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| "Cruel Paradise" Reviews/Comments [ 51 ] | | Pages (4): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 ] | Reviewed By: Nk On: February 27, 2004 10:11 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I have been looking high and low for MoB fan fic and and so glad to finally find some. I would have not guessed this to be a first fan fic, it is fluent, comprehensive, well thought out so far, and I am just so happy someone decided to take this difficult story on. I can't wait to see where it is going, please More, More More and soon! Keep up the great work!
| Reviewed By: F.M. On: February 26, 2004 22:15 CST
Comment/Review:
This is really good! I hope you continue to work on this and update really soon!
| Reviewed By: Yukitori On: February 13, 2004 18:12 CST
Comment/Review:
FINALLY, another long-awaited Mirage of Blaze fanfic writer!! Its about time! Now, as far as your fanfic . . . I LOVE IT! Please continue it, it was really getting good. Besides, if its anything like episode 7 ( ^_~`), then I would be more than thrilled to read it! Keep up the good work.
| Reviewed By: Banjodog On: February 08, 2004 17:14 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
I'm going to start off this review by saying I really liked the story! It's about time we started seeing some Mirage of Blaze fanfics out there! The web is so starved for them! ^_^ As this is your first story, I shall do my best to be a good reviewer. Rule #1 of fanfiction: Be confident! Girl, you have lots of skill and potential, don't be afraid to show it off! I know I was nervous my first time I ever posted a story online, but it's just like being an actor or a person giving a speech: Even if you're terrified, act like you have everyone under your control. You'll feel better, and the readers will definately sense it. You have a good story, you have the reader in your snare, and you can make them like it! ^_^ Overall, you had good grammar. I have noticed bad grammar flying around all fanfiction websites, and sometimes so much so I nearly want to give up reading fanfiction altogether! It's so refreshing when a writer comes along who knows what they're doing. You had a smooth, consistant style that was easy to read. One of the things I would suggest, however, would be to add a little more description. And while I know this story has a greater emphasis on the characters, you should strive your best to paint a picture with words, so the reader can picture it in their heads. While you can leave a little to the imagination and interpretation, don't make the reader work to figure out the geography of the area (as in how the characters are placed, the colors of the sky/grass/trees/etc. etc.). This added description would also greatly lengthen your chapters, which would make for happy readers! You have such a wonderful story, don't cheat us out of more! ^_^ You did a good job of establishing motives, like why Takaya was acting the way he was. It's clear and leaves no room for doubt. You did a good job of protraying emotions, though I think you overdid it slightly with the tears factor. While their emotions were strong, Naoe and Takaya don't seem the type to easily cry. More like rant and rage, and only crying when they're so totally overcome, they're about to explode. Takaya's dilemma (am I Takaya? or Kagetora?) led to your very nice interpretation of Yuzuru being the anchor for Takaya. You kept Yuzuru very much in character...he's understanding and is a solid thing for Takaya to hold onto in these trying times. It is this friendship that allows Takaya to open up to Yuzuru...something he wouldn't do for anyone else...maybe not even Naoe. Those two share a special bond, which I thought was nice to read in your story. You definately showed that Takaya was preoccupied with Naoe, which gave a little more cement to his motivations for his actions. I liked your characterization of Naoe, but remember to add just a little more detail. I hope I've been helpful, and I can't wait to read more!! Keep writing and remember! Stay confident! --Banjodog My AOL Instant Messenger is: LadyOneiros if you want to ask me to explain my reasons in my criticisms or anything...or if you just want to talk, that's fine too! ^_^ E-mail: Banjodog@aol.com
| Reviewed By: Ranshu Belial On: February 08, 2004 06:06 CST
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Comment/Review:
I want more!! Defientely more! I like it, please write more soon. 'kay? The only one answer is "yes, right now." :D
| Reviewed By: Jexia [MediaMiner Member] On: February 07, 2004 11:04 CST
Comment/Review:
Jealousy is such a strong emotion that I think it's a good one to use to set your plot in motion. I'm very curious to see what comes nextin your story. I would never have thought this was your first fan fiction. Your writing style is very smooth.
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