Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Fathoming Love ❯ Chapter 30 ( Chapter 30 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

"I was so angry. I was so angry for so long after that," he said with a sober, musing look on his face. "Everytime before? I'd been angry. Hell yeah, I'd always been angry. But I'd always had a vent for that anger and I'd always had an object to center it on. Now? I was angry at myself and that sucked.”

I chuckled a little at his wording, at how positively human he sounded saying it.

He smiled at me, shaking his head.

“I know,” He grinned. “I was so positively fucking retarded. I couldn’t be a man because I knew what it would eventually cost us. And I couldn’t be a monster because she made me into a man. You can imagine my delima, standing there as they wished him back, knowing nothing could be like it had been before. We couldn’t be best friends, me and Bulma, because she’d made her decision and we couldn’t be anything more because I’d made mine. I watched as Yamcha put his arm around her, displaying something in front of everyone that just gave me further proof that I could never do things like that for her.

“She deserved so much more than I could give her and I hated having to admit to myself that he could give her all of that. I wanted to hate him when I knew that I needed him. I needed him to be a good man and I knew that he could be. I just suddenly wanted to be so evil, to be the ultimate evil of the universe because that would mean that I WAS something and that I had an excuse not to be with her. I wanted to revert back to the old me, to the man that felt only rage and could kill without regret and could do so much more than the insolent weak love-sick loser I suddenly was.

“And hearing that indeed, Kakarot had never even died, had never even come back for strange reasons, I just felt... cheated or something. Or, here I was, the idiot, having done NOTHING with an entire year of freedom but prance around with some human chick, longing for her attention like a fucking dog, and Kakarot was behaving more Saiyan than I was! I was more loyal to these fucking assholes than he was!

“I ground my teeth together, seeing the bastard Yamcha kiss her on the side of the forehead, displaying their happiness like it was some sort of trophy he’d won, rather than realizing it was something valueless I’d GIVEN him.

“I made a very quick decision, balling my fist as I stomped away. I turned for just a split second, against what I probably should have done, catching her eyes. She looked through me it seemed, seeing everything I didn’t want her to see, seeing my turmoil and probably seeing just how much I really did love her and just how much I hated this predicament. I think in that look, I told her everything and she even nodded, like she’d read my mind and knew everything I was about to do even before I knew I was going to do it.

“We both let each other go and as I sped away in the spaceship, I looked down upon them both, especially Yamcha. It’s like he looked up, through metal, through everything, and saw me, saw everything that had happened and saw what I’d given him. His hold on her tightened and he pursed his lips, a coldness sweeping through him. He knew, even as he held her, a part of her was going as fast as the ship was carrying me.

“I wonder now, how hard that must have been. To hold someone so firmly in your arms and know that you’d never really have them at all. Truly, in all my disgust for him, sometimes I think fate was too hard on Yamcha Teminigru.”

“Teminigru?” I perked up, confusion flooding me. “The ballplayer?”

“Yeah,” He nodded, probably surprised I hadn’t put two in two together by now.

“Wow,” I said, shaking my head. I’d forgotten there had been a rumored “fling” between him and the heiress, that little piece of history so long ago. “Didn’t he?...... “ I paused. “Didn’t the guy kill himself a few years back because his cat died?”

He lifted his head, searching my features.

“You’re scorning him,” he said suddenly, making me back up with the animosity he was suddenly showing. “Don’t mock him.”

“I’m.... I’m not.” I lifted my hands in defense. “But I mean.. come on! Who kills themself over a freaking cat?”

“Sometimes Tazial,” He pushed himself up into standing position. “I think maybe I have more of a grasp on humans than humans do. But don’t mock him. Don’t jade his memory even when I do. Who are we Tazial? Who are we to try and fathom the machinations of a man’s heart? Who are we to judge the actions someone takes when they lose something we don’t rightfully understand?”

I lowered my head, ashamed I’d upset him so.

“I’m sorry,” I told him, shrugging. “I just.... I’m sorry.”

