Ah My Goddess Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ A Tale of Two Wallets ❯ Cat Got Your Tongue? ( Chapter 16 )

A Tale of Two Wallets

(An Altered Destiny)

Written by Jim Robert Bader

Proofread by Shiva Barnwell

"Shampoo?"

It has often been said that cats are expressive animals, that they have a way of conveying their moods without the need for human facial gestures, and in the case of the animal sitting on Nabiki chest this was most certainly a very expressive creature.

The cat regarded Nabiki with a lazy expression, almost like a smile at being discovered in the midst of a jest. Nabiki looked hard at the one she had called "Sham-chan" and knew beyond question that this was not a cat at all but some entirely different manner of beast.

Before she had a chance to further pose a question, however, the cat made a sudden move and vaulted out of her embrace, onto the floor, heading towards the door and making a flying leap as its paws caught the handle and turned the knob, then braced its feet against the wall and somehow managed to pull the thing open. Once the gap was created it was out into the hallway in a shot as Nabiki rose from her bed, a sudden urge to pursue overcoming every other impulse.

"Oh kami," Nabiki swallowed as she headed out into the corridor, only to hear a startled cry from the bathroom that she knew all too well and had no difficulty interpreting, "Ranma…?"

Ranma was soaking in the furo, enjoying the luxury of a nice hot bath alone while thinking about the strange time he had spent with Kuno Kodachi, a date of all things with a lady he tended to regard as only a few points more deranged than her idiot brother.

Still…Kodachi had tried to make the evening a pleasant one, and she did look nice all dressed up and ready to go out someplace formal, which turned out to be an opera, of all things, and not even a No play. It was one of those European productions in which everybody sang in a foreign language. It had been composed by some German guy and was based on an old Norse legend with the impressive sounding title of Gotendammurung.

Ranma was not familiar with the legend in question but he did see a lot of enjoyable stuff in the play, if only he could have figured out what everybody was saying to one another. It had something to do with a noble Viking hero defeating a dragon and finding a sword and freeing a girl from a magical curse, only to lose her when somebody slipped him a potion to make him forget all about his real girlfriend and marry somebody else by mistake. It all ended badly when the girl he was really supposed to have married jumped into the fire after almost everybody else had died just as badly. It was sad in a way, but somehow Ranma found it enjoyable in spite of the language problem, and for once he got the meaning of the old saying, "It ain't over until the fat lady sings."

After the opera Kodachi took him to a fancy restaurant and insisted on paying for everything. Ranma had worked up quite an appetite staying awake during the opera but he was mindful of his manners and tried to repeat the performance he put on for Nabiki on their date. After that they took a leisurely ride in a carriage Kodachi had rented and finally they wound up back at the dojo. It was all so very weird, and Ranma kept thinking the other shoe was going to drop at any time, but to his amazement Kodachi was on her best behavior.

Well, right up until the last, that is. As Ranma started to go Kodachi had impulsively reached out to him and kissed him on the cheek. Ranma was so surprised he turned around to find Kodachi lips brushing against his and then she was kissing him on the mouth this time, a very passionate kiss that left him flailing for air before she finally released him. It even had a tongue-thrust past his lips for good measure, and when Kodachi let him go Ranma did not exit the carriage so much as fall out flat on his back onto the cement curb. His last sight of Kodachi she was blowing him a kiss and laughing in delight over their evening, and not the scary laugh she often used that made her sound so demented.

Ranma was quick to wipe his mouth and off in case there was any lipstick showing as the last thing that he wanted to do was have to explain such it to Nabiki. She was probably worried enough over that date, even if she had been the one to set it up in the first place, and why the heck did she do that? It was so puzzling and unlike her that it made him wonder how she really felt about him.

Well, he reflected somewhat sourly, at least Kodachi's kiss had been a lot more pleasant than Mikado's!

It was really very odd…never once before this had he ever really considered Kodachi as either a woman or a person. Seeing her act so charmingly feminine and un-crazy all night long made him wonder about a lot of things he had formerly taken so much for granted. And then there was that other strange encounter of the day when Shampoo had turned up out of no where in the middle of their skating match. Shampoo was back in Nerima…a scary thought for several reasons, not least of which was what Ranma was afraid she would do to Nabiki. He could remember a little too well the Amazon having her hand around Nabiki's throat and half-lifting her off her feet with a look of murderous anger…

The door to the bathroom slid open and Ranma glanced up wondering if his father, Soun Tendo or Ryoga wanted to use the bath. He had been in the bath for quite a while now and was starting to wrinkle a little. He was about to call out that he was almost done when he froze.

