Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Why You Should Not Stereotype ❯ Hn, Romance Sucks ( Chapter 2 )

As the sunlight gently glided through Kuwabara's window, the three boys camping the room tried their hardest to ignore it. Yusuke hated waking up, and Kuwabara hated getting out of bed. Hiei hated waking up AND getting out of bed.

But ever-so-quietly, Kuwabara kicked his sheets off. As the host (and because his sister threatened him), he had offered Yusuke and Hiei his bed. Yusuke and Hiei had proceeded to play a rousing game of Rock-Scissors-Paper… which Hiei lost.

As usual.

Quietly as he knew how (living with Kurama and Hiei for a few weeks in a hotel full of people who wanted to watch you die was wonderfully educational), Kuwabara crawled out of his sleeping bag, and over to the door. He carefully opened it, slowly, trying to keep it from creeking. And again closed it as gently, to keep from waking Hiei and Yusuke. Even though Kuwabara didn't know anyone who was a morning person (even Keiko was psycho until her orange juice), everyone he knew was a very light sleeper.

Pleased with his superior sneaking skills (you can learn something from ninja movies!), he slowly made his way to the computer. Pulling out the chair, Kuwabara settled himself in, to finish his part of their parody fic.

"Kazuma?" a soft voice asked. "Is that you?"

Okay, he knew one morning person.

"Good morning, Yukina," the delinquent whispered. "Did you sleep well?"

"I slept very well, thank you," Yukina answered. "Eikichi was a great comfort, thank you so much for letting me borrow him." The ice maiden scratched the kitty's fuzzy little back, cuddling him to her breast. Eikichi purred happily.

Kuwabara smiled. Yukina was so very graceful, especially around animals. Her lovely, rosy eyes crinkled at the edges, as her delicate lips parted to reveal a toothpaste-ad smile. The small demon was a delight to watch; Kuwabara was content to simply watch over her as long as she lived.

Allowing Eikichi to rest on her shoulder, she peered at the computer. "Are you planning to continue the fanfiction?" Yukina asked.

Kuwabara shrugged. "It is my turn. Kurama cut me off last night."

Yukina nodded. "It was quite amusing, what you were writing about Kurama," she confessed. "Please don't tell him I said that, I don't want to offend him."

"Aw, he won't be mad." Kuwabara grinned. "He knows he looks like a girl, he really just can't help it."

"I hope not," Yukina murmured. "Please, may I see what you write, Kazuma?"

"Of course, my dear."

Kurama's finely-shaped jaw was scraping the grass as he stared at Cyoa. She was, in a word, hot. In fact, she looked just like the sexist authoress. And she could probably blow up the world. Bring the world Death Revolution like Utena or Hotaru. (AN: OMG Utena and Sailor Moon are just like so cool. As an true otaku I must showoff my knowledge of different anime to be all superior and the like.)

Even the sexless Hiei was gaping at the artist formerly known as Cyoa. She was almost as pretty as Yukina.

"Oh, Yukina, how I angst," Hiei said out loud. Because it's Hiei and Hiei… angsts. Yeah. You just can't write about Hiei and not include Yukina, you know?

"It's a good thing we skipped ahead and read all the internet spoilers," Yukina murmured. "Otherwise I would not know that Hiei is my brother."

"Yeah, but that also lead to discovering all those detestable fanfictions," Kuwabara pointed out. "Still, it's good knowing that your brother is around."

You can't write Hiei and not include Kuwabaka bashing, either. Hiei suddenly thought of the amazingly stupid human and how much he angered him. He was Stupid, Useless, and a Good For Nothing. He was also a Stupid Human, and therefore Sucked.

Hiei conveniently forgot that it was Kuwabara who defeated Byakko, Risho, those random guys in the Genkai arc, those random guys in Tarukane's mansion, Toguro Ani, and Seaman.

He also conveniently forgot that Sensui, a ONE HUNDRED PERCENT, BORN ON EARTH, NO DEMONIC ANCESTRY AT ALL HUMAN KICKED THE ASS OF HUMAN YUSUKE, AND THE COLLECTIVE ASSES OF YOUKO KURAMA, DRAGON-ABSORBED HIEI AND KUWABARA ALL AT THE SAME TIME. CONSECUTIVELY. ALL BY HIMSELF. WITH NO HELP. WHICH MAKES HIM STRONGER THAN TOGURO. AND KARASU. AND BUI. AND JIN. AND TOUYA. AND CHUU. AND RINKU. AND SHISHIWAKAMARU. AND SUZUKI. All of whom are demons, by the way.

"I really hate when they slam humans for no reason," Kuwabara grumbled, typing. "I mean, Sensui's a bastard, Tarukane's worse, but the innocents…"

Yukina nodded. "I don't like it either," she said.

But sadly, we will no longer focus on Hiei, for even he is inferior to Kurama's bishounenness.

