Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Hollow Charm ❯ Speculation ( Chapter 22 )

Tite Kubo owns Bleach. I just borrowed the characters.

Warning: Use of graphic language and images. Sexual content.

 

Speculation

 

“Use your time and abilities,” the word hung in the air.

 

“I've always disliked having a time limit,” Orihime thought as she stared, sadly, at Zangetsu. He was now standing on his pole looking enigmatic and watching her with small indication of interest. “It makes it hard to think because I feel that I have to come up with the answer. What if I get it wrong? And I will. I know I will. How could I get it right because it's so important? I've been set up to fail.”

 

Baigon hovered in front of her face. His face was grave and he spoke very slowly. “You have all the time you need, but it is not an infinite amount. You know what you must do and you are hesitating. It is easy to comprehend why you do not wish to make a final decision for once it is made you will not be able to walk away from it. The solution is known, but you must accept it. ”

 

Trying to gather her thoughts and make sense of what Baigon was attempting to tell her, she didn't notice the flurry of movement. The next thing she saw was Tsubaki holding Baigon in a headlock as he punched at his face. “What did you do? Read Zangetsu's guide to making enigmatic comments or something? The poor kid is trying to work out something and all you do is mumble at her about knowing what she has to do. If she knew, she'd do it. She always does the right thing, well except when the charm was working on her. But she always does what she thinks is the right thing. Give her a break!”

 

To see Tsubaki attacking Baigon shocked her, just as his words shocked her even more. Baigon had been trying to help, she knew that, but every time one of the powers or Zangetsu tried to help her, she ended up more confused than before. Each time she felt she had found the solution a chance comment made her question the validity of her choice which left her once again wondering what action was the correct one to take.

 

From all the words and instructions that had been said she realised there was only one correct answer but many possibilities. She knew that Tsubaki was showing outwardly the frustration she often felt, but couldn't reveal. The last time she had seen her brother alive all she had shown him was anger and after he had died she had made a silent promise to herself that any of those feelings would be suppressed. Of course she had broken the promise, many times, but each time she did she felt guilty and tried even harder to suppress the darker emotions.

 

To add to her shock, none of her other powers interfered. They watched as Baigon and Tsubaki fought, each of them with their arms crossed and their expressions set as they closely watched the battle. Zangetsu seemed to watch also, but the way his glasses reflected the light, it was hard to tell. Ichigo's Hollow watched the moving figures with hunger in his gaze as if he wished he could participate, and unwillingly, it seemed, Ichigo watched also. Dragging her longing gaze from his face she observed her two powers, deciding that she should intervene and stop the pointless squabble. It was very sweet of Tsubaki to fight on her behalf but there was no point. She had to work out the problem and she was absolutely certain that all her powers wanted to help her in any way they could.

 

Then Baigon did something, slicing his hands through the air in a pattern she recognised. She'd only seen that recently, but where? A stifled gasp made her look at Ichigo's face and then she realised he'd spun the blade during the battle in the same way to deflect an attack. Unbelieving she watched as Tsubaki mimicked the riposte that the Hollow had made. They closed and continued the fight and she could see the pattern emerge as they copied the moves, each appearing to become stronger or weaker as they faked cutting each other.

 

All the same, they were evenly matched and there seemed little point in the fight continuing. Neither would be able to batter down the opposition of the other to make the victor assured of the success. Either side could argue it was luck rather than skill that had decided the match and as nothing would be decisive….. It was wrong. The battle was wrong because it wasn't fair.

 

But why were they imitating the fight? Tsubaki didn't need an excuse, he liked fighting and did so at any opportunity, but why was Baigon assisting him?

 

“Time is passing,” Zangetsu's voice floated at the edge of her consciousness and momentarily taking her concentration from the fight she was viewing. The fight stripped of the anger, pride, honour and frustration only showed more clearly how pointless it was. The hatred made the fight rage through the participants, rather than a cold blooded clashing of blades. Hate stripped away the skill, reducing it to a mere struggle. As a means to an end it was an end to nothing.

