Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Young Man's Heart ❯ Welcome To Nowhere ( Chapter 2 )

~Mistress' Words~

Woohooo!! Chapter two! I put this out pretty fast. Really got into it. So…here continues the story. I put much more detail in than I thought I would. But I enjoyed it and that's all that matters. This chapter turned out pretty long. A new song for a new chapter.

~Go and Read, My Children~

Shinedown

"In Memory"

Some of the ugliest things took the longest time to make
And some of the easiest habits are the hardest one's to break
And I'm not asking for value nor the pain but I am asking
For a way out of this lie

Because I can't wait for you to catch up with me
And I can't live in the past and drown myself in memories

Welcome to nowhere and finding out where it is
And fixing your problems and starting over again
You're feeding your ego with what you can see outside
And your killing yourself for not speaking your mind

Because I can't wait for you to catch up with me
And I can't live in the past and drown myself in memories

In memory

I wonder why you make believe you live your life straight through me
I cannot understand why you question me and then you lie
I will not justify your way's I cannot show you an escape
I do not know you any more, I never new you anyway

Because I can't wait for you to catch up with me
And I can't live in the past and drown myself in memories

In memory

Warnings - Blood and gore, psychological angst, death and guilt.

Characters - Still mainly Gohan, though I'm starting to see options for other characters too. We shall see where it goes.

*Welcome To Nowhere*

'This is what life is.'

Those meaningless words carried all the despair and discouragement and pain that we all hide from as we walk the path of time. But we still have to walk that path, even if it does not lead us anywhere.

He tried to dodge. Because it was what he was taught. Because it was what was expected. Because it was what was drilled into him as the right thing to do. Just because.

But even the great Saiyaman, with his guard dropped, with a 45 caliber revolver only an inch from his face, with so much doubt and hesitation and guilt clouding his mind, would have trouble dodging this bullet.

But he dodged.

His hand flashed past the gun to clutch the throat of the teen who stared at him with blind hatred in his glazed, bloodshot eyes. And when the pain tore through him behind the path of the spreading hollow point, Gohan's entire body seized in agony. Both Saiyaman and delinquent fell to the ground, Gohan screaming in pain while the boy gave a last rasping gurgle.

When Gohan opened his eyes he could only see in shades of black and blinding white, but when he looked down at the weight in his hand, the scarlet red stood out an almost blazing neon against his white glove. His fingers were still buried in the boy's throat, having pierced his skin just like the weapons they were trained to be.

All around there was screaming and pandemonium, innocents panicked and trying to flee or laying on the ground and moaning in pain from bullet wounds or merely from being trampled. Screaming, screaming all around, screaming everywhere, screaming…his body was screaming…he was screaming too.

He pulled his gloved hand from the boy's neck, sickened by the squelching, wet noise that followed. And he ran. He couldn't breathe. Couldn't breathe! His bloody hand came up, fumbling with his helmet strap, for some reason he couldn't control his left hand. He couldn't breathe, it didn't matter that his helmet didn't cover his mouth, he had to get it off, had to lose the constraints, then he would breathe again. He didn't bother to fly, he just ran, leaping over bodies, stepping on them when there was no other choice, he didn't care. He just had to get away. He finally saw a doorway and fled toward it, tripped over some poor soul, still warm but unmoving, and fell over the threshold. There was another doorway and he slithered through it, pulling himself with his right arm when his knees couldn't find enough purchase.

The helmet came off, clattering across the ground as he slammed back against a set of metal shelves and was showered with hundreds of bottles, the pills inside rattling loudly. Gohan sat there against the shelves, his harsh breathing sounding so loud in his ears. Minutes went by and he began to calm somewhat but he could not get the image out of his head of the boy, neck broken and crushed, one eye filled with blood because of the pressure Gohan's hand had inflicted before killing the teen. A sob burst from the demi-saiyan's own unblemished throat, tears threatening to overflow. In the other room, the strong, controlled shouts of the police were reverberating, creating calm and structure in the violent chaos. Gohan knew he had to get out of there. He couldn't be found like this. He couldn't… Saiyaman had killed. *He* had killed. Not some evil villain bent on destroying the world, but some stupid kid who was being controlled by the drugs, someone's child who couldn't control his actions. He'd killed a desperate child who only wanted a salve for his pain.

