Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ None So Blind ❯ Chapter 2

"It's so hot," Goku murmured. "It's almost too hot to eat."

"That is bad," Hakkai said.

"Get me a can of beer, monkey boy," Gojyo said.

"Get your own can of beer!" Goku answered.

"You're closer!"

"It's your beer!"

As the idiots in back started fighting again to break the monotony, Sanzo wondered if he'd reach a level of boredom that would kill him, putting him out of his misery permanently. The idiots didn't know true boredom, since at least they could look at things. Still, they fought listlessly and somewhat pathetically in this heat, and it was far too hot for Sanzo to bother moving to stop their half-hearted bickering.

He felt a quiver.... Damn it. "We have company."

"Sanzo-chan," Gojyo said in a very patronizing voice, "I know that your womanly intuition is getting better developed, but if you could see, you'd notice that there's no one around for kilom--"

"Give us the sutra!" several voices yelled.

"Where the fuck did they come from?" Gojyo asked. "Oi! Where the fuck did you come from? This is a desert! There's no cover!"

"Give us the sutra!" several voices yelled.

"It's a shame that the mystery will go unsolved," Hakkai said, "but at least it'll break the monotony for a few moments." His voice always turned lighter and took on an edge of excitement when a fight beckoned.

Sanzo heard the others leave the jeep, but he stood and set his back against it to give him some measure of protection. Listening, he filtered through the yells, thuds, clanks, and wind for the sounds of his targets, then fired. Sometimes he ducked and dodged when he felt a rush of air or heard a yell coming at him.

"Baldy Sanzo! Prepare to meet your doom!" the most annoyingly screechy and high-pitched female voice in creation declaimed.

Aw, shit. And he didn't have any food on him to bribe her with, since their supplies were low. Listening and feeling the air currents let him duck and dodge Lirin's attacks, but she kept coming so close to hitting him. This was embarrassing.

Something struck the back of his head.

Hakkai stopped hearing gunfire. When he turned, he saw Lirin holding onto an unconscious Sanzo by the front of his robe. "Sanzo!" But he couldn't fire on her, not while she had Sanzo in her grip.

But then she set him down... and started beating off his other attackers. She was doing a fine job of it too. Hakkai would never understand Kougaiji's group.

"Hakkai!" Gojyo shouted. "Less staring and more fight-- Oi, looks like Sanzo's girlfriend showed up. Should we let her finish off those other guys before we attack her?"

"Sanzo seems to be safe for now, so yes. Try to keep Goku from looking over there."

"I'm a monkey's keeper now. This is not how I thought my life would turn out."

Hakkai, Gojyo, and Goku finished off their opponents before she did, partially because she'd taken more on than they had. That was good in that they could watch to make sure that she didn't hurt Sanzo. That might turn out to be bad in that Goku saw Sanzo lying in the sand.

"Sanzo!" Goku shouted and went on the attack against the youkai ringing Lirin and Sanzo. Given the animal ferocity on display, Hakkai and Gojyo stayed back. At least Goku hadn't changed into his really dangerous form.

At the end, Goku and Lirin stared at each other, both looking ready for more battle. "What did you do to Baldy Sanzo?" she shouted, screeching.

"What did we do?" Goku shouted back. "You're the one who must have knocked him out!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not! This isn't the way the game goes! We play over who gets to keep the sutra a little and then I get a treat. He doesn't fall down just because someone taps him! This isn't fair!"

Interesting to get a look at the alternate reality her mind lived in.

"He can't see!" Goku said, in what might have been an attempt to defend Sanzo's battle honor, then blushed when he realized that he'd revealed Sanzo's weakness to the enemy.

Lirin's eyes widened in confusion. "Can't see what?"

Hakkai didn't like to think ill of people, but she truly did have an annoying voice. It scraped along one's bones like a dull knife. To try to quiet her down a little, he said, "Sanzo isn't well. Thank you for helping him, but he's a very proud man. It might be best if you leave before he wakes up."

"I understand. Big Brother's like that too." Her face took on a look of cunning. "Baldy Sanzo always gives me a treat."

Hakkai dug through their packs until he found one of the last meat buns. From the look of horror on Goku's face, he might as well as ripped it out from Goku's jaws. "Here."

She grabbed it and took quick bites with her sharp teeth. "Mmmm! I'll come back to play when Baldy Sanzo's feeling better! 'Bye now!" Then she ran off, obviously very pleased with herself.

"Yeah, she has to come back," Gojyo said with a smirk. "She didn't get a chance to sit on Sanzo's shoulders."

"She's so weird," Goku said.

Hakkai and Gojyo stared at him. Gojyo started to say something until Hakkai elbowed his ribs.

Hakkai examined Sanzo carefully. To his relief, he couldn't see any bleeding or feel any internal bleeding with his chi. "He's just knocked out. We should keep an eye on him, but I think he'll be all right."

"Aside from being pissed off once he wakes up," Gojyo said.