 

Hate stripped everything else away. Emotions did that. They made things work, destroyed others, clouded the judgement. She knew that her emotions had made her vulnerable to the charm and her pride had done the rest. Certain that she could keep a slight amount of distance to the events she was experiencing, she became more and more dominated by the emotions that the incidents were creating until she lost sight of what she was trying to achieve. Now her emotions were of no help, not indicating or even swaying her to take a particular path that could lead to an end. Her heart still ached, her stomach was still uncertain but these emotions indicated nothing to her.

 

Faintly she could hear the tune of a song in the back of her mind. A song she knew well and grief rose in the back of her throat as the music became clearer. A piano playing a few simple chords, while a female voice soared, providing the melody, pure and sweet until the drums supplied a counterpoint. As she remembered other instruments slowly joined in providing the accompaniment and the voice continued to sing about completeness and waiting.

 

And love.

 

It was the last song she had listened to before she'd left the human world to accompany Ulquiorra to this place. Goreki by Lamb.

 

“Love,” she breathed, the word was taken from her lips and the wind amplified the sound until it resounded through this strange world in which she stood. For a breath or two, all colour was bleached from the surroundings, making it a stark and simple black and white. Inevitably her gaze was drawn to Ichigo and she blinked. Swiftly she shifted her attention to the Hollow and then back to Ichigo as colour again returned, staining everything with shades that were almost shocking after their absence.

 

Although she knew they were very different, that momentary glimpse had rocked Orihime. Ichigo had looked so very much like his Hollow that her heart had almost ceased beating due to the shock and the pang of loving fear.

 

A dry voice broke her reverie. “You have the key. Do you know how to use it?”

 

Recoiling from the implication Orihime tried desperately to decide what to do. She could save both Ichigo and his Hollow, but as Zangetsu said it meant sacrifice and for her it was one that was almost too great to bear.

 

“I have been weak,” she said aloud to Ichigo, addressing all her words to him, hoping he would hear and try to condone her actions. “That time is past. I now act for the good of others, not my own.” The words were hard to say.

 

Taking a deep breath she turned to Zangetsu and asked, with as much steel in her voice as she could infuse it with, “Will this work?”

 

It was hard to tell if his eyes flashed, or it was merely the reflection of the light on his glasses. “If you do this you are committed to continue. There can be no turning back, no matter what other experiences you have; if you falter, for a second, it will fail. There are risks. It has to be given freely with no anticipation of reward.”

 

Flushing, she kept the rising anger under control. “I know that.” She paused and with a minimum of hope asked the question that would decide her fate. It was strange to think that the answer to this question would affect her life more than the proposal from Ichigo. “There is no other way?”

 

“None.”

 

The single flat word sank into the silence of the room and her final shred of hope for another answer was buried under the word. Desolation. It engulfed her and drew her into the black and echoing cavern she knew so well, but it felt different this time. That had been a selfish emotion, one born of anguish for her loss, but on this occasion she would be helping someone who had proven to her that he was prepared to make the same sacrifice that she was preparing to make. A giddy heedlessness counteracted her misery and she became unsteady on her feet but the sadness was stronger than any feeling of happiness.

 

Something then broke in her and she reached out, searching for comfort from someone. “I don't know if I can do this. It's too hard and how can I find something where it doesn't exist.”

 

Lily took one hand with Ayame and Baigon and Hinagiku took the other. “It's already there,” Hinagiku assured her. “Remember how you felt about the child. The child is the connection and if you can hold that in your mind, it will work.”

 

Taking her time, Orihime breathed, trying to restore some evenness to her pulse as it hastened through her body as her mind gradually accepted her planned action. Pushing her hair out of her face, she smoothed it back with her hands and then dried her face. Her eyes were probably red from the tears, but this was more important that if her face was pretty or her hair messy. Events in real life did not stop while a make-up artist intervened to improve the appearance of the person. Not all hero's and heroines wore clean clothes or even designer labels. Some weren't attractive. That was just the impression you received when you looked at people you thought were heroic. There was a vague glamour that surrounded them, blurring out the flaws. On television and the movies of course people looked heroic and beautiful. It was easy to admire them, but she knew that none of it was true. Maybe there were no real handsome heroes, except for Ichigo.

 

Again she caught her mind before if went into another tangent of safety where she could muse on the nature of heroes while she was in fact dodging the actions she needed to take. Time was running out and Ichigo needed her help.

