Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ When Fairy Tales Attack!! ❯ Kurama Hood Part VII ( Chapter 16 )

When Fairy Tales Attack!!

CoWritten by: Tuathafaerie and Nenagh24

Disclaimer: We don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, Disney films, or the Brother's Grimm. Note that any actual dialog taken from the movies might be interspersed without identification and that this disclaimer applies to any such lines. Please do not sue because of it.

Note: Any slandering of said Disney films or fairy tales is author intrusion and fully intentional. Enjoy!

Okay! Next chapter is out! This is the second to last one in Kurama Hood (cause no matter how long the next chapter gets, I'm finishing it) so be prepared! We've got so much singing in here, it was making my head spin, but I hope you enjoy! Thanks very much for all of your reviews!!

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Chapter 16

Rewind:

Kurama: (glancing over at the occupied Hiei) Whatever, let's just move on as quickly as possible. I don't think Hiei will be too happy when he comes back to himself.

Yusuke: (whistles) Noooo, I guess not. (drags a knocked out Kuwabara off stage)

Play:

Keiko: (rubs her hands together) Okay, so what's next?

Kurama freezes while Yusuke takes out the script. He covers his ears in anticipation as the gel-using boy scans the next lines.

Yusuke: …NOT ON YOUR LIFE!!

The shout causes Botan and Hiei to look over, startled, Yukina's eyes to widen, Kuwabara to wake up from his daze, Koenma to stop glaring at Hiei, Keiko to jump a foot, and the various extra actors [an: there are just way too many of them] to start digging for their own scripts furiously. Well, except for Toguro, who was the same as always.

Kurama: (pleading) Come on, Yusuke, it's not like we're really doing anything. It's just sort of implied.

Yusuke: (veins popping) Do you think I want that implied?!

Jin: Aw, let it go, Urameshi! Tis not worth it. Tha faster we move on here, tha faster tis over and done with.

Touya: (shocked) Sense! That just made sense! Call the doctor.

Flyr: (hits Touya)

Keiko: (sighs) Well, let's go, Kurama. Might as well get this over with.

Yusuke: (frothing at the mouth) Over my dead body!!

Toguro: That can be arranged. [an: does he actually say that? I can't remember…]

Yusuke glares at all of them, then stubbornly sits down in the middle of the stage. Keiko sighs again and looks over at Koenma.

Keiko: So, it says someone is supposed to sing a song. Who's that?

Koenma: Well, they never name the person in the movie, so I kind've left it up to you guys…

Flyr: Oh! Oh! I know, let-!

Botan: (quickly) I'll sing it!

Everyone: (sighs of relief)

Flyr: (put out) I wasn't going to say me. Humphf!

Keiko: (tired) You ready Kurama?

Yusuke: (grumbles)

Kurama: (closes eyes) As ready as ever.

They unwillingly hold hands, much to the annoyance of Yusuke, who glares throwing knives at them. Hiei is bored and begins browsing the script, only to stop in shock, then, after a moment of furious reading, starts grinning. He takes out a large marker and begins writing things down, pausing for thought every once in a while, and to let out a few evil chuckles. Botan, after looking at him suspiciously, decides to begin her song. George gives her a note and it begins: The Torture of Yusuke.

Botan: (singing) Love, it seems like only yesterday you were just a child at play. Now you're all grown up inside of me. Oh, how fast those moments flee.

Kurama and Keiko, purposefully not looking at each other, stroll around the stage. Flyr looks on with tears at the "romantic" scene, or maybe just the butchering of such, while Yusuke's mutters increase. Hiei is making squeaky sounds with the marker and an evil grin lights his face. Botan, seeing no objections, at least by everyone not Yusuke, moves on to the next verse.

Botan: (still singing) Once we watched a lazy world go by, now the days seem to fly. Life is brief, but when it's gone, love goes on and on.

Yusuke: (angry) Are you mocking me?! This song is so about me and Keiko!!

