Fake Fan Fiction ❯ Misery ❯ Shades of Misery ( Chapter 1 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Kita and Subu-chan 
Anime/Manga: Fake Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Action / Drama / Romance / Police | Type: Shounen-ai | Uploaded On: 01.14.2007 | Updated On: 01.14.2007 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.0K | Visits: 612 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: Fake Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Action / Drama / Romance / Police | Type: Shounen-ai | Uploaded On: 01.14.2007 | Updated On: 01.14.2007 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.0K | Visits: 612 | Status: Work In Progress
Chapter One: Shades of Misery
JJ met Dee in the waiting room of the emergency room. The other man looked haggard and ready to collapse. “Dee-sempai?”
Dee glanced at him.
JJ sat next to him, aching to comfort him but knowing his overture would be rejected if he tried. “The Chief’s got every available unit combing the area for the guy who shot him. He said to tell you that they’d get him.”
Dee grunted and glared at him. “Then what the hell are you doing here?”
JJ looked down. “He wants you at the station to give a report. I’m supposed to stay here until you get back.”
Dee sighed and shoved a hand through his rumpled hair. “Damn that old badger. I can’t leave Ryo!”
JJ shook his head. “I’ll stay here and call your cell the minute I hear anything, ok?” He grimaced. “Please, Dee-sempai?”
Dee glanced down at him with a black scowl. “Whatever. You just don’t want to get into trouble if I don’t show.”
JJ snapped back at Dee for the first time in his life, horrified to hear the words coming out of his mouth and yet at the same time helpless to stop them. “Fuck you, Dee! I’m here because I’m worried. The chief wanted someone to come here and I said I would. Ryo may be my rival but he’s still my co-worker and a friend! I’m here because I want to be, not because I was ordered to, dammit!”
Dee really looked at him for the first time and a small, reluctant smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “You win, JJ. I’m sorry. I’m just freaked out and worried.”
JJ accepted the apology in the spirit it was meant, though his heart ached. “I know. I’ll let you know the minute I know anything, okay?”
Dee nodded reluctantly and rose, briefly patting JJ’s shoulder. “Thanks, man. I’m trusting you, okay?”
JJ nodded and watched him leave, his heart contracting in his chest. He had often wished for Ryo to vanish so he could have Dee to himself, but not this way. He knew he wasn’t at fault, but his childish envy of Ryo made it feel that way. I just wanted him out of the way. I never wanted him hurt! His heart wasn’t listening to his head, however. All those jealous wishes had turned into stinging barbs, eating away at his conscience. For the first time in his life, JJ Adams hated himself.
Three hours later, he was still in the same hard plastic chair, hunched into a ball of abject misery. He heard the footsteps and looked up, praying it was the doctor with news on Ryo’s condition.
Dee sat down next to him with a heavy sigh. “Still no word?”
JJ sniffled. “Nothing. I haven’t heard anything since they took him to surgery.”
Dee rose to his feet and paced the too-small waiting room restlessly. “Dammit!”
JJ watched him, numbly aware of the leaden lump growing in his throat. Any hope he had ever had of winning Dee cracked and crumbled into dust. With every step and nervous glance toward the doors, Dee was silently declaring just how much he loved Ryo. JJ didn’t want to see it, but couldn’t avoid the sight anymore than he could stop wishing it were himself Dee was so worried about. A small traitorous part of him whispered seductively that he could comfort Dee if the worst came to worst and Ryo-
JJ bolted to his feet with an anguished cry that he choked off as soon as it started. Dee glanced at him curiously. “I-I need some coffee. I’ll go down and get some from the cafeteria. Do you want some, D-Dee-sempai?”
“No.” Dee scowled at him with a question in his eyes and JJ fled before he could give voice to it. He found the cafeteria and bought a cup of too-strong coffee, taking it to a corner seat and hunching over it. Tears spilled down his cheeks as he gave into the misery and self-loathing, salting the black brew growing cold between his fingers. When he had pulled himself back together and returned to the waiting room, Dee was no longer there. A nurse pointed him down the hall to recovery. He found Dee listening to a doctor with only half an ear, most of his attention riveted to a too-pale form swathed in white bandages in the room beyond.
“He lost a lot of blood, so it was touch and go there for a while. One bullet punctured a lung, but the other was deflected by his sternum and did mostly muscular damage in his chest and abdomen. We’ve managed to get his blood volume back up, but he’s still in very touchy condition.” The doctor explained as JJ joined them, scrubbing at his reddened eyes with the back of his hand. “We’ve done what we can for now. Time will tell the rest.”