 

He was looking at her and she thought she could read a pleading tone in his gaze. She knew he wanted her to rid him of his Hollow, but now it had been made plain to her that it would not be possible to do that. Then a new thought emerged. She had encountered the Vizards and knew that they were strong. They had some method to integrate the Hollow into themselves, but either there hadn't been enough time for Ichigo to learn, or he was different to them, so their techniques couldn't work.

 

A slap on her cheek made her blink. It wasn't Tsubaki this time who had shocked her back to the present. In amazement she saw it was Hinagiku, looking stern. “Why do you dawdle? Why must you make this so difficult? It will not improve with time, nor will it go away. You profess to have an emotional attachment and yet you linger, dreaming and fantasising about shadows and possibilities when you know what to do.”

 

Instead of crying or reacting in shock, she nodded. Her failure to consider matters had brought her here. Now she knew, now it had been clearly outlined, hesitation dominated her and made her pause too long. These final minutes had been wasted when she could have been bidding Ichigo good-bye. This time she would steal what she could and say the words she had to say, hopefully making him accept what she was about to do.

 

Standing in front of him she looked deeply into his dark brown eyes, noting how the colour changed from cinnamon to nutmeg the closer to the iris the colour was. She sighed, wishing she had spent more time looking at him this close, imprinting all his loved features indelibly on her mind.

 

“May I kiss you, Ichigo?” she asked quietly.

 

The boy blinked and taking this as an agreement she pressed her lips to his. Only she knew that this might be the last occasion on which their lips would touch in this manner because the next step she took would change everything irrevocably.

 

“You may not like what I'm about to do, but I have to, Ichigo. It is the only way I can bring the two of you together. No matter what happens, I love you now and will always love you. Even in death I will continue to love you. Nothing will sway me from that love; not torture, not pain, not another person because it cannot be. There is nothing stronger in this world than the love I feel for you.”

 

The confused look in Ichigo's eyes made her smile even though she had never felt less like smiling than now. “Forgive me, Ichigo, but I know what I must do.”

 

A muffled gasp made her turn and kiss him once more, her mouth opening under his as his lips parted and she could feel his tongue touch hers. She permitted her body to relax and accept what he could as her arms went around his neck and she pressed her torso against his. Her words were wearing off, she could feel his muscles beginning to loosen and this was the last indication that she was running out of time. With more reluctance than before she finished the kiss and pulled away.

 

“Wait, Orihime, wait,” Ichigo said. His voice croaked and he coughed as he again commenced to struggle to move.

 

“I can't wait. Don't you see, my time is up and I have to do this,” she said and moved to the Hollow. The flat black eyes looked at her. She could read nothing in them. The momentary glimpse of the scared child she had thought she'd seen before had gone and all there seemed to be was arrogance and hatred. Forcing her actions she reached up with her hand and caressed his cheek. The skin felt cold and inflexible after the warmth of Ichigo and she almost flinched, but forced her hand to remain steady. She brought up her other hand and cupped his face between them, holding his head steady as she gazed into his eyes. He bore her stare for a short time and then tried to wrest his head out of her hands, his eyes slid to one side, to avoid hers.

 

“You've existed inside Ichigo since his mother died. You are everything he had to reject to protect his family because they needed him. When Ichigo went through the experience to become a Shinigami once more you were waiting, as you have always been waiting. You were so strong then because you already existed and at the time you nearly won the fight for dominance. Before then you sometimes hovered near the surface, causing him to get involved in all the fights, trying to shut him off from the friendships that were freely offered. Friendship is a burden to you because it makes you experience something other than pain and anger. But what else can be expected? A child that is born out of hate and pain embraces those emotions. Boys that only live to fight and harm are only half alive.” Each word pierced Orihime because Ichigo could hear what she was saying. Having been sheltered from the truth, this must be affecting him, but she had to continue. Gradually the Hollow had returned his attention to her and his cold skin was warming slightly under the warmth of her hands. She shivered. Was this working?

 

“You've got a lot to say, girl,” the Hollow hissed and moving fast he turned his head and licked one of her hands in an obscene manner. “How about you put your pretty mouth to good use?”

 

The suggestion didn't affect her. She'd expected something like this, but she had to hurry. If the Hollow could speak, he was gradually getting back the use of his body. “There was one emotion that affected you more than others and that was jealousy.”