Goku made a discontented, worried sound. "Hakkai, you said that he would get his sight back." His voice sounded thick and low.

Hakkai had to tell him the truth. It might turn out to be cruel later otherwise. "I said that he might. It's... not the same thing."

"...oh."

"Ah! Everything looks so different from the front seat!" Gojyo said.

"I'm glad you're enjoying your chance to sit in the big kid section," Hakkai answered.

"You're so mean," Gojyo said with a laugh.

Goku wanted to yell at them for sounding so cheerful, but he knew that they joked because they worried. They all got through that way.

The front seat wasn't anything special, not when Goku had Sanzo's head resting on his lap in the back.

Sanzo hadn't woken up yet, so Goku took advantage and petted his hair, avoiding the injured parts of his head. "Might" get his sight back. That made such a difference. It was so unfair. His sun shouldn't have to live in darkness.

On the one hand, he didn't worry. Even if Sanzo could never see again, he was so strong that once he adjusted he'd be kicking ass at his usual speed again. But, on the other hand, Sanzo was so unhappy like this, and that worried Goku because a really unhappy Sanzo didn't eat, just smoked, stared, and snapped at anything around him. He didn't immediately get that bad, but once he did it took a lot of work to dig him out.

"What the hell happened?" Sanzo murmured. Goku quietly took his hand away from his hair. He'd been hoping that since a blow to the head had started it another one might fix it, but Sanzo still obviously couldn't see anything. Sanzo continued, "I was fighting Lirin...."

"You got knocked out," Gojyo said with glee.

"She knocked me out? I'll have to kill myself."

"It might not have been her who did it," Hakkai answered. "She did end up defending you from your other attackers."

"Now I definitely have to kill myself."

"Don't say that," Goku said.

Sanzo looked thoughtful and gripped a handful of Goku's shirt. Being "helpful," Gojyo said, "In case you're wondering, you're lying on the monkey's lap."

Sanzo sat up and out of Goku's lap so fast that he nearly fell over. From the expression on his face, it had hurt like to move like that. Goku shouted, "Gojyo!"

"What?"

It had been nice to have Sanzo so close.

Sanzo stayed in the back with him but didn't get that close again. Didn't say anything either, just stared into space.

That night, after dinner, Sanzo walked away from the campfire and signaled for Goku to follow him. Warmed that Sanzo wanted something from him alone, he followed, but the warm feeling didn't last when Sanzo told him what he wanted.

"Goku, in my current condition I need to let enemies get in closer before I can shoot them, so I need to make some adjustments for my hand-to-hand fighting. I need to practice. So fight me."

"Sanzo...."

"You would hurt me worse by not sparring with me." If Sanzo had been able to see, he'd be looking at Goku's neck right now. Did that mean that Sanzo thought he was shorter than he really was?

Sanzo's eyes had such a pretty color, like flowers, and Goku loved to watch them look at him. Right now they couldn't look at anything.

"Hakkai said you could get it back."

"It's better to be prepared. Better to get used to living like this in case I have to."

When Sanzo put it like that, Goku couldn't say no, but he didn't like it. "All right."

They each went into a hand-to-hand stance. Goku thought about saying that Sanzo had mentioned using his gun in close quarters but hadn't brought it out, then decided to keep his mouth shut. Saying that he could dodge Sanzo's gunshots easily would only piss him off, and Goku didn't really want to get shot at anyway.

So they sparred with Goku fighting with just fists, holding back, and being louder the whole time and Sanzo growling at him to stop coddling him. Goku was stronger and faster than him normally, so fighting him while he was like this was even more unfair. Sanzo did get faster as they went, as he adjusted his instincts to acting on hearing instead of sight Goku guessed, so Goku sped up too. In the rush of fighting, Goku started to smile. He loved this.

He loved it until his fist hit Sanzo's left cheekbone. It left a big red mark. "Sanzo!"

Sanzo punched him under his chin, knocking his head back. "Keep going."

It hurt and made him want to hit back harder.... "No!" He blocked Sanzo's next blow too. "I'm done!"

Sanzo looked so frustrated. "There is no done."

"Yeah, there is. When I say so."

"Goku--"

"No!"

Sanzo leaned back against a tree trunk, looking like he didn't intend to fight anymore, but Goku still watched him anyway, knowing how sneaky he could be. His face had started to swell where Goku had hit him. "This isn't good enough."

Goku knew him well enough to know that he'd actually said, "I'm not good enough." It hurt to see his sun in so much pain. Goku said, "You haven't been like this for very long. You just need time."

"I keep hearing that. My eyes need time. I need time. Time is passing, and nothing is improving."

"You're eating on your own."

Sanzo's mouth twitched. "You would see that as major improvement. Hakkai and Gojyo just arrived."

It actually took them a few minutes to arrive. Goku hadn't heard them coming until Sanzo pointed it out.

"Did we miss something?" Gojyo asked.

"No," Sanzo answered.

"You hit a door with your face?"

"None of your business." Violently swinging his white cane from side to side, Sanzo walked back toward the campfire.