“Can I see him?” Dee’s voice was soft and worried.
The doctor’s bearded face softened with sympathy. “Shortly. When his blood pressure stabilizes, we’ll move him out of recovery and them you can see him without a window between you.”
Dee slumped against the wall, shoulders hunched as he hugged his arms tight to his chest. JJ almost reached out to him, but shivered and withdrew his half-extended fingers. His sympathy wasn’t needed or wanted here. Dee had never needed him, and that truth cut deeper than a knife. JJ waited quietly with him for the next two hours, not daring to speak and disturb Dee’s self-imposed isolation.
When a nurse came to tell them that Ryo had been moved to a private room and they could visit him, JJ trailed behind Dee. He lingered quietly in the doorway as Dee sat beside the bed and held Ryo’s hand with a tenderness that made JJ’s heart contract in his chest. Fresh tears burned in his eyes, but he fought them back.
For lack of anything better to do, he called Bikky’s school and spoke to Ryo’s adopted son. Bikky was frantic when JJ told him what happened and JJ promised to send Ted to pick him up at school and bring him to the hospital. He called Ted and then tried Drake’s cell for the third time since he’d left the station. His call was shunted to voicemail (again) and he scowled.
Drake had recently developed the habit of turning his cell-phone off when he was off the clock, probably so JJ couldn’t disturb him when he had a date. After the one disastrous incident, Drake had sworn to take JJ’s cell phone and shove it down his throat if he ever called when things were “-just getting good” again. How was JJ supposed to know when he was with a woman or anything?
He left a message for Drake to call him and flipped his cell closed. He nearly dropped it when he heard a ring tone. But it wasn’t his and he watched a scowling Dee drag out his phone. “Yeah?” He barked. His expression didn’t change, but JJ got an impression of coiled expectancy from him. “Yeah. Where? Got it. No. It won’t matter. Thanks.”
Dee turned the cell phone off and rose to his feet.
“Where are you going?” JJ caught Dee’s sleeve as he stalked toward the door.
“They need me down at the station to file a report. I won’t be long.”
JJ scratched his head. “Didn’t you just file a stack of them about the shooting?”
Dee’s eyes went hard and cold. “Well, I have to file another one, dammit!” Suddenly as a striking snake, he grabbed the front of JJ’s shirt and hauled the smaller man around to face him. He pulled JJ up until only his toes were touching the tile. For the first time in his life, JJ was afraid of him. There was something feral and not entirely sane in his face. “You don’t move from this room till I get back, got that? You so much as go down the hall for a cup of coffee, I’LL KILL YOU MYSELF!”
He unceremoniously dropped JJ back to his feet and stalked out of the room, pausing only for a single, agonized glance at the still figure on the bed.
JJ was left alone with the unconscious Ryo and his thoughts. And he didn’t like the way those thoughts were tending. Worried, he fished his cell out of his jacket pocket and dialed his partner’s number again. He cursed as his call was shunted straight to voicemail. “Damn it, Drake, leave your cell on every once in a while!”
He was nearly frantic when someone opened the door a few minutes later.
“Drake-sempai!” JJ launched himself at his partner. “Thank God! Dee’s gone! I think he went after the perp, but he threatened to kill me if I left Ryo!”
“Whoa, whoa! Slow down!” Drake grabbed JJ’s shoulders and shook him. “What’s going on? And start at the beginning. I just now heard Ryo was hurt!”
JJ forced himself to calm down. “Dee and Ryo responded to a backup call at one of the warehouses down at the docks. The perp shot Ryo and escaped in the confusion. Dee just got a phone call and I didn’t like the sounds of it. I think Dee’s going to go after the perp himself, and with the mood he’s in, it’s not to bring him in for questioning!” JJ grabbed Drake’s collar frantically. “You have to find him and stop him!”
“Shit!” Drake pulled away from JJ and dashed down the hall, dialing his cell phone with frantic haste.
JJ struggled with his desire to follow his partner, but good sense won out. Dee wasn’t kidding. He might not kill JJ, but he’d make him wish that he had. Itching with the desire to do something, JJ sat down next to the bed and stared at Ryo’s too-pale face.
“What is it about you?” He asked softly. “What do you have that I don’t? Whatever it is, I wish I had it! Why does he love you like he does?”
JJ clenched his fingers in the white sheet. “I know he loves you. It’s in his face every time he looks at you and it tears me up inside! I’ve loved him since our academy days, but he never loved me. What is it about you that makes him love you instead of me?” His breath caught in his throat and JJ struggled with the tears that burned in his eyes. “Why, dammit?