 

The Hollow screeched with laughter and Orihime had to exert more pressure to retain her hold on his head. “Jealous? The only jealousy I have is that he won the body.”

 

Increasing the intensity of her gaze, she shook her head. “It's no shock to anyone that you're lying. In your existence it had been easier to fabricate the truth than accept it. Every time Ichigo has tried to get close to me, you've interfered.”

 

In response the Hollow darted his head forward, his mouth opened wide and tongue protruding as he centred on her mouth. Perhaps he was trying to kiss her, but Orihime pulled her head back. She had more to say. Seeing he wasn't going to succeed, the Hollow stopped and sneered at her. “Interfered? All I did was try to get the fool to take what you were offering, to share that body of yours with me. I could have some fun with you if he wasn't around. I'd tie you up and take you every way I could, and then make you beg for more. I'd beat you and then lap the blood from your wounds, bite the flesh from the edges and cut you and then fuck the gashes until your skin gaped open ready to please me over and over. I'd keep you alive as I destroyed you, making sure you could feel each hint of pain.”

 

Almost reeling from the hatred spilling through the words, Orihime had to clench her jaws together and fight the nausea she felt from his threats and the images forming in her mind. This was much harder than she imagined, but she had to continue. Despite everything the foul creature said she had to persist.

 

“But I can't think of his as a foul creature or this won't work,” she thought. “I have to see the child, but it's not easy.”

 

“Shut up,” Ichigo yelled. “Don't say any more.” Looking back at him, Orihime noticed he had managed to fall and was trying to crawl to her and the Hollow. She had to hurry.

 

“Focus,” Shuno whispered in her ear.

 

“I'll say what I want. This time I can tell her what I want to do,” the Hollow jeered, “and your moronic morals won't stop me.”

 

Looking deep inside her, Orihime found the determination she needed and looked at the Hollow, allowing her expression to soften from the expression of horror that she knew she wore. “All the time, you've been scared. You want to live, but you don't know how. To continue living as you are hurts and you try to hurt everyone around you. This makes you say spiteful words that you don't mean.”

 

The Hollow laughed again. “I mean them, girl. As soon as I'm free you'll see how I mean them. I'll be riding you so hard you'll think you're split in two.”

 

It was impossible not to react to his threat, but she tried. Gathering her courage she stood her ground and in doing so she, noticing something new which made her tense. The Hollow was nearly free. She had to speed this up or it would all be a waste and she would have failed Ichigo and everyone. Then she stopped and corrected her thinking. If she failed, she would fail Ichigo, Zangetsu, the Hollow and everyone, including her powers.

 

This was the most demanding part, but she was going to try. Lightly she shrugged and replied, “If that's what you feel you have to do. I'll accept it because I know you're only a child looking for someone to hurt as you've been hurt.”

 

Now the Hollow looked at her, incredulity in its face. Ignoring the whimper of pain she heard from Ichigo she capitalised on the shock the Hollow was feeling. “I love children. I love their innocence and simple misunderstandings. I love their assurance that they know how to fix things. You are plainly a child, the child that Ichigo could never be, but you are part of him and because of this, I love you.” Before anyone could react or say anything she brought her mouth to the Hollows and kissed him, trying to infuse all the love she felt for Ichigo into the kiss. All the hopes for their future, all the pleasures and delights of the past, including the sadness and misunderstandings. The promise of marriage, children and a life growing old together were mingled in the kiss.

 

As soon as her lips touched his, the Hollow jerked his head back, but still slightly captured by the binding words spoken by Orihime he could not break her hold. He stuffed his tongue into her mouth, trying to force it into her throat and she met it with her tongue, recalling the way Ichigo had kissed her, the way his tongue had touched and caressed her own. Again the Hollow tried to wrench his mouth from hers but she persisted, continuing to kiss him, looping her arms around his neck. Tears were running down her face as she acknowledged that Ichigo had to be watching and judging. He would see this as the greatest betrayal but this was what she had to do. It would have been easy to pretend she was kissing Ichigo but for the purpose of her action she had to know she was kissing the Hollow. She had to find the strength within her to love the Hollow as much as she loved Ichigo. If she'd had more time to prepare she wasn't even sure if she could have done it.