There was no one standing in the doorway…at least no one who stood on two legs, but when he panned his vision down he really, truly regretted doing so. The face that looked up at him brightly was the one he had been seeing lately in his darkest nightmares.

"Mreow?"

"Gahhh!" Ranma exclaimed as he sat upright in the furro, his face set in a mask of terror as the thing stood between him and the only exit! Then-to his mounting horror-the cat leaped up and landed in the bathtub beside him.

Ranma held his breath, his fear nearly driving him full Neko, when all of a sudden a form emerged from the tub, bursting up in triumphal delight in all her full, naked glory. Long purple hair and a supple, entirely feminine body, and before Ranma could gasp out her name she threw her arms around him and pressed herself up against him in the hot water.

"Nihao, Airen!" she cried with delight, "Oh, Ranma! Shampoo is so happy! You really man, she no have worried so much about you…"

"Sh-Sh-Sh-Sh-Shampoo?" Ranma finally managed to stutter out, "What are you…?"

His brain finally caught up with the rest of his perceptions and he suddenly became aware of WHAT was pressing so firmly against him. He seized up in full terror, the realization that Shampoo was every bit as naked as himself, adding to her happy enthusiasm as she held him so tightly against her made him realize that the situation was bad…very, very bad, so bad in fact that it was almost impossible for him to think of any way to top it…

"Ranma?" another voice other than Shampoo inquired.

Well, Ranma numbly reflected, that would do for a start…

"N-Nabiki?" Ranma turned his head with the kind of slow, mounting horror people have when they wish against hope that they could wake up and find that the whole situation was merely a nightmare. No such luck, it was indeed his iinazuke staring at him and Shampoo with a look of blank shock, making Ranma wish he could melt into the floor to get away, or something, rather than face the blow up that he feared was inevitable, given the appearance of the situation.

"It's not what you think!" Ranma cried out, finally finding his voice as a greater terror overrode his habitual shyness in the presence of a naked woman.

If he had been expecting her to get angry or rail at he was in for a disappointment. Nabiki was not looking at him but at the Amazon herself, and her expression was one of numb realization bordering on terror as the full implications sank in at discovering that her greatest rival had been right under her nose watching her all the while with catlike patience, and now would come the reckoning that she had so long dreaded…

Nabiki's Journal resumes:

Poor Ranma, looking at me like he thought I was going to burst out in a screaming fit at finding him in the embrace of another woman…and not just any woman but the one we had both wronged. If I'd thought in any way that it was really his fault, maybe, but as we were both more-or-less in the same boat my feelings were more akin to his at seeing Shampoo turn and smile in my direction, then slowly rise up out of the tub, revealing herself in all her unclothed glory…and glory she was, all woman and every inch an exotic beauty. I stood where I was riveted to the spot afraid of what she might do, and unable to take my eyes away

She stepped out of the tub dripping wet but smiling like a cat that has just cornered a canary. No question here which role I played, but the thought of fleeing from her never crossed my mind, mainly because I knew I'd never get three steps before she caught me. I was only two meters away and I knew how fast she could move when she wanted to. At the moment she chose to take her time to savor the sense of absolute power she had over me with the helplessness I was feeling, and then she was right in front of me, smiling like the cat she had been only a few brief moments before my arrival.

I think Ranma managed about that point to overcome his own hesitation as he got up out of the furro and cried, "Don't hurt Nabiki! Shampoo, I…!"

Then, to our mutual surprise, Shampoo reached out to me and cupped my face in her hands, drew me into her embrace and kissed me full on the mouth. My first impulse was that she was giving me the Kiss of Death, but a few seconds later I realized that death was not her intention.

I was stunned to discover the kiss she gave was full of promise and passion, the kiss one makes to someone they really, really like, and there was even a tongue in it-to my absolute amazement. I was stupefied beyond words when she broke the kiss and murmured, "Wo ai ni."