“Why can’t he love me?” His voice broke and he stared at the man on the bed with a mix of frustration and worry. “And the thing is, I like you. I can’t even hate you for it. You never tried to take him away from me, but you did just as surely as if you seduced him!” JJ let the tears fall until the bed and the figure on it were a single white blur.
JJ met Dee in the waiting room of the emergency room. The other man looked haggard and ready to collapse. “Dee-sempai?”
Dee glanced at him.
JJ sat next to him, aching to comfort him but knowing his overture would be rejected if he tried. “The Chief’s got every available unit combing the area for the guy who shot him. He said to tell you that they’d get him.”
Dee grunted and glared at him. “Then what the hell are you doing here?”
JJ looked down. “He wants you at the station to give a report. I’m supposed to stay here until you get back.”
Dee sighed and shoved a hand through his rumpled hair. “Damn that old badger. I can’t leave Ryo!”
JJ shook his head. “I’ll stay here and call your cell the minute I hear anything, ok?” He grimaced. “Please, Dee-sempai?”
Dee glanced down at him with a black scowl. “Whatever. You just don’t want to get into trouble if I don’t show.”
JJ snapped back at Dee for the first time in his life, horrified to hear the words coming out of his mouth and yet at the same time helpless to stop them. “Fuck you, Dee! I’m here because I’m worried. The chief wanted someone to come here and I said I would. Ryo may be my rival but he’s still my co-worker and a friend! I’m here because I want to be, not because I was ordered to, dammit!”
Dee really looked at him for the first time and a small, reluctant smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “You win, JJ. I’m sorry. I’m just freaked out and worried.”
JJ accepted the apology in the spirit it was meant, though his heart ached. “I know. I’ll let you know the minute I know anything, okay?”
Dee nodded reluctantly and rose, briefly patting JJ’s shoulder. “Thanks, man. I’m trusting you, okay?”
JJ nodded and watched him leave, his heart contracting in his chest. He had often wished for Ryo to vanish so he could have Dee to himself, but not this way. He knew he wasn’t at fault, but his childish envy of Ryo made it feel that way. I just wanted him out of the way. I never wanted him hurt! His heart wasn’t listening to his head, however. All those jealous wishes had turned into stinging barbs, eating away at his conscience. For the first time in his life, JJ Adams hated himself.
Three hours later, he was still in the same hard plastic chair, hunched into a ball of abject misery. He heard the footsteps and looked up, praying it was the doctor with news on Ryo’s condition.
Dee sat down next to him with a heavy sigh. “Still no word?”
JJ sniffled. “Nothing. I haven’t heard anything since they took him to surgery.”
Dee rose to his feet and paced the too-small waiting room restlessly. “Dammit!”
JJ watched him, numbly aware of the leaden lump growing in his throat. Any hope he had ever had of winning Dee cracked and crumbled into dust. With every step and nervous glance toward the doors, Dee was silently declaring just how much he loved Ryo. JJ didn’t want to see it, but couldn’t avoid the sight anymore than he could stop wishing it were himself Dee was so worried about. A small traitorous part of him whispered seductively that he could comfort Dee if the worst came to worst and Ryo-
JJ bolted to his feet with an anguished cry that he choked off as soon as it started. Dee glanced at him curiously. “I-I need some coffee. I’ll go down and get some from the cafeteria. Do you want some, D-Dee-sempai?”
“No.” Dee scowled at him with a question in his eyes and JJ fled before he could give voice to it. He found the cafeteria and bought a cup of too-strong coffee, taking it to a corner seat and hunching over it. Tears spilled down his cheeks as he gave into the misery and self-loathing, salting the black brew growing cold between his fingers. When he had pulled himself back together and returned to the waiting room, Dee was no longer there. A nurse pointed him down the hall to recovery. He found Dee listening to a doctor with only half an ear, most of his attention riveted to a too-pale form swathed in white bandages in the room beyond.
“He lost a lot of blood, so it was touch and go there for a while. One bullet punctured a lung, but the other was deflected by his sternum and did mostly muscular damage in his chest and abdomen. We’ve managed to get his blood volume back up, but he’s still in very touchy condition.” The doctor explained as JJ joined them, scrubbing at his reddened eyes with the back of his hand. “We’ve done what we can for now. Time will tell the rest.”
“Can I see him?” Dee’s voice was soft and worried.
The doctor’s bearded face softened with sympathy. “Shortly. When his blood pressure stabilizes, we’ll move him out of recovery and them you can see him without a window between you.”