He shook his head, glancing away from me when he pulled a pack of cigarettes from the back pocket of his black pants. I made a face when he leafed out a lighter, igniting the stick with the crinkle of cinders.

“I didn’t realize you smoked,” I told him, wanting to change the subject. It looked unfitting of him, his physical body speaking tales of anything besides self-mutilation via cancer sticks.

“You’d be surprised what you’ll pick up in a place like this,” He breathed out, a thick line of smoke exiting his body.

“They let you smoke in here?” I glanced around, figuring a “no smoking” sign wasn’t very far away.

“They’re going to stop me?” He grinned, ashing right on the floor.

“Point taken,” I shrugged, gesturing that I wanted him to sit and continue. He did so sluggishly, his fingers looking frail and ancy as he placed his fist against the table, holding the cigarette between them. “So where did you go then?”

“Everywhere,” He sighed. “Anywhere. No where. God, I was such an ass. So picture this... Here I am, this monster, trying to be a man, trying to be a monster. I couldn’t take the person I’d become, the ‘human’ I’d become. I hated my past and I sure as shit wasn’t about to accept my present. So I reverted back, traveling a thousand places and trying to be a bastard again. I killed... a lot.

“I went to entire planets and just blew them up, seeing if I was really capable of doing such or if she’d really corrupted me. No, I was still entirely able to blast whole civilizations off the face of the universe. I even converted entire parts of the galaxy into my army, taking out entire sections of their planets until a massive group of them pledged their undying allegiance to me. Hell, there are still probably planets out there, dazzling with statues erected to honor “the Great Vegeta”. But God,” He rolled his eyes. “who was I trying to kid?

“I even sexually indulged in everything I always had, sleeping with enough women to sate me for years if I had been so inclined. I even somewhat experimented with men, though as you know, you handsome devil,” He winked suggestively, getting an “ugh!” out of me. “that’s never really been my taste. I was just insatiable. I killed in the most demented fashions, not giving a damn how many people I’d be paying for when I returned to hell. But even then, when I lay in pools of blood, exhausted from my sadistic experiments and when all I should have been seeing was red, I was seeing blue.

“My thoughts lingered to Kakarot sometimes and sometimes, I could swear I felt him, far across the stretches of space, meandering through the galaxies. I often wondered how he did it, growing up amongst the humans yet not really being as attached to them as one might think. I’d only spent a year in their company and I was wearing their stains everywhere I went, yet he, chose to leave his friends and his entire family in the dark even when they’d mourned him for a year.

“Imagine, being alive for a year, letting everyone who loves you pray for your soul, cry at night in your absence, miss you so much it tears them apart, and in the meantime, prance around the universe without even thinking about it. I could only admire his detachment.

“I recall one night in particular, I had spent the entire day conquering a beautiful planet, now laying in a multitude of arms and legs, wrapped around me lazily after hours of sex. I had stared at the ceiling, which was a circus of swirling marble and stained glass, the ‘bed’ nothing more than a half liquid, half solid substance that melted like jelly around me. But all I saw was blue hair.

“I ignored the grumblings and the moans when I lifted everyone off me, pushing myself from the ‘bed’ and walking to stare outside from the balcony. The cool air raised goosebumps on my arms, the false portions of skin staying as they were, little patches of smooth, tan flesh meshing with pored skin that hadn’t been replaced by Frieza. I breathed hard, feeling an eerie sensation overwhelm my body.

“She was thinking about me.

“I saw her in my mind’s eye, her hair changed to powerful curls, a red dress on as she stared at the sky and whispered my name.

“ “Vegeta,” She half cried, half sighed the name. “Where are you?”

“I knew quite suddenly that she had declined his offer. I didn’t need to dive right back to earth to know it. I just did. I knew that in all her virtues, Bulma had opted for a life without love, if it was to be tainted by dishonesty. She knew the consequences of living a lie, of public charades and being someone she didn’t feel she was inside. She loved the idea of forever but that didn’t mean she would live it as a face behind a masquerade dancer.

“And so I returned. I realized I really hadn’t left to find Kakarot at all. I’d left to find me!

