Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Whitewashed Anchor ❯ Crucify ( Chapter 9 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

C Title: Crucify
LJ Author: pikapicokitt
Theme: dash
Fandom: Fruits Basket
Pairing: Akito x Yuki
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Fruits Basket is property of its original creator; I can only be credited for the story idea. The song “Crucify” and the selected lyrics I’ve chosen from it are property of Tori Amos.
Spoiler warning ahead!!

~Every finger in the room is pointing at me~

Neither Yuki nor Shigure had seen that coming. Both of them had been so unprepared for Hatori's statement that Shigure let out a throated noise of anguish and Yuki went pale. They didn't blame each other for any of it, more were upset and confused with the henious decision Akito had decided on. "She can't just kick us out of the main house." Hatori rose an eyebrow at Shigure's unhappy and unjustified outburst. "Why can't she? Akito is the head of the household, she can ban whomever she deems fit. What did you do to make her so angry at you?" Shigure was cursing under his breath, Akito was such a child. A cruel child who he felt right now needed to be beat with a stick. Yuki spoke where Shigure wasn't paying the least bit of attention. "Some words... Shigure and myself said must have hurt her..." Hatori nodded his head at Yuki, his eyes asking for the boy to continue. Yuki looked over at Shigure as if asking for permission, in which the older male nodded. There wasn't much else Shigure could do in this position. "We were arguing... Shigure said that he was using Akito as a toy... because of how she treats us...him." Yuki frowned, still unhappy that Shigure was doing so and had even outwardly admited that. Hatori nodded, before turning his eyes to Shigure. "I'd like to speak with Yuki alone if you don't mind, Shigure." Hatori had a feeling there was a lot more Yuki wanted to say, but not in front of his canine cousin.

~I wanna spit in their faces~

Shigure wasn't thrilled about being dismissed, but he couldn't very well argue with Hatori; he knew he'd lose. "Now you can say what you'd like to, Yuki" Yuki nodded, a little startled but continued on without worrying about his current guardian getting any angrier at him. Except, Yuki couldn't think of the right things to say. He was suppose to be explaining what had happened with Akito, but all he could think of were questions on why he was also banned. He didn't want to be banned, that wasn't fair. Shigure was the one who had said hurtful things, not him. Yuki had beeh nothing but kind and loving.... Yuki paled a considerable amount before turning his panicing eyes up toward Hatori's. Tears formed slowly and then trickled down Yuki's face as the pain stabbed at him. "I don't want to be away from her..." Yuki barely managed to keep a sob from escaping his throat and he pressed his legs against his chest, curling around them so that he could hide his face. "What's wrong with me? I hate Akito-san.... She never wants to see me again... I should be happy.... my body...my heart won't have to suffer anymore because of her...so why?" Hatori let out a long sigh, once more in a position of needing to comfort the boy but not knowing how. "I think this will be good for you. The less time you spend at the main house, the more chance for a some-what normal life you will have. We'll all still come to visit you." Yuki felt Hatori pat his head and then heard the closing of the sliding door. Yuki couldn't help thinking how seeing the others wasn't what was hurting him. Did she really mean that he could never see her again?

~Then I get afraid of what that could bring~

"Don't you find that a little cruel, banning them?" Kureno, who always appeared pathetic to Akito, was evern more so right now as his concern showed all over his face. "What should it matter to you? They need to learn who they're messing with." Akito snorted, ever the brazen jerk, sprawling out across Kureno's folded legs. She smirked, tracing her knuckles along his chin. "Why should you care anyway? You can have all my attention now that they're gone." Kureno blinked, not having thought about that, and while having the woman he was pretty sure he could love if she'd let him, he just didn't feel right with this conclusion to things. "But... I can't help that I care, Akito. They're family, like you." Akito snorted, pulling his shirt out from it's tucked in position and trailing her fingers up his chest. "You're heart is too big, you care too much." Kureno inwardly whimpered, this wasn't what he wanted right now... not loveless sex for once... but just a chance to hold her, let her know that he really did care. "You're heart is too small, you don't care enough, Akito." She scowled, raking her nails down his chest and stomach before pushing away from him. "On the contrary, I don't have a heart at all, there's not an ounce of care in me." Kureno blinked and frowned, standing to follow after her, keeping his distance now. "If you didn't care at all... then why did you ban Yuki-kun and Shigure-nii-san from the estate? Whatever happened must have hurt you if you took such drastic measures... what did they do to you, Akito?" Akito let out a ferral snarl, stomping toward the garden courtyard and slamming the door behind her in Kureno's face. "It's none of your buisness. Now go away, I've had enough of you."

~Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now~

Yuki collapsed on his bed, it had been a long, uhappy and exhausting day. He'd missed school for more days than he cared and he knew there would be a lot to make up when he returned. He had heard Tohru calling him for dinner at one point but hadn't bothered to even answer her, let alone get up. When he heard the door open, so out of sorts as he was, he didn't even register that if it had been the person he'd thought, they would have surely knocked first. "I'm sorry Honda-san... I'm not... hungry... oh... hello Shigure..." The man's name was spoken with a hint of disdain as Yuki turned his eyes back to the ceiling he had been staring at for hours already. "Tohru-kun is worried about you, you should have come down to dinner." Yuki groaned and closed his eyes, he didn't need a guilt trip right now. "I'm not hungry... I'm sure Honda-san will understand." There was so much Yuki wanted to say to Shigure, wanted to yell at him... blame him for, but right now he couldn't find any words to say. All that flare Yuki had during their battle at the estate was long gone and he was back to his usual, closed off and timid self. "Well, I don't think I need to say anything more, it seems you learned your lesson." Yuki's eyes shot open as Shigure left and Yuki threw his pillow at the closing door. "I hope you get a terrible paper cut and bleed to death, you jerk!" Kyou blinked at hearing the commotion up stairs and didn't dare to ask what was going on.

~I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets~

Yuki lay, staring at the ceiling until the sounds of everyone settling to sleep were long over. What time it had been when he slipped out of bed Yuki didn't know, but he guessed it was probably after midnight. His mind was just wandering over too many things to give him even an ounce of rest. Yuki decided a walk, some fresh air, might help to settle him, and at this time of night he wouldn't have to worry about answering too many questions about where he was going. So, silently, he slipped out of the house and out along the deserted streets. He didn't pay much attention to where he was walking to, no where in particular he was sure; he just wanted to keep moving. As if perhaps he could walk far enough to just leave his pains and worries behind. He noticed the squeeks and flashes of fur following behind him and smiled feintly, shaking his head; other friends of his were worried too it seemed. "I'll be fine, it's not like I really have any feelings for her. Well, perhaps pity... but not much more than that." He nodded in agreement with himself, repeating that in his head. It was just pity, that was all it was for sure.

~I've been looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets~

There was another awake this time in the morning, Akito staring at the crumpled fabric of her kimono which lie beside her. Kureno was to her other side, their backs facing one another, as if they were trying to pretend the other wasn't there. Listening to Kureno's nazal snores, Akito's mind was whirling, Shigure's words repeating through her head as if he had just said them. She knew he was using her, and everyone else, but she had refused to see it, as if not having it spelled out for her made it all untrue. However, now, with it straight out in the open, there was no way to deny the truth of it all. Akito contemplated many things; thinking and comparing all that had happened to her recently. A sudden pain welled in her chest and she curled firmly around herself, letting out a soft whimper. As if he could sense her agony, Kureno rolled over to wrap his arms around her stomach and pull her firmly to his frame. "Are you alright, Akito?" There was a soft gasp, and a few shakes from her head as Akito tried to steer her ear away from his hissing breath. "Fine, I was just feeling a little ill. It's already passed." She heard him make a sort of agreeing grunt before nuzzling his face in her shoulder and falling asleep again. She could tell he was sleeping because he had already begun to snore again. Kureno didn't wake up and stay awake too easily sometimes.

