Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Different Circumstances ❯ The Dance ( Chapter 41 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein.   The characters in this story are not mine, except for the original characters.  I make no money from the publication of this work.
Was the information worth a kiss?  
One problem that hovered at the back of my mind was a kiss with Gin usually led somewhere, or had in the dim distant past.  While my stomach revolted at the idea of his tongue in my mouth, having sex with him was something I didn't wish to think about.  
No information was worth sex with Gin, or Aizen or anyone.  Sex was with Zaraki. There was no other man who was worth my time.  
Frantically I tried to think.  I didn't want to kiss his lips, his forehead, nose, cheeks or eyelids; in fact no part of his face.  Or torso.  Or limbs. Or hands.  Or feet.  I didn't want to kiss Gin, at all.  Not even in memory of our one time friendship and love.  A hot and cold sensation ran through me as I considered any of type of kiss with the man and I had to fight my distaste.  Once I'd begged him for kisses and now didn't want to touch him with my mouth.  The change in my life was almost complete.
Was there a way to kiss without using lips?  Butterfly kisses with my eyelashes would bring my face too close to his.
I kept thinking, trying to remember something about kissing.  Something I'd heard in the human world, but it eluded me.  
I studied Gin.  He was looking in my direction and the smile on his face proved he enjoyed my perplexity.  And he was confident.  The way he stood, everything about him indicated he was sure I would kiss him for information.  How little he knew the person I'd become.
Why did he want a kiss?  He could hold me and kiss me, and while I would fight back, he would still be kissing me, yet he seemed to want a consensual kiss.  If I kissed him willingly, it might be seen as a sign of acceptance.
Until now I'd never considered the politics of kissing.  The first time I'd had sex with Zaraki, we hadn't kissed.  He didn't kiss me until he wanted me to ask him for sex.  Until now, I hadn't thought of it as anything strange, but now it seemed unusual.  Almost as if the kiss was a reward for pleasuring him, or yet another way of proving his claim.  
Dragging my mind back to the present, even though that past was a more enjoyable place to dwell, I decided to ask a question. "Why do you want me to kiss you?"  
Knowing Gin as well as I did alerted me to the subtle shift in his stance.  There was a reason, or many reasons behind the demand.  
"No reason.  Only an idle fancy, Rangiku."
He was a master at lying, but this time failed to convince me.
"Why do you want me to kiss you?"
Raising his eyebrows he laughed lightly.  "Persistent.  The persistence doesn't appeal to me, at all.  I rescued you just in time."  
Abduction was now being rewritten as rescue.  Gin always had a way to spin the words and make it seem his action was reasonable.  A date, a rescue; renaming my capture and imprisonment as something benign instead of the crime it was.  It made sense in some ways he joined with Aizen.  Instead of viewing the events as the actions of traitors who betrayed all the Shinigami edicts, he may have chosen to see them as heroes preparing to bring a much needed change to decaying tradition.
Or he enjoyed the secrecy and planning.  
His enjoyment of playing games was well known to me, but the betrayal had been unexpected.  Had he been involved in the conspiracy even when we were together?  Had some of our time together been coloured by his knowledge that it was temporary, or didn't he care?  Gin always had a tendency to live in the moment, not planning for the future.  Another reason why he would take the food and disappear for days leaving me to handle the consequences.
Avoiding answering his demand for a kiss wouldn't work for long.  
"An answer, Rangiku?"
Kissing him was unavoidable and unacceptable.  I needed the answer.  Losing faith in Retsu caused pain which might be unnecessary if he told me the real traitor.  What if Retsu was the traitor?  It was unlikely I'd be permitted to leave and accuse her or help the small team of Shinigami sent here to rescue Orihime.  
Permitted?  A strange fancy, certainly.  I had to escape.  Zaraki and others may have rescued me the last time yet relying on others to help and protect me made me feel weak.  This time it was my turn to gain freedom and turn the tables.
An idea was hovering at the back of my mind.  Words I'd barely registered when I was attending some class while in the human world.  I'd been giggling with Yumichika about Ichigo leaning back and then falling off a chair, all the while trying to appear cool.  Orihime had immediately run to his side to help him to his feet, while the rest of us laughed.  The boy tried so hard to appear mature, but it wasn't possible for him to conceal what he really was.  An adolescent boy with an ego to match the size of his blade.
