Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction / Fan Fiction ❯ The Abridged Script Archive ❯ Diablo II (PC) ( Chapter 3 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: jbullions 
The short mockery script for Diablo II
Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction / Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Psychological / / Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 09.03.2002 | Updated On: 09.03.2002 | Pages: 2 | Words: 333 | Visits: 566 | Status: Completed
The short mockery script for Diablo II
Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction / Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Psychological / / Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 09.03.2002 | Updated On: 09.03.2002 | Pages: 2 | Words: 333 | Visits: 566 | Status: Completed
DIABLO 2: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT
By Jack Bullions
EXT. ROGUE ENCAMPMENT
Several RABID DIABLO LEETS log on to BattleNet and enter a
game. They begin PHALLIC MUSCLE comparisons.
RABID DIABLO LEET-PLAYER #1
Look at my inventory! I have Frostburn
Imbued Ruby Times Seven.
RABID DIABLO LEET-PLAYER #2
So what? I am Level 83 in six days of
uninterrupted playing time!
RABID DIABLO LEET-PLAYER #3
Fuck you all! I have a new weapon,
Ripper of New Holes I bought with the
power of the American Express! Don't
buy a multi-player on-line game without
it!
Rabid Diablo Leet-Players #1 and #2 consult E-BAY for more
MACHO-ITEMS. FEMININE NEW ACCOUNT suddenly enters screen
and interacts with game NPC.
FEMININE NEW ACCOUNT
I will accept your quest. The evil of
this land must be purged.
RABID DIABLO LEET-PLAYER #1
Are you a potentially-cyberable female?
FEMININE NEW ACCOUNT
Actually I'm a guy trying to play a
sorceror but since there's only a
female...
RABID DIABLO LEET-PLAYER #2
A fucking NOOB!! KILL HIM!
FEMININE NEW ACCOUNT is torn to a HUNDRED PIECES with MAGIC
that was obviously not designed with blowing up everything
on the screen in mind.
DIABLO
Does anyone here even remember the plot
to this game?
MEPHISTO
I think we can keep gamers distracted
enough as long as we dump endless
amount of random encounters for them to
kill.
BHAAL
Ingenious. Our diabolical plan will go
unhindered. How about a game of cards
then until our time arises?
DIABLO
Diabolical... Ha-Ha!
The EVIL BROTHERS gather around a table and play cards
while Rabid Diablo Leet-Players SLICE and DICE and BLOW UP
everything they see on the screen.
RABID DIABLO LEET-PLAYER #1
We have killed over a million moving
objects on the screen and there is
nothing else to do. Wait, I remember a
plot.
DIABLO
Uh-oh.
DIABLO and BROTHERS are torn to a HUNDRED PIECES.
RABID DIABLO LEET-PLAYER #2
What the FUCK? You drop a Silks of the
Victor? I wanted a FUCKING RING!
FRAGMENTS of DIABLO and BROTHERS are torn to a THOUSAND
PIECES.
GAME OVER.
By Jack Bullions
EXT. ROGUE ENCAMPMENT
Several RABID DIABLO LEETS log on to BattleNet and enter a
game. They begin PHALLIC MUSCLE comparisons.
RABID DIABLO LEET-PLAYER #1
Look at my inventory! I have Frostburn
Imbued Ruby Times Seven.
RABID DIABLO LEET-PLAYER #2
So what? I am Level 83 in six days of
uninterrupted playing time!
RABID DIABLO LEET-PLAYER #3
Fuck you all! I have a new weapon,
Ripper of New Holes I bought with the
power of the American Express! Don't
buy a multi-player on-line game without
it!
Rabid Diablo Leet-Players #1 and #2 consult E-BAY for more
MACHO-ITEMS. FEMININE NEW ACCOUNT suddenly enters screen
and interacts with game NPC.
FEMININE NEW ACCOUNT
I will accept your quest. The evil of
this land must be purged.
RABID DIABLO LEET-PLAYER #1
Are you a potentially-cyberable female?
FEMININE NEW ACCOUNT
Actually I'm a guy trying to play a
sorceror but since there's only a
female...
RABID DIABLO LEET-PLAYER #2
A fucking NOOB!! KILL HIM!
FEMININE NEW ACCOUNT is torn to a HUNDRED PIECES with MAGIC
that was obviously not designed with blowing up everything
on the screen in mind.
DIABLO
Does anyone here even remember the plot
to this game?
MEPHISTO
I think we can keep gamers distracted
enough as long as we dump endless
amount of random encounters for them to
kill.
BHAAL
Ingenious. Our diabolical plan will go
unhindered. How about a game of cards
then until our time arises?
DIABLO
Diabolical... Ha-Ha!
The EVIL BROTHERS gather around a table and play cards
while Rabid Diablo Leet-Players SLICE and DICE and BLOW UP
everything they see on the screen.
RABID DIABLO LEET-PLAYER #1
We have killed over a million moving
objects on the screen and there is
nothing else to do. Wait, I remember a
plot.
DIABLO
Uh-oh.
DIABLO and BROTHERS are torn to a HUNDRED PIECES.
RABID DIABLO LEET-PLAYER #2
What the FUCK? You drop a Silks of the
Victor? I wanted a FUCKING RING!
FRAGMENTS of DIABLO and BROTHERS are torn to a THOUSAND
PIECES.
GAME OVER.