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| "On the Run" Reviews/Comments [ 28 ] | Reviewed By: narusaku4eva [MediaMiner Member] On: January 04, 2007 09:43 CST
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
when i first started reading this fic i was a bit sceptical when i saw all those animes but thought id give it a chance, n im glad i did think this 1 of the best iv eva read really enjoyed it right up untill i saw the last time it was updated and relised the liklyness of it being completed, i really hate it when a fic is left unfinished especialy as so many gr8 fic end up like this. its been 3 years since it was last updated so my hopes arnt high for its continuation but still like to hope tht one day you'll come back to it also noticed very mixed reveiws of this fic som of em very harsh, i mean jesus fucking crist i was trying to read 1 reveiw tht apeard to b chewing this fic out but cant realy b sure it gave me a headache just reading it so i gave up but b4 i did i noticed tht the reveiwer had a problew with the amount of detail in the fic... WTF? if its detailed its easier to picture the scene tht the author is trying to create i admit tht to much detail can somtimes b annoying but thought this fic was fine, if you want a fic with exessive detail try reading 'Simplicity is Complexity' by OpposingForce had to lie down after each chapter =P
| Reviewed By: GrumblyStuff [MediaMiner Member] On: November 24, 2005 13:02 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well, I got to say, if I didn't know who was writing this I'd never have even touched it. Just seeing all those anime series, it left me thinking, "Sweet zombie jesus. He sold his soul." That said, I have certainly um.. enjoyed reading it to say the least. Not the most original but that helps in a way because I know what most of the characters look like and even how they sound. Also, definitely a good call including Words Worth characters. It's a shame you left it hanging just so esspecially after Delta finally got healed. If anything just finished it with a Ceres/Delta scene.
| Reviewed By: Epitaph of the Nameless One [MediaMiner Member] On: May 23, 2005 21:11 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Come on, don't stop there. You can't end the whole thing on a cliff-hanger like that! The whole thing was perfect and then, POW!, an incomplete ending? You're far better than that (the nine's for the unfinished feeling at the end) and should either continue or start a sequel. (I've had a bit of experience in film, you HAVE to have a sequel with an open ending like that. There's not enough finality with a tracker having just caught their trail.) Please, *assume begging position* please don't let it end there. On a side note, where else can I find things you'e written?
| Title: NICE
Reviewed By: Chaos1155 On: April 27, 2005 03:13 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I know nothing about writing and this is probably all wrong but i agree with braynstorm that you need less charecters or at least less important ones its too hard to keep track I often have to go back and read to find out were a charecter came from wich can be tiring not just for me but for nickolas aswell^^. Also (my opinion only)-this means what im saying is wrong- i noticed that somethings are falling into place too easily and considering the rest of the story over makes up for it its not a big deal. but you said say how you can improve and thats my opinion. But GREAT story the best ive read so far ( i also liked all your pkegirl stories)- this does not mean i dont like any other yu have dont it just means i havent read them yet-
| Reviewed By: Unknown Lifeform On: March 24, 2005 08:40 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
So is that the final chaptor for On the Run?
| Reviewed By: DarkHeart Of Ice [MediaMiner Member] On: January 10, 2005 18:17 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
This has been a very good story to read. And I wanna personally thank you for the info ya gave to me from your email. I think you should write a sequel to this story, as soon as possible. Thanx--DarkHeart >=P DON'T GET ELIMINATED!!
| Reviewed By: Dr. D On: October 07, 2004 20:03 CDT
Rating(s):Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
WOW! This fic rocks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I find it cinda funny how you say nobody will read it but hey! it rulz!!! if i could, the enjoyment d be 10000! Fav. character Washu
| Reviewed By: Dr. D On: October 07, 2004 20:01 CDT
Comment/Review:
WOW! This fic rocks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I find it cinda funny how you say nobody will read it but hey! it rulz!!! Fav. character Washu
| Reviewed By: vcbcvb On: August 23, 2004 03:16 CDT
Comment/Review:
great chapter
| Title: Side Story 1
Reviewed By: Final_Xero [MediaMiner Member] On: July 16, 2004 08:02 CDT
Comment/Review:
Interesting, and somewhat convinient... I've been worried that the task force might start digging into Antoni's backround, in the hopes of finding something they could use to make him cooperate with them. But they might expose this little secret in the process, and Mr. Thatcher wouldn't like that...