Torn inside on a whole new level, Gohan tried to blink back the tears and reach for his helmet but the motion sent a surge of blinding pain through him and the tears managed to break free. He gasped, drawing in enough breath so that his lungs could force out yet another cry. That was when he noticed the blood slowly pooling around him, overtaking the strewn bottles as if it might suck them down into the glistening ruby depths. He looked at his left shoulder and…Kami!...his arm was gone! He screamed again because now that he saw it, he could feel it and the pain was maddening and paralyzing. He forced his eyes open again and they were drawn back to the ruin of his body, after an instant of disbelief, he realized that his arm was still there. His hand was laying limp on the cold tile…no…he felt the tile with his other hand that was supporting him. The tile wasn't cold, possibly room temperature, but not cold.

Another sob broke from him as the beginnings of panic started to grow into something much more akin to a breakdown. He struggled, turning himself so that his right arm could grasp his helmet and drag it back. He could hear footsteps coming toward his hiding spot. Pulling the helmet into his lap, he then reached down, grasping his left hand. It *was* cold but the pain that lanced through him showed him that the limb was still very much alive. Whimpering, he fiddled with the "watch" that adorned that wrist, trying to find the trigger under all that blood. Finally, he found it and felt the tingle as his uniform transformed back to his normal clothing and his helmet disappeared. Blood immediately soaked through the pristine cloth and the sudden pressure on his ruined shoulder was immense. He reached up, catching the shoulder of his shirt and tearing it, trying to ease the pain but the action merely made it stronger. His bloody right hand fell to the ground, trying to catch himself from the fall as the pain made him light headed, but failed. He slid to the ground and half screamed through clenched teeth upon impact with his wounded shoulder.

It felt like forever as the police passed him by, checking to see if he was alive and then moving on to secure the complex, and then hands were grasping at him, gentle but firm. Voices passed over him, quick and terse, and he felt himself being moved. He jolted back to consciousness with a wash of pain and cried out. Instantly a voice was there, reassuring and consoling, explaining his injury and how the voice was going to help him. It was a soothing thing, to have someone else take responsibility. He gave way to it instantly, another voice wavered forth. It took him a moment to recognize it as his own. "Just make it go away…please…"

The rest felt like a dream. At first there was so much pain, but that began to fade and Gohan was left in a state of distant delirium, listening to all the traffic around him, at times watching it when he could keep his eyes open. No…that's not right…his eyes never closed…did they? He just…didn't remember looking at anything. But sometimes he did look…and that was when he thought…and the thoughts were so strange and clear but disconnected at the same time. It was…nice. He found himself smiling up at the paramedics as they came to check on him from time to time. He understood they were busy, there were lots of other wounded people. He was completely content to just lay here on this splint and…enjoy how relaxed he felt and how far away everything else was. He wished it would stay this way forever. A sad thought crossed his mind and it took away his smile. It wouldn't last forever. This would end and everything would be back the way it was before. But…even knowing that couldn't truly make him sad. It was just a thought that slid over his consciousness and fell away like a raindrop on an umbrella. He was holding an umbrella and none of the nasty things could get through it to him. His umbrella was his best friend. He loved his umbrella. It was blue and silver with a shiny silver handle and it kept him dry from all those unpleasant things.

Gohan started to laugh because that image was so stupid…but it was so real and it made him happy. He knew it wasn't real but it made him happy and he forgot all about the pharmacy and his shoulder and his family and his life. Uh oh. There they were again. In Gohan's mind he turned his umbrella and all those unpleasant feelings bounced off. He smiled and laughed again and decided that even if it was stupid and make believe…he liked it and was gonna keep his umbrella.

He must have fallen asleep because the next time he focused his eyes, he was in the ambulance with those paramedics. One of them was the pretty girl who had reassured him in that awful tile room in the pharmacy. He watched her take a syringe and inject something into his arm and suddenly thought of his father and imagined how Goku would have gone wild, tearing the place apart just to avoid a tiny little pinprick. 'Dad is such a pussy.' He thought with dry mirth because his father was so big and strong and could handle *anything*, absolutely *anything* but he turned into a pussy for something so simple. Gohan didn't have that problem. 'I might not be able to save the world…but I can take a needle.' He laughed again and the pretty paramedic looked at him, smiling brightly.

"Hi, there. You're going to be just fine. We're almost to the hospital. Won't be long now." She said positively.

Gohan smiled up at her. 'She does her job well. Too bad it's just her job.' He knew that his wound was serious because he could see the blood pack that was linked to his other arm and because he had overheard so many conversations while laying on his splint. That's why she just injected him with more drugs, because she didn't want him to start screaming again. But he had no intention of screaming. He was just going to lay here comfortably and forget all of it and enjoy himself.

"You're so pretty. I'll have to hurt myself again so I can get your number." He half joked, casting her a charming half grin and winking. Then he marveled at how in the world he'd managed to do something so…smooth. He knew he was an absolute moron with girls. But she grinned back and smiled that beautiful smile and it actually reached her eyes.