“I returned in a huff, just like I’d left, not having the faintest idea of what would happen. I found freedom was tough like that. No one was going to tell you where you were going or what you’d find there. You just walked each step, not always knowing where it would land.

“Yamcha still entertained sad scenarios of a life with Bulma, being quiet obvious that he wasn’t pleased with my return. Big deal there. I’d given him forever with a beautiful woman and he couldn’t solidify the deal. How that was my fault, I wasn’t sure but as concrete as anything, the human truly despised me.

“Things were odd for a while, me and Bulma playing a game of charades as could be expected, acting like we loathed each other for everyone else. To the world, we were again, the dueling forces of nature; an angry feminist verses an arrogant, pig-headed prince. She mocked me in front of everyone, making snotty little remarks here and there and I, despite how utterly content I was suddenly just to see her, threw on the mask of total asshole and lewered her into constant verbal brawls.

“I think it was probably easier for Yamcha, who knew the truth by now, to see that, a little bit of white-lying he did to himself to cool the rejection he obviously felt. I think we all lie the most to ourselves when it comes down to it. He made himself feel better, seeing us put on airs of animosity that we were only too happy to supply. We lied to ourselves with every jolting insult, probably saying the complete opposite of everything we wanted to. When she called me an idiot, an asshole, she was really saying that I shouldn’t have left, that she’d missed me and that I had a lot to answer for. When I called her a vulgar skank, I was really apologizing for having been such a coward. But did we ever really say what we meant? Oh hell no.”

“You must have been very different back then,” I mused, glad when he crushed the cigarette against the top of the table. Funny how smoke didn’t bother me so bad when I was halfway to shit faced inside a bar.

“Yeah, I guess I was,” He nodded. “I was very young back then though too. I was just being introduced into such a different world and moving inside the skin of a man I really didn’t understand at all. Frieza had always told me who and what to be and finding out who I really was... well, it was scary to be honest. Especially to find vulnerabilities in the last places I suspected. I felt naked suddenly. Like everything I’d ever accomplished really was nothing and that I was suddenly journeying inside a body of a stranger.

“But I liked being around her. In all my confusion, she set everything into movement when she came around and I think we both fed off the closeness we shared as we spat scathing remarks back and forth. At one point, after shattering a porcelain lamp over the side of my face, Bulma had slapped me, HARD, the red streaks of her fingernail polish left on my cheek. I had growled, grabbing her wrist when she raised it again for the other side, holding it to my chest when I backed her into a wall. Anyone watching would have seen the display as quite threatening, a dark, furious force of energy backing an infinitely weaker woman into a corner.

“But she just grinned up at me, her shinny white teeth glimmering when I held my body threateningly against hers. We delved into the closeness, hormones rising to unparalleled heights, breaths hitched when I moved my hips slightly into hers. We glared wickedly at each other, daring one to make any sort of move or say just anything to bash away the stalemate. As I lowered my face gloweringly towards hers, she just lifted her own defiantly, letting me know that she wasn’t about to be taken unawares by my suggestive closeness.

“I crudely worked my knee between her thighs, moving slightly upwards and crushing my body against hers. As penance, she reached up and delivered another fierce slap across my face, back handing it for good measure. I snorted, rolling my eyes as I actually gave up for a second. She really had no fear of me and I had to wonder, had she known that as I left this world, her “good man” had killed more people than she’d ever met, would she still be so bold? And then I lowered my face to hers, resting our foreheads together as I realized, she probably would still be just as damning defiant.

“I just sighed as we looked into each others eyes, the war having called a truce as we enjoyed the closeness.

“ “Yeah,” She sighed as well, smiling sweetly. “I missed you too, asshole.”

“As we sat at a barbeque she’d somehow talked me into (and believe you me, the woman had scary, powerful means of persuasion) I just kind of caught glances from her, wondering how long it would be until we both admitted to being complete chumps and start over. Would we be friends again? Would we travel this world as we had for a year, learning new things about each other? Or would we be together, the picture perfect lie I’d left this world to avoid?