"Hakkai, is there anything I can do to help?" Goku asked softly.

"There's barely anything I can do to help," Hakkai answered, being honest with him. Goku had wanted them to always be honest with him, since he hated secrets.

He hadn't realized before how much honesty could suck.

He'd try to help Sanzo get through this somehow. He refused to be helpless.

In the morning, Sanzo had a huge dark bruise on his face. And he was still blind.

It was raining, the water drumming loudly. He was walking through the monastery. His master had called for him. There he was, smiling so kindly as he usually did. Sometimes Kouryuu wished for his master's smiling calm but most of the time he knew better, that smiling calm was not for him. He couldn't see the world through those wise, serene eyes no matter how hard he tried.

Sometimes that smiling serenity really pissed him off no matter how much he loved his master, his father.

Kouryuu felt a growing dread along with a growing sense of déjà vu. Something would happen here, tonight. Blood would spill... again.

No. Surely not. He simply felt some aftereffects from driving off that bear. The monastery was safe again. Not that he cared what happened to anyone aside from his master and Shuuei when the rest of the monks were such cretins.

"Kouryuu."

He could see Koumyou Sanzo so vividly.

He could not see.

He could not see, not in waking life. Yet he could see this, and when he was here in his dreams he never knew at the time that he was dreaming.

Sanzo felt something sliding along his neck. A hand. A touch. Someone was touching him in a very possessive way. No one in his group would dare.

As part of him in a child's body listened to his beloved master say again the words he'd spoken that dark night, another part of him felt out his actual body and slowly reached for his gun. Kouryuu didn't have a gun, but Sanzo did. He had it. He whipped his gun up and put it against something hard. Someone's skull. He could tell.

"What?" the mysterious someone asked in disbelief, and Sanzo didn't know the voice. He fired, and the voice screamed.

The world went dark again. No monastery. No master.

No blood. No perpetually replaying tragedy.

"Sanzo!" Hakkai shouted, sounding slightly choked. The hand that fell upon his shoulder was unwelcome but had a familiar touch. Sanzo shook it off but felt relieved.

"What the hell was that?" Gojyo asked, sounding shaken.

"Did you all see something?" Sanzo asked.

"Yeah," Goku said softly.

"My worst-- Yeah," Gojyo answered.

"But you can't see, so you knew to fight it," Hakkai said. "It no doubt helped that our attacker was so close to you. I wonder what, exactly, he intended. Perhaps he wanted to take the sutra."

"He's too dead now to ask," Gojyo said, "thanks to Sanzo-sama."

"You're free, aren't you? Stop complaining," Sanzo replied. His blindness had been helpful here. Part of him expected Kanzeon to make an appearance to say something or fix him.

Se didn't show. He should have known better.

At least they didn't seem to be driving or dead. Hakuryuu must have stopped on his own when Hakkai had started to hallucinate.

"What time is it?" Sanzo asked.

"It's still late morning."

"We should leave."

"Leave? Just like that? Our minds were attacked!" Gojyo said.

"Now they're not. It's time to go."

"You--"

"What if our attacker has allies?"

"...shit."

"Sanzo has a point," Hakkai said.

Sanzo always had a point. You'd think they'd know that instinctively by now.

To Hakkai's great relief, they found a town to stop in for the night. They needed supplies, and their encounter with illusions of the past had left him unsettled. He watched Kanan kill herself often enough on his own without someone dredging it up and forcing it on him. They hadn't said much on the ride after that today, with even Goku and Gojyo being quieter than usual. But Sanzo had been smiling a little, no doubt because he alone had saved them. The swollen bruise on his face had to remind him that he couldn't always trust his own prowess lately, which would gall anyone, let alone Sanzo.

The promise of someone else's cooking had inspired Goku to leap from the jeep, with Gojyo at his heels. It wouldn't be dinner without the two of them competing over tidbits. Smiling at their liveliness, Hakkai followed. Sanzo moved more slowly behind them.

Suddenly Hakkai heard an unfamiliar, belligerent voice yell, "--you think I care?" and turned to see a brawny stranger prepare to hit Sanzo. Before Hakkai could erect a shield, Sanzo twirled his cane into position to strike the man across the face with it, then brought it crashing down on the back of the man's head, snapping it in two. When his opponent landed atop his sandaled feet, Sanzo kicked him off, then stomped on his head. He kicked him a few more times, perhaps to see if consciousness would return. Satisfied at last that it wouldn't, Sanzo carefully walked over to Hakkai, held up the splintered remnant of the cane, and said, "This makes a good asshole detector. Too bad it's broken now. I need a thicker cane next time." Then he walked into a restaurant.

"That's the wrong restaurant," Hakkai said.

"We can eat here."

"We're staying at the other place. We should eat there as well."

Sanzo nearly had steam coming out of his ears. "Fine." He found his way to Hakkai and walked in with him.

"I'm sure that Hakkai's sorry he spoiled your bad-ass moment," Gojyo said.