"Wo ai ni?" I gasped, looking into her crimson brown eyes and seeing something akin to the look she gave me when she was in cat form.

"Wo ai ni?" I heard Ranma echo, "But…what…? I don't understand…"

"Silly Ranma," Shampoo purred with a coy glance over her shoulder as she let me go, still smiling, "You think Shampoo only pretend like Nabiki when in cursed form? Shampoo come all way from China to get close to Sneaky Girl, but no to kill her."

I was only just beginning to register those words when a soft chuckle intruded into our fun little threesome. I looked up to see the gnome-like figure perched upon the windowsill looking down at us with ancient eyes and a much-amused expression.

"So, Shampoo, you've made your choice after all."

"Yes, Great Grandmother," Shampoo replied as she turned around and looked up at the ancient crone, "Shampoo make choice. Nabiki now part of Amazon tradition. She and Airen bound by law to Shampoo. Now tribe no say she weak girl cannot hold groom."

"Indeed," the Elder replied, "With this one added to the other no one will call you weak again, child. Our family's honor is satisfied, and we can begin the immediate training."

"Hey you!" Ranma suddenly got angry, "What's this about? What are you talking about, training? What's the big idea of…"

"My," the Elder smiled as her eyes roved down Ranma's naked form appreciatively, "Son-in-law, you do present a striking profile of manhood. Shampoo's got quite a bargain in you, and there's no doubting that, judging by your equipment."

"Huh?" Ranma suddenly became very conscious of the fact that Shampoo and I were both looking at him, our eyes roving down to the same spot that the old woman had been eyeing. He gave out a yelp of embarrassment and sank back down into the water covering his privates and thus blocking a very nice view that I'd been in the process of enjoying.

The old woman's laughter was in her voice as she said, "I take it you're glad to see me by appearances, my boy, but it really is Shampoo you should be thinking about when you get like that. My great granddaughter tells me you fancy the Tendo girl's admittedly interesting figure, and to judge by the way they both are looking at you I'd say the sentiments are reciprocated."

"Ah," I managed to get out, "Pardon me for changing the subject here, but…what is all this about? I mean, I'm glad you're not here to kill me and all that, Shampoo, but what was with that kiss, and why the imposture pretending you were just a harmless animal…?"

"Hmph," Shampoo sniffed, "Shampoo no harmless. You fault she have curse of Maoniichuan…"

"Maoniichuan?" Ranma asked.

"The Spring of Drowned Cat," the elder replied, "It happened while we were training together after Shampoo came home without either the head of the girl she was chasing or the husband he turned out to be. You have no idea the stir that created in our village! Our family was the laughing stock of all Nyanichiczu, and the only way to calm everyone down was to prove her merit by facing the ancient trial at our sacred training grounds…"

"You mean somebody knocked you into the pool of the drowned cat?" I asked, and Shampoo nodded.

"Great Grandmother knock Shampoo down off pole," the purple-haired Amazon (and I do mean that fully as a single glance told me that her hair color was natural, unless she's kinky enough to dye her own pussy purple) explained matter-of-factly.

"What?" Ranma gasped, looking up at the Elder, "You did this to her? Then what are you blaming us for?!?"

In response the old woman hopped down from the windowsill to the edge of the furrow and bopped Ranma on the head before she said, "You were the one who forced me to do it! I hold you both responsible for Shampoo's condition! You are going to make it up to her by redeeming her honor before the tribe, which means the both of you have an obligation to marry..."

"MARRY???" both Ranma and I said in chorus.

"As I was saying," the Elder winced, "You both shall marry her, you to be her husband, boy, and your friend here to be her co-wife."

"N-Nani?" Ranma blinked as he rubbed his head where the staff had once more hit him.

"What?" I gasped, looking at Shampoo, "Marry her? You? I mean…that's bigamy!"

"What bigamy?" Shampoo asked with a completely open look of non-comprehension.

"It's perfectly legal among the Amazons for two women to share a man together, provided they both can abide to live side-by-side as co-wives of their husband," the ancient woman said solemnly, "We're not bound by your quaint Western notions regarding monogamy, and since Shampoo acknowledges you as her wife there is no problem in consummating such a union, as long as children that are shared by both of you and this man are the result of such a three-way union."

