Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ When Fairy Tales Attack!! ❯ Beauty and the Baka Part I ( Chapter 19 )

When Fairy Tales Attack!!

CoWritten by: Tuathafaerie and Nenagh24

Disclaimer: We don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, Disney films, or the Brother's Grimm. Note that any actual dialog taken from the movies might be interspersed without identification and that this disclaimer applies to any such lines. Please do not sue because of it.

Note: Any slandering of said Disney films or fairy tales is author intrusion and fully intentional. Enjoy!

Okay, this chapter took forever to write, because I had limited power due to hurricane Charley, which ripped through my city on Friday. I live in Orlando, Florida (at least for right now. Hoping to move because I hate the weather, but I've got to finish college first [darn UCF for being the best engineering school in the area and me having 100% tuition paid in Florida.] Oh well, weather is only bad at times like this. Too blasted hot.) and all around there are trees ripped out, houses busted up, and basically a total mess. Power was out at my house from Friday until this morning, but I'm still stuck with my mother at the hospital because she doesn't want me driving to work. At least they had generators and air conditioning, though.

Anyway, I know I said I'd work on this after finishing Tethered, and I really did try, but not having lots of access to things really delayed this. -.-u I don't know if I'll finish this story before going back to school on Monday, but whatever. I will complete it! (I love it!) So, just for information's sake, I worked on this story in intervals, so I'm not sure if everything makes sense. I just kind've picked up from where I thought I was...Please enjoy the late update!! Don't hurt me for ignoring you for so long!

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Chapter 19

Rewind:

Koenma: Anyways, once we get the scripts, we can start! George!!

George: (hauling in packets by himself) Co-coming, sir.

Play:

Koenma: (frowns) Where are Jade and Samantha? They were in charge of this.

George: (sweatdrop) Well, they seem to be on strike. After all those other onis died...

Koenma: (sighs) Whatever. I'll have to call the union. Just pass out the scripts.

The cast takes the stacks of paper as if they are poison, and slowly begins flipping through them. They frown at the variety of roles handed out, the "supporting" characters in the original Yu Yu Hakusho noting with amusement that the previous main characters are playing less than desired roles. Well, mostly. Some of the opening characters are once again MIA, and nobody can identify the very first appearance.

Botan: ...Kharl? Yusuke, do you know a Kharl?

Yusuke: (shrugs) Nope.

Kurama: Maybe it's a typo. Do you know a Carl?

Kuwabara: Oh! I know a Carl!! ...he's a kitty cat though.

Botan: Yeah, well, I don't think that's what they mean...-.-u

Before anymore wildly inaccurate guesses can be made to the identity of the narrator, a portal appears in the room. Koenma sighs in relief as a tall man with feathery hair, of a decidedly purple color, steps out of the rip in dimensions, followed by a weirdly attired youngster with a hideous golden mullet.

Tall stranger: Hi, Koenma! Long time no see. I brought Garfakcy along with me. Other wise he would have tried to clean house when I was gone, and I'd never be able to find anything.

Garfakcy: (sweatdrop) Can you even find anything now, Lord Kharl?

Kharl: (smiling) Nope!

Koenma: Uh...well, good, now that you're here, we can start! You still owe me for over looking those body doubles that you made.

Kharl: (as happy as ever) Well, what have I got to do?

Yusuke: (shoves script into his hands) Here ya go, bud. I'm afraid you're gonna need one of these.

Kharl: (staggers slightly under the weight, but recovers) Hmm. Interesting! Ooo! I'm the narrator! Delightful!

Keiko: (watching with weird look) He's...actually happy about this?

Yusuke: (frowns) Not quite the reaction I was expecting. (shrugs) Must be masochistic.

Kharl: Ahem. (Smiling) Mind if we start the scene?

Yukina: Not at all.

Koenma: Finally! Someone who wants to work with me! Oni! Hit the stage on!