Sanzo smacked him with his fan.

"You--!"

"You haven't realized yet that all your talking tells me where you are."

"Asshole monk."

Oh dear. "Sanzo," Hakkai said as he took out a handkerchief, "you have some--"

"What?"

"When you blew our earlier attacker's head off, you got some blood and other matter on that side of your face and robe." Which Hakkai hadn't seen during the drive because it hadn't been turned toward him. How suicidal had the man who'd just attacked Sanzo been to keep coming at him anyway? "Let me wipe it off." Hakkai smacked the back of Gojyo's head before the inevitable comments about mommy Hakkai and baby San-chan could even start.

"I hate you all," Sanzo answered, but he submitted to having his face wiped at least, though with ill grace.

This was the first time Gojyo had watched Sanzo use chopsticks since his blinding, and it was sad. As in slow and awkward, especially since those meatballs kept escaping and rolling around the plate. Sanzo knew it too, because every time Gojyo started to say anything about chopsticks, Sanzo would set the monkey on him. For example:

"Hey, Sanzo, what's up with your spastic chop--"

"Goku, Gojyo's trying to sneak away with the last shrimp roll."

Goku, in his devotion to Sanzo and food, never thought to wonder how a blind man would know what Gojyo might be doing to the shrimp rolls. He'd immediately answer with "Gojyo, that's low. I'm gonna kick your ass!"

A fight would ensue, and in the distraction Sanzo would continue to quietly struggle with his chopsticks and food. No wonder he'd been trying to eat alone every chance he found. Since Sanzo didn't get involved in the fighting or refereeing--although Gojyo swore that Hakkai sometimes egged Goku on--Sanzo finished eating first and groped his way out of the dining room and up the stairs to the bedrooms.

Given how much slower Sanzo had to move while without the cane, Gojyo caught up to him fairly easily upstairs. "Oi, Sanzo, there's no reason to get bent out of shape about this." Gojyo actually felt bad about Sanzo having to struggle to eat, which was more than the uptight bastard deserved from him.

"About what?"

"Your eating skills."

"The very fact that you had to say that marks you as a liar. I'm tired." He stopped at the next door, groped for the knob, and put the key in. He must have counted doors to reach the right room. He slammed it shut in Gojyo's face.

Try to be nice, and look at what it gets you.

"At this rate, I'll definitely get Sanzo first," Hakkai said softly.

"Yeah? Why?"

"Your poor flirting skills. Most people, Sanzo in particular, don't like to be reminded of their weaknesses."

"You don't mind when I do it to you."

Hakkai smiled a little. "Really?"

"When I tell you that you have a weakness for redheads, you jump me right afterward."

The doorknob to Sanzo's room rattled from the inside. Shit. "Do you think he heard us?" Gojyo asked. Did he hear the bit about them wanting to pounce him?

"It's Sanzo."

"Damn." Gojyo tried the door, but it had been locked. "Sanzo! Open up!"

He shouldn't be so upset. This little revelation surprised him not at all where Gojyo was concerned, since the kappa would stick it to anything that would let him and had been flirting with him almost from the moment they'd met. But he'd thought that Hakkai had more... dignity. Then again, Hakkai was involved with Gojyo, which cast serious doubts on his taste and dignity.

So, what, did they have some kind of bet regarding him? A competition? How long had this been going on?

It cast a different light on so many things. He felt almost betrayed. Them too?

Amazing. Despite his best efforts, he hadn't been paranoid enough. He would have to fix that.

Sex complicated matters. He'd learned that long ago.

"Do you think he heard us?" Gojyo suddenly asked. Shit. Sanzo's hand had moved a little on the knob, and they'd noticed. He stopped leaning his aching head against the door.

"It's Sanzo," Hakkai answered. They would do well to remember that.

"Damn." Gojyo tried opening the door, then yelled, "Sanzo! Open up!" when it remained locked.

If he refused to let them in, they would think he'd been bothered by what he'd heard. Which he had, but they would make assumptions about the kind of bothered he felt and assume wrong. Idiocy would ensue, as it so often did. He opened the door, and they walked in. Sanzo briefly wondered if Goku was still eating dinner downstairs.

"Sanzo, were you listening in on us?" Gojyo asked, nearly purring it, trying to make Sanzo out to be the wrong party.

He could lie. He chose not to. "I heard you. It's an unfortunate side effect of my condition. In any case, my name being spoken suggests that it concerns me."

"So?"

"'So' what?"

"So, what do you think about it?"

The hell? Did the cocky bastard really expect Sanzo to throw himself into his arms, crying, "Take me now, you stallion"? Anger made his head pound. Someday his head would explode from it. If that ever happened, he could only hope that the bone shrapnel of his shattered skull would hit Gojyo and kill him.

He never should have opened the door. How persistent would Gojyo be on this?

"I'm trying not to think about it, since I just ate and would like to keep the food down." Someone was behind him. He sidestepped out of the way.