Kurama's Reikai Suushin Compact beeped. (That's the communicator Botan uses!)

"The youko thief has been spotted!" he cried. "We must hurry!"

"Isn't it Reikai Tsushin Compact?"

"Yeah. Consider it misinformation."

"Oh. Okay."

"Wait! We must be careful!" Kurama suddenly added. "The youko thief Cyoa is an S-class demon!"

Cyoa and everyone around decided to ignore the fact that Super-A-class demons are quite rare; it took Yusuke's second death for Hiei and Youko Kurama to reach the A-class. Before, Hiei had been a mid-B-class. In the very beginning of the show, he had been a D-class. They also decided it was irrelevant that demons like Hiei and Kurama would not use the Letter-class system of demon-ranking. It was a Reikai system, so while Yusuke and Kuwabara might use it, all Hiei cared about was how he was ranked.

Cyoa easily kept up with the fast demons. She felt the strangest sense of déjà vu around Kurama. Flipping her exotic purple hair, she pouted delicately.

"Hiei," Kurama asked, in an attempt to distract himself from staring at Cyoa's plentiful breasts and tight ass, "What do you think we should do?"

"Hn," Hiei replied.

"Oh, good idea," Kurama said. "Do you think we should try a surprise attack?"

"Hn," Hiei replied.

"Yeah, that's much better. What about your dragon?"

"Hn," Hiei replied.

"Good! I'll use my Rose Whip as a distraction and you'll…?"

"Hn hnhn hn hnnnn, hnny hn hn hn hnn hhhhhhnnnnn hny hn hn," Hiei replied.

Yukina giggled. "Hiei won't like that."

"Won't like what?" Hiei asked sharply.

Kuwabara and Yukina spun around to see a tousled, drowsy Hiei. All the more dangerous, since he had not had his morning coffee.

Yukina swallowed. She didn't want to lie to her brother, but she didn't want to get Kazuma in trouble, either.

Kuwabara smirked. He didn't really care what Hiei did. "I just… made fun of your speech pattern. Or lack thereof."

Hiei raised an eyebrow. "That `hn' crap?"

"Yes, dear brother," Yukina said softly.

Hiei rolled his three eyes. "I say it enough to noticeable, but geez. Did you add in the crap about Kurama decoding it?"

"Oh yeah, you guys had a regular conversation in Hn-ese."

Hiei quickly perused the passage Kuwabara had written. "Not bad," he admitted. "Stereotyped me quite well."

"Thanks. Now if I can add that part about you and Kurama being horny sex-fiends…?"

"Not a chance in hell."

Hiei left to put on coffee, and Kuwabara and Yukina returned to the fic.

Kurama, Hiei and Cyoa magically reached the spot where the youko thief was spotted, because I'm just too damn lazy to add plot and detail.

"Stop, in the name of love! Before you break my heart!" Kurama yelled. "I am the Romantic Soldier, Yu Yu Hakusho's sexiest and most popular character, and I shall kill you, unless the fans decide you are hot, and then we must have many fics written where we make hot, passionate and occasionally painful love."

Hiei `hn-ed' in agreement.

"Die," the youko thief said. "But not really. You must get horribly beaten up and near death and have a gay, cuddly scene with Hiei and slash or Yusuke and then you must angst and then you must kill me in a cleverly painful way."

Hiei `hn-ed' in agreement.

Kurama doubled over in pain, screaming, and letting blood gush all over his clothes. (AN: Just imagine the fight with Karasu, k?) He blinked prettily before passing out.

Unexplainable rage filled Cyoa, as she lashed out at the youko thief. She Killed It In A Cool, Flashy Way, that our heroes can only guess at.

But since I just now remembered that Cyoa and Cyoa the youko are the same person, as I forgot while imagining how sexy Kurama must be without his shirt, I must end the chapter and think about how to write myself out of this plot hole.

BUT I WILL NOT UPDATE UNLESS I GET EIGHTEEN BAJILLION KATRILLION QUILLION ILLION MILLION TO THE NINTH POWER SQUARED TIMES INFINITY PLUS A GOOGOLPLEX REVIEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~*~*~*~kUrAmA nO kOiBiTo-sama~*~*~*~*~

Hiei returned with coffee, as the other people in the apartment entered the living room. Kurama, Yusuke, and Shizuru immediately dove for the coffee cups on Hiei's tray-all three of them.

Pissed, Hiei returned to the kitchen to pour more. Hopefully down their backs.

Genkai re-read Kuwabara's addition to the fanfiction. She snickered at the shots at Hiei and Kurama.

"Get up, boy. My turn."

Hiei carefully carried the bodies of Kurama and Cyoa to Genkai's Temple. Just because. Genkai was THERE, and therefore, she could HELP. Somehow. Even though she would prefer not to be bothered, and play Game Battler all day. She was still pissed over not having beaten Game-mao except for that one time and was determined to do it again.

