Yukina doesn't listen to the confused Jin as she picks up the whip again. This time, she is almost staring the target down, as if daring it to defy her. She throws the whip again. This time, however, it not only twists back, but also lands behind her.

George: Ooookay…a negative six feet. Totaling a negative two feet.

Kurama: (sighs) I'm doomed.

He takes out his whip again, feeling crushing victory upon him. Youko, however, notices something out of the corner of his eye. A golden something, to be exact. Suddenly, Kurama twitches, then uncharacteristically smirks. He pulls back the whip, then throws it out, not letting it go. Amazingly, the plant tendrils keep on extending, and he breaks the target seventy feet distant.

Kurama: Heh heh. I knew I could do it. Now, where's that Golden Rose?

Yukina: Kurama? Are you okay?

Kurama: (shivers) Nooo- (Twitches) Yes! Yes of course I'm okay! Now, give me the gold! None of that candy crap!

Yusuke: I'm getting a little confused here. I thought Kurama wasn't interested in winning?

Hiei: (smirks) Can we hit the Kmart now, Youko?

Kurama: Ha ha! Yes! Sure! Just give me the rose! Kmart here we -(pauses) I mean, no, no, not at all. Kurama doesn't want to go to Kmart, and I'm Kurama. Not Youko!

Botan: Suuurree. Now, how do we get Kurama back?

Flyr: I know! (turns to Youko) I think it's time to go get my sister. Yeah, Youko?

Kurama: (shivers for a whole minute) Stop that! I'm back already!

Yusuke: Whatever. Now I get to torture - I mean, um, award, the real Kurama. (reads from script) Whip person, I commend you, and because of your skill, you shall get what's coming to you--- our royal congratulations. (pauses) Come on! Move it Kurama!

Kurama: I'm not stupid.

Koenma: Kurama, if you don't move, I'm getting that time potion again.

Kurama: (grumblingly moves) Just make it quick.

Yusuke: (smirks) And now, I name you the winner, or more appropriately…(grabs a sword out of nowhere)

Hiei: Hey! That's mine!

Yusuke: Shove it! (continues) the loser. (grins and cuts off costume)

Kurama: Uh, what did that prove?

Yusuke: Argh! I was trying to embarrass you by cutting off your clothes! How much are you wearing?! (frantically tries cutting off more, relieving Kurama of the fortune tellers outfit, and three different Robin hood costumes)

Kurama: Well, Tomoyo says always be prepared…

Yusuke: (gives up) Whatever! Seize him! I sentence you to sudden, instant, and even immediate death.

Keiko: Aren't those the same things?

Kurama: (rolls eyes) Plead for my life while you're at it, will you?

Keiko: Oh yeah! (highly dramatic) Oh no! Oh! Please. Please, Sire. I beg you to spare his life. Please, have mercy.

Yusuke: (thinks about it, then…) No.

Keiko: Argh! I won't love you any more if you don't!

Yusuke: Ha! Empty threat! (pauses) Wait, you loved me in the first place? (smirks) Go me! I knew it!

Keiko: Uh…well, maybe…but if you kill him, I definitely won't anymore!

Yusuke: (suddenly worried) Ah, well, I would, Keiko, but I really set up a good plan -

Kurama: (has to hide a snort)

Yusuke: -and it would be against the play to ruin it. So I think I'm stuck.

Hiei: (rolls his eyes and disappears)

Botan: Uh, Hiei?

Yusuke: Therefore, off with his head!

Keiko: Humphf!

Jade comes up holding a cardboard axe. Kurama looks at it with a raised eyebrow, then shrugs, thankful at least that he's not really going to die. Suddenly, Yusuke lets out a girly scream.

Yusuke: Stop! Executioner, stop! Hold your axe!

Kuwabara: He is holding it.

Keiko: (sighs) I just don't think he gets these linguistic properties.

Hiei: (gleefully poking Yusuke in the back with the Sword of the Darkness Flame) Heh, heh, you wimpy detective, tell them to untie my…(pauses, then spits the word out) buddy - or I think your life is about to end soon.

Yusuke: Hiei! How much sugar have you had today? (stops when Hiei hits him again) Oh, fine! Yukina, release the prisoner!

Yukina: Untie the prisoner?

Kurama: (waves hands) I'm not tied up.

Botan: Yep. I think you'd better do it soon. Hiei doesn't look too happy.

Yusuke: Yukina, I make the rules-

Koenma: No, that's me!

Yusuke: (ignoring) -and since I'm the headman

Hiei: (impatiently pokes again) Hurry it up.

Yusuke: (angry) Not so hard, you mean thing! Let him go! For heaven's sakes, let him go!

Botan: Um, I do believe that Hiei conquers all. -.-u

Hiei: (straight up) Yep.

Kurama: Okay, that was completely pointless.

Keiko: At least Hiei had fun.

Yukina: (suspicious) Something funny's going on here.

Hiei: (decides to have some diabolical fun) Now, YU, tell Kurama to kiss Keiko, or I've just found a new pincushion. A soon to be dead one at that.

Yusuke: What is with you and why you?! And Kurama is so not kissing Keiko!!

Yukina: (stands in front of Hiei) Don't hurt Yusuke.