"My apologies for startling you," Hakkai said. He couldn't be trusted either. No one could.

The doorknob prodded Sanzo's hip. Deciding that he didn't need this shit from these two, he opened the door and walked out. Thankfully, they didn't follow him since, at the speed his blindness forced him to go, they could catch up to him easily.

"That could have gone better," Gojyo said. Usually his lust objects didn't flee the room. But he should have expected something like this.

"You think?" Hakkai answered. Wise-ass.

Sanzo came back downstairs. "Sanzo!" Goku cried, pleased. Maybe he could get some more food into him. "Over here!"

As he walked and felt his way around, Sanzo seemed to be dancing a swaying duet with furniture and person after person. When he put his hand down on the table, his fingers rested down on the remnant of his cane, traced its length, then picked it up by its strap and settled it on his wrist. Then he started to walk away.

Looked like food wouldn't be on his agenda. "Sanzo! Where are you going?"

"I need a new cane."

How would he find one? "Let me go with you." That wouldn't be appreciated, so Goku continued, "I can make sure nobody wastes your time!" For example, he could make sure that Sanzo only went to places that actually sold canes.

Sanzo closed his eyes, then opened them. Every time he did that, Goku half-expected him to be able to see now. It didn't happen. "Very well."

Goku quickly opened up one of the napkins and put a bunch of meat rolls into it to take. Sanzo hated waste, and maybe Goku could get some food into the both of them later.

Sanzo walked slowly with his head high, proud, and his hands out a bit to feel his way, and it made Goku proud to see him and be with him. His Sanzo, who wouldn't let a failure of his eyes stop him from anything he wanted to do. Goku could just about feel him listening to and feeling everything around him, while the broken cane dangled and swung from his wrist. As much as Goku would have loved to run ahead, he stayed and matched his stride to Sanzo's.

"This might be a good stand to try," Goku said, seeing all the canes laid out on the table. Some of them had straps at the end.

Sanzo stopped and touched them one by one, his long fingers sliding along them. The seller watched him for a moment, then said to Goku, "The quality is very high."

"I need something with heft," Sanzo said as he picked one up and swung it around.

"You're the one who beat Yifu?" the man asked. "He's looking for you."

Sanzo put down one cane and picked up another. "He's still alive? I can fix that. If he comes for me again, this time I'll shoot him." He swung this one like a fighting staff, and it whistled a little in the movement. "This one might suffice."

"Sanzo!" Hakkai suddenly yelled from behind them, and Goku watched Sanzo stiffen, then forcibly relax to his normal, stiff and straight stance to hand his gold card to the seller.

It made Goku watch Hakkai suspiciously. Hakkai and Gojyo had been upsetting Sanzo a lot lately, which was really unfair when Sanzo was blind. Gojyo picked at people all the time, but Goku didn't understand why Hakkai had started.

Once they started to walk away from the stand, Hakkai said softly, "I hope you didn't take what happened the wrong way."

"Is there another way to take it?" Sanzo answered. "I don't care what he thinks--I never have--but I don't want him staring at me. Or you staring at me either. I can feel it when you do. He won't get what he wants from me, and neither will you."

They were bothering Sanzo! It made Goku's teeth clench. Sanzo didn't need to be bothered, especially now. Was this pack behavior on Hakkai and Gojyo's part? They saw their leader weakened and thought it was time to move in on him? Not with Goku here. Hell no.

"It's late, Sanzo," Hakkai said. "We should all get to bed."

"Give in yet, Sanzo-sama?" Gojyo asked with a smug light in his red eyes.

"Never," Sanzo answered, but the chain of Gojyo's shakujou was wrapped around him so tightly that he couldn't touch his gun, and his sutra didn't respond to his chants. The chain links dug into his bare shoulders, making him wish that he'd worn his robe completely instead of left the top of it bunched around his waist.

Hakkai smiled. "It's said that humility improves character."

"Some humiliation might improve Sanzo," Gojyo answered. They approached.

Foolishly, he'd come to nearly trust them. Now he would pay.

"Gojyo, there's no need to talk of that," Hakkai said. "I'm sure we can do this without humiliation."

"Sure, though it won't be as much fun." Gojyo stopped in front of Sanzo, and again Sanzo resented that they both had a height advantage on him. "I've never taken anybody unwilling. You'll want it by the end."

As if Sanzo hadn't heard that one before. Unwilling to waste words on such as him, Sanzo simply sneered.

Hakkai grabbed Sanzo by the hair at the back of his head to better hold him in place, while Gojyo attacked his mouth. Outraged, Sanzo kept his lips closed, fighting against the squirming tongue trying to open him up and plunder him. The sudden yank on his hair brought involuntary tears to his eyes, and Gojyo took advantage of the moment to get his tongue into Sanzo's mouth.

Gojyo and Hakkai's ministrations were adamant but not violent, and to his horror Sanzo felt his treacherous, idiot flesh begin to respond. Enraged, he headbutted Gojyo--

--and woke to utter darkness. From the cool air and how vibrant everything smelled, Sanzo guessed it to be night.

