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| "Incineration" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Title: FFRG
Reviewed By: Rini Saiyan-jin [MediaMiner Member] On: October 12, 2006 02:01 CDT
Comment/Review:
Wow, you are very excessive on the description, but you managed to reach a balanced ground. Not so much to the point where it bores the readers and not too little where it leaves everything up to the readers, which can confuse them. So, congratulations on that. I noticed that in some paragraphs, you don't create a new paragraph when someone is speaking in the middle or at the end of it. It's better that way and the readers don't miss it and it will flow better. Another thing that struck me was the 'earthquake' before the boom, I find it odd that Soujiro first thought it might be a form of attack. Earthquakes are very common in Japan, so, just a thought. I've also noticed the following passage, " compiled with the fact that the lad wasn't used to handling anger or frustration in the least." there is some OOC in Soujiro, because from what I understand in the manga, he has absolute control over every part of his emotions, except when Kenshin exposed the truth to him. Overall, it's a very nice one-shot and I enjoyed reading it, especially since I just finished reading the manga where the arc with Shishio ended. So, this is a nice thing to read to see what would happen if the devil allowed him 24 hours in the living. Excellent job. =)
| Reviewed By: Banov [MediaMiner Member] On: July 11, 2006 10:42 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Bravo. The writing style was just about perfect, as well as spelling and grammar. There was some OOC-ness, though... For one, Kenshin referred to himself as 'I' rather than 'this one.' Also, maybe it wasn't depicted in the anime but in the manga, when Shishio dies he instead goes with Yumi and Hoji to take over Hell like he tried with Japan. He dies laughing maniaclly as he burns away; there's no hint for his need for revenge. However, I'll let you go on that one simply becaus eitwas the focus of your story and it's worthy of a little OOC like that. Other than that, great job. I look forward to seeing more from you.
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