The class had been about some old story where two teenagers met and fell in love with each other after a few minutes.  Not easy to believe their families were deadly enemies so they were obviously wrong for each other but didn't care. The part of the story which I was trying to recall concerned how she avoided kissing him while they danced.  So coy at the party where they'd met, even though she married him later.  
"I will kiss you, but in a way I've never kissed you before."
Gin at first looked astonished, and then pleased.  He was possibly imagining some wild, passionate embrace which was almost as good as sex, or something else, which I did not wish to consider.  Not with him, not with any man, except one.
Loving someone as much as I loved Zaraki meant that any previous boundaries were stretched further than I'd ever contemplated regarding sex.  Never had I wanted sex so desperately with a man.  I'd never yearned for a man's touch or been prepared to have sex at any opportunity, knowing we would both obtain pleasure from each other.  
My thoughts always strayed in my husband's direction.
"Close your eyes and hold up your hand," I instructed.
"Holding up my hand?  Which one?" Gin seemed curious.
Which hand had it been?  I couldn't remember and decided it didn't matter.  Gin might not know the reference and it might require explanation, or I could simply repeat the words the girl had said.  
"Your left hand.  Hold up your left hand and close your eyes."  It was difficult to keep my voice steady, even though this was serious; I had an overwhelming desire to giggle.  "Are your eyes closed?"
"Eyes closed," he said.
Moving close I placed my palm against his, while reciting, "Palm to palm is Holy Palmer's Kiss."
I held the contact for a few seconds and then moved away.  "I've kissed you in a way I've never kissed you before.  My part of the bargain is done."
No matter how he tried, Gin couldn't prevent the look of incredulity from crossing his face.  Then his mouth turned up in his usual smile and he nodded.  "Rangiku, you've surprised me."  
Did that mean he understood the reference?
"Words, hundreds of years old," he chuckled gently and indulgently.  "But you cannot deny you kissed me, willingly."
While it was true, in a fashion, could anyone misinterpret the action?  Yes, given the right circumstances and description it might seem like a loving gesture and a kiss.  I'd explain everything to Zaraki when I saw him, if I ever saw him again.  The thought made my spirits plummet but I refused to permit depression to become my dominant emotion.  Thinking that way was the worst possible reaction.  It was essential I remained convinced there was a way to change this situation to my advantage.
"Who is it Gin?  Is it Retsu?" Ignoring his words might diffuse the underlying threat.  
He returned to his seat and negligently crossed one leg over the other and crossed his arms, leaning his body to the left side slightly.  The position alerted me to his annoyance at either my questioning or the kiss, or rather the lack of kissing.  
Then he sighed.  "It's not Unohana, the saint of the Seireitei, even though she's a lecherous saint.  You know she and Zaraki were hot and heavy for a long time."
"You told me about it before, remember?"  Then it dawned on me he was doing exactly the same thing I had done.  Distraction by throwing in a nugget of information that might prove to be more interesting than the question I wished answered.  Even so, I noticed my shoulders and neck relaxed significantly as the import of his words filtered through.  Retsu was innocent and not working with the traitors.
Was Gin lying?
"It's the truth.  Rangiku, you won fairly, much as I hate to admit it.  You received an honest answer and with your obvious paranoia I'm sure you know who the traitor really is."
"Slug breath," I half whispered.
Gin laughed again, this time with genuine amusement.  "Can't say I've gotten close enough to notice.  The pink one's contribution?"
I nodded.  It wasn't an answer so I asked again.  "Is it the 12th Division Captain?"
"He's proved invaluable to all of us."  
There was a deeper meaning to his words.  He almost sounded grateful to the man and I wondered why.  All I felt when I thought of him was disgust, anger, hatred and a fierce need for revenge.  
"I'm certain he has," was my stony reply.
"Why so cold, Rangiku?  Smarting at being separated from the Thug?"
In the back of my mind I'd been brooding over the loss of my child.  While I was pregnant with another the loss of the first hurt and I blamed Gin.  It was affecting the way I spoke to him and increased my desire to escape his presence before I blurted everything out.  Did he know?  Had he deliberately killed my baby by forcing Orihime to heal me?