"Are you nuts!" Ranma declared, "Nabiki is my fiancée! Shampoo's a really nice girl, but there's no way I'm marrying anybody else but my iinazuke!"

"Ranma," I gasped, for this was the first time he had openly declared any actual intent to see our engagement through to marriage.

"The alternative," the old woman stressed the word as she eyed us gravely before resuming, "Is a far less pleasant situation. In your case there is no recourse, Son-in-law. You caused Shampoo to lose face before our people. Since the day she was conceived it has been decided that she be raised to become the future leader of our people, so having a black stain on her name is utterly unacceptable, and I am prepared to do whatever is necessary to insure that she brings home a husband, meaning you of course. It is in Nabiki Tendo's case that there are more flexible options."

I definitely did not like the way she stressed those words, or the way she was eyeing me like a lab specimen. Either way I tried to act firm as I replied, "What options are those?"

The old woman smiled as if she had been waiting for that question, "Since Shampoo has elected not to seek your life, in spite of the way you deceived her and tried to take her husband away while saddling her with another boy that I understand to be the village idiot…"

"You got that right," Ranma grumbled under his breath.

"Her second option, besides accepting you as her co-wife, would be to make you her personal slave, which would be a most unpleasant fate I assure you. You will suffer at her hands as she would have the absolute right to do with you whatever she pleases," the Elder replied in such deadly serious tones that I had no doubt that she was being truthful, "I think we can all agree that being her wife would be far more acceptable than to suffer such an existence. Her third choice really isn't an option at all as it would be to challenge you for possession of this man, and we can all concede here that you really do not compete with Shampoo on a physical level. Of course if you could make a counter-challenge structuring a contest where you feel that you would have the advantage then the option of making sole exclusive claim over this boy would be accepted by my fellow Elders. Shampoo would suffer some disgrace but be able to recover, which is far better than what the law would demand if she relinquish her claims upon you both without such a challenge. Tell me truthfully, Shampoo, would you concede this man to this woman or surrender your hold on both of them altogether?"

"No, Great Grandmother," Shampoo replied, "Shampoo no do that."

"As I knew would be your answer before I asked," the old woman remarked before pulling something out of her sleeve that turned out to be a silken pink Chinese outfit much like what Shampoo wore when in casual mode, "Now put this on, child, before you catch a chill. It is time that we leave this house, now that your identity has been discovered, but we will be back later this morning. Of that I most sincerely assure you."

"Yes, Great Grandmother," Shampoo acknowledged as she slipped on the outfit, snuggling her large breasts into the gauze like material so that they bunched together in a rather eye-watering manner.

"Hey," Ranma recovered his wits as the view of Shampoo's assets no longer distracted him, "What do you mean barging in here making threats like that? What are you trying to pull here?"

"That, Son-in-law, is what we will be discussing on the morrow," the elder replied, "Good evening to you both."

That having been said the old woman hopped from the windowsill, landing on her staff before hobbling out the door with Shampoo following dutifully behind her. I stood there stunned for several moments after watching them leave, then in a rather numb voice I said, "She's learned to use a doorknob?"

"What the heck was that all about?" Ranma asked as he turned to look at me, then colored abruptly and said, "Ah…Nabiki? Would you mind…?"

I thought he looked so cute that way, but I was going to respect his privacy and all when a wicked impulse took hold of me, so I just smiled at him and said, "Oh sure, no problem Ranma-kun," and I began to reach down to pull up my night shift.

I saw panic in his eyes as he cried out, "What are you doing?"

"I thought you were asking me to get into the tub with you," I replied with as much feigned innocence as I am capable of projecting, "You do believe in communal baths, don't you?"

"Are you crazy?" Ranma's voice was just a tad shrill, then he glanced in worry at the open door and said, "What if somebody sees us like this…?"

"What?" I said in mock hurt, "Is there something wrong with me taking a bath with my iinazuke?"

"Hun?" he replied, giving me his best deer-in-the-headlights impression, "Uh…nani?"

"You were just taking one with Shampoo," I pointed out, "Is there some reason you'd do that with her and not me?"