Though, she was perfectly content kicking the collective asses of Yusuke, Kurama and Kuwabara at Dragonball Z: Budokai.

"Can't you lay off the video game thing? We know you kicked our asses!"

By the time Cyoa and Kurama woke up, EVERYONE was at Genkai's temple. Just because they could be. Yukina was making tea. She had spent all night trying to heal Kurama and Cyoa, and was very tired. She conveniently forgot that Botan and Genkai were also healers, and could have helped her. But she didn't remember. Just because.

Yukina gazed out the window, and decided to Angst over her Missing Brother. Just because.

Kuwabara Magically Appeared, and attempted to Woo Her. She winced.

"Oh, my darling Yuki-chan," Kuwabara recited, "I love you like the bee loves the rose!" The authoress has decided to pretend she has seen the Japanese version, and knows that Kuwabara calls Yukina Yuki-chan. What she doesn't know is that in over seventy episodes, he has never called her Yuki-chan. Not once.

Kuwabara was a moron and an idiot and she wished he would leave her alone. He kept saying Annoying Things, and generally Making A Fool Of Himself. She decided to Ignore Him. She did NOT love him. He was just a stupid human.

Hiei Magically Appeared, and killed Kuwabara. He accidentally dropped a Hint about their Relationship, and Yukina had trouble deciding if she should cluelessly ignore it, or just pretend to cluelessly ignore it and continue angsting, only this time to reveal that she knew they were siblings.

"That's harsh," Yukina protested, stirring chocolate milk and sugar into the iced coffee Hiei had given her. "Please change it, Master."

"I'm only exaggerating," Genkai said gently. "Don't fret."

Kurama and Yusuke then Magically Appeared, and Made Fun Of Hiei, at great risk to their well-being.

Koenma strode into the temple. "Hi, Yukina-chan!" He chorused cheerfully, in his Much Sexier Teen Form. The authoress has decided since Teen Koenma is Better, Kid Koenma will not appear. Because. Nyah.

Ogre is not here, because he sucks.

"No, I don't!" Jorge Saotome cried, as he, Koenma and Botan walked into the door. He heard Yusuke reading it out loud. "And my name is Jorge! Just watch the Sensui arc!"

Botan was with him, though.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Yukiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiina!" She cried happily. "How are youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?"

"I'm fine. How are you?"

"BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGO-TASTIC! Meow!"

"Okay, that's too much," Botan complained. "I'm not that bad, am I?"

"Actually, yes, you are."

"Your default tone sounds like a glorified drunk head cheerleader on speed who just downed a twenty-four pack of Mountain Dew and a pound of sugar."

"Where is Yusuke?" Koenma asked.

"Present and ready to kick ass," Yusuke said.

Kuwabara jumped up and decided not to be dead anymore. "The Great Kazuma Kuwabara is ready to kick ass."

Hiei hn-ed and entered the room. "Let's kick ass."

Kurama and Cyoa then magically recovered and joined their teammates.

"We'll kick his ass together," they chorused, holding hands and generally looking at each other like sick dogs. They just had a long, detailed Confession of Love and Realization of Past Identities, and made Hot, Passionate and Occasionally Painful love.

Koenma smiled.

"I feel like an ass today!" He said cheerfully. "That big youko thief is back, and you know what? I'm going drop another mission on your heads just because!"

Koenma snorted. "I am sick and tired of being made out as a cruel, insensitive jerk."

Yusuke blinked. "But… you ARE. You're a jerk, at least."

"But not insensitive!" Koenma cried, pacifier hanging dangerously out the side of his mouth. "I feel! I angst! I have character development! I'll show them insensitive, just gimme that computer!"

And plunking his baby butt down, Koenma began to write.

"Aw, Koenma!" Yusuke complained loudly. "We just had a mission!"

"My sister is going to kill me if I don't go home," Kuwabara added. "Just not on screen, because she doesn't have a living love interest, and therefore has no point being in fanfiction."

"Too true," Shizuru muttered.

"I know!" Koenma said. "But I'm just going to sit on my fat ass and eat and watch you almost die BECAUSE I AM THE BOSS! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Dude, you do that anyway."

"Sensui arc."

"You really enjoyed that, didn't you?"

"Hell yeah."

"Why us?" Yusuke demanded.

"Hn," Hiei agreed.

"Can we quit with the hn thing?" Hiei asked. "It's getting really old."

Kurama walked into the room, Keiko and Puu, trailing behind him. "Have they stopped making fun of me in general?"

"Not yet."

"Then no."

"Anyway, better get going!" Koenma called cheerily.

"Wait," Genkai said. "First, we must have a Clever Plan."

"Can any of you think of a Clever Plan?" Koenma asked. "I'm stumped."

"We'll do it later," Yusuke decided. "Let's have breakfast first."