Jin: (confused) Is he sayin' that `cause he died? That's pretty sad.

Touya: (shrugs)

Yusuke decides he doesn't care what Keiko says and jumps up, racing to the "happy" couple. With a snarl he pulls Keiko away from a relieved Kurama and tugs her across the stage.

Keiko: Yusuke! What are you doing?! If we do it wrong, I might have to do this scene again!!

Yusuke: Shut up!! This whole casting thing is wrong anyway!

Koenma: (sighs) Kurama, go get your girl.

Kurama: (shaking his head) She's not mine. (mutters) Thank goodness.

Botan: (trying to keep up with the song) Ooh, oh, oh, ooh, Ohhh, love will live.

Keiko: (kicks Yusuke in the shin, causing him to release his hold on her) Now you just stay here! (runs back to a terrified Kurama)

Kurama: (visually upset) What are you doing over here? Yusuke will kill you, never mind me, when he recovers!

Youko: (internally; smug) Flocking ladies.

Botan: (not even looking anymore) Ooh, ooh, Love will last.

Hiei: (smirking) Heh, heh. This is going to be good.

Marker: (making squeaky noises)

Touya: (decides to commentate) Jin, I do believe Urameshi may be down for the count.

Jin: (nodding) Yes, when you're knocked down by herself, `tis a hard thin' to recover.

Touya: (continuing commentary) …oh, but look at that. He's glaring now. Yes, limping is making progress.

Jin: Ah, I do believe she's goin' ta haf some trouble now. Listen to those curses!

Botan: (now singing for her own enjoyment) Love goes on and on and on.

Jin: No, no, grabbin' of tha arms is not allowed in tha rule books, boyo! It seems as if tha fox is attemptin' ta mediate.

Flyr: Uh, guys? What are you doing? O.o

Touya: (not paying attention) …and that was a narrow dodge from Yusuke's famous punch. Didn't you have some trouble with that one, Jin?

Jin: (nodding) Indeed I did. `Tis himself that finally took me out, but then, he also took down Toguro.

Toguro: ……..

Botan is singing to an oblivious audience. Since no one seems to be listening, she adds her own trills and flounces to the ending verse. Hiei pauses briefly, as if he is actually paying attention to the unique rendition, but only shakes his head and crosses something out on his script.

Botan: (singing exuberantly) Once we watched a lazy world go by, now the days seem to fly. Life is brief, but when it's gone, love goes on and on.

George: (sniffs) Beautiful!

Yusuke is shouting at Kurama, fed up, while the fox demon is happily pushing Keiko into the other boy's arms. His face is studiously calm, but his eyes betray a kind of emotional scarring that most never recover from. Keiko is rolling her eyes heavenward at the commotion, and finally turns to Yusuke.

Keiko: Shut up!! I'm not running off with Kurama! He doesn't like me, and I sure as crap don't like him!

Kurama: (appears hurt)

Youko: (internally) Don't worry, the ladies always say that.

Kurama: (internally; confused) Just what kind of ladies flocked to you?

Yusuke: (slightly mollified; mutters) Maybe I'll reconsider killing him.

Flyr, down at the other side of the stage, is poking Touya, who looks slightly miffed.

Flyr: Wow, Touya, were you just cracking jokes? Huh?

Touya: …I was not.

Hiei: (loudly) Can we just move on with the plot?

Everyone: O.O

Yusuke: Uh, is that Hiei? Maybe someone's taken over his body…

Kuwabara: Noooo!! A nightmare!! Ghosts are possessing people!!

Hiei moves forward with a glare and quickly punches Kuwabara in the face.

Kuwabara: (with a broken nose) No, I'd say that's still Hiei.

Yukina: (rushing over) Oh, dear!

Hiei: (twitches) Move on!

Keiko: Oh, stop yelling! (once again with the bad acting) Oh, Kurama, what a beautiful night! I wish it would never end. (holds tightly on to Yusuke)

Yusuke: (warningly) Kurama, this isn't helping you.