"Hah? But…"

"Or is there another reason?" I leaned over closer to the tub, making sure he got a good look at my cleavage, which distracted him enough that I could look down myself to confirm a growing suspicion, "Do you like her better than me? I'd understand…after all, she has a terrific body…"

"Wha-? Wait a minute!" Ranma protested, now totally flustered, "I like your body just fine! I-uh-I mean…"

I looked him in the eyes from only a few inches away and said, "Really? Do you mean that, Ranma-kun? I could give you another look if there's any doubt…"

"Ah…" his mouth hung open as if he were suffering a total short circuit, and I could literally see the conflict in his eyes as he warred with two different impulses, the male hormones now raging against his conscious mind and the almost overwhelming shyness he seems to display around me for some peculiar reason.

"You do like me, don't you Ranma-kun?" I asked, deliberately rasping my voice to give it that extra sultry edge that I hoped would finally push him over his limits and provoke him to make the move that I'd been waiting for during our weeks of cat-and mousing. I even remembered to flutter my eyelashes to give him that special vampy treatment you read about in magazine articles that recommend a heavy-lidded approach to gain a man's full interest. I saw him swallow a thick lump in his throat and maybe he would have done something after all, but I noticed his eyes were sliding away from me, which was definitely not the response I was after. Instead his gaze focused somewhat beyond me, which was all the warning I needed before realizing that we were no longer alone. I turned around and saw the whole household gathered in the doorway watching us with a very interesting array of differing expression.

"Well, son?" my father asked, "Are you going to sit there all night? My daughter is expecting you to say something."

"Be a man, boy, and show some initiative," his father growled in irritation, "You think she's going to wait for you all night?"

"Oh my," Kasumi remarked, "I don't think this is very proper behavior at their age. They really should wait until after they are married."

"Oh, I don't know," Akane sniffed dismissively, "I'd say the baka got himself into this, now Oneechan has him right where he wants her."

Even the pig was voicing its non-verbal comments on our behavior, but by that time I'd had more than enough and slammed the door on them, then turned with a sigh to Ranma and said, "Guess we'll have to try this again another time, Ranma-kun, preferably when the peanut gallery isn't feeling quite so nosy.

"I guess," Ranma replied, looking even more shy and flustered than before, but somehow he managed to get out, "Nabiki…about Shampoo…?"

"Not much we can do until the morning, Ranma," I sighed, "The next move is up to her and the old woman. But I think it's safe to say that they don't mean to do us any physical harm. They had the chance several times and they passed on it, so whatever they're planning is going to be more subtle than a direct challenge."

"Subtle," I heard Ranma's weary reluctance as he voiced the word, "Somehow I never pictured Shampoo as being subtle. But…all this time she was Sham-chan?"

"I'm afraid so," I replied, and suddenly I felt terribly depressed. I had gotten used to having a pet, and now it turns out that she's my rival…or was, only now she wants to share Ranma with me, and I'm totally at a loss to explain it.

I sit here now typing these thoughts and remembering all the little clues that had been there, which I'd been missing, the hints I would normally pick up on that would tell me about Sham-chan's real identity, and yet I'd consistently missed every sign that would have pointed me in the right direction. Even worse, I'd literally opened my heart and shared my private thoughts with Shampoo, always comfortable in the assumption that she would not be able to pass my secrets on to anybody, let alone understand what I was saying. Now that I look back on it that cat had shown far too much intelligence for me to consider her a dumb animal to be dismissed out of hand. I'd fallen for her deception like any other easy mark, and now I have to face the consequences of knowing that Shampoo had been privy to my every thought for well over a week now.

I feel like such a sucker, and yet somehow I can't bring myself to blame it on Sham-chan…I mean Shampoo! Now I have to change the encryption codes on my files since Shampoo obviously knows all about them. She's been watching everything I do and has probably learned about computers from careful study of my motions. Good thing my computer uses kanji symbols, which I doubt she can read, or I really would be nervous.

It's late now, and I feel tired, but I suppose I should close this off by repeating something that Ranma said before I left him. At the last second he seemed to overcome his reluctance to the point that he could to call out to me before I laid hand on the door to the bathroom.

"Nabiki," I remember him saying at last, "I…I wouldn't mind having that bath sometime…you know?"

I paused by the door, smiling to himself because it seemed that I was making some progress after all, so I replied, "I know, Ranma-kun…and I promise you it's one date you will remember."

