Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Different Circumstances ❯ The Lover ( Chapter 37 )

Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for Arai and a few other random OC's invented to move the plot along.

The Lover

As I followed Zaraki who strode through the open door I heard conversation and thought I heard Captain Kuchiki's voice reassuring Rukia of his well being.

"Captain Unohana is an expert physician. It is due to her skill that I will recover. " he was saying. "Her lieutenant was of great assistance," he added but it sounded very much like an afterthought.

"Yeah. Kuchiki, I didn't mean to stab you. Keep out of the way in future," Zaraki said. He didn't seem comfortable with the admission.

"If that is your apology, then I accept," the Captain said. He was now sitting up, supported by Arai, who looked very relieved to see us and he smiled and nodded briefly at me.

Pain or loss of blood had drained Captain Kuchiki's skin of colour, but he was trying to act as though nothing was wrong. "We need no further disharmony within our ranks."

He was correct. The problems with Renji and Captain Kurotsuchi might fracture the delicate alliance and instead of acting in a united manner against the Arrancar, they would have a better chance of picking us off in our smaller units. Also, it would not be possible to maintain a watch over the 12th Division traitor. Until now he had remained with the group, but I expected he would try to leave now that his communications had been cut. There was little more he could learn as everyone was now on their guard against him. He was in more danger remaining with us, than seeking out his true master.

While there had been a considerable amount of discussion in the Seireitei, that I'd avoided, about the possibility of cutting off Kurotsuchi's communications, but leaving the others active, it had resulted with no decision being made. As the commander of 12th Division he had the priority and the programme had been contaminated by his protocols in nearly every area. Trying to undo the links would take time and Akon had refused to cooperate.

In the interim all communication had been severed. Surreptitiously I checked mine and found it was still showing as being unavailable. I bit my lip, concerned at the inability of reporting back to Toshiro. I knew he would worry about the situation, but he had to trust me and the people who were here. We would prevail, somehow.

"I don't apologise," Zaraki muttered, but only I heard him.

"Nii chan. Are you sure you not pretending?" Rukia was offering a drink to her brother as her eyes searched his face imploringly.

"I am a warrior and a noble. I do not pretend about unimportant matters," he said and winced. As he rearranged himself, to apparently increase his comfort, it was obvious he mainly did so to hide the involuntary reaction to pain.

"Captain Zaraki, I am very unhappy with you." At first I thought it was Rukia, but the voice was deeper and softer and I turned to Retsu who regarded my husband carefully. "Your earlier actions are inexcusable and I will not tolerate a repetition," she paused and smiled sweetly, "or there will be a penalty."

The smile remained sweet but it added to the chill of the threat. Omission of the details of the penalty made the consideration of what it might be only made it more worrying.

"I won't make promises I can't keep."

Stubborn, but true. For the sake of peace he could have agreed, but that would make him less than he was. While it was admirable, it wasn't wise to annoy the 4th Division Captain.

Retsu gave him a level look but then a small smile touched her mouth. "Experience has taught me that is true. Well, prepare for the consequences for your actions."

The curt nod she received from my husband made her smile slightly wider and I wondered if she was planning something to demonstrate that her friendship was more to be courted than her displeasure.

"You will not manage to gain the advantage so quickly next time, if there is a next time," Captain Kuchiki said with assurance. "I will be on my guard."

The small grunt I heard from my husband indicated that he was going to provide a less than complimentary reply.

"Where's Renji?" I said, eager to change the subject. It was a mistake, but at least it would take the attention from the earlier incident.

Rukia immediately changed from gentle concern over her brother to the guilt ridden girl who had injured her friend. In a tight, pained voice she said, "Ichigo fought him until they were both exhausted. They have both been forced to sleep."

"It took some effort. Which means that it is your turn to stand watch," Isane added. "They were next, but neither of them is in any condition to stand, let alone fight off any enemies."

"Nel is with Renji. She seems quite attached," Rukia said reluctantly and I saw the tears in her eyes. "and provides him with a constant stream of instructions. He even follows some of them. She said she wants to watch him sleep."

That explained the absence of those three.

"Yachiru is with Chad. As soon as I questioned her about her Captain, she remembered something it was essential to ask him," Retsu said innocently.

