| "The Claim" Reviews/Comments [ 97 ] |
| Pages (7): [ « < 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 > » ] |
Reviewed By: leemax [MediaMiner Member] On: September 14, 2003 12:39 CDT
Comment/Review:
Oh just wanted to add something for the bleeding. Remember men normally don't have children any way. So if you are worried about the bleeding lets say that he is carring twins. Maybe he is almost at deaths door but Trowa comes and gives him med's to stop the bleeding and has Heero give Duo some of his blood. Remember this is a story that can turn out any way that you want it. I think that making it harder for Duo and Heero is what makes a story good. You don't want to have it go all boring right in the beginning. I think that you would have so much better a plot. Like the child is going to be the new Enforcer and Fie is worried. This is so much more than just getting Heero and Duo together with a child of thier own right off the back. You can make the ending that Duo has Heero's child. But what ever you choose you need to make the fans realize that Duo and Heero are going to stay together. Have Heero tell Duo that he feels he is falling in love with Duo and he will be their for thier child acepting Duo's child as his own, make Heero the good guy and Fie the bad guy. Characters where established, plot is rising but you need a motive a twist in the cards, what better than what I said on my first rewiew. Just think about what I say, sometimes the best to give the fans is not a quick fix but a good fic. |
Reviewed By: leemax [MediaMiner Member] On: September 14, 2003 12:06 CDT
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I was thinking that you should go and save Duo's child. Instead of killing his child, kill Melina and her child during child birth. This will give a better plot. You can have Duo and Heero fall in love, and Heero starts to raise the child as his own. You can have Duo go into town when the child is born and older (able to talk) to get clothing and other things that they will need and Fie see's his child. (Black hair but violet eyes with Fie's total face features) The child should be about four years at the time. When Fie see them he is about to go and talk to Duo and his son since after his wife's death he realizes that he loves Duo and wants him back. But his son calls out daddy(in Jap.) to the Enforcer. When Heero see's Fie he relizes whom he is instantly since the child looks just like him. Then we get the whole, Fie trying to get Duo and his child into his life. |
Title: kiriko-sama
Reviewed By: kiriko-sama [MediaMiner Member] On: September 13, 2003 00:04 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Sad to say, but to much blood. Looks like he is going to lose the baby and thats what I'm voting for. |
Reviewed By: AG On: September 12, 2003 10:06 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
It was already said, that if Duo bled as much as he did, the baby would have no chance to survive.
If you want to let it live the whole chapter would haveto be rewritten. That's my opinion.
Anway, fascinating story! More, more!!! |
Reviewed By: Rurouni Lilouani On: September 11, 2003 13:27 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
**Squeals with delight** What an awesome fic!!!!! ^-^ Please update soon!!!! Oh yeah! About da baby, I kinda wouldn't like for it to survive, cuz I'd luv Duo's first child to be Heero's. Either way though, i know this fic will be great! Keep writing!! ^.~ |
Reviewed By: yuki_buffy On: September 10, 2003 11:54 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
very original. I like this alot. grr@ the suspense though. i think the baby should live. Duo fought so hard to protect it, it would be devastating to loose it. |
Title: chapter 3
Reviewed By: Enna Namo [MediaMiner Member] On: September 10, 2003 11:45 CDT
Comment/Review:
I already voted on fanfiction.net to let Duo's baby live. Well, I do it again. After all that Duo had to go through because of that little baby he should keep it. He protected it against his father and wants it to live. And even though he knows that Wufei won't help him, the baby is inocent. And without the baby what reason does Duo have to want to live? At the moment this baby is all that keeps him alive.
And not only the baby wouldn't survive with Duo bleeding that bad. He would certainly bleed to death as well.
Don't kill the baby, please, please, please. |
Reviewed By: 102000 On: September 09, 2003 11:09 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
I like Mpregs very much, but I agree with others.The baby cannot be saved and Duo should have Heeros Baby. |
Reviewed By: hmm On: September 08, 2003 22:14 CDT
Comment/Review:
Really good story so far. I cannot wait to find out what happenes. I think he should lose it and have Heero's baby a while later. ^_^ |
Reviewed By: DuosDemi On: September 08, 2003 21:12 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I'm very excited but how the plot is shaping. I know this might sound cruel and unjust but you should kill Duo's baby.Heero and Duo should get together of course, and have kiddies of their own! Some Trowa and Quatre coupling is never bad either. 1X2! 2x1! whatever it's all good! |
Reviewed By: black beauty On: September 08, 2003 20:23 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Interesting fanfic. At the begining I wasn't sure what to make of MP but for some reason I kinda like this fic. Must be the pairings I guess. I think Dou should loose the baby. Keep up the great job. |
Reviewed By: black cloud On: September 08, 2003 19:36 CDT
Comment/Review:
If you're going for realistic, a pregnant person who is bleeding as badly as you described has already miscarried and their body just has to abort the fetus naturally. Especially in primative conditions such as Heero's hut, there's no way a baby could be saved. Guess that's my vote. |
Reviewed By: Lil-Cabbit On: September 08, 2003 18:44 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
There's a ton of potential in this fic--please keep writing. As to the plot--Duo should lose the baby. I've enjoyed what you've written! |
Reviewed By: kiriko On: September 08, 2003 14:49 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I think Duo should lose the baby. Keep up the writings and pls update THE BOND!!!PLS!!!!!!!!!!! |
Reviewed By: Sarin On: September 08, 2003 14:08 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Very interesting I want to know more I am not sure on the baby thing however... so I won't vote. I just wanted to tell you to keep going and I cannot wait to read more. |
| Pages (7): [ « < 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 > » ] |