After all I'd gotten a good look at what I was after. It might be difficult to say with absolute certainty, light being refracted by the water and all, but from what I could see his flag was definitely standing to full attention in my presence. A good thing, too, since it confirms that he's interested, now all I've got to do is make him relax a little around me. It's not like I'm going to rape him or something, after all, even though I won't dismiss the concept out of hand since I'd be willing to do even that if it meant getting to home plate, if you'll excuse the sports metaphor.

That's it for now, I'll return to this tomorrow after I've rested myself. I'm feeling way too tired to continue at this point and I'd rather be coherent when trying to describe my live life, such as is. I'll pick this up tomorrow and let you know if anything happens…

Ranma lay back staring at the night sky and wondered what in the name of all the kami was wrong with him, and why wouldn't IT go down after every time he thought about Nabiki.

Considering that he was all of sixteen, Ranma was not quite so familiar with the experiences that most other young boys his age were acquainted with regarding the physical MALE reaction to an attractive female with the same qualifications as Nabiki. Having spent nearly all of his life on the road he had never really taken the time to think about having a girlfriend, let alone someone whom he was supposed to marry and take for a wife, but now that he had somebody who was interesting enough to think about that way…well, nobody had ever explained to him the principle behind having an erection.

Well…he had experienced the sensation before, but never under these circumstances or for the reason that just being around Nabiki sometimes made him feel dizzy…

Damn, he thought as he looked down at the bulge in his pants, squirming a little to adjust to the uncomfortable pressure there, and wishing he was bold enough to take them off altogether. He had never been so conscious about his own body before now, and the idea that someone as mischievous as Nabiki could affect him like that, put him totally off his guard and make him feel vulnerable in ways that he lacked the words to describe…it was like his male member had a mind of its own, and it wanted to be let out in the worst way possible. He was half tempted to change genders to make this problem go away, but all that would do would be to alter the type of sensations he would experience, and it was really weird how his female body reacted when aroused. It threatened his very concept of his own manhood!

But try as he might not to think about her, he kept coming back to that moment only a few hours ago when Nabiki had offered to climb into the furro with him, and his mind had seized up as he stammered out some lame excuse about how it was not proper or something…as if Nabiki cared at all if it was proper!

Damn, she confused him in ways that he had never imagined were possible, but when he thought of her it was not the playful teasing that frightened him, it was the way he felt towards her, like he wanted more than anything to do exactly what she was asking, but he was frightened that she might be put off by him becoming so aggressive, or maybe she was only teasing him. What if she really did not want him to hold her like that? Or…the other stuff guys were supposed to do with girls they liked…he swallowed.

Once again the image appeared unbidden of Nabiki reaching to remove her shift, and his memory of what her body had looked like when she had flashed him the other night. Would she really have gone ahead and entered the tub to bathe with him? Or…was bathing just another way of saying that she wanted to…well…do it?

Ranma was not entirely sheltered about the ways of men and women, but having a father who could not even articulate the proper terminology, and very little exposure to the kind of schoolyard gossip that might have better explained the mechanics, he was left without a real imagination to depict what would have followed had Nabiki come into that tub, sat down with him in the water, reached out with those soft hands of hers that lacked a martial artist's true calluses, and…well, more than just kiss him!

"Oh man!" Ranma groaned, wishing fervently that he had not just thought that image. The resulting pressure of his groin redoubled with an intensity that threatened to burst out. Try as he might he could not reassert his self-control, though the idea briefly flirted through his mind that Nabiki was only a few meters away from him, and she had given him an open invitation…

Stop that! He angrily commanded himself. She's not like that, even if she gives you that impression! She really is a sweet girl, like Kasumi says, and she deserves a proper marriage before we do anything that crazy…

It did not help. He was considering following his father's advice and taking a cold shower, even though he was tired of spending his nights in his female form of late, when a voice intruded upon his privacy and brought him to full alertness.

"She is beautiful, and I can see that you are very taken."

Ranma sat up, but before he could assume a martial crouch the old woman spoke again, "Relax, Son-in-law, I am not here to cause trouble, I only want to talk for a few minutes, if you would care to listen."