| Title: Side Story 1
Reviewed By: WarpWizard [MediaMiner Member] On: July 15, 2004 23:47 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Excellent. As always, I'm impressed with your ability to paint a picture of a realistic Pokegirl world, and just a realistic world in general.
| Title: a few things I forgot...
Reviewed By: Final_Xero [MediaMiner Member] On: June 12, 2004 15:08 CDT
Comment/Review:
1) Subtle sarcasm doesn't translate well in to pure text. Wait, I'M the one who needs to remember that. 2) Warp Wizard needs to study his history more closely. In the pre-abolition era there were people who actually saw all those black slaves as other people, rather than as property. Often, these individuals had been raised by blacks, which would certainly make a lot of sense. Now move forward to the post-sukebe era, and we see that humans are really not that diferent from the way they've always been. It's like multiplying by one: you get exactly what you had before. 3) "While you're at it see if you can find any open cases between Trella and here, guys like this don't go quietly." Well, they're right about that. And now they'll be watching for new cases to pop up, so each new temper tantrum will put the authorities one step closer to figuring out Nik's travel plans. Then they might try to cut him off somewhere, and that probably won't turn out well for either side. Which reminds me... 4) Sooner or later, sombody *coughwashucough* will probably get around to mentioning how much of a liability Gally is, having such a sort temper and all... You know, maybe it would be best if I finished this thought via email.
| Reviewed By: Shigure-Souma On: May 27, 2004 16:50 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I've noticed some grammatical errors here and there, but they were just common ones that is expected from people when writing lengthy chapters and they were few anyways. I've really liked the story thus far and hope that there will be another chapter out there soon.
| Title: just so it's said...
Reviewed By: Final_Xero [MediaMiner Member] On: May 25, 2004 17:20 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
There are people who like this story, you know. Aside from a few inconsistencies in the second chapter, it's excelent. And I know excelence when I see it.
| Reviewed By: An Idiot On: May 19, 2004 22:56 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hmmmmm. I wonder if the police will actually find anything that they can link to Nikolas. But, I also can't help but wonder what you're going to have happen with Nikolas on where he's going next.
| Reviewed By: An Idiot On: April 30, 2004 22:47 CDT
Comment/Review:
Awwww! I was hoping that Washu would be tamed. Though, I'd rather her be in her child form during it. But, that's just me. That last scene didn't look too good for Nikolas. But, how long will he stay there? And will the two bounty hunters be tracked by the detective? I just can't wait for the next exciting updation of this!
| Title: Very nice
Reviewed By: braynstorm [MediaMiner Member] On: April 04, 2004 00:28 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I want to congratulate you. This is the best fic of those that I have read on this website. It has a wonderful plot for those of us who ::cough cough:: only read these for the story line. You give your characters so much depth that I feel I can connect with them. My only concern is the large amount of characters that you have. I can't keep track of them all save the characters that have started out. You should try not to add any more of them. Even though the list at the bottom keeps me from sitting at my comp. scratchin' my head in confusion, it's getting tough. Please...give yourself the credit you deserve. You are most certainly a great writer, and you should be proud of this masterpiece.
| Reviewed By: Phinegan On: April 01, 2004 14:23 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
On The Run is an outstanding fic in a genre with unfortunately few talented authors. I don't believe some of the past reviewers realized that the fic IS still part of that genre. That doesn't so much put restraints on it, as require a different point of view for it to make sense. This is not a stand-alone fic. As far as the quality of the work, the level of interpersonal contact you write is among some of the best I've seen from unpublished work. I have to say that would be enough to keep me interested in following chapters alone, but fortunately there's a good deal more that others have already commented on.