“Every thought and every scenario suddenly turned to ice and my face turned instantly pale. I think my heart shuddered and I heard a sound like breaking glass as my subconscious unlocked every horrible memory that was personified by one being.

“ “FRIEZA!” I had shouted the word, slamming my fist against the table and nearly turning it to saw-dust. I looked over towards her, fearful that my actions might have hurt her, losing myself to rage and surprise and even terror. Yes, terror filled me so quickly, I was basically choking on it, behaving erratically because I didn’t know how else to behave. So many years wasted by fear and now it all returned to haunt me. Only now, there was no “right” behavior. There was no, “Yes Lord Frieza, No Lord Frieza, Of course Lord Frieza”.

“Oh hell no. My commodity of playing galactic cabana boy was over and I felt so terrified that I was pretty damn close to hyperventilating. Bulma saw this, perhaps one of the only people that could read real fear in my features, demanding calmness from the others that saw my actions as the crazy overreacting of a mad man. I think I’ve said it before but sometimes, relaying certain portions of the story strike me as though I’ve relived and told and displayed them a hundred times so I’ll skip to the most basic parts you need to know.

“We all went to where the bastard felt as though he’d be landing, my heart racing at unhealthy speeds, a billion bad ideas popping around in my head like subconscious VD’s, soiling every plot or scheme I really ought to have been thinking up. Oh, I guess I was stronger but unlike before, I really didn’t depend much on it. I’d died, you understand, already by the hands of this monster. I couldn’t entertain ideas of immortality and everything was suddenly just too real for me. I’d DIED because of this bastard! And the idea of returning to hell much quicker than I had anticipated really didn’t sound exactly tempting.

“I didn’t even decline when Bulma insisted she was coming, figuring we were all traveling to our inevitable deaths and that this whole planet was doomed anyways. Yes, in all my oh-so-positive thinking, I figured if we couldn’t share much else, we at least would get to die together and that was a cute little consolation prize for time wasted. Yeah, everything seemed really petty suddenly and I wondered oddly enough, if it was too late to try that whole “making love a hundred times” thing. As hormonally gifted I was at that age, I even entertained the idea of skipping this little suicide trip, grabbing Bulma and making it for the high hills for some last minute thrusting before we both got annihilated.

“I actually grinned at the stupid thought, hiding like a total reject with the rest of the human equivalents of boxing kangaroos, waiting for Frieza to unveil himself. Sure enough, he did and I got a very sick comfort out of seeing the once, childlike androgyny looking like a Termanator 2 reject idea. But right when I was about to make my move, (which funny enough, most people would probably conceive was to pop in there and try my best at taking out the bastard and was, instead, to indeed make for the hills, one hand on my zipper and the other on Bulma), a force like nothing I’d ever felt before emerged and completely obliterated the tyrannical vagina AND his father.

“I’ll skip over the boring parts and just say that things didn’t exactly go as I planned. We all lived and there was no hip-hopping to the hills, tempting as the idea still was, and instead, we all sat about an hour later, staring at this ridiculously good-looking kid that had just saved our asses. You can imagine, I wasn’t in the greatest moves, having turned out to be a huge coward and an undersexed one at that. Ah, how very human I was truly becoming and I glared at the stranger quite diabolically, proud that he, at least, seemed a little off-put by me.”

He threw his head back, nearly falling off the chair when he suddenly laughed. The sound was booming, catching me totally off guard. He even wiped at his eyes, banging his fist on the table.

“Can you imagine,” He laughed hysterically. “I thought the little bastard was GAY! I mean, he really WAS extremely good looking, had this tacky purple hair, huge, silver blue eyes and awesomely tanned skin and he just kept STARING at me. And then of course, when he tells me he likes my pink shirt (courtesy of Queen B) I was pretty much concrete on the idea that this sixteen year old mystery kid had every intention of fucking me. It was like he honestly couldn’t even help himself, gawking at me with those huge eyes, darting away when I’d catch him. Now, I’m used to admirers,” He leaned back gesturing to himself as if calling attention to the obvious. “But this was even a little bit odd. I felt compelled to write him a little badge, displaying the word “president of Vegeta fan club”, if I didn’t figure he’d beat me to holy hell for it and then enact some necrophilia just for good measure.