"Oh…I don't know if you'd have to go that far." She teased. "I bet a handsome guy like you has the ladies lined up."

Gohan chuckled with good humor as he was shot down. 'She's probably hit on by every drugged up invalid she deals with.' Then the ambulance came to a stop and he was unloaded into the hospital. The ceiling flashed by…and by…and by…and by…and it seemed to become an incessant loop that he was stuck in, never going anywhere but never stopping. 'Just like my life.' He thought, staring up unblinking at the white ceiling. 'My life has become reality. I'm going to be stuck here forever in this dreary loop. …it's gonna get so boring…'

And then the loop was over. He came to a stop and was hefted onto a gurney in a large open room. All around him he could hear people rushing back and forth, speaking in hospital code and gibberish. He did recognize a few words, though. "Surgery" and "immediate" and "STAT" and stuff from tv. 'Ah…I knew it. I'm bad…probably gonna die. I did lose a lot of blood. That's why they've got me hooked to the blood pack. I wonder how fast I'm losing it…'cause that blood pack sure looks full and if I'm losing faster than getting then the whole point is moot and I might as well just die right now instead of wasting everyone's time.' He reached out his good arm and caught a white coat as it zipped by and it very nearly tore his arm off. It wrenched him enough that fresh pain blazed through him before turning to an aching throb, but it got the doctor's attention.

He came back, his beside manner existentially less friendly than the pretty paramedic's. "Hey…" Gohan was slightly irritated at the slur in his voice. "I don want to be trouble. If you can help somebody else instead of worrying about me, then feel free. I don't want to waste anyone's time."

The doctor was terse and short tempered, making Gohan blink. That's not how they were supposed to be. They were supposed to be friendly and caring and nice…like that paramedic. "You'll be taken care of soon. You're aren't wasting anyone's time. Your doctor will be along in a minute." He snapped and then pulled from Gohan's limp grasp and disappeared.

The demi lay there, staring off in the direction that he was now turned, his arm hanging off the gurney. The doctor hadn't listened to him. He was too busy. He hadn't taken Gohan seriously. No one took him seriously. They all just went on about their lives around him without ever listening to him or taking him seriously or anything like that. No one cared what he thought, they all just assumed that he would go along or do what was right or listen to them. Gohan this, Gohan that, Gohan why? Gohan what? It was all so infuriating. But infuriating as the thoughts were, he still had his blue and silver umbrella and it all still felt so far away. He wasn't immersed in the depression like he normally would be. He was able to think rationally about it all without the influence of unmanageable emotions. So, emotionlessly, he considered it all and he came to a decision. He wasn't going to deal with it anymore. If he was just going to be ignored and discounted then he might as well not be here.

It was a challenge to get upright and once he was there, it was even harder to keep from falling off the gurney because of how lightheaded he was. The pain was harsh and sharp at first but then it dulled to a thrumming throb and he gathered his left arm up so that it wouldn't be in the way. Looking down at himself, he found he was a maze of wires and tubes and tags and was daunted from figuring out how to move. He felt like someone's marionette, like there was someone just waiting to grab his strings and make him dance. He looked up at the ceiling just in case. Nope. No one there. Good.

Carefully, he adjusted his "strings" so that he could move off the gurney without breaking anything and…and…eeeeased off the bed. His feet didn't want to hold him at first, but he got them under control and stood up, balancing precariously, his left arm dangling painfully and limply. Ok. So far so good. Now…he just had to find his way out.

"What are you doing??!"

He tried to turn toward the voice, but the person reached him too quickly…or maybe he was just moving veeeeery sloooowly. He felt strong hands grip his waist and it helped to steady him. Still looking down at the bloody sheets of the bed, Gohan slurred out his reply. "I'm not going to waste anyone's time. I'll just…go die somewhere quiet. Quiet would be nice."

The voice connected to the hands was shocked. "No, no, no, no, no. Come on now, let's get you back on here. That's it. I'm here for you. I wouldn't be around if you didn't need me, none of us would. You aren't going to die. Certainly not if you can manage to get on your feet and decide to walk out of here. I wouldn't let you die even if there were a chance."

Gohan felt himself being lifted and the soft padding of the mattress appeared under him. He sat there, now turned to face his helper. It was a man in white and green and only a few years older than Gohan himself. Distractedly, Gohan thought that he must have really slacked off on the training to be light enough for this guy to be able to lift him so easily…or he really did lose a lot of blood. But then again, this guy looked like he could be muscular under that loose lab coat. He did have broad shoulders. 'Huh…a doctor with broad shoulders…will wonders never cease?' But that's not what made it out of his mouth.