"Yes.  I want to return to my husband."
"But I don't want you to return to your husband," his mimicry was as expert as ever.  "I want you to stay here and love me as you did."
Stung, I replied quickly.  "I can't love you like that ever again.  You made me lose my baby!"  I knew it.  As soon as I consciously thought something, the words streamed out of my mouth and hung there in the air.  I'd yelled the words loudly, almost screaming with the frustration and anger boiling within me at the things that had been done to me.  He was part of the disease, poisoning my life.  
Did he shrug?  Did he hear my words?  I felt dizzy and disorientated with lingering nausea.  The last, now becoming a constant companion, joined with the others, and forced me close my eyes briefly.
On opening my eyes the room shimmered; the walls expanded and two staircases rose at either side of the room, while a host of white clad Arrancar filed down the stairs, carefully matching their steps to unexpected music: a guitar, tambourine and drum.  Where was the music coming from?  Curtains appeared, suspended from somewhere and the lighting changed, becoming brighter and more intrusive.
What the hell was happening?  The day was making less and less sense.  
Any day without Zaraki made no sense to me.  Once it had been Gin whose presence made sense of my life.  How needy had I been?
Gin stood, kicking the chair away, which promptly vanished, and moved toward me, holding out his hands, singing.  As much as was possible I ignored his outstretched hands and placing mine behind my back firmly.
Then it struck me.  Singing?  Gin didn't normally sing!   It didn't sound like his voice, the loss of accent and it was deeper with a better range than I thought he possessed.  The Arrancar weren't going to dance, were they?
"Well you're smouldering with fly words
Catch the moment on the run.
And you say there's nothin' easy
About the plywood tract you're from."
I shook my head and blinked my eyes rapidly as denial filtered through my mind.  The Arrancar were not standing behind Gin moving in unison from side to side, sliding their feet along the floor as they swayed gently.  They were not dancing!  Why would they dance? They preferred to kill Shinigami and increase their power, not dance.  Some were smiling, which was just wrong.
I rubbed my eyes.  Why ignore the truth?  The Arrancar were dancing, and quite neatly too.  Gin was singing and making a few minor moves which might be judged as dancing also.  
This was the final proof I had officially gone insane.  My poor baby was either not going to survive, or be taken from me as soon as he or she was born.  Zaraki might have no choice but to send me to the Maggot's Nest as I might never be able to discern reality from these peculiar events. This was not happening.  
The Arrancar were gliding smoothly lifting and dipping their heads and hands as Gin continued singing.  Formation dancing, with perfect timing and rhythm.  Who had taught them to move so well?  Was it part of their training which differed from the Shinigami training?  
Even though I'd fought them and even interacted with the Arrancar in the human world, I didn't know much about them.  Dancing was a physical exercise and might help with fighting.  
I'd missed some of the words Gin was singing, but now the Arrancar were wagging their fingers at me sternly while the other hand moved jerkily in a sideways sliding motion as Gin sang:
"So you say you lost your baby,  
Do you know that you're the one?"
I wanted to sink to the floor, no crawl through it to a safe place and where it all made sense.  Did everyone in Hueco Mundo know I'd lost my child when I was last here?  Had Gin been planning this all the time I'd been recovering; training the Arrancar to dance while practising his singing?  Had I ever seen Gin dance before?  As for singing, I'd heard him do so under his breath once or twice, but usually when he thought no one was listening.  Had the time spent with the Espada and Arrancar wrought a change in him and encouraged him to undertake new interests?  Nothing I knew about him indicated a particular interest in music and dance.  Or had Aizen insisted he learn this to taunt and torment me and gain some vicarious pleasure in my pain?
Obviously he'd finished the first verse and I hoped it was over, but they were quickly dashed as he started singing another verse, with no interval. What trials was I watching?  Who were the moon trolls?  What entrance and why was there a standoff?  Nothing he was singing about made any sense until he reached the refrain:
"And you say you lost your baby
Wondering if it's in your life."