Her meaning was clear. Yachiru was refusing to provide any information and had found an excuse to avoid the questions. It meant that Retsu was curious, but due to her common sense and understanding of the difficulty of the current situation, she would leave her investigation until later. Zaraki's set look indicated that he realised this as well, but he simply nodded and then asked the question that required an immediate answer.

"Where do we stand watch?"

There was an unmistakable quiver to Isane's voice as she replied, "You have to stand at opposite ends of the area we claimed. Be alert at all times because so far the attacks have been unexpected and random. "

Unexpected attacks would mean that there could be no room for meditation or conversation. The emphasis on the word 'you' had not escaped me and I widened my eyes artlessly, trying to appear like I did not understand her broad hint. No one would ignore the importance of vigilance, even if she had unfinished business with her husband and an intense longing to be held within his arms once more. Even if I knew there was something wrong that he was refusing to tell me. Now it was important to adhere to my responsibilities and assist in protecting our small group.

"Before we do that, I need to talk to your sister, Kuchiki," Zaraki said.

It dawned on me then what was forcing Zaraki to act in this manner. I had to protest. Renji was asleep and this information could wait until he was awake. To tell him now might prevent him from getting the rest he needed. "I don't think that's a good idea, Zaraki," I said.

He turned to me and the determined expression told me that my words would not sway him from his intention. "I don't give a fuck if it's a good idea or not. Lies destroy quicker than painful truths."

My hand rose to my throat as I tried to think of a protest, but no feasible answer presented itself.

"It is my sister's decision, Kenpachi. You should ask her," Captain Kuchiki said, but his eyes were on Rukia who was now as pale as her brother.

I had thought he might try to protect her, but from the look on his face it was obvious that he'd decided that while he loved and cared for her, she had to take responsibility for her own life.

"Y..y...yes, Captain Zaraki. What is it?" Rukia was looking at me, pleadingly.

I'll talk to her, Zaraki. I know what you want to say," I interjected quickly.

Even though I expected it, his hard gaze made me flinch. "You do, do you? You're a mind reader?"

If I hadn't been there when we had discussed this I would have been very concerned. As it was, his tone was dismissive and there was a certain amount of tension that I experienced when he looked at me. Taking a steadying breath I returned his gaze with an unwavering one. "Don't do this Zaraki. Not now. Leave it."

"The fuck I will. Rukia, you've acted like a selfish..." I grabbed his arm and tried to pull him away. He wouldn't move and realising how futile trying to make him change his mind or move the man, instead I caught Rukia's hand and dragged her out of the room as fast as I could. Shutting the door I leant on it and looked at her, seeing her face change from fear to despair.

"You told him!" The heartbroken sound of her voice indicated how deeply she felt she'd been betrayed. "I trusted you."

Grabbing her by the shoulders I tried to make her look at me. "He guessed. I didn't tell him, exactly, but now he wants you to tell Renji."

I didn't think it was possible for her skin to pale even further, but it did. "R...R..Tell Renji? He wants me to tell Renji? Hasn't he suffered enough?"

She stared at me disbelievingly, shaking her head back and forth automatically.

"If you don't tell him, Zaraki will."

I could see she was thinking it over. The head shake stopped and her eyes closed while her mouth turned thin. Her expression became carefully bland, she opened her eyes and then she nodded. "Maybe that's best."

Her reaction confused me. "I thought you'd want to tell him in person."

Rukia again shook her head firmly. "I've hurt him so much. I love him and always will, but he can only see what I've done as deceit. To add the details of what I've done, and who with, might seem like I'm trying to torture him."

What she said made sense, but permitting my husband to deliver the news did not seem sensible. "Zaraki will be direct," I warned her.

She looked away as if trying to gather her thoughts and then looked at me again. "Renji respects your husband. Captain Zaraki will only tell him what he thinks he needs to know and will be able to handle any violence."

This seemed wrong. I'd always thought Rukia was brave and faced everything that was thrown at her without flinching, but now she seemed to want to take the easy way to find a solution to her problem. As if reading my thoughts she said, "Your husband is not directly involved. "

Not directly, perhaps. But he was Yumichika's Captain.

"And if Renji attacks him, your husband might enjoy the fight."

I found I was nodding in agreement. If Renji decided to use bankai, Zaraki would take great pleasure in measuring it, fighting it and ultimately defeating it. There was no doubt in my mind that even against a bankai, my husband would prevail. Possibly not against Captain Yamamoto, but anyone else. Now he knew the name of his zanpakuto, there might be no one that could stand against him.

