Reviewed By: BornUndead [MediaMiner Member] On: June 02, 2009 11:37 CDT
Comment/Review:
You have a good idea here. But you may want to work on editing your story. Break up the paragraphs so that it is easier to read. Add descriptions. Remember every time some one speaks you should make a new paragraph. Work on some of the grammar. This story has a good start all you need to do is spend some time editing.
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