I gritted my teeth, waiting for another verse of incomprehensible words with a good backing but the music changed and instead of standing behind Gin, the Arrancar formed complicated patterns where they raced to the stairs and came down them moving between each other and swirling and turning as they passed while 4 clad in long coats stood in the middle spinning around while the rest moved quickly past.  It was quite pleasant to watch those with long coats have them fan out behind them as they spun around, but it still made no sense.  Gin had never sung to me before, and it hurt that he was singing quite happily about the loss of my child.  It was needlessly cruel.
I wanted to move, bury my face in my hands to shut out the sight and sound of this uncharacteristic celebration, but my arms seemed fixed to my sides.  My eyes refused to close but remained set on the action, the discomfort quickly changing to a fire burning on my skin and through my mind as I was once more forced to feel the full extent of loss, shame and sadness.  I began to hum loudly, hoping to at least obscure the music, but it did not drown out the sound of Gin singing the next verse.  It had to be the last verse! At least I hoped it was the last.  This singing and dancing about the loss of my baby felt like a punishment for a crime of such evil, but I didn't believe I'd done anything deserving this.  Was falling in love with Zaraki breaking the law?  Searching my mind, nothing seemed obvious.  Had I broken some other unknown law accidentally?  
Now he kept repeating that I'd lost my baby and the dancing became more elaborate, with the Arrancar weaving intricate patterns, some of them holding upraised hands and making an arc while others swooped underneath.  Gin was now joining with the others, swooping underneath the arc and then turning in a small, tight circle.  Perhaps this was nearing the end?  
The music changed slightly and I heard an underlying sound which was different to the noise made by the dancing feet and the music. Turning around I noticed an Arrancar sliding toward me on his knees, his arms outstretched and his head back.  He stopped a few centimetres from my feet.  Stepping back, I turned only to notice another Arrancar doing exactly the same thing.  Were they intending to embrace me after they surrounded me?  I couldn't back away due to those behind me. Gin was the last, sliding to a stop right in front of me as the music ended.
I shut my eyes, willing it away; deciding that none of it had happened.  It might be a fantasy due to the different energy present in this world.  Or I had fallen into a dream world without noticing I'd fallen asleep.  
"Rangiku.  What baby?  Was it mine?"  Gin's hands were on my shoulders.  I jerked away and opened my eyes.  There were no Espada or Arrancar, no enlarged room, no music.  Only Gin and I, alone in a room which seemed too small to contain the two of us.  Being this close to him roused a definite feeling of nausea, the cloying taste of my previous vomiting returned to strengthen the need to retch.   It may have been wise that, even while I hadn't been slightly tempted, I had not joined in the dancing.  I didn't know the music, the steps and was still trying to forget the words to the song.  
"Why did you sing that song?  Where are the Arrancar and Espada?"
"Me?  Sing?  I have no reason to sing." He sounded puzzled. "As for the Arrancar?" He shrugged.
"But you sang a song and the Arrancar danced," I said, the words sounding feeble and stupid even to my ears.
"It didn't happen, Rangiku.  We were talking and you shut your eyes for a few moments.  You imagined it," he said wrapping his arms around me in a way I remembered.  He'd done that when I'd woken from bad dreams, shrieking.
I didn't want his touch and couldn't take comfort from this man.  Zaraki.  Zaraki would make me laugh and then insist Retsu help me, wouldn't he?  The main thought that throbbed through my mind was I didn't want Gin anywhere near me.
"Get away from me.  It wasn't your baby.  How would that be possible?  You always swore you'd never believe any child I had was yours.  It was my baby.  Mine and Zaraki's." He moved closer and I backed further away.  "Any closer and I'll be sick.  I mean it, Gin.  Stay away."
He stepped back and was quiet for a moment.  "Aizen suggested it might have happened.  He insisted the girl heal you completely, and I thought it might be a little joke if you woke to find all the bruises gone. "
Once again I received the sense there were other factors behind the words, concealed by the phrasing.  Requesting answers might result in further confusion, yet this time the matter required investigation.
"So you could make fresh ones all over my body?  You didn't want to confuse my poor little brain with wondering who caused which bruise?"  Anger filled my voice.  To be healed only to later be beaten and tortured nearly to death while I was unconscious.   Strange that I was grateful I'd been unconscious.  That dilemma about being grateful I hadn't been aware of their hands on my body while furious it happened, was confusing.  Then the words filtered through. "Aizen ordered it?  You followed his orders?"