Hiei: Urk…

Yusuke: (notices he's free) Okay, that's it! Get the oni guard in here! I think it's time for a fight! It's just getting way too boring!

Onis come pouring onto stage, equipped in various kitchen crockery, obviously supposed to be armor. Koenma looks excited at finally getting his action scene. Hiei and Yusuke willingly leap into battle. Kurama looks on, then shrugs, taking out his rose whip. Kuwabara remains close to Yukina, fending off any onis that come near her.

Botan: Uh oh. (to Keiko) Run for it, lassie. This is no place for a lady. (summons her bat and whacks a pot wearing oni) Take that, you scoundrel!

Koenma: Yeah! Give `em a left! And a right! Oooo! Right up the center!

George: Uh, sir, are they really killing onis? Because we need them with the paper work…

Koenma: Actually, I just retrieved the amazingly still alive chorus onis from the last play. I don't think they'll mind.

Keiko has paused near the edge of the stage and is now reading her script trying to discover her next line. After a moment, she scowls.

Keiko: Darn! (sourly) Help! Kurama, help!

Yusuke: Kurama?! What happened to me?!

Keiko: You're on the bad side. I can't ask you!

Kurama: (rolls eyes) Coming. ("rescues" her from no danger) Now, please Yusuke, don't take this the wrong way, I have to do it, it's in the script, okay?

Yusuke: (shrugs) I'm still killing you.

Kurama: (sighs) Keiko, will you marry me?

Keiko: What?!

Yusuke: (veins popping) There's a right way to take that?!

Keiko: (reluctantly reading script) Darling, I thought you'd never ask me. But you could've chosen a more romantic setting.

Yusuke: Oh yeah?! Like what, pray tell?!

Kurama: (with closed eyes) And for our honey-moon…. London

Keiko: (deadpan) Yes.

Yusuke: No!!

Kurama: (wincing) Normandy, sunny Spain.

Yusuke: Add hell to the end of that list!!

Keiko: Why not?

Over on the other side of the stage, Hiei is enjoying himself immensely. He has used the Fist of the Mortal Flame on several deceased onis, and is currently trying to see how many he can take out at once.

Hiei: (smirking) What a beautiful brawl. Eighteen.

Botan: Hey, you almost hit me with that! (brains Hiei) Ha! That's a big fat one for me!

Hiei: (rubbing head) Baka onna! (turns back and incinerates a bunch of onis in his anger, then smirks) Twenty five.

Kurama: (signing his death warrant) We'll have six children.

Yusuke: (eyes bulge) You take that back!!

Keiko: (decides she's going to regret it anyway) Six? Oh, a dozen at least. (punches Touya) Take that!

Touya: HEY! I'm not even involved in this fight!

George: Okay, this is getting out of hand. Attention, everyone-! (gets knocked down by Kuwabara)

Kuwabara: Oops! Sorry `bout that. I thought you were after Yukina…

Botan: (whacking another oni) Take that, you scurvy knave! (finds Golden Rose on the ground) Oh! …I'll just take this. Koenma might want it back.

Kurama: (twitches) No! My Golden Rose! Sieze the ferry girl!

A few onis, suddenly given direction, mill about until they decide to follow it, for lack of a better idea. They swarm over to Botan, who looks at them in surprise, then shrugs.

Botan: Whatever. If you want me to hurt you, keep on coming.

Kurama: (as Youko still, if you couldn't guess) If you don't attack, I am bringing back Genkai!

The onis move in fear from that prediction, remembering what happened in the pit of fire the last time the evil woman appeared, and turn and bear down on Botan. Her eyes widen.

Botan: Okay, now I think I've got a problem! (tries to fend them off with her bat unsuccessfully) Whoa! Back off, will you?!

Amazingly, right as they are about to overwhelm her, the whole lot goes up in flames. Hiei is standing next to her with an annoyed look on his face.

Hiei: Baka onna. Don't take them on if you can't handle it.

Botan: Hiei!

She launches herself at him and kisses him soundly. After a moment, stunned, he responds. Yusuke rolls his eyes, remembering the last time they did this, while Koenma looks stunned.

Koenma: What's going on here?!

Yusuke: Aw, come on, they were doing that at the end of the last story. It's no big surprise!

Kurama: (shivers) Um, were you by chance asleep by then?

Koenma: (veins popping) I'll kill him!! Get off of her!

Yusuke: (watching the exploding toddler) Man, possessive, ain't he? (shrugs) Whatever. Come on, Kuwabara, let's just move it on to the next scene. (pauses) Kuwabara?

Kuwabara: …and it hurts right here. (points to a spot on his arm, which Yukina heals) And right here. (his shoulder) And here (his lips)

Yusuke: (whacks him) You idiot! You better be happy Hiei's distracted!

Yukina: Yes, it's nice that my brother has finally found a girl.

Everyone: O.O

Keiko: You knew?! Wait…I knew?

Yukina: (nods) I was just waiting for him to tell me. I think he's afraid to, though.

Yusuke: Ha ha! Hiei? Afraid? (bursts into laughter)

Kurama: (glancing over at the occupied Hiei) Whatever, let's just move on as quickly as possible. I don't think Hiei will be too happy when he comes back to himself.

Yusuke: (whistles) Noooo, I guess not. (drags a knocked out Kuwabara off stage)