Kurama: (sighs) I promise, I'm not doing anything. That statement is firmly neutral.

Toguro: …surprise. Long live Kurama Hood.

Everyone: ….

Yusuke: Did he just wish Kurama a long life?

Everyone: ô.o …..

Botan: Right….um, and down with that scurvy Prince Yusuke!

Yusuke: Hey!! You're supposed to be on my side!!

Hiei is smirking and pulls out his script. He waits until everyone quiets down, then asks the tune from Botan. She quickly hums out a verse with a wary expression. Hiei only nods in acknowledgement, then begins his song, willingly, it must be noted. The cast watches on with wide eyes as it is learned exactly what he was doing with that marker.

Hiei: (smirking and singing at the same time [an: that's tough]) Yeah. Oh the world will sing of an Renkai King a thousand years from now, and not because he passed some laws or had that light bulb thing. While bonny good King Richard leads the great Crusade he's on, we'll all have to slave away for that good-for-nothing Koenma. Incredible as he is inept, whenever the history books are kept they'll call him the phony King of Renkai.

Everyone: O.O

Koenma: (dark aura flaring) …why…you…

Toguro: (flatly) A pox on the phony king of Renkai.

Yusuke: …..Bwahahahahahahahahaha!

Kuwabara: Uh, are we making fun of Koenma?

Botan: (nervously trying to stifle giggles) I'm not sure if this is a good idea, Hiei…

Keiko: Well, that's something new.

Jin and Flyr have collapsed in fits of laughter. Touya looks at their display with a sweatdrop evident. Genkai is currently congratulating Toguro for his good shot in at the end. Yukina is oblivious. Hiei, still smirking, decides it's time to continue.

Hiei: (singing once more) He sits alone on a giant desk pretending he's the king, a little tyke who is rather like a puppet on a string, and he throws an angry tantrum if he cannot have his way, and then he calls for George while he's sucking his bulb. You see, he doesn't want to play. Too late to be known as Enma the First, he's sure be to be known as Koenma the Worst, a pox on that phony King of Renkai.

Yusuke: (gasping for breath) Can't …stop laughing…too…funny!! [an: is it just me, or does this spacing make his phrase sound like Captain Kirk? Boy, am I a geek.]

Genkai: (cackling evilly) That suits him rather well!

Kuwabara: (finally hitting him) Wait, that is making fun of Koenma!

Botan: (chokes on laughter when she looks at her boss) Uh, Hiei, maybe you should run now?

Koenma: (eyes hidden) I'll kill him…

Hiei: (ignores Botan's advice) While he sends us on missions and tries to make us dead, Koenma's hat keeps slipping down around that rounded head. Ah, but while there is a merry man in Kurama's wily pack, we'll find a way to make him pay and steal our freedom back. A minute before he knows we're there, old Kur'll snatch his underwear.

Kurama: (indignant, ignores Yusuke and Kuwabara's hoots of laughter) I will not! Why would I want that?

Hiei: (shrugs) That's what it said you'd steal. Don't ask me, fox.

Koenma: (outraged) First you make fun of me, then you go after my tighty-whities?!!

Everyone: O.o …bwahahahahahahaha!

George: Uh, sir, don't worry, we'll put a lock on your underwear drawer.

Koenma: (muttering)

Hiei: (decides to make the final effort on a verse) The breezy and uneasy King of Renkai. The sniveling, groveling, measly, weasly, blabberin', jabberin', gibberin', jabberin', plunderin', plottin', Wheelin', dealin', Koenma, that phony King of Renkai. Yeah.

Koenma: (pointing at Hiei) You're going down!!

Hiei: (shrugs)

From the other side of the stage, one actor has decided to continue. Koenma's rants at Hiei are interrupted by a small singing voice.

