| "Flight of Innocence" Reviews/Comments [ 39 ] |
| Pages (3): [ « < 1 2 3 > » ] |
Reviewed By: iCeR On: August 13, 2002 20:07 CDT
Comment/Review:
Awesome story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
Reviewed By: Einstein's Brain [MediaMiner Member] On: June 29, 2002 06:02 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Style of Writing I like how the reader gets to see things through the eyes of the two main characters. Sentence structure is laid out clearly, I could pretty much always tell who was saying what. There are some things that confuse me, like how the sayian girls got from Vegeta-sei to Pern in the first place, but I assume that this will be cleared up later. Also it was somewhat confusing when the timelines skipped forward and backwards. The interchanges between Frieza, Zarbon, Koola, King Cold, and the rest of Frieza's henchmen seem true to character and I can picture them actually saying the things they do. I like the relationship between Frieza and Zarbon, how sometimes they almost seem like friends and then again sometimes it seems like Frieza cannot stand him. I also like the relationship between Frieza and Koola, they play off of each other very well, just like normal brothers do and you can tell they care about each other. Overall though it is well written piece with good descriptions that make reading the story enjoyable. The sex scenes especially had erotic descriptions that dont come across as being either too corny or too rough. Sometimes with a single sentence you convey a good deal of emotion to the reader and it is rare to find that in fanfiction stories (especially stories rated NC-17)
Spelling At first the spelling did bother me but as the story progressed a good deal of the spelling errors were cleared up, although some still seemed careless and make the story seem sloppy. I recommend finding a beta reader through a mailing list or allowing another fanfic author or friend to proofread your story before posting it. Little or no grammatical errors, or at least none that I remember.
Originality By far this is one of the most original stories I have read in a very long time. At first I was skeptical that a romance between Frieza and a saiyan could ever be written well enough to be believable, but you did manage to pull it off wonderfully. I like how they are both bonded by being social outcasts with painful pasts, and it is interesting to see how this will affect their future relationship. I also like how you have incorporated allusions to both the Dragonriders of Pern and even a little of Lord of the Rings and even some mythology as well. The bits of fantasy only serve to add more depth to the story.
Enjoyment I give it the highest rating because once I started reading the story I did not want to stop until i read it all. I wish there were only more stories out there about characters like Frieza and even some of the other villians, such as Cell, Cooler, Turles, etc.
Overall It would have been a perfect delight to read if I did not have to pause to try to puzzle out what some of the words said. But since you have continually stated that you realize you cannot spell, then I will not harp on it, and readers will just have to suffer such as I have done if they wish to read the story. I hope you do continue this story for it sounds very interesting and I do wish to find out what happens between Suicuine and Frieza and the rest of the gang. |
Reviewed By: Lacquestar [MediaMiner Member] On: June 25, 2002 14:19 CDT
Comment/Review:
"And the wind sounded like wolves singing mournful songs of the old world."
I love that line, what a beautiful description!
Glad you are keeping up with this story and I don't care if it takes you a long time to update. It's like the saying goes, great minds think slow, or something like that *_* |
Reviewed By: Responsible Reader On: June 25, 2002 12:32 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I've been reading this story for a while, but this is the first time Ive bothered to review (doncha hate people like me?" Anyway I am soo glad you decided to continue with the story and I really want to see more now. |
Reviewed By: The White Namek [MediaMiner Member] On: June 16, 2002 19:36 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I'm finding this story to be highly enjoyable. There just aren't enough Freeza stories out there. I'm glad to see yours continuing to grow.
Perhaps you should get a beta reader to help you with spelling. :) |
Reviewed By: Dignugs On: April 16, 2002 02:16 CDT
Rating(s):Spelling & Grammar: 3 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I reviewed this story a while ago, but i like it so much that i am reviewing it again! Yes write more lemons please cause a lot of the others suck majorly. Sotry is still great and i really like the insane frieza in this story. i like how he is always yelling and snapping at people, so much like the real frieze. i can tell that you actually care about frieza and even koola because i think you have both of their personalities down. i'm rambling now, so i'll just stop and end by saying i really like your story. |
Reviewed By: Lacquestar On: April 13, 2002 16:07 CDT
Comment/Review:
Very well done, not as sour and tasteless as other lemons usually are. It was sweet too, and I am glad they got together, FINALLY. And you did write it so well, might sound a little perverted, but I could literally picture the scene in my mind, so vivid was the imagery and detail you used.
Ahh, you must write more. |
Reviewed By: IceJin On: April 12, 2002 14:11 CDT
Comment/Review:
Excellent Lemon...still some spelling errors, but you seem to know what you're saying so I'll let them slide. :) |
Reviewed By: Lacquestar On: April 06, 2002 12:11 CST
Comment/Review:
Oh that was sad. A pretty good reason for why Furiiza is so screwed up, don't you think? Good job as always. I am looking forward to the next chapter, so hurry up! |
Reviewed By: Frieza Fan On: April 01, 2002 19:27 CST
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
That was so sad
I hope things work out for them
I like the part about the mating flight, but I thought (and i might be wrong because i haven't read any of the Pern stories in a while) that when a dragon was mating its rider was too.
Continue, continue
Cant wait for next chapter |
Reviewed By: Anime 88 On: March 27, 2002 16:23 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Write more! Write more! and work on spelling |
Reviewed By: Lacquestar [MediaMiner Member] On: March 23, 2002 16:25 CST
Comment/Review:
I like where this is going, seems like it is going to be an epic in the making. I like how you give every character so much depth (I tried and couldn't do it in my story),such as even though the main focus in on Suicuine and Furiiza you also give time to Kold, Koola and Susuika. I also like the hints of history and legends you have provided, it really makes me want to read this story just so I can see what is going to happen.
As a side note, sorry such a terrible thing has happened to you. Sadly enough, we all go through our share of bad times and senseless trauma, and whoever said that time heals all wounds is full of bullshit. When you lose someone close to you it will always hurt =( But I am glad you are not stopping the story. Writing is a good way to deal with sadness, and healing, and is a much better way to deal with problems than the alternatives. I do hope you feel better. |
Reviewed By: The White Namek [MediaMiner Member] On: March 23, 2002 10:13 CST
Comment/Review:
Fascinating story, I must say. You do seem to have a problem with mis-spelling, however. Do you use spell-check?
Regardless, I really like the interaction between Freeza and Suicune. I hope they really get serious together. There just aren't enough Freeza romances out there. |
Reviewed By: michelle aka arianah On: March 21, 2002 20:19 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
hey heather whats a "fash back"?? ^_^ MMMAAAAAAAWAWWWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! good job and all that crap see yah in english were you will say a bunch of ums and likes during your book report of all the weyrs of pern *starts mocking her* and like the people like took um along time to um find the little tools to upen up the um like the thread eggs and like they needed to like carry these big like machines .......^^ |
Reviewed By: Anime 88 On: March 21, 2002 20:13 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Greta fid! I usually hate Frieza fics, but I love this one. Please update soon! Oh, and work on your spelling. |
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