"It suited me," he shrugged.  
Unmistakable Gin reasoning.  If it didn't inconvenience him or amused him, then Gin appeared to obey orders.  If it didn't do either, excuses were made; reasons provided one following another quickly so it took some time to work out that none of them were solid, but fabrications to distract the person making the request, or issuing the order.  I wondered how he'd react if one of his subordinates attempted the same tactic.  It would be difficult for him not to notice, and punishment might result.  It was amusing, in a perverted way, how he had little tolerance for his own failings being present in other people.  
Had Aizen guessed I was pregnant?  Why did it matter to him?  
"What was Aizen's interest?"  The words were out of my mouth before my brain could stop my mouth from opening.
For the first time I saw Gin's shoulders sag.  This was not the confident, arrogant and amused man I'd known.  All the time I'd been in his company on this occasion, his reactions were different.  Even the way he spoke was reminiscent of his speech patterns long ago.  Possibly Aizen has subjected him to Hollowfication and this was the result.
"I don't know, Rangiku.  I never knew the first time, when I found you...." he broke off.
When he found me.  All those years ago I'd wondered how I'd ended up in the field with this strange smiling boy looking down at me and offering me food.  No matter how much I tried, the memory of why I had walked to the field eluded me, or even how I'd walked there.  Fields weren't my usual choice for sleeping as there were few places to hide.   When I'd asked Gin what he was doing there, he'd only smiled at me and didn't answer.
"What happened when you found me?"
"I promised to protect you..." again his voice trailed off.
I almost exploded with bitter laughter.  My mind quickly ticked off the list of recent events: abducting me, trying to strangle me, assisting in torturing me and nearly raping me.  If that was his version of protection, I hated to think how he'd actively try to harm me.  "Did you?"
'Haven't you noticed how quickly you heal, Rangiku?"
The question startled me and proved a good way of focusing my thoughts elsewhere.  How quickly I healed?  What had that to do with anything?  I healed like any normal Shinigami or thought I did.  In answer I shook my head.
"Anyone else would have died from your injuries, Ran.  Unohana, drugs, Zaraki were incidental.  You caused your healing."
The man was talking gibberish.  I didn't heal quickly.  The bite had taken days and days to improve and I couldn't forget how sore I'd become from the sex.  "Gin, I think Aizen has been spinning a fantasy.  Take over the kingdom, become the most powerful men in the Afterlife, walk on water for all I know.  I don't heal faster than anyone else.  The bite Orihime removed had been there for days."
"It wasn't a life threatening injury."
Nor had the pain and tenderness from sex been life threatening.  Only a pleasure killer.
"I was dying, Gin.  The last time I was here you and Aizen tried to kill me."  I didn't try to prevent my voice from faltering as I spoke.  Of course I didn't recall the time after Zaraki had arrived to save me, the pain had conveniently passed while I was unconscious and I'd recovered because of the medication and Retsu's dedication.  
Hadn't I?
"It was a test.  Aizen wanted to test you by taking you to the limits it was possible to reach, but I was there the whole time, watching, trying to stop him from taking it too far."
It was another elaborate joke Gin was creating.  
"The rape was to drive you to the edge.  I didn't want to do it."
That rang false.  He'd tried to rape me before Aizen pretended to be Zaraki and met me in the hall after I'd escaped.  "Twisting events to make a new truth only works if the other person doesn't know the facts, Gin.  You tried to rape me earlier; before Aizen was there."  I sighed.
"I didn't want to rape you, either time."
I grabbed a chair and sank into it before I fell.  He was admitting the truth?  "Gin, what is going on here?  Are you really Gin Ichimaru?"
____________________________________________________________ ___________________
A.N.
The song Gin Ichimaru 'sings' is 'So You Say You Lost Your Baby'.  (See soundtrack below).  Listening to the song in my car, the idea of a musical number came to me and amused me for moments.  
Soundtrack
'Lunatico'  Gotan Project
'Hands of Love' Wall of Voodoo
'So You Say You Lost Your Baby' Death in Vegas
'Another Version of the Truth' Nine Inch Nails
Review.  Reviews sometimes amuse.
Thanks for the review Bastion and Happy New Year.



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