| Reviewed By: An Idiot On: March 30, 2004 22:11 CST
Comment/Review:
Well, that's interesting. But, wouldn't it just be as easy to have Nikolas frantic about a 'wild' pokegirl that he found being attacked by the unknown creatures and resucued barely and needs medical attention, but he can't risk moving her any further. I could see that that story would be bought. But, with the bounty hunters, all Nikolas needs to do is hurt them enough that they won't come after him again, but no killing them. Hurting them badly and then embarressing them I think would be sufficent. Also, you should think about posting this on adultfanfiction.net. I think the title of the site should speak for itself. Just a thought.
| Reviewed By: Dragonmaster TC (Not logged in) On: February 06, 2004 22:13 CST
Comment/Review:
You don't give yourself enough credit, I thought that you did a pretty good job, I'm interested to see what happens next
| Title: Kool
Reviewed By: HotsummerYami [MediaMiner Member] On: January 30, 2004 22:49 CST
Comment/Review:
this story is great but i couldn't read the rest because my comp kept doing something funny when I tried to read chapter 3. SRY! Well I like your story so far. Ill try to get my comp running. just keep writing!
| Title: Chapter 6
Reviewed By: WarpWizard [MediaMiner Member] On: January 14, 2004 17:13 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Decent chapter. Kind of an inbetween chapter, not much really happening. Points of interest: 1. My goodness, Nik is a violent sort! I don't remember his background including that sort of thing, perhaps I should reread the first chapter of so... 2. Errors: people asking questions without having a ? at the end of the sentence, and a few homonym errors. 3. Mishoshi is very sexy. :) 4. Something about Nik's attitude doesn't ring true, unless I'm once again forgetting about his background. I know his mother and sisters are pokegirls now, but, for instance his thought when he likes Mihoshi wearing her collar: 'Damn it, she's not property!' In this world, which Nik grew up in, she *is* property, and this is socially accepted by both humans and Pokegirls. This reads more like someone from our world that has been transferred to the PG world. As always, just my opinions, don't let my interpretations throw off your writing. Looking forward to more (ignore anything after this point, trying to get some line breaks in). testing... testing...
| Title: Somewhere between being buggered by a horse and Hell
Reviewed By: Ministry Agent On: January 14, 2004 12:58 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 4 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 2 of 10
Overall Rating: 2 of 10 Comment/Review:
Like some sort of deranged magpie, stealing everything shiny that your eye wanders across, you've managed to make the greatest pick-and-mix of inanity that I've seen for many a year. When I read the first chapter - and skimmed the second - I was under the mistaken impression that it might (just might) get better. Well, not exactly better - by all regards, the fic isn't problematic or bad per se. It's just crap. From the laborious detail in how monumentally kewl and sexually mighty our friendly CCCP voting Rooskie is, to the mind-numbing detail of all the wrong things - this piece of fiction manages to offend, denigrate and generally stir the ire of any sane man who might read it. Somehow I can only come to the vaguest of vague conclusions that this might be more of an SI than you would really want to admit. The endless insanity relating to weapons and Nikolas' propensity for using them make this canard of a story positively haemorrhage in its own internal organs. Not only is our majestic hero a godlike sex-fiend - a veritable James Bond of lurve - but a death-dealing ninja of vengeance. The endless militarism ("I vant a phazed plamar rifle with 40-vatt range" along with MRE's, mess-tins and fucking ludicrous samurai-sword shenanigans) rub like a cheese-grater across the soul. Is this meant to be a pokegirl story? A sex-fest? A mindless war romp with Rambo in Cambodia? Or did "Guns & Ammo" magazine buy 50 million shares in Nintendo? That sense of all too brilliant 'style' suddenly drops and goes down faster than a Challenger shuttle by the third chapter - and dear Lord, does it go with a bang! The sex, the rutting mindless sex, blows everything else out of the water. Oh, yes, we knew there wasn't a story to this; just some vague sembalance of plot tacked alongside the Self-Insertation gratification... but even so, the PWP focus is so blatant that even a blind man with no hands