Dee slumped against the wall, shoulders hunched as he hugged his arms tight to his chest. JJ almost reached out to him, but shivered and withdrew his half-extended fingers. His sympathy wasn’t needed or wanted here. Dee had never needed him, and that truth cut deeper than a knife. JJ waited quietly with him for the next two hours, not daring to speak and disturb Dee’s self-imposed isolation.
When a nurse came to tell them that Ryo had been moved to a private room and they could visit him, JJ trailed behind Dee. He lingered quietly in the doorway as Dee sat beside the bed and held Ryo’s hand with a tenderness that made JJ’s heart contract in his chest. Fresh tears burned in his eyes, but he fought them back.
For lack of anything better to do, he called Bikky’s school and spoke to Ryo’s adopted son. Bikky was frantic when JJ told him what happened and JJ promised to send Ted to pick him up at school and bring him to the hospital. He called Ted and then tried Drake’s cell for the third time since he’d left the station. His call was shunted to voicemail (again) and he scowled.
Drake had recently developed the habit of turning his cell-phone off when he was off the clock, probably so JJ couldn’t disturb him when he had a date. After the one disastrous incident, Drake had sworn to take JJ’s cell phone and shove it down his throat if he ever called when things were “-just getting good” again. How was JJ supposed to know when he was with a woman or anything?
He left a message for Drake to call him and flipped his cell closed. He nearly dropped it when he heard a ring tone. But it wasn’t his and he watched a scowling Dee drag out his phone. “Yeah?” He barked. His expression didn’t change, but JJ got an impression of coiled expectancy from him. “Yeah. Where? Got it. No. It won’t matter. Thanks.”
Dee turned the cell phone off and rose to his feet.
“Where are you going?” JJ caught Dee’s sleeve as he stalked toward the door.
“They need me down at the station to file a report. I won’t be long.”
JJ scratched his head. “Didn’t you just file a stack of them about the shooting?”
Dee’s eyes went hard and cold. “Well, I have to file another one, dammit!” Suddenly as a striking snake, he grabbed the front of JJ’s shirt and hauled the smaller man around to face him. He pulled JJ up until only his toes were touching the tile. For the first time in his life, JJ was afraid of him. There was something feral and not entirely sane in his face. “You don’t move from this room till I get back, got that? You so much as go down the hall for a cup of coffee, I’LL KILL YOU MYSELF!”
He unceremoniously dropped JJ back to his feet and stalked out of the room, pausing only for a single, agonized glance at the still figure on the bed.
JJ was left alone with the unconscious Ryo and his thoughts. And he didn’t like the way those thoughts were tending. Worried, he fished his cell out of his jacket pocket and dialed his partner’s number again. He cursed as his call was shunted straight to voicemail. “Damn it, Drake, leave your cell on every once in a while!”
He was nearly frantic when someone opened the door a few minutes later.
“Drake-sempai!” JJ launched himself at his partner. “Thank God! Dee’s gone! I think he went after the perp, but he threatened to kill me if I left Ryo!”
“Whoa, whoa! Slow down!” Drake grabbed JJ’s shoulders and shook him. “What’s going on? And start at the beginning. I just now heard Ryo was hurt!”
JJ forced himself to calm down. “Dee and Ryo responded to a backup call at one of the warehouses down at the docks. The perp shot Ryo and escaped in the confusion. Dee just got a phone call and I didn’t like the sounds of it. I think Dee’s going to go after the perp himself, and with the mood he’s in, it’s not to bring him in for questioning!” JJ grabbed Drake’s collar frantically. “You have to find him and stop him!”
“Shit!” Drake pulled away from JJ and dashed down the hall, dialing his cell phone with frantic haste.
JJ struggled with his desire to follow his partner, but good sense won out. Dee wasn’t kidding. He might not kill JJ, but he’d make him wish that he had. Itching with the desire to do something, JJ sat down next to the bed and stared at Ryo’s too-pale face.
“What is it about you?” He asked softly. “What do you have that I don’t? Whatever it is, I wish I had it! Why does he love you like he does?”
JJ clenched his fingers in the white sheet. “I know he loves you. It’s in his face every time he looks at you and it tears me up inside! I’ve loved him since our academy days, but he never loved me. What is it about you that makes him love you instead of me?” His breath caught in his throat and JJ struggled with the tears that burned in his eyes. “Why, dammit?
“Why can’t he love me?” His voice broke and he stared at the man on the bed with a mix of frustration and worry. “And the thing is, I like you. I can’t even hate you for it. You never tried to take him away from me, but you did just as surely as if you seduced him!” JJ let the tears fall until the bed and the figure on it were a single white blur.