 

A ripple flowed through her. It was the compassion she had originally discovered for the Hollow as she tried to understand him. Not understanding how she was doing this, she used it to bind them together, infusing the kiss with compassion. In response, the creature ground himself against her, his obvious arousal both repulsing and intriguing her. He felt like Ichigo. It reminded her of that night they had almost, almost made love and the remembered lust and passion flavoured the kiss causing the Hollow to groan deeply within his throat.

 

He was now kissing her back, savagely, with none of the gentleness she had found in Ichigo's embraces, but he was no longer fighting her.

 

“No, Orihime. Please stop,” she heard Ichigo plead, but she couldn't. Committed as she was to defeating the Hollow she had to continue.

 

Grief joined the other emotions, grief for the one she was kissing and the one she was forced to ignore and the savagery was soothed somewhat. The longer the kiss continued the more she had to ignore the requests Ichigo made which soon became threats, but the voice began to fade gradually as she found all the elements within her that made up the complex emotion of love. Slowly these feeling stretched and encompassed not only Ichigo, but his Hollow self. She was becoming breathless and aroused and the last seemed incorrect in this situation. Hands clamped on her waist, pulling her even closer and the mouth on hers became hot and avid, the skin against her burned painfully. There was a shifting under the skin and the creature she was holding became heavier, more solid, but also complete. Gradually the burning painful heat began to dispel and she felt it was now safe to finish the kiss.

 

Reluctantly now, she pulled back, fearful that it hadn't worked and she would have to see the fight between Ichigo and his Hollow once more. It was hard to open her eyes, but slowly she did so to be faced with….. Ichigo.

 

Her Ichigo, but changed. More dangerous, that was obvious from the glitter in his eyes. Stunned for the time he did not move and she had time to observe him, noting that he held himself differently, with more of an arrogant swagger, but there was an air of vulnerability that had not been there previously. It was almost as if she was seeing her love for the first time, but the complete person.

 

She stepped back and glanced around, gratified to see that the other presence was not there. Five delighted faces and one less than happy appeared before her.

 

“You did it,” Shuno exclaimed. “She did it,” she said to the other flowers and they nodded in agreement.

 

“I knew you could do it, girl,” Baigon said roughly. “You needed the right encouragement, but you did it.”

 

“Of course she did. She's ours after all,” Hinagiku said pounding Baigon on the shoulder.

 

Lily and Ayame smiled and patted her on the face adding their voices and praise but Tsubaki slouched and frowned.

 

“I suppose this means that you'll stick with the idiot,” were his gruff, half muttered words.

 

Before she could reply and try to provide her disappointed fighter with a crumb of comfort, her attention was diverted. “What have you done, Zangetsu?” The voice was the same with more reverberation in the tone, but Ichigo sounded bewildered. “Where's my Hollow? Did you kill him? Is he gone?”

 

Another voice answered him. “She integrated him, reconciling your two natures with her love.” Zangetsu seemed pleased, but not effusive, as was to be expected.

 

“Huh?” Ichigo did not seem to understand too well. “Why was she kissing that thing?”

 

It hurt that he was not talking to her, but was addressing all his comments to Zangetsu. The spirit had stood there and taken no active part, but perhaps she had hurt Ichigo too much for him to talk to her.

 

“To help you,” Orihime said, her words sounding weak.

 

“I'm not speaking to you,” Ichigo grunted, not even looking in her direction.

 

She had hoped he would know what she was doing, remember her words and fully comprehend her promises. No one had provided her with that hope, she had created it even though she had been warned of sacrifices. She had been willing, was still willing to sacrifice anything for Ichigo but right from the beginning she knew she was speculating with her future. `That's the problem with gambling', Orihime thought as her throat began to close and a hopeless despondency overtook her. `It's too easy to lose.'

 

Author's Note

 

What? You wanted a happy ending to this chapter? (Scratches head and searches through the accumulated detritus which is my brain.) I thought I had one somewhere. It will turn up, like all those misplaced pens and mental notes about appointments.

 

An integrated Ichigo. Will he be more difficult than the previous one? Indications say: 'yes'. Poor Orihime. Sacrifices can be hard and surviving the consequences even harder.

 

Please review.

 

MS