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| "Paternity of a Princess" Reviews/Comments [ 21 ] | | Pages (2): [ 1 2 › » ] | Reviewed By: deathgeonous [MediaMiner Member] On: January 10, 2011 19:57 EST
Comment/Review:
Really fun fic here. I hope it gets updated sometime soon. Well, thanks for writing this, bye for now. | Title: love it
Reviewed By: xepher [MediaMiner Member] On: October 29, 2010 17:59 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This reminds me of my fan fic i writing except it i like the fact hes a salior scout. Srry about using the english term but still its good
| Reviewed By: Merme87 [MediaMiner Member] On: October 21, 2010 12:06 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 5 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well, I was enjoying this fic until you kept putting major plot things in your ANs. First you say that Ranma will live, there goes the suspense on whether he'd kill himself or not. Then you say that he ends up married to Mamarou? I mean, come on. We READ THE STORY to FIND THESE THINGS OUT. It RUINS the story to know what happens, especially since we don't get to experience the journey. It's like flipping to the end of the book to see what happens. We get the ending, but not how it happened, but even if we go back and read from the beginning, it's ruined since we already know what will happen. Also, the decision to put Ranma and Mamarou together is really not something I'd like to read. Just because he's now permanently female doesn't mean he'd want to get with a male, you know? It goes against his character.
| Reviewed By: ssokolow [MediaMiner Member] On: October 06, 2010 00:28 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 6 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
Interesting twist on the concept and definitely something I've never seen as far as the details go. For some reason, the first few chapters remind me of a Ranma-SM crossover named Fission where Ranma and Usagi pass through each-other mid-transformation, mixing up their respective transformations... no clue why though. Unfortunately, your Setsuna seems to be a Karma Houdini and you brush over Ranma getting used to no curse so lightly that it feels like this all took place in two weeks. Over the years, I've read so many fics where Ranma is just forced into a fuku that I find myself desiring to write one where Ranma refuses to accept being a senshi and then hits the Senshi with some instant Nannichuan when they won't leave him alone in order to give them some perspective. My advice is to mix in a dose of "no plan survives contact with Ranma" so that, at least, you can still have your desired outcome without Setsuna feeling like a Karma Houdini. (See TV Tropes if you are unfamiliar with the term) I'd rate this a 3.5 out of 5 overall, with the following subscores: Concept/High-level Plot: 4 out of 5. Clever new twist on an old idea. Plenty of potential. Characterization: 2.5 out of 5. The implementation of Ranma's switch to being a girl needs work. Girly traits appear too readily and it feels like, aside from paying lip service every now and then, you've just brushed Ranma's issues with the change under the rug. (eg. Too many little details like Ranma calling the kitten cute, complete with the word "Aww", when smiling despite herself and maybe just muttering "cute" would be more in character at this point in time) Plot Details: 4.0 out of 5. While I don't like some of the things you've been doing, you've also done a lot of things I've never seen before which I like. For example, having Ranma notice Usagi's hairdo while neither being fooled nor jumping to act on the knowledge in some obvious way... and explicitly mentioning that Ranma enrolled a grade lower to be in the same year as the senshi. The part with Akane discovering the school's reputation in real-world terms was also good. Probably would have been a 4.5 if you hadn't done things like your "I was princess of Atlantis" exposition dump which made the prose feel flat an uninteresting. That puts your overall score below the average (4.0) for what I find in decent authors' faves lists over on FFnet. I suppose the simplest way to summarize my view would be "You're a good writer but too willing to rush through and brush over a subplot that, by its very nature, should be taken in detail, front and center stage... I'd assume simply because you either don't feel it's fun to write or lack the skill but pushed on anyway."