Yukina: (singing innocently) He throws an angry tantrum if he cannot have his way, and then he calls for George while he's sucking his bulb. You see, he doesn't want to play. Too late to be known as Enma the First, he's sure be to be known as Koenma the Worst.

Everyone: o.o

Koenma: (stunned) Not her too!

Kuwabara: Oh, my awe-inspiring nightingale! My musical darling! Let me try it! (attempts song) Too late to be known as Enma the First, he's sure be to be known as Koenma the Worst. Um, the crazy, stupid, weirdo, loser…

Koenma: (veins popping) That's even worse!!

Yukina: (gently) No, you've got it wrong.

Yusuke: (smirking) Yeah! It goes like this! The sniveling, groveling, measly, weasly, blabberin', jabberin', gibberin', jabberin', plunderin', plottin', Wheelin', dealin', Koenma, that phony King of Renkai!

Botan: (nodding) Pretty impressive for only hearing it once.

Keiko: (looking superior) I knew he was smart! Now, if I could just get him to school…

Koenma: Argh!! That's enough!! Yusuke, I'm going to make life so hard, you're not going to get a break for months!!

Yusuke: WHAT?! No fair!! Hiei's the one who came up with it!

Koenma: (eyes gleam) Oh, don't worry. Hiei's going to get what's coming to him. (evil chuckle) Oh yes, after this, and taking Botan away…heh, heh.

Botan: …okay, who else is seriously weirded out by this?

A long list of people, Keiko, Flyr, Jin, Touya, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Genkai, Hiei, and George, all raise their hands. Yukina and Toguro abstain from voting.

Koenma: Oh, stuff it! Now, get your lines right, Yusuke, or I am locking you in Maze castle! With Toguro! At 100%!

Toguro: …I wouldn't go. Genkai's spa tickets are for next week.

Yusuke: (rolls eyes) Yeah, whatever, you toddler. (boredly reads his lines) Double the taxes. Triple the taxes. Squeeze every last drop out of those insolent, musical peasants.

Kurama: …you do know that I don't have any more jawbreakers, right?

Yusuke: (face falls) You don't? Darn! We'll have to search the set again.

Koenma: Leave my candy alone!

Flyr: (coughs) Um, are we ready to get to my lines yet?

Yusuke: (shrugs)

Flyr: Ooookay. Right.

They all watch as some onis drag bars across the stage. Set changes in the dark have suddenly been discarded after the last one, where four onis suffered serious injuries and high hospital bills that the insurance companies wouldn't cover, as they don't recognize onis as normal patients, and Koenma eventually had to pay for himself. Flyr and Genkai sit on one side, looking bored, while Yukina and Jin happily patrol the outside. Touya is shaking his head at even agreeing to participate in such a farce.

Flyr: (sighs) Okay, so we're in here cause we couldn't pay our taxes. I'm not giving a long speech about it.

Genkai: Who says I couldn't pay my taxes?! I paid for that satellite bill, didn't I?

Koenma: Well, those kids weren't cheap, especially that weird brunette, and since they were yours, we just charged your tab. I'm afraid you don't have enough to cover even a tic-tac charge.

Genkai: (grumbling) I swear, I'm too old to have kids!

Flyr: Anyways, it's song time again!

Everyone, at this pronouncement, rushes to cover their ears. Before Flyr can let loose a note, however, a portal opens up behind her, revealing a tall woman with dark chestnut hair. Her outfit is somewhat similar to Flyr's, but instead of being lime green, it is a deep forest color instead. Flyr gasps in shock and anger, while both Jin and Touya look apprehensive. Obviously they know the woman.

Flyr: You!! You vixen! What are you doing here?! I told you I wouldn't be coming home for a few more hours!

The vixen: (shrugs) I felt like stopping by. You're about to butcher my favorite song from my favorite movie. I can't let that happen.

Flyr: (suspicious) How did you know?

Jin: Ah, me girl, don't ask her!

Touya: (nods) You probably don't want to know.