~I've been raising up my hands, drive another nail in~

Shigure sat, tapping away at his laptop keyboard, though nothing worthwhile was coming to the monitor. He had deleted the same sentence three times and now found himself doing it once more as nothing he typed looked or sounded right. His mind was too caught up with other things, other feelings, and Shigure didn't much care for his work in this state of mind. He had this deep want to visit the main house and demand Akito see him, but it was far too late and far too soon to be pulling that sort of idiocy. He growled softly, closing the computer screen and turning away from it's glaring bright light. He was frustrated, nothing was going his way. He wasn't sure how he could teach Akito that what she was doing was wrong with that little brat telling her stupid things like Akito being fine just they way she was. "How can she be fine like that? She's a manipulative bitch." A little voice pipped up within him, telling him that was exactly how he was, that he was no different. Of course Shigure would just use that as an excuse, saying it was more reason that Akito should be his. There was no way another was going to take his place, whatever place that might be.

~Just what god needs, one more victim~

Once Akito had managed to weasle her way out of Kureno's grip, she had wandered out into the garden, shivering a little at the cold chill in the air. Even though there was a man in her room, with whom she'd spent a good portion of the night curled closely to, it was a lonely and long night. She knew she should be sleeping, but wasn't tired, her fingers tracing along tree-bark and leaves as she walked down the path toward the gates near the front of the estate. He bare feet scuffled across slightly damp grass, making dirt cling to the tips of her toes, it was oddly a delightful feeling. When she arrived at the gates, padlocked as they always were, she saw a form walking along the street across the way. Timidly, as if to not be caught, she pressed her face to the bars to try and see better, only making out a shadow and that her face was now even colder. The person caught sight of Akito shortly after and began to cross the street toward her. This caused Akito to panic, turning quickly and beginning to dart back toward her rooms until the familiar voice brought her to a dead stop. "Akito-san?"

~Why do we crucify ourselves?~

There was a long pause between the two of them until Akito turned back toward the bars, seeing Yuki in the same position she had just been, face pressed to cold steel. "What? What are you doing here? You should be at home sleeping, don't you have school tommorrow?" She stepped a bit closer, the light was dim and she wanted to see his face through all the shadows. "I couldn't sleep, I thought a walk might help to calm me." He smiled nervously, his hands coming up to hold the bars near his face as she came closer. "So you walked all the way here, why?" Yuki blinked, he hadn't meant to end up at the estate. "I was just walking, I wasn't really minding where I was going. I will go home now if that's what you want... of course it's what you want." Yuki's frame slunk, his head lowering so that his facial features were now completely hidden in the darkness. As soon as he began to move, Yuki was glued in place once more, a pair of hands folded around his own still holding the gate. "I couldn't sleep either, Kureno's snores are too loud." Yuki blinked, unable to hold back a short laugh. "Are they? I wouldn't imagine him a noise maker." Akito frowned rather playfully at Yuki's words, pouting her lip slightly. "Oh he is, he sounds like a pig with its nose stuck in its food." She was lying a bit, Kureno wasn't really that loud, but Yuki's laugh at her comment was so pleasent that she wondered if she had ever before seen him like that.