The cast is shuffled off stage for a while as the new onis come in and start decorating the stage. There are a few problems, as these onis have little experience with set design and were really only looking for a job besides the postal service, but everything works itself out in the end. From the darkness comes sounds of scuffling behind the curtains and Tomoyo's encouraging voice as the characters change into their different costumes, with muted protestations coming from most of them. However, they haven't seen their other outfits for their primary character positions, so they do not realize that they currently have nothing to complain about. Tomoyo wisely keeps this upcoming information to herself. The lights come back up to reveal a lovely castle wall and stained glass windows. The lights fade again to imitate a large storm and onis in the background crash pots together. After giving them a wave, while Garfakcy just rolls his eyes, Kharl decides to begin.

Kharl: (smiling) Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young prince lived in a shining castle.

Kuwabara: (steps out of the door in, um, interesting attire) Why the heck am I in poofy pants?!!

Yusuke: ...(snorts)

Yukina: Because all ningen princes wore those.

Kuwabara: ...I'm a prince? Score! But wait, if I'm in control, can't I choose not to wear pants like Hiei?

Hiei: (growls)

Botan: (grabbing onto Hiei) Uh, well, what about Tomoyo's hard work? You wouldn't want to let her down!

Yukina: Please?

Kuwabara: For my whipping wind-strewn woman, anything!!

Keiko: (puzzled) ...I didn't think Yukina was his woman yet?

Hiei: (breaking free)

Botan: (quickly) Kurama! Did you buy more sedatives?!

After a quick drug treatment, the stage settles down, and Kharl decides he can continue.

Kharl: (still smiling) Although he had everything his heart desired, the prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind.

Kuwabara: ...Hey! I am not!

Kharl: (still smiling) But then, one winter's night, an old beggar woman came to the castle and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold.

Kurama: (appears dressed in rags [an: but still good looking!!]) Brr. It's cold. I wonder if I can get shelter here?

Keiko: Uh, Kurama? You do know you had no lines, right? -.-u

Kurama: (shrugs) I decided to improvise.

Kuwabara: ...I don't understand. Are you poor, Kurama? Because this is the second time you've been a beggar...

Kurama: (sighs) No. My family is actually quite well off.

Yusuke: (bored) Yeah, and he'd probably just steal, not beg.

Kurama: (double sigh) Continuing. (Holds out rose) Oh, prince, I beg you, I'm a freezing poor old woman. In exchange for this rose, will you let me have a room?

Keiko: ...You know, as Kurama's a guy, that wasn't very convincing...

Yusuke: (matter of fact) But he looks like a woman, so it's all good.

Kuwabara: (recoiling) Get that thing away from me, Kurama! It's dangerous!

Kharl: (smiling some more) Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the prince sneered at gift and turned the old woman away, but she warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty is found within.

Kuwabara: It's the rose I'm afraid of, not Kurama! ...well, I'm a little bit afraid of Kurama too, but not so bad.

Kurama: -.-u Thanks.

Kharl: (exuberant expression) And when he dismissed her again, the old woman's ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress.

Kuwabara: Uh...

Kurama: Er...(throws off cloak) Better? [an: blasphemy, I say! Kurama's never ugly!]

Kharl: (nodding with a smile) The prince tried to apologize, but it was too late, for she had seen that there was no love in his heart

Kuwabara: Hey!! I love Yukina!! That counts as something!

Kharl: (blissfully ignoring) -and as punishment, she transformed him into a hideous beast

Yusuke: ...Wasn't he already?

Keiko: (slaps Yusuke) Not nice!

Kharl: (ecstatic as he reaches his own profession) -and placed a powerful spell on the castle, and all who lived there.

Kuwabara: (looking back into set wall) Who does live here, anyway?

Tomoyo: (making motioning gestures)

Garfakcy: (waves absently back)

Kharl: (happily proclaiming the tragic tale) Ashamed of his monstrous form, the beast concealed himself inside his castle, with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world.

Kuwabara: ...Oh, that's me! Uh, guess I gotta go, guys! (Pulls open cardboard door, which hangs limply on it's fake hinges)

Kurama: Bye? (glances at hand) Oh, wait, I forgot! (Throws rose after him)

Kuwabara: (rose whip hits head) Oww! Watch it, Kurama!

Kurama: Sorry. I threw it, so it was a natural reaction!

Kharl: (actually watching that) ...bwhahahahaha! Man! I should take you guys with me!