"Sanzo?" Goku muttered sleepily at his back, fingers tightening on Sanzo's sash. Sanzo sure as hell wouldn't share a room with Gojyo or Hakkai after what he'd found out about them today.

"It's nothing," Sanzo answered. No one in his group had nightmares. Ever. If you said they did, they would call you a liar.

"'Kay." And Goku went back to sleep, maintaining his iron grip on his sash.

Breathing hard from the dream, Sanzo cursed his body, although it had at least had the decency to simply harden instead of come. Staining himself from that scenario would have been completely intolerable.

Treacherous, idiot flesh. He shouldn't have been so surprised that its eyes ceased to work correctly now. It had betrayed him so many times over the years with its youth, prettiness, and weaknesses, its infatuations and demands. Lust made people even more stupid.

While on the road as a teen looking for his master's killers, it had amazed him how many people would give up all semblance of decency to try to fuck someone they themselves thought of as a child. They'd told him he was too young and pretty to be out there alone. They'd tried to imprison him and take his gun away and force themselves on him. Some people had wanted to punish him for not being a girl after all.

Fortunately, he'd trusted no one and thus seen through their lying and had his martial arts training, gun, and sutra to handle the physical threats. He'd avoided lust himself, attachments, as best as possible, in one case leaving a village early when his body had conceived a stupid infatuation for a local girl.

Sometimes, when in utter desperation, he'd sold use of his body in exchange for shelter. That time with the bandit gang had been the worst, as a blizzard had roared down upon him and their hovel had been the only option. Somehow he'd managed to curb his tongue enough to only have to service their leader; otherwise he would have been forced to fight the whole large band off.

The rest had made do with a drudge who wouldn't last much longer, a slack blank-eyed girl whose body walked but whose spirit had long ago died, who cooked, cleaned, spread her legs, and opened her mouth for these bastards. She'd been broken to the point where she no longer even flinched when struck. They'd planned such a fate for Sanzo.

As soon as the storm ended, he'd shot the leader, who'd become complacent and sleepy after getting off, and escaped. Over the next few days, the remaining bandits had stupidly pursued him in small groups, making them easy to pick off.

Eventually, his mantra began to verge close to "If you meet anyone on the road, kill him."

Sex was about power. Who had it; who took it away. The very fact that Gojyo and Hakkai started this shit now meant that they thought his blindness made him weak, ripe for the plucking. And Gojyo thought Sanzo should be flattered to be a target of his lust?

Goku made an odd little noise and tightened his grip. "Do not hang onto me," Sanzo murmured, but the little monkey didn't hear him. Goku never listened.

Sighing, Sanzo tightened his grip on his cane and tried to sleep. The occasional groans and cries from the other room didn't make it easy.

"Gojyo," Hakkai said, then squirmed as Gojyo nipped at his left ankle. It made him spread his legs more too. Part of the fun of a regular sex partner was that you could go the roundabout way when you wanted to do something that took longer, since they didn't feel as self-conscious and stranger-like in front of you.

"Yeah?"

"You should let me talk to Sanzo more from now on."

"Why?"

"Because you're scaring the hell out of him."

Hmmph. "Big bad monk can't take some sex talk?"

"Quite frankly, no. He's skittish enough."

"While you have the inside track on that pinched mind of his?"

"Better than you do."

Unfortunately, Hakkai was right.

"Sure. I'll just let you talk to him. Give up my claim. Like hell." Still, Gojyo said it good-naturedly, even if he didn't want to lose his shot at Sanzo. He never could get angry at Hakkai.

"I'm not suggesting that. Perhaps we should try for him as a unit. To make it fair."

Gojyo couldn't help smiling at the images that accompanied that idea. "Double-team him?"

"This is why you shouldn't talk to him. That sounds threatening."

"Sanzo-chan is too sensitive."

"The insulting nicknames don't help either."

"Insulting? This is affection. Anyone can hear that. You haven't been doing so well talking to him lately."

"I've felt guilty and off-balance. I'm better now. This is important."

"It sure is. If we get him laid, it might cure his blindness."

Hakkai smirked. "How do you figure that?"

Warming to the topic, Gojyo said, "He's so repressed. All that pent-up horniness is making him tighten up his muscles, and they're pressing on his eyes. We give him a good enough orgasm, they'll loosen up and he'll be able to see again." The mental image of a post-orgasm Sanzo melted on his bed made Gojyo even harder. He licked the back of Hakkai's knee, working his way up.

Hakkai shuddered, but his voice stayed level as he replied, "That's an interesting medical theory."

"It's the only thing we haven't tried yet."

"True."

"I have a doctorate in sex. Let Dr. Sha make it all better."

"Where do you get these lines?"

"I don't get many complaints."

Sighing, but fondly, Hakkai shook his head. "Just don't talk to him about it."