Ranma regarded the old woman warily, remembering their first encounter earlier in the day when he had been running home from the ice rink, only to sense an attack that came at him while he was running along a wall, and for a few brief seconds all he could do was dodge and weave around the thrusts of a staff before his attacker had backed off and commented that he did have some potential, before turning and leaving again with no further explanation.

"What do you want, you old Ghoul?" Ranma growled, trying to sound more irritated than disturbed that she had snuck up on him without his suspecting.

"Let's put aside the question of what I want for now," the elder said dismissively, "The question is…what do you want, Son-in-law? What is it you desire truly most in this life?"

"Son-in-law?" Ranma frowned, "Why do you keep calling me that? I never agreed to marry Shampoo…"

"By our laws you are already married," Cologne replied, "Although a more formal ceremony would cement matters properly, all that is required among Amazons is the token acknowledgement that you are Shampoo's husband. My great granddaughter has given her assent to the law, which really doesn't require your also having to agree, though it would make things easier for everybody if you decide to cooperate and acknowledge Shampoo as your wife."

"No way," Ranma snorted, "I ain't interested! Shampoo's a nice girl, but she's not the one I want to marry…"

"I see," the elder replied shrewdly, "You prefer, then, the Tendo girl, and I can certainly appreciate why. She is very attractive and quite obviously returns your fascination. You two do make an interesting combination, as was demonstrated by your performance on the ice."

"Ah…" Ranma felt his confusion grow as he remembered the rage that he had felt towards Mikado, and how satisfying it had been to see Nabiki give him a definite rejection, even if her method of expressing herself had left him wincing.

"Tell me, Son-in-law," the elder continued, "When you declared that you were prepared to kill that other boy for trying to kiss your fiancée, did you actually mean it?"

Ranma did not even have to think very hard. The anger welled up in him once more as he replied, "Maybe…but he'd have been sorry one way or the other."

"My, what a fierce fighting spirit you possess," the elder smiled faintly, "You will make a formidable Amazon…in both of your two genders. But it need not come to a choice between the two girls, you know. Amazons have been known to share a man between them on a permanent arrangement. If they abide with sharing him, then it is believed a strong man will father strong daughters on both women…"

"Nani?" Ranma blinked, "Both of them? What are you talking about? I can't marry both of them! It's…it's not right!"

"And how do you define it so?" the elder asked with amusement in her wrinkled face, "Is Shampoo so objectionable as a mate by your standards?"

"Hah?" Ranma blinked, "No, I…hey! Stop putting words in my mouth! I just can't marry two women and that's final. It's not my doing, it's the law…"

"The Law of Japan," the old woman replied, "But not of the Amazons of China. I'd give it time if I were you. Most men would find the concept of two pretty women willing to share him highly stimulating if not outright desirable. Tell me if what you see in your mind of the two of them together that is so abhorrent to your moral standards?"

"The…two of them together?" Ranma frowned, "What are you talking about…?"

"Foolish boy," the elder sounded mildly exasperated, "Have you never heard of a Manage a Trois, or Threesome?"

"Threesome?" Ranma continued to stare blankly.

The elder took a deep breath and said, "You in the middle, one woman on either side, both of your arms around their waists as their hands play idly with your manly body…or even your female one, if you're into same-sex pairings."

Ranma continued to stare blankly, but now the image started to form of himself with Shampoo on one side and Nabiki on the other, both staring at him with adoring expressions…and suddenly he felt the urge to take a flying leap into the koi pond!

"I thought as much," the old woman chuckled, "You are a typical male after all, and here I was almost worried for a few seconds there. When Shampoo told me that you and the Tendo girl were both still virgins at your advanced ages I almost did not believe her. Well then, I've said my piece and determined what I needed to know, so I'll leave you to your nocturnal musings as you stand watch over your ladylove. We will talk again in the morning after you are more fully rested."

Ranma watched the old woman as she turned away to leave, then he frowned and called out, "I'm still not marrying Shampoo? Have you got that!"

"We'll see about that," the ancient crone replied as she vanished, chuckling in amusement long after he had lot sight of her diminutive form.

Ranma shook his head to clear it of the lingering confusion he still felt then softly murmured under his breath, "I wonder if her and Kodachi are related…?"

Continued

Comments/Criticisms/How do you spell Three in French?:Shadowmane@msn.com