“ Can I stand sentry with you?” Rukia sounded both eager and reluctant when she made the suggestion.

Biting my lip, I tried to work out why she made the request. There was no reason for her to try to prevent me from getting closer to my husband, we both took the security of the group more seriously than that. Even if I wanted to be with him, I would wait until it would not mean a risk for the others. Then my brain finally kicked in and I worked it out.

"You don't want to tell your brother, do you?" It sounded like an accusation, which of course it was, but it was too easy to understand. Renji's reaction to the break-up of their engagement had been horrendous. She was still reeling with the guilt that she was feeling from that experience coupled with her fear after Zaraki had attacked her brother and nearly killed him.

Recent developments meant that Renji would learn of her relationship with Yumichika and there was little doubt that the news would reach her brother, within minutes. Captain Kuchiki would not be pleased to be associated with 11th Division, especially that closely. The man would not rage or express his anger at his sister, but once more, the disapproval and distance might grow between them.

"Rukia, your brother admires courage, doesn't he?"

Her eyes opened wide, startled. The quick nod she gave confirmed my impression.

"Of all the things he admires, they are honour, strength, integrity, honesty and courage." Inadvertently I emphasised the last two.

A small tinge of red showed in her cheeks and she turned her head away. There was no doubt she caught my meaning, but didn't want to acknowledge the truth. Placing my hand gently on her shoulder, I turned her slightly toward me and smiled at her as kindly as I could.

"I don't want to, Ran," quivered her voice. "He was dissatisfied with me for the longest time. Since then we have become close and if I see the disapproval in his eyes once more, it would hurt so badly. To finally have found a brother instead of a distant acquaintance..... I agreed to the marriage to please him."

Every word was true, the fervour in her words rang strongly.

She was missing something so important that it was necessary to remind her. "Was he harsh with you regarding Renji?"

She swallowed hard. She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it again and wriggled her neck slightly.

I waited.

She swallowed again and cleared her throat, finally shaking her head. "He never wanted me to marry Renji. Never. He didn't say it, but I know he was thinking it was an affront to the Kuchiki clan that his sister marry his lieutenant."

My answering nod was noticed and cautiously she continued. "The main rebuke he delivered was too many people witnessed the muddle. "

It was easy to believe that the outpouring of personal information was unpalatable.

A small chuckle escaped Rukia as she added, "Byakuya did say any doubt that the breakup was caused by him was removed. And no one would question the reason, just the person."

The acceptance and the comment sounded odd for Captain Kuchiki. "You have to tell him, Rukia. Not Renji, nor Zaraki. If you tell him it will show your trust and possibly impress him with your courage."

She shook her head in denial.

"Think about it. Who told you of Byakuya's engagement?"

She shrugged as a peculiar expression crossed her face. "It wasn't like that."

"What was it like?" There was no hiding the fact I was curious about it. Kiyone and Byakuya seemed an unlikely couple and I could not remember seeing the two of them exchanging glances, let alone words.

"I can't tell you."

Trying another tack I remembered an earlier conversation. "Your brother was forced into the engagement. Kiyone is pregnant?"

Reluctantly she nodded. "Captain Ukitake was very clear on the matter. My brother agreed to the marriage because of the child. I hated seeing Nee-chan forced into a loveless marriage, but what could I do?" Her mouth trembled after she spoke. "What can I do?"

I thought for a few minutes and tried to explain what I thought, but it seemed pretty feeble. "We make mistakes and have to live with them."

"It was only once! It isn't fair to him!"

Amazed that Captain Kuchiki revealed so much I stared at her. She gestured as if dismissing my surprise and explained, "Kiyone told everyone it was only once. "

Her clarification made more sense. From my limited contact with the 13th Division 3rd seat, it seemed she was even less discreet than me. When had this happened? It seemed that Rukia, Captain Ukitake, Captain Kuchiki and Kiyone had met together to discuss the situation. Her brother would not have liked that at all.

"I tried to tell Captain Ukitake that my brother hated being embarrassed in front of people he respects. Sometimes I wonder if that is why he helped Renji and I to leave the Seireitei to help Ichigo, so he could have an excuse to leave also. He hated that three captains knew about Kiyone's condition and the parentage of the baby before he did."

Three Captains? She'd mentioned Captain Ukitake, but who could the others be?