"That takes a lot of the fun out of it, but sure." Gojyo ran his fingertips lightly up the petal-soft skin of Hakkai's inner thighs, enjoying the shivers he was inspiring.

Sanzo's inner thighs had probably never seen the light of day or known the touch of air, let alone anyone's fingers. Monk probably never parted his legs for anything. That was criminal.

"Gojyo, please just fuck me," Hakkai said shakily.

Maybe he could let Hakkai do the talking. Gojyo was better at being hands-on anyway.

This morning Hakkai felt the selfish and stupid urge to be thankful that Sanzo couldn't see. He and Gojyo had gotten rough last night, and walking a bit funny in the presence of the usually sharp-eyed monk would have been a problem. While Sanzo most often ignored their sexual relationship, sometimes he had a look or snippy word or two. Hakkai preferred not to draw such attention to himself.

Seeing Hakkai limp down the stairs, Gojyo grinned and put his arm around Hakkai's neck. "Good morning."

"In many ways, yes."

"Breakfast is good. Little Lord Prissypants and Goku are still digging in over there."

"Gojyo...."

"Yeah, I was listening last night. That last bit was for your private enjoyment. Like so much of my repertoire. But I have to tell you that the monkey's a bit weird this morning."

"Weird, how?"

"You'll see soon enough."

Hakkai did see. While Goku ate and bickered with Gojyo in his usual fashion, he also kept track of where Gojyo was at all times, following his movements with his eyes. When Hakkai tried to return a roll that had fallen from Sanzo's plate, Goku swooped in and picked it up for Sanzo first. And had the boy bared his teeth at him doing it?

"Told you," Gojyo said.

"Told you what?" Goku asked.

"We don't have time for this," Sanzo said. "I suggest we get out of town soon. I'm told that the man I dropped yesterday is looking for a rematch, and I don't want the trouble of killing him." He pushed his robe's sleeves back again and lit up a cigarette almost as smoothly as he once would have. With his lips pursed around it and the smoke casting soft, hazy halos about him, Sanzo looked more desirable and exotic.

Hakkai felt a stare like a heavy weight on his head and noticed Goku watching him. Goku's eyes looked nearly yellow. Nearly slitted. They had a problem.

"I'd say that it's an excellent idea to leave," Hakkai replied.

Goku still sat in the back of the jeep as usual, but he stayed close to Sanzo's seat, watching. Hakkai and Gojyo hadn't ever made a move on Sanzo while riding in Hakuryuu, but why take chances, especially since not so long ago they hadn't treated Sanzo the way they'd started to now? If you didn't stop people from doing something bad early on, they'd take it even farther and develop it as a habit. Once it became a habit, it got really hard to break. Sanzo had taught him that, and he'd seen it for himself. Goku liked to think the best of people, but people would push to get the most for themselves that they could. He did it himself. It made sense.

He stayed close to Sanzo's side during dinner around a campfire and rose when his sun rose to leave and followed him. When Sanzo opened his mouth, probably to tell him to go away, Goku said, "You wanted me to spar with you. I'm willing to do it," even as he tried not to look at the fading bruise, now yellow, he'd left on Sanzo's face from the last time. Sanzo didn't let Hakkai waste energy on little things like that.

"You're trying to manipulate me," Sanzo said, sounding annoyed and surprised. And disappointed in him.

It made Goku's chest hurt. "No. I just want to...." To be with him. Watch his back. Make him happy. Goku couldn't say any of that to Sanzo.

Sanzo's expression softened a tiny bit. "All right. We'll spar. I want to try out the cane. Find a good clearing."

Once Goku found an open enough space, he said, "Here, Sanzo," and made his nyoi-bo appear. Staff to staff this would be.

Sanzo nodded as it appeared--maybe he heard it--and changed his grip on his white cane, holding it more like a weapon. "Come for me."

Goku started out with slower attacks and smiled as Sanzo blocked them and attacked back. The cane could be used as a weapon. Plus, Sanzo fought much better than last time, reacting and striking faster. He'd always been fast for a human, and his fighting had often seemed to come from something more than just the use of sight. Goku remembered with admiration how Sanzo had effortlessly caught Chin Isou's thrown spikes between his fingers, when he shouldn't have even been able to see them from how fast they'd come at him. Sanzo seemed to be tapping into that again now, whatever it was that he had, and he smiled fiercely as they fought. A Sanzo smile, yeah, but Goku knew it when he saw it. Sanzo loved battle too.

Goku had missed having alone time with Sanzo. Hakkai and Gojyo were good company when they weren't being jerks, but traveling with them cut into his time with Sanzo. Sometimes he actually missed Chang'an, despite what assholes the monks had been to him, just from the feeling he'd had that he and Sanzo truly were alone together and united amidst all these people who didn't understand them.

For now, he was fighting and he was with Sanzo. The only thing that could have made it better was if he'd somehow been eating at the same time.