~Nothing I do is good enough for you~

Their hands hand moved from the gate to simply holding one another's, the only thing really seperating them being the bars themselves. Yuki had noticed this unconcious movement of Akito's, even if she didn't and he was glad to know that at least some part of her didn't hate him. Though he knew he shouldn't, Yuki dared to test this atmosphere. "I'm sorry... for what Shigure said about you... that was very wrong of him." Akito's attitude immediantly changed, now reminded again of what she was trying to forget. "Why should you apologize? It's nothing that wasn't true, I like treating people that way." Yuki blinked, frowning as he tried to make sense of her words. "But why? What pleasure is there in hurting other people?" Yuki kept a tight hold on her hands when she tried to back up and run. He didn't want her dodging the question, Yuki wanted to know why, because if he knew why he might be able to help change her mind. "Why hurt people, Akito-san?" She glared at him, trying to pull from his grip, and never remembering him being strong enough to hold her back. "Why does it matter to you?" Yuki wasn't giving up, he planted himself firmly in place and kept hold on her wrists as she struggled. "I want to help you. I want to know how to make everything okay." Akito snarled, gave one more attempt to free herself and then kicked Yuki in the knee, causing him to let go and hiss in slight pain. "You can't make anything better, because you'll just leave me like everyone else too!" She shouted before racing off back down the path. Yuki could only stare after her in confusion.

~My heart is sick of being in chains~

Akito slid to a stop to hold her frame up against a large tree, curling over slightly as the tears streamed down her face. Her heart was racing, pounding madly in her chest and she wondered if she was having a heart attack. That face, that broken and confused look on Yuki's face was flashing behind her eyelids, causing the tears to quicken and she growled in frustration because she didn't know why she was acting this way. Akito slid down the side of the tree, landing on her knees in the grass and dirt, which was slowly beginning to grow muddy with the sudden onslaught of rain. The contrast of warm tears to cold rain made her face feel funny and hurt even more. Akito hated crying, as much as she hated this realization that while everyone was there and around her, she was terribly and surely alone, and would probably remain that way. She didn't find it her place to change for them, they should love her and stay with her anyway. That was how it was supposed to be, how Akira told her it would be, and here she was forced to realize more and more all her father's words were lies. Akito sat there in the rain for a long time before someone came to find her.

~Gotta kick for a dog, begging for love~

Is was dicomforting for Shigure to hear the next day that Akito was sick and Yuki was up in his room with a high fever to match. It wasn't hard for him to put two and two together and this created a terrible atmosphere between the dog and rat all day. Neither of them could go and visit to see how Akito was doing so it made them irritable with everything. Kyou had only barely managed to drag Tohru away for school in time to avoid a shouting match between Shigure and Yuki in the kitchen. "When do you plan on going back to school, Yuki?" Shigure stood in the bedroom doorway, leaning against the door frame with his hands curled into his sleeves. Yuki turned a cold stare in Shigure's direction, having been working on missed homework Tohru had brought home for him despite his burning headache. "I'll go to school tommorrow, even if I don't feel any better. Now, if you can't see that I'm busy could you go back to your porn?" A snort of unhappy laughter came from Shigure, he wasn't going to leave Yuki alone now. "So where'd you go last night? I noticied your soaked clothes in the laundry room. Were you hoping to catch a glance of a certian someone?" The hair on Yuki's neck raised slightly in anger at Shigure trying to start a fight right now, but Yuki took the challenge and turned a condecending smirk toward his cousin. "Not really, but I saw her anyway. Too bad for you she wasn't upset to see me, rather glad to see me at that." Yuki didn't feel he was lying, she had seemed content with him at the begenning before he said anything. Right now the point was just to piss Shigure off, nothing more.

~I gotta have my suffering so that I can have my cross~

Yuki didn't quite expect the reaction he received, his face slammed into his work desk. Tears threatened as his nose and cheek burned in pain that matched his now hightened headache. The hiss of Shigure's angry voice, and the pressure of the man's hand on Yuki's neck was frightening. "Watch what you boast about, brat. Don't forget who's home you live in. I'll send you packing back to your mother in a second, I'm sure you'd love that." Yuki's eyes opened wide in an expressive 'no', before slamming shut again. Yuki was done, this all wasn't worth enough to lose his living space, not to have to go back to his real home. Yuki didn't say anything, in fear he'd say something to piss Shigure off even more. Yuki had forgotten the violence between them in that hall and just how scary Shigure really was, he wouldn't forget it after this. Shigure released his grip at the sound of the door opening on the first floor and he moved out of the room to greet 'his children', home from school. Yuki wheezed for a moment, rubbing the burning out of the back of his neck. As if nothing had happened he went back to his homework, vaguely listening to the conversations going on down below. He wasn't going to worry about Akito anymore, she didn't want his help anyway.