"I think he minded that Captain Fong knew more than Captain Hitsugaya," Rukia continued musingly. From the way the conversation was travelling it was apparent she preferred to think of others mistakes rather than her own.

Even so, I was astounded. My Captain and Captain Fong knew about this! Toshiro hadn't mentioned anything about it to me. If he had, the departure from his normal behaviour may have made me question if he was serious. Did it indicate a lack of trust on his behalf?

Rukia was correct. That these facts were known to other Captains before he was informed might deliver a great blow to his pride. All the same, I wondered if Kiyone had tried to meet with the Captain to explain what was happening, only to be left in the dust by his Shun-po or cool indifference.

"I'm scared for him, Ran. He doesn't love her and I'm not sure he even likes her. Do you think he'll marry her, wait until the baby is born and then divorce her?"

How could I answer that question? How did noble families view divorce? If Kiyone was unfaithful to him, the divorce proceedings might be fast and the custody of the child would be awarded to the father, or so I believed. Otherwise, the matter was open to many factors and influences.

"Love might come; later."

The slow shake of her head indicated Rukia's disbelief of my spoken hope. "Kiyone is wrong for him. They share no interests, no ideals, nothing. While I respect her, she is the worst possible wife for my brother."

Hasty words rushed from my mouth. "Is that because of your sister?"

Rukia gave a harsh laugh. "I barely remember my sister. Byakuya worships her memory and no woman will ever measure up to the woman he has created in his mind. I do know she gave him peace in his heart. Kiyone will never do that."

We had wandered so far from our original topic and while the revelations were fascinating, we weren't addressing the immediate problem. I decided to confront her with a possibility. "Is it possible that Captain Kuchiki doesn't want both of you entering a loveless alliance for the sake of family honour and respect?"

As her mouth dropped I followed up my advantage. "Your brother had one marriage based on love. He was prepared for you to marry Renji because he thought you loved him. Now he knows you don't, maybe he might welcome your alliance to a man you do love."

She shot upright and quickly answered, "I told you, I don't love him."

Many ideas passed through my mind as I contemplated the best answer. To help matters, Rukia should accept her feelings for Yumichika and then progress from there. While I didn't want to think about the possibility, there was a chance that we might not win and die here. That gave me the idea. "Rukia, you faced death here. You lost a child. What were you thinking as you were near death?"

"How could you remind me of that?" Pained rage showed in her expression and it was there because of my words.

It was low, I knew. Low, but I thought it necessary for my friend to see the truth.

"That is not an answer."

Rukia was breathing fast, strong emotion evident in her stance and face as her eyes gave me a hard and unrelenting stare. "That is not fair, Ran. I didn't know you were cruel."

"Getting to the truth can hurt," was my dismissive response. "But if cruelty makes the journey fast, then it's fair." It wasn't, I knew it wasn't, but Rukia kept trying to hide from her feelings about Yumichika.

As the silence lengthened I prodded her one more time. "Who did you think of?"

"My brother," she answered, too quickly.

"Your brother and who else?" There was no possibility that I would relent.

"Yumichika," was barely a whisper.

"When I thought I was dying all I could think of was Zaraki," I said as the memory wrenched at my heart and the remembered pain brought the coppery taste of blood to my mouth. Bringing her to this point had hurt her, but it seemed important that I shared the reason for my persistence with her. My hand went to my throat as I recalled Aizen's attempt to strangle me, or force me into submission. Death had come close and it was hard to escape the fear that it might be the only way I would leave this place. I wondered if Rukia had considered the matter and it was a clear possibility she had.

Then she looked at me without the anger, hatred and resentment that had been present in the latter part of our conversation.

"So, that's why you asked?"

My simple nod was all I needed to provide as answer. It had hurt me to use this tactic, but it had hurt her much more. Truth was often painful, either finding out the truth about ourselves, or the ones we cared for.

"You love Yumichika and it's important that you tell your brother."

The gasp that escaped her was not too strong; it sounded more like a sigh of unhappy acceptance. Her hands clenched slightly at her sides and gradually she pulled her shoulders back, straightening her spine as her resolve grew. "You're right, Ran. I wish you weren't. My brother deserves the truth from me. He has enough problems and if we lie, we lose the best part of each other."

"It would be better coming from you than my husband. With Renji, it is a solution that won't please everyone but at least he can't accuse you of enjoying his pain as you tell him." The mood Renji was in, he might perceive it to be so.