Garfakcy: (looking beaten) Lord Kharl, please.

Koenma: I don't think that's a good idea...

Garfakcy: Yeah. What if this one starts to rot too?

Everyone: ...O.o

Kharl: (sighs) Ah, that's true. Oh well. (smiles suddenly) Where was I? Ah, here we are! The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his twenty-first year.

Yusuke: Hear that Kuwabara? You've got about 6 more years until you're back to normal! Whatever that is.

Kharl: (pronouncing sentence with no try at delicacy) If he could learn to love another

Kuwabara: I already do! Ha, so there, Yusuke!!

Kharl: (continuing with bright face) and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell

Kuwabara: ....oh...

Yusuke: (smirks)

Kharl: - then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time.

Yusuke: Oooo! Harsh! You should have been nicer to Kurama, man.

Garfakcy: (tired of this crap) Look lady! I've already seen you! Stop waving at me!!

Tomoyo: (not discouraged) But Kuwabara-san needs to change into his costume.

Kuwabara: ...WHAT?!!

Yusuke: (bursts out laughing)

Botan: Why does he need another costume?

Hiei: (smirks) Yeah, I'd say he's ugly enough.

Kuwabara: Watch it, squirt!

Hiei: (not impressed)

Kurama: Oh dear. I think that sedative's wearing off already. I know I shouldn't have picked up the cheap shelf kind. Hm. Need to work on forging my doctor's signature.

Everyone: ....

Botan: (quietly) Kurama, you're not a druggy, are you?

Kurama: What? No! It's just, Ningenkai doesn't have all the materials that Makai has for public sale sometimes...

Keiko: I'm not sure I want to ask what you need those for.

Garfakcy: (annoyed by the happy Tomoyo) Argh! (grabs Kuwabara and tosses him) There! Now leave me alone!

Kuwabara: Whoa! (lands backstage)

Yusuke: (speculative) Hey, that kid's smaller than Hiei and he totally whipped Kuwabara's butt!

Hiei: (glowering) And you're saying I can't?

Kharl: (happy as ever) Yay! Almost finished! Ahem. (Makes a try at seriousness, but totally loses it) As the years passed, he fell into despair - Delightful! - and lost all hope - Just lovely! n.n - for who could ever learn to love a beast? Well, maybe the Dragon Lord, but he's just really forgiving. But then again, you could call Nadil a big beast, and he'll never forgive him, so I guess it just depends! (Smiles some more)

Garfakcy: ...are we finished now, Lord Kharl?

Kharl: (glances over script then smiles back at him) Yep! (Stands there)

Garfakcy: So...can we go home now?

Kharl: Oh! Well, I guess so, just promise, no cleaning.

Garfakcy: (grumbling) Place is a pigsty...hasn't been cleaned in decades...dust inches thick...grr...oh, very well! Just let me give Sinistra a bath!

Kharl: That's fine! (Smiling) He's getting the wet dog smell anyway.

Garfakcy: (sweatdrop) More like dog seeped in blood smell.

Kharl: (waves) Well, see you later! (Summons a portal) Let's go! (Disappears with Garfakcy)

Yusuke: ...Okay, did anyone else think he was just a little weird?

Everyone: (nods or raises hand)

Keiko: Right! So, where are we in the script?

Botan: (sweatdrop; looking at packet) About a paragraph down.

Keiko: That's it?! Humphf. Guess we'd better pick up the pace a bit.

Koenma is excited as the cast finally seems to want to get to work, but before anything else can happen, another portal opens, this one purple instead of green. Out steps five people, of various heights and sizes. The only female one in the group looks decidedly angry. While Yusuke waves in greeting to his friends.

Flyr: Argh! What was Kharl doing here?! That man! [an. My grandmother says that all the time about my grandfather. Ha ha. But guess that's just a personal joke, hey?]

Keiko: (confused) How'd you know he was here? He left before you did.

Flyr: (muttering) Met him on the spirit road. Grr. Need to find my own private highway or something.

Keiko: Uh, right...

Jin: Ah, calm down, me girl, `tis just a chance encounter. And we've got ta do tha job now.

Chu: That's right, brighten up, sheila!

