| "Tempest Mage" Reviews/Comments [ 25 ] |
| Pages (2): [ 1 2 › » ] |
Title: Please Continue!
Reviewed By: hebrideansprite [MediaMiner Member] On: April 05, 2010 18:14 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I've really enjoyed this so far, very unique and loved that you threw in the twist of Mystique being Lily's real mother! You haven't updated in forever though and I really want to read more, especially now that Harry has met them! Please seriously consider it?!
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Reviewed By: katrinadax [MediaMiner Member] On: February 25, 2009 10:35 CST
Comment/Review:
i like the story, but i see that you stopped writing 2 years ago...please continue it if possible
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Reviewed By: Roisin On: August 30, 2008 02:52 CDT
Comment/Review:
YOU MUST UPDATE... MONTHS IS FAR TOO LONG TO LET THIS HANG!!!!!
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Reviewed By: andsoitis [MediaMiner Member] On: August 09, 2008 22:48 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I'm IN LOVE with this story!! i was already a x-men geek to begin with, and putting it with an epic book and still using great grammer?? keep it up please!!
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Reviewed By: ludifig On: April 18, 2008 10:20 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I love this story! It's so much fun to read!! Please keep writing!!!
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Reviewed By: Book Fiend [MediaMiner Member] On: March 21, 2008 02:10 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 5 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
When you say "Fawkes thrilled" I think you mean to say "trilled. Also you should probably check some of the grammer and spelling in the bits referring to the history of the search for Harry. The flow in that part seemed a bit repetitive and cliche. Also, when Mistique and Irene adopted the process was entirely too quick, especially as they were taking Harry out of the country. Another thing I noticed is that Albus was stymied too easily by the Headmistress of Lady Pembroke's, he could have quite easily used magic of some sort to see her records. You could kill two birds with one stone by having Mistique give a false address in England and fake names to speed the adoption along then when Albus goes searching be unable to find the residence. Just a suggestion. Also since Albus now knows that the Dursleys are not Harry's blood relatives then Albus has no need of placing Harry there again and would not as he has seen how abusive his relatives would be to him unless you are going the Evil!Manipulative!Albus route. At the beginning of the 1st chapter you indicate that Dumbledore is livid, but we don't really see any evidence of this besides you telling us that he is. In the 2nd chapter you have Dumbledore calling a meeting of the entire OotPto talk about Harry being found, this seems to me to be rather unlikely. I would think that he would check things out more thoroughly first either by himself or with a small group of most trusted followers. Calling everyone together all at once just seems to likely to lead to disappointment or leaks to the enemy Voldemort. you might want to take this part of the sentence in chapter 3, "simply said that he'd seen her do it, and had tried it out on Sabertooth because he'd been bored, and Sabertooth had been an easy target at the time to try it out on because he'd been mean to him." and change to read "simply said that he'd seen her do it, and that Sabertooth had been mean to him." The other way is overly complicated and clunky. you might want to change this part to read like this "and Mistique had to send Marie away". This part seems like 2 incomplete sentences rather than 1 complete one, "Acing all of the courses that were set before him over the years with both Raven and Irene's help, while taking special classes that helped him manage his mutant powers over the elements." In the part about Damien living in Bayville you repeat yourself about him staying there for a while longer. Why doesn't Damien just email Mistique instead of bird mailing it? It would get there a lot faster. Is Dumbledore stupid or just stubborn in this fic? He seems unwilling to face facts or to alter his opinion, not that that's bad. I've read some very good fics using a senile Albus Dumbledore. I hope you don't feel as though I've been overly critical, all in all, I rather like this fic and hope to see more. It has a good premise and some good characterizations. I like the way you have Harry's character and powers. What would Harry's limits be? Why would Mistique be 35 yrs younger than Dumbledore? I think she would do better to be the same age or older than him.
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Reviewed By: Saris On: March 15, 2008 06:41 CDT
Comment/Review:
Really nice hope to see the next chapter soon.
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Reviewed By: Archer271188 On: February 18, 2008 03:11 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hey, really nice job. I just LOVE Harry's (or should I say Damien's) new personality, It's rockin'!! I love that he's got so much DIFFERENT power too and that he didn't have to live with the aweful Dursley's. You's spelling and grammar seem pretty good, nothing really obvious or blaring. Just try not to use the really tiny font please, it makes it REALLY hard to read. Hope you update soon!!!
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Reviewed By: GrayPheonix [MediaMiner Member] On: February 08, 2008 23:47 CST
Comment/Review:
WOW, 6 months since an update and you do so little with it? I mean, it is a GREAT story, but why so little? don't you love your fans? WE WANT MORE! UPDATE I UNLEASH HELL! Seriously, update soon, or I will unleash my many catgirl minions. And they all have the frigid, angry bitch personalities of Hilary Clinton. So, update soon, OR ELSE!!! Ja ne.
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Reviewed By: evalhanne [MediaMiner Member] On: September 14, 2007 01:12 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I love the new Harry! The other Harry/X-Men fic I've read was on the other end, Wolverine adopted Harry instead and he was a bit older. Can't wait to see if he fries first and ask questions later. And I want to see Raven's reaction to being told about her daughter.
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Reviewed By: Merlin8719 On: September 11, 2007 13:54 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Watch for missed words or repeated phrases used in consecutive sentences. Your writting style is awesome and I like the way you are portraying the story. This is still a great work and I am glad you updated. I can't wait for the next installment, I've always been a fan of kick butt Harry (Damien). Keep up the good work.
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Reviewed By: shadowdragon85 [MediaMiner Member] On: July 27, 2007 16:03 CDT
Comment/Review:
hehe! Dumbles is an idiot!
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Reviewed By: Carscard [MediaMiner Member] On: July 01, 2007 18:50 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hello again! Well, it's good to know you're continuing this. I still like it so far but I got a question for you: Why did you name the snake "Bebedora"? Did you know Bebedora means female drinker in Spanish? Poor snake. Anyway, I still want to read more so I hope you continue this soon! Smile!! ^O^
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Reviewed By: Honebars On: July 01, 2007 12:36 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
^_^ I love your harry. I think you made an awesome power for him and the old coot won't know what hit him. (soo loving what you did with the eyes.) An I like the idea for Myst. age. I can't wait for your next update.
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Reviewed By: GrayPheonix [MediaMiner Member] On: July 01, 2007 03:07 CDT
Comment/Review:
COOL, UPDATE!!! Plus, Harry is a decently powerful mutant and mage! AWESOME!!! Thanks for the update, I'll write a more extensive review soon. Later
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