“But when all he’d said soon played itself out, his promise of Kakarot’s return actually coming true, I wasn’t so sure about him at all. Yes, Kakarot returned within the very moment the stranger said he would, stumbling out of a spacepod, wearing the world’s most God-awful outfit, and dumbly gazing up at all of us. Then he and the stranger went to talk for a while, everyone glaring at me when I suggested that maybe they were sharing bra-size secrets.

“When Kakarot fell to the ground, I shifted a little, my arms crossed tight. Oh, how nice, they both had to be super Saiyans. Well, if that wasn’t just the head turd on the shit cake!

“ “That’s odd,” Bulma remarked with a scowl. “But I swear Goku just said my name.”

“ “When he fell down laughing?” I raised an eyebrow. “Well, maybe the new guy just pointed to your hair.”

“She growled at me, lifting the middle finger.

“ “Well,” She smiled crudely. “Aren’t you just so intelligent for a walking toilet seat?”

“ “Wow,” I snapped back. “That’s some big talk from someone who’s street name is Herpes.”

“ “Hey bud,” She pointed to her shoe. “You wanna see a size 7 wedged in your colon? Shut the fuck up.”

“Piccolo, the jolly green giant from planet Namek, and Kakarot’s best friend managed a cryptic little grin when glancing at us two, something that in its complete rarity, made me slightly nervous. We bantered on a little longer, entertaining everyone before giving up, throwing around little comments here and there about how I wouldn’t put my penis close enough to pee on her and Bulma remarking it probably had enough VD to resemble an ear of cobbed corn which earned enough gags to fill the whole valley.

“Afterwards, we were told of a new threat, which was slightly to my liking simply because it meant distraction from all my pansy-boy ways I’d positively delved into that last year or so. Two evil androids, three years from that day, were to surface, enacting all sorts of big-bad-dom on the world and killing everyone, as it had in mystery man’s time, who we were informed, had actually come from the future to warn all of us about this impending threat. A lot didn’t really seem to compute at the time but the main basis was this; we had to train in order to survive and that meant that little Ms. Distraction needed to be overlooked for the time being, a feat I was convince was MUCH MUCH harder than any imposing destruction that was coming our way.

“If I could somehow wrench myself away from the blue complected heathen, a couple of androids would probably be like eating cake when all was said and done. Heh, physical training would be a swim in a kitty pool if I could somehow manage that miracle.

“When we all returned to our perspective places, mine to the gravity room for some much needed physical release, I realized that despite the impending doom, I was really pretty excited. I suddenly had a goal, a direction. A whole year I’d spent with no real idea of where I was going and now, I had two simple goals set out to meet: Get strong enough to weed away a tyrannical, planet shattering threat of complete immasculating evil and.. oh yeah, beat a couple of androids too.”

I laughed along with him at that, burying my face in my hands.

“She was that bad huh?”

“Oh my GOD!” He laughed, looking upwards. “The balancing forces of the universe played a cruel, cruel game in the form of a two piece bathing suit that very evening and I realized quite quickly that if I really could get away from Bulma, I’d probably sit down to a few beers with the androids once they came along. She’d sprawled out, looking positively edible in her black bikini, enjoying a cocktail by the pool while her many, “supposedly training in her yard” admirers drooled enough to overfill it.

“ “Must you REALLY wear that?” I tritely spat, crossing my arms as I looked down at her, gorgeously assembled over a lawn chair. “I think my penis just shriveled about 8 inches which would, *gasp*, make it just about the size of your boyfriend’s right about now.”

“ “Cute,” She lifted her sunglasses, the setting sky making orange streaks on the lenses. “But at least if I’D been born backwards, Vegeta, the doctors would have known the difference.”

“She smiled smartly, leaning back into her chair and ignoring me.

“ “Yeahhh...” I grumbled, stomping away. “Go find a donkey in Tijuana you......” I mumbled all the way to the gravity chamber, slamming the door and wondering just how in the world I would actually get through three years of this.”