~I know a cat named Easter, he says will you ever learn?~

When Yuki once more didn't come down to eat dinner with them, and in his current state, the worry Tohru was feeling for him amplified. Not expecting an agreement, Tohru asked, more begged a little, for Kyou to try seeing what was wrong. She knew the realtionship the two had wasn't good, but it seemed a little better than how Yuki and Shigure were acting toward one another. Tohru was a ditz, yes, but even she could see now the unhappy aura building between the dog and the rat. Yuki startled at the tapping on his door, a slight fear it was Shigure here to bring more pain, but at the sound of Kyou's voice Yuki was so happy it just wasn't Shigure that he welcomed the cat in. Kyou was visibly uncomfortable, just standing near the door. "Tohru asked me to see if you were alright, she's cleaning up... so she couldn't come do it herself... you need to eat sometime, you know." Yuki blinked, this was indeed something new and unexpected. Yuki smiled and that shook Kyou off his gaurd, when had they stopped hating each other so much? "I just haven't been feeling well, tell Honda-san I'll come down shortly and make myself a little soup." Kyou startled at the sound of Tohru's voice right behind him. "Oh! You don't have to Sohma-kun, I'll be glad to make you a bowl and bring it up here for you!"

~You're just an empty cage girl, if you kill the bird~

The amount of attention Hatori and Kureno were giving her made Akito even more sick to her stomach. She wanted to be left alone and yet so desperately wanted them there at the same time. Kureno wasn't afraid of getting sick and he had even held her through several of her puking spells. Akito didn't like being sick, and she knew sitting out in the rain like a crippled child had been foolish. She refused to tell anyone why she had been there. Kureno had looked very confused when he woke to a maid shouting through the halls about seeing someone that looked like their master out in the pouring rain. With a sad sort of surprise, Kureno had scooped her up off the ground and toward Hatori's office, waking him at the ungodly hour because Akito had been burning up from head to toe. Now, Kureno was trying to comfort her, pushing damp hair from her sweating forehead and everytime he touched her she smacked his hand away. The little movements were unconcious to him until she made an action to stop him from whatever it was Kureno was doing. He didn't like seeing her this way. Kureno didn't like seeing Akito sick, and even more helpless than she normally was. It hurt him to watch her writhing in pain, to see her panting and sweating, and there being nothing he could do to make her feel any better.

~Got enough guilt to start my own religion~

By the middle of the night Akito was hallucinating a little, twisting and turning as he fever raged and Kureno held onto her hand tightly. She was crying, it made him want to do the same, dipping his head in a little closer to try to catch her hoarse whispers. "Don't leave me, everyone will leave me... I don't want to be alone... he doesn't really want to help... he's scared of me... doesn't love me... wants to leave me..." Kureno's face twisted in emotional pain, and he clasped his other hand around the one he was already holding hers with. His immediant guess was Akito was talking about Shigure. "I'm sure he loves you, even if he's cruel about it. We all love you Akito." Akito shook her head violently, causing a sudden panic in Kureno. "No, no... doesn't love... can't help... just scared... the little rat... so scared... makes me want... I want to hurt him...Keep him away... I'll hurt him... such a coward... can't help me... can't even help himself..." She was rambling, not even knowing or understanding what she was saying, though Kureno understood and a pain welled up in his chest. Was there something more than sexual contact between the rat and his god? Kureno thought about this twist throughout the night, and he couldn't help but think he could like Yuki being in that place. Kureno was going to lose this battle no matter what, but he knew Yuki would treat Akito far better than Shigure. Kureno decided he'd confront Yuki on his true feelings first thing tommorrow.