"You wouldn't?" Gohan blinked, almost surprised by the sentiment. "I mean…I'm not?" He gave in, completely forgetting about leaving now that this man had stopped him and was talking so softly and honestly with him.

The man smiled and Gohan was reassured that not only paramedics had good bedside manners. "No, you're going to be just fine. I promise. In fact, if you want some quiet, I can help you with that, ok? Just lie back for me, ok…what's your name?"

The demi let the man put his legs up on the bed and settled back a little harder than he'd planned, making his shoulder flare in pain again. Gasping, he took his time before answering. "I'm…Gohan."

The man smiled down at him. "Well, Gohan. I'll move you someplace quiet and before you know it, you'll be on your way to recovery. I heard that you've been through a wild night. I don't envy you. But that's all over now and its gonna be a brand new day. And new days always bring sunshine. Right Gohan?"

Gohan felt lightheaded again now that he was laying down and his vision had begun to swim. He closed his eyes, his tongue seeming to move even slower. "That's not true…what if it's raining?"

The voice lilted with laughter but answered just as smoothly as before. "The sun is always there even if you can't see it and it always comes through in the end."

Gohan sighed as he felt himself being moved. "But it's been raining for so long now…" He whispered sadly.

The next time he opened his eyes, there was a bright light shining in them. 'Ha! I did die!' He thought smugly, but the thought was followed by a more melancholy one. 'He lied to me.' But then he noticed movement around him…and something over his nose and mouth. He couldn't feel his body. He blinked a few times and then saw someone standing to his right. His eyes shifted ever so slowly that way and he saw a doctor standing there, gloves and mask and hairnet and all. The doctor was looking past him at something else, so Gohan's lazy eyes trailed back to the left to try and see what was so interesting. There…'whoa…I'm surrounded'…was another doctor. This one was looking straight down and Gohan's eyes drifted downwards as well, following the path of the green scrubs until the green color that took up all of his sight began to mar with little splatters of black. This made Gohan frown. This doctor was pretty dirty, you'd think they'd make them wash their scrubs before coming to work. It was unseemly.

Gohan blinked as another thought crossed his mind. No…it wasn't black, it was red. 'Oh! Blood! That's what that is. Makes much more sense now. That's ok.' And that was followed by another realization. 'That's *my* blood.' He snorted internally at the brilliance of his deductive abilities. 'Duh! Who else's blood would it be? I'm the one he's working on.' His eyes continued down until they could go no farther but he still couldn't see what was going on or what the doctor was doing. And he couldn't feel his body so that made things more difficult. With an effort, he tried to clench the fingers of his right hand. 'Better leave the left hand alone, don't want to disturb the doc.' But he couldn't feel anything.

So instead, he wiggled his toes. Those he could feel. Heh, they tingled. So he wiggled his feet. That worked. They felt weird. He kept wiggling them, concentrating on the strangeness…and suddenly it was as if a surge of warmth washed over him from his toes all the way up his body and he could feel again. The distant floating feeling suddenly evaporated and he was grounded in the here and now which wasn't as pleasant, but it was much more…normal. He knew normality. It wasn't so bad. Now he was pretty sure he could turn his head and look…and that's what he did. He must have scared the doctor because the man froze, looking down at him looking at his shoulder. Gohan wasn't sure what to think or feel. He looked on his shoulder with a clinical detachment just like a doctor. 'That's a lot of damage.' He thought to himself blandly. 'Is that bone?' He knew that he wasn't a doctor, but he was pretty sure that there was supposed to be more bone in one's shoulder than that and all that meat…he could see the coarseness of his muscles and the texture of white tendons. It was fascinating. Maybe he should have taken his mother's advice and become a doctor. Maybe he could have worked with that man from earlier. The people around him were talking but he couldn't make out the words, they just seemed to repeat over and over again with an awkward echo. Then there was pressure on his good arm and he was fading again.

Fog covered everything, but it couldn't keep out the voices. Voices, voices, voices. They just wouldn't shut up, but it was only a minor irritation.

"My poor poor baby."

'Oh no,' Gohan asserted, 'I don't want to go through that again, I'm definitely not a baby. Nope, nope, nope.' He didn't enjoy thinking about things like that. They brought back giant tigers and dinosaurs and evil guys trying to hurt…his tail. They hurt his tail so much. Always fingers grabbing at his tail. It was *his* tail! They had no right to put their skeletal and gnarled fingers on it! His tail…it hurt…hurt so much…and he couldn't move…couldn't stop it…couldn't make them stop…wasn't strong enough… 'Oh, Kami! It hurts so much!' But all he could do was whimper and the voices rose to a crescendo and he tried to get away from them but they just surrounded him, echoing and blasting him and making him shake and shiver because it hurt so much!