During our brief affair, it had become crystal clear that he loved Rukia more than Gin had ever loved me. When I questioned why he was with me and not her, he dismissed the question each time, making a joke, or laughing about my curiosity. It was only when he was talking generally, not really weighing each word, that the depth of his emotion was revealed. He had almost accepted that they would never be together, despite his potential to attain a high rank, despite his constant love and battle for improvement. She had changed since she had been adopted into the noble house. Instead of defying authority, she had been drawn into one of the most influential authorities: the aristocracy. Piece by piece, any chance he felt he had slipped away.

Our affair was long over by the time Rukia had gone to the human world. I'd kept in contact with Renji and noticed that his love had become slightly overlaid with bitterness. Being moved to the 11th Division had appeared like a demotion at the time. His goal seemed ever farther. He had been scared to be alone with her, fearful of revealing too much and had taken to seeing her only in the company of others.

It didn't matter. None of the past mattered now. It only lent a recognition of what had been there, but was now more apparent. The love Rukia and Renji had for each other had changed and now each of them had different expectations, which were at odds. It was pointless to consider whether they would still be in love if they had married earlier, as that situation had never arisen.

Rukia drew my attention by standing straight, wiping her face with a cloth she drew from her sleeve and then brushing her uniform, straightening it as much as she could. "Ran, come with me. Byakuya might not like it, but I need... I need... If he's upset with me, he won't show it in front of someone else."

Thinking about it, it was easy to see why she made the request, but I could not agree. "If you tell him, in person and in private, he will have the opportunity to respond as he must. If I am there, he might resent my presence."

Rukia paused as she seemed to think about my comments. I could feel her reluctance, and knew that she feared losing her brother's good opinion. I couldn't blame her. I didn't understand Captain Kuchiki. I knew why my Captain was very insistent on protocol and adherence to the proper forms. He was young and too many people discounted his intelligence and abilities. He was the closest thing I had to a relative and while he might become annoyed with me at least the essential honesty between us prevented many of the possible mistakes.

Captain Kuchiki might be a noble, but Rukia was his sister. I would never treat Toshiro the way he had treated Rukia, no matter the reason. Toshiro would let me know when he was angry and then once I had done as he had asked and soothed him or threatened him with copious amounts of hugging, he would eventually come around. I would prefer that to cold denial that anything was wrong which seemed to be the way that Rukia's brother might react to an unpleasant disclosure. It seemed that it was probable their hard won companionship might be shattered by this new revelation.

"You can stand watch with me after you tell him," I offered. "It will give him time to accept the news."

A very small smile touched her mouth. "If I tell him I'm helping you stand watch he won't interrogate me too much, you mean?" She sighed gently and the smile vanished. "Not that he would. He won't be pleased."

Pleased. Whenever people fell in love someone would be displeased, unhappy, angry, rejected or confused by the relationship. If I'd considered other people's feelings I would never have invaded Zaraki's privacy in the bath house. Toshiro would still be twisting his life into a never ending downward spiral on behalf of Momo. Ikkaku would be womanising indiscriminately.

But on the other hand, Renji wouldn't be reduced to his current raging state, Nemu might have never discovered her inability to bear children and none of the women would be pregnant. Was that the better situation?

I'd heard someone once say that love was unselfish, but that wasn't true. Love was the ultimate indulgence in self-interested behaviour. You might sacrifice everything for the one you loved, but you were also prepared to surrender all others to whatever fate might await them in order to protect that one person. Wars had been fought for the sake of love. So many deaths sanctioned for an emotion that was supposedly shared between people.

I caught myself before further ideas passed through my mind concerning the nature of love. People had died for it and because of it, but that was true of so many other things. People dying over a small piece of land because two powerful nations had laid claim to it. Wars were waged over ideas, beliefs and the simple pursuit of power or revenge.

"Ran, can we go now?' Rukia's voice broke through my musings and I was startled to realise I had become caught up with irrelevancies.

I gave her an uncertain smile as we walked back to the room where we believed Captain Byakuya was stationed. As we entered the room all the inhabitants turned to look at us and I noticed Zaraki was absent.

"Brother, may I talk to you? Alone?" Rukia's voice shook with nerves.

Her brother merely looked at her and nodded, then led the way out of the door.

"Good luck," I mouthed at her as she left, hoping that this would work out better than I anticipated.

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