The vixen: (matter of fact) I've got you wired. (ignores Flyr's yells in protest) Now, let's see, how does it begin?

The cast watches on in confusion as the strange woman begins singing. She has a surprising tenor voice, which suits okay with the song. Flyr is fuming.

The vixen: (singing) Every town has its ups and downs, sometimes ups outnumber the downs, but not in Nottingham. I'm inclined to believe if we weren't so down we'd up and leave. We'd up and fly if we had wings for flyin', can't you see the tears we're cryin', can't there be some happiness for me? Not in Nottingham.

Botan: Oh good! Someone else who likes to sing! Maybe we can invite her back next time?

Flyr: (quickly) NO!

Kurama: Excuse me for imposing, but exactly who are you?

The vixen: (looks up, confused) Do I know you? You look familiar… (shrugs) Oh well. I'm Flyr's sister, her older one.

Kurama freezes, remembering exactly who was also suspect of being Flyr's older sister.

The vixen: I'm also a time dimension witch. (glances over at the angry Flyr) She learned it from me.

Flyr: Humphf!

The vixen: (looks back at her sister with a raised eyebrow) Oh, I forgot to tell you. The reason I came. Johnny Depp's on the phone. He wanted to talk to you.

Flyr looks stunned at this statement, then torn. She glances hard at Jin, then back at the brunette.

Flyr: Argh! Both-cute! Which-one?! (squeezes her eyes shut) Too-difficult!!

The vixen: (smirks) Just kidding. It's actually that weirdo down the street.

Flyr: Wha-?! …Why you!! (lunges at her sister, who quickly dodges) I'll kill you!! …wait, no, I've got a better idea… (suddenly grins) I know something you don't!

The vixen: (frowns) …well? What is it? Speak up.

Flyr: (sticks her tongue out) Nyah-uh!

The vixen: (glaring) You do remember what happened the last time we fought…

Jin looks terrified at the thought, while some of Touya's cool demeanor slips. Flyr taunts pain and just smiles wider.

Flyr: (pointing at Kurama) Guess who that is!

The vixen: (barely glancing) Some guy with red hair pretending to be a girl. So what?

Kurama: (internally) Urk…

Youko: (internally; upset) Hey! What's wrong with this girl?! She's not flocking!!

Kurama: (internally; nervous) I don't think you want her to flock…

Flyr: Not just that!

Youko: (internally) I resent that!

Flyr: People also call him…

The vixen: …

Flyr: …

The vixen: …

Yusuke: Oh, for heaven's sake!! Stop it with the stare down competition!! That's Kurama!!

Kurama: (internally) Darn you, Yusuke.

The brunette's green eyes narrow for a second, then suddenly gleam with a predatory light. She looks back at Kurama, smirking now, and taking a few steps forward. Kurama sweats until she suddenly remembers something, glancing at her watch.

The vixen: Drat! I don't have time for this now!

Flyr: (grinning) What else have you got to do, sister of mine?

The vixen: (eyebrow up) None of your business, unless you're intent on killing yourself? (eerie silence) Right. I'll be going now. (makes a portal, then turns back to Kurama) See you later, fox-boy!

She steps through the portal, disappearing. Jin shivers while Touya lets out a breath of air, thankful that the damage caused this time was minimal. Flyr makes faces at the place where her sister disappeared.

Kurama: (sighs) I'd thought I'd lost her.

Jin: (confused) Why did she leave? Doesn't she like ta wreck more havoc an' stuff before runnin' off?

Flyr: (frowns and glances at watch) Oh, work. She's got a job now.

Everyone: (collective horror)

Kurama: …hang on. I don't have anything against work…hm.

Koenma: Whatever. Let's get on with it.

Yukina: Okay!

Toguro: …….. …. …. .. …….

Genkai: (snorts in laughter)

Flyr: (gasps)

Kurama: (sighs)

Yusuke: ….right…moving on.