could catch it. Yet, you don't care. Why should you? This tripe gets you off, obviously. Why deign to lower yourself to an interesting story-line with a character who isn't a perfect, blue-eyed, samurai of a man whose 'horribly tear-jerking' past and blunted boring speech forces us to tears? Why remove yourself from the demeeningness of the crass sexual nature - little more than rape? More importantly, why bother even writing anything but the sex at all - why not just cut the rest of the 'story' out altogether? Be honest, there's no reason for it to be here. Not in the slightest. Nikol-arse is not Muldrow; a perfect, human killer. He is simply a robotic machine - a shagging, slaughtering robot that mechanically walks towards an indefinible ending that is not so much a story as a hard slog through a Somme of words. Overwrought, sometimes mind-boggling words that linger too long on the unnecessary (Rusky's unfortunate beatings; the endless telling of his life) and not enough on the present (the descriptions of the location being little more than a sentence; the dialogue). Intriguing? Yes. Interesting? In some ways. Readable? No. Without a clear story or characters - and to some degree, description - there is no reason to read this. The repetitive descriptions of the sex-acts are already boring by the fourth chapter (and including blood to the equation does not make it more KEWL) and the kaleidoscopic existentialism of it all just reeks of deliberate slovenliness and bored inarticulation. A poor story, from someone who could definitely do far, far better.
| Title: Cool Chapter
Reviewed By: LordShinji_Ikari On: January 11, 2004 12:18 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Cool chapter, i Can't belived that you Wrote a another one. This is really cool but i hope that they are more SEX. GOOD JOB, LordShinji_Ikari
| Reviewed By: Ministry Agent On: January 08, 2004 13:49 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 3 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
Jesus Harold Christ on a fucking rubber crutch, Bsmart! What the fuck happened here? It's as if every anime girl you ever masturbated over suffered a head-on-collosion with Pokémon on the freeway and their hideously mangled bodies were exhumed by Dr. Frankenstein and melted into some grotesque alien monstrosity. Okay, so the writing's good. The idea's about as original as "To The White Sea" (and that's pretty damn original, my boy) but it... well, it's just too original by far. Oh, and the protagonist's name? DEAR GOD, HOW VUSSIAN! ARMINK VEAPONS, MISTAH CHECKHOFF! But... there's always a but... your writing style isn't half bad. Not half bad at all. The description, the dialogue - now, that is quite all right. But the premise is like a shot in the dark: hit or miss. This time you missed. Next time you should attempt to hit the wall, rather than the window.
| Title: Chapter 5
Reviewed By: WarpWizard [MediaMiner Member] On: January 05, 2004 18:34 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Your author's notes: Getting more hostile with every chapter. :) Good chapter, I like your dialogue, though I did appreciate the mental eye-candy of Mihoshi near the end. Your writing is very...restrained. This is good. On the other hand, you can occasionally be *too* restrained. For example, when Washu gets out of her pokeball: "You," she roared as she spotted Nina, "how could you leave me in there for that long?" I don't really get the impression she's "roaring". You don't even use an exclamation point! I'd punch that up a bit. You showed a lot of little personal traits about your pokegirls. This is very good. Fear of water, hating being in a pokeball...I get a strong impression of them as individuals. I good a good sense of place as well, from the details you provide. Good emotional feel with the scene with his sisters talking about their Dad. Overall, very well done. More!!! :)
| Reviewed By: Lord Shinji On: December 22, 2003 21:59 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
wha the fuck, the last chapter was shit. i mean it, the other was really good but the last one, damn, it suck the fuck out. i no idea what the heck that you wrote that one because that was shit, the last chapter. i really hope that you get a fucking sequal or else your farewell, Lord Shinji
| Reviewed By: WarpWizard [MediaMiner Member] On: December 19, 2003 15:54 CST
Comment/Review:
Good chapter. I hope Ceres' saliva or blood has some minor healing properties, or poor Nick is going to be a mass of scars eventually...
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