| Reviewed By: Shanami [MediaMiner Member] On: October 05, 2010 21:00 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 4 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
I wanted to agree with some of the previous posters, I have enjoyed reading this story so far. While the general ideas are pretty standard for a fukufic, this is quite well written. I do have to agree with Dumbledork though and say that I just really cannot see the pairing (presumably Ranma/Tux) that you seem to have in mind working out, at least using characters that even vaguely fall under canon for Sailor Moon and Ranma. While Mamoru and Usagi do have an antagonistic relationship initially, they become quite devoted to each other and I just cannot see anything minor, even the knowledge of a prior fiancee, changing that. Unless you were going with the menage a trois option to make them a triple, I really just cannot see it working out from that end of things. Also, given your initial portrayal of Ranma, I just cannot see her falling for a guy without some serious prompting that just hasn't happened yet. I could very easily see Ranma getting involved with one of the other members of the Sailor Moon cast, but you'd really have to work to make any Ranma/male pairing work out, especially when using Mamoru as the guy since he'd have massive hangups of his own. Now, I'll admit this is entirely based off the AN from a few chapters ago that implied the pairing. If it does wind up going in that direction, I really hope you put in a lot of effort to support it rather than just forcing the issue. By contrast, most of the SM cast could very easily be portrayed as lesbians as most of them have hinted at that in the manga. At any rate, I will continue to follow this for the time being. It was an enjoyable read.
| Title: Chapter 8
Reviewed By: Dumbledork [MediaMiner Member] On: October 03, 2010 04:47 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Excellent. And Ranma finally got her transformation pen.
| Title: Chapter 7
Reviewed By: Dumbledork [MediaMiner Member] On: September 19, 2010 15:04 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Excellent once again though I skipped the scene where Ranma was telling Usagi about the training journey. I've read that one so often that I usually skip those parts.
| Title: Chapter 6
Reviewed By: Dumbledork [MediaMiner Member] On: September 11, 2010 06:12 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Great like always.
| Title: chapter 5
Reviewed By: borgrabbit [MediaMiner Member] On: August 31, 2010 22:55 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Does anyone know how to make a carriage return stick? I liked this chapter. It was better than pedantic exposition and advanced the story. It will seem kind of mean, if Ranma steals Tux-boy from Usagi, especially considering healing of brain damage, the 'completion' of the catfist, and flying. Lots of people would consider it a fair trade for birth gender. May RL and your Muse be kind.
| Reviewed By: borgrabbit [MediaMiner Member] On: August 31, 2010 22:00 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Great Story‼ We'll see if html tags work. Haiku fu: You differ enough/ Think not little of your fans/ I'll try to review/ • ‼☺♥☺‼☺♥☺‼☺ϖ 9;☺‼☺♥☺‼☺♥☺‼ 786;♥☺‼☺♥☺‼ • Great Story‼
| Title: Chapter 5
Reviewed By: Dumbledork [MediaMiner Member] On: August 22, 2010 05:18 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Slow chapter but interesting nevertheless.
| Reviewed By: Narsil [MediaMiner Member] On: August 19, 2010 21:39 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
A good read so far. The writing gets a little dry sometimes, and Ranma occasionally get too wordy for how I see him (or her, in this case), but an interesting plot more than makes up for the minor problems reading it. For how it tracks with Fist of the Moon (one of my favorite fanfics), I wouldn't worry about it - considering how many Ranma fanfics have been written, it'll be the rare story indeed that is totally original. This story is different enough right off the bat to keep me following it (especially the fact that this time Sailor Moon locked Ranma's curse by a totally unnecessary mistake).
| Title: Chapter 4
Reviewed By: Dumbledork [MediaMiner Member] On: August 15, 2010 13:57 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Very nice. Can't wait to see what happens next.
| Reviewed By: Shadow2040ad [MediaMiner Member] On: August 09, 2010 05:19 EDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Its interesting
| Title: Chapter 3
Reviewed By: Dumbledork [MediaMiner Member] On: August 08, 2010 09:29 EDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I'd like to read more of this. I just think you're exaggerating when it comes to Ranma's feelings. I doubt she'd seriously consider suicide. The thing that bothers me a bit is the Ranma/Endymion pairing. Honestly, I can't see it happen, but that's just a minor thing. I'd continue reading this story anyway.
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