"What is it?!! What's happening to him?! My Baby! What's wrong with my baby?! DO SOMETHING!!!"

"Gohan? Gohan, sweaty! Please, Gohan, it's alright! SOMEONE DO SOMETHING!"

"What is wrong with the brat? He acts as if he's afraid."

"What's that? Is that what I think it is? Oh, Gohan…your tail…"

Fingers…fingers probing, grasping, tugging, squeezing, tearing, crushing… He cried out, yelling, screaming, shrinking away from those hands that would only bring torrents of crushing pain. "NO!" The voice of a child echoed his. "No, no, no, no, nooooooo!"

As he struggled to get away from the grasping hands, the pinning hold, the multitude of vicious fingers keeping him from getting away, more voices came. They were urgent and angry and argumentative, yelling and cutting. They reminded him of the police as they cleared the building, passing him by, not harming him, not even looking at him, ignoring him. Firm and commanding and in control. He felt a new grip and the overpoweringly strong hands let go immediately, gone with a cry that sounded suspiciously like fear. And those softer, firm hands smoothed soothingly over him and the voice connected to them…spoke of sunshine and goodness and care. The haze lifted and Gohan saw the kind face of the man from urgent care and he smiled, sinking down against that solid grip. "Please…make it go away…I don't like it…make them go…away…" He hardly felt the pinprick in his arm and, as the haze grew thicker again, he could hear that kind voice, rough with disgust and anger, making them go away.

Sunlight warmed his face and he tried to turn away from the brightness. The move was slow and heavy and lagging, but he made it. He heard a gasp nearby, but ignored it. He was too tired and heavy to worry about little things like that and the bed was so comfortable and warm. He sighed and began to fall back into blessed unconsciousness, free of worry and nightmares.

"Gohan…honey? Gohan…are you awake?"

The voice was hesitant, worried. He dragged himself back to life in order to answer, intending to do the good deed of reassuring and then disappear back into his happy darkness. His eyes fluttered uncontrolled before finally finding their way open. He blinked slowly a few times as the face came into view. "Hi…mom. I'm good… I'm gonna sleep again…"

Her hand flew to his arm bringing his eyes open again. "Gohan!" Her voice started out sharp but she quickly softened it, looking irritated at the door. "Gohan…we've got senzu for you. They wouldn't let us see you before. But…Gohan, honey, you were hurt pretty bad. They…they put a metal bar in your shoulder because the bone was shattered so badly. Just take the senzu and we can all go home and leave this awful place."

Gohan blinked sleepily at his mother, taking in what she said slowly. Then he looked at his left side where bandages covered most of his chest and his arm was in a forced cast. "Metal…" He reached over to touch the bandages, but stopped. They had gone to so much trouble to get it just right on such a hard target to bandage. He shouldn't ruin it. "Huh." He said as if it was a curiously interesting thing his mother had told him. "Metal…" He smiled crookedly. "That's cool. I'm like on my way to being an android. I always wondered what 18 felt like." He said slowly, his eyes drifting shut again.

"Gohan!!" ChiChi sounded very irate.

Gohan very slowly gave her his attention again. "It's not an awful place, mom…there are some nice people here…"

"Gohan, what's wrong with you?! Stop talking nonsense and eat this senzu! I will not leave you with these people anymore! You're coming home!"

Gohan stared at the little bean that ChiChi held up and frowned, his eyes wandering as his thoughts dripped off his tongue before he even had a chance to know what they were. "No, mom. I don't want any senzu. They already fixed me. I'll be fine here. And I can't be a warrior if part of my body isn't strong enough to fight, right?" He smiled and settled back on his pillow. "I don't mind, mom. I never liked fighting anyway. This way dad won't feel so bad. I'm tired of playing superhero…I think I'm gonna…take a break…" He started to fade, his tongue growing slower with each long blink. "Besides…I don't think it would feel very good…healed with a metal bar inside me…"

"Gohan??"

"Gohan!!"

He could still hear her voice, coated with acid and disappointment and anger, but he didn't care. For once, it didn't matter that he wasn't going along. For once, he had spoken his mind and it was ok…even if he hadn't heard his mind until he'd heard his mouth. For a moment he wasn't even sure that he'd said all that, but he had. And it was ok. He ignored her, a small smile still on his face as he drifted away again into that distant void, alone but pleasantly far away from everything.