Koenma: (tapping foot) You're late. Again. As usual.

Flyr: Don't care.

Koenma: (sighs) Whatever, let's just get back to the story.

Yukina: (smiling) Okay.

She walks out from stage left, dressed in a turquoise peasant's outfit which nicely complements her hair. Tomoyo is almost crying at the beautiful figure she is cutting in the cotton creation. Yukina gives a faint smile as Yusuke whistles appreciatively, giving encouraging yells, Kurama smiles kindly, and even Hiei bows his head slightly in her direction. Flyr, standing next to a frozen koorime, looks over with a gleam in her eyes.

Flyr: (trying at innocence) So, Touya, what do you think of ningen clothes now?

Touya: (stunned) They're...(starts and recovers) I mean, I have no opinion.

Flyr: (grinning) Right.

Chu: (making cat calls) Whoa, darlin'! Mighty fine display ya got there! Hey, how'bout we two go out drinkin' sometime, love?

At his words, significant glares are sent all over the stage, knocking down the unsuspecting. Botan narrowly dodges one at close range, Kurama closes his eyes in a slight depression as another flies by him, causing his hair to blow, and George kisses the ground as a rather large one from behind the castle set takes him totally unawares.

Hiei: (growling) Get your perverted mind off my sister.

Botan: (catching her breath) See, doesn't it feel better to say that? If you had just listened to me before about telling Yukina....

Hiei's eyebrow twitches in slight annoyance from the lecture he is receiving, but his glare remains firmly fixed on Chu, who looks a bit blown over.

Kuwabara: (hiding behind the castle in his new costume) Hey! Stay away from my peach cobbler delight!

Yusuke: (looks absolutely disgusted) Now I can't eat that anymore!

Keiko: (sweatdrop) I'm afraid Yukina has turned into all kinds of desserts...

Chu is under the weather from the three deadly glares, one hitting him at very close range. With pleading eyes, he looks for escape from this torture.

Chu: Aw, Touya, I thought ya were on me own side? Whatcha doin'?

Touya: (popping veins just barely visible) If you dare think a woman like her will be joining you on your bar outings, you are perilously mistaken.

Flyr: (amazed) Look at Touya go! Dropping the ice man facade, huh? You get `em, Tiger!

Jin:(laughing) Ah, `tis terrific lad! Defend tha honor of yur girl! Throw tha gauntlet down!

Everyone: ô.o

Kurama: I don't believe that improved the situation. -.-u

Touya: (turning slowly) ....what exactly are you doing?

Jin: (eager) Cheerin' ya on, boyo!

Flyr: (just as excited) Making fun of you for all your cuts at Jin!

Touya: ...(turns back to Chu) Right...

Yukina: (smiling) I don't think I'd like to go out drinking, Chu, but thank you for inviting me.

Chu: (under pressure of three suddenly returned glares) No prob, darlin'. -.-u

Rinku: (tired of staying quiet) So what are we doing now?

With an evil grin, Yusuke moves forward to hand out the script to the tardy players. Their faces are less than grateful as they heft the poundage in paper bound torture as they scan to find their parts. Hiei, on the other side of the room, looks at his script with distaste, then pauses, a rare satisfied smirk/smile thing coming to his face. Purposefully, as if he is doing nothing to be suspicious of, he moves to the pile of scripts that George brought in. With negligence, he tosses his own packet onto the heavy stack of pain, then turns away, a hand flying out unnoticeably behind him. The pile irrupts into flames.

Koenma: (aghast) I had to pay for those!! What the heck are you doing, Hiei?!!

Kurama: Seems like someone had a temper tantrum... Maybe I should buy some lithium next time as well? I'm afraid you experience more manic, or really, maniac, states than depressive however.

Botan: (absently shaking her head)

Hiei: (glares) Baka kitsune.

Yusuke: (inquisitive) So why'd you pick now of all times to burn them up? I mean, you could've done it before.

Botan: (squeals) Ooo! More singing! That's great!!!

Hiei: (eyebrow up) That's why.

Koenma: (sighing) Oh well. I'll just have to order more from the printer's. Now, on with it!!

Yukina: (smiling) Okay.

Hiei: (grumbling) Stupid singing.