Hakkai noticed that Goku remained glued to Sanzo in a way that looked fiercely protective, even during the drive. Last night's sparring had obviously been an excuse to get him away from them as well. This distrust of them not only got in the way of their hopes for Sanzo but also put them in jeopardy during battle, because lack of trust in one's partners could be lethal. He needed to talk to Goku soon.

Fortunately, they had a town to stop in that night. At the end of a dinner in which Goku had hovered about Sanzo, Hakkai cast Gojyo a weighted look. Gojyo grinned, then said, "If I don't get away from you guys for a while, I'll have to kill ya. See ya," then left the inn.

He'd probably pick up a woman if one presented herself. Hakkai didn't mind, knowing that Gojyo needed touches of a woman's "love" now and then to try to ease the ache of his past. He always came back.

"I need to get away for a while myself," Sanzo said, although he seemed to be heading for the stairs.

When Goku rose to follow, Hakkai said, "Hold on, Goku. I need to talk to you."

"But Sanzo--"

"I'm sure that he'll be safe. He's getting better at defending himself this way."

Goku, being Goku, would not refute that. Sure enough, he answered, "All right, Hakkai."

"This is about me and Gojyo. I worry that you may be getting the wrong idea about our intentions toward Sanzo. We mean him no harm. We wish to give him affection."

"Hakkai, I don't like to think that you're lying, but I can't believe you. I've seen Sanzo's reaction."

With Goku sounding so close to adult, Hakkai found himself being more formal in response. It might make more of an impression on Goku. "He's a very proud man and not very demonstrative physically. His upbringing might not have taught him that showing affection is not a weakness."

Goku looked thoughtful, making Hakkai wonder if he thought of the judgmental monks at Chang'an and pondered whether Sanzo had been raised by such as them. "I can... kind of see that," Goku replied. "Maybe."

"He doesn't recognize our intentions, so they make him nervous."

"Yeah, but you only started treating him like that after he went blind."

"We always liked him, but he needs affection even more now, wouldn't you say?" Still, Goku's words made Hakkai wonder, since Sanzo might see matters the same way. Sanzo might very well see their increased interest as being a reaction to him being "weak" now.

Goku had a shrewd look on his face. "So Gojyo is showing affection to all those girls he never sees again?"

It could be easy to forget at times that Goku was naïve and young-minded, not simple-minded. "That's not what we mean to do with Sanzo. What Gojyo does with women who agree to be with him is recreation. What Gojyo does with me and what he would like to do with Sanzo shows affection."

"I don't understand what you get out of it."

"You'll show more interest in it yourself when you get older."

"How much older?"

Good point. What life cycle did a child of the earth have anyway? Goku was about 518 years old. "I don't know. Someday. But trust that we mean Sanzo no harm. In fact, we mean him only good." Hakkai couldn't help letting out a small sigh. "If we could only convince him of that. He's suspicious of everything."

"He is." Goku smiled. "Okay. I'll give you guys a chance. But if it looks like you're hurting or really upsetting Sanzo, the chance is over."

"Thank you, Goku. You don't mind if I go talk to Sanzo?" Not that Hakkai would let a No stop him forever, but politeness earned points with people.

Goku certainly looked pleased. "I don't mind. But don't push him. He hates to be pushed."

When Hakkai opened the door to one of their rooms, he saw Sanzo sitting on the bed facing it with his cane across his lap. Sanzo blew out a stream of smoke, then asked, "What did you say to get the monkey off my back?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Goku's been sticking so close that he might as well be in my robes with me." Then his mouth twisted, probably as he remembered that Hakkai had mentioned an urge to be in there himself.

"I reassured him that we only want to support you in this trying time."

"'Support.' I've never heard someone call it that before."

"It's not just about that."

"Sure. It's always about love." He sounded so cynical. "If you 'love' me, stop annoying the shit of me."

"You're too easily annoyed."

"Tch." He used the cane to push the door shut in Hakkai's face. For a blind man, he had a pretty good idea of where things were.

Hakkai had always known that this would take time. It would be best not to push the issue tonight.

It would be a quiet night without Gojyo around. Hakkai could catch up on his sleep.

Goku would no doubt room with Sanzo.

"Sanzooooo...." For the hundredth time.

Sanzo lit a new cigarette off the old one. He'd never smoked this much before this trip. "Fine. You can stay here. But this bed is mine and mine alone. You got it?"

Goku's eyes lit up. "Sure!"

It didn't entirely surprise Sanzo to wake up with the monkey wrapped around him in his narrow bed, his head nestled under Sanzo's chin. At least he hadn't made them both fall off. With that in mind, Sanzo wouldn't whip him with the paper fan until they'd gotten up.

"Owww. What was that for?" Goku even had some paper cuts. Damned new fan. How could Sanzo hit so well when he couldn't see? He'd even chased him around the room. Okay, it had been a small room... but there was furniture!

Goku went up against really dangerous youkai all the time, so it really surprised him 1] that he could get paper cuts and 2] that they hurt so much worse than most injuries. Because c'mon!

Sanzo looked almost mellow now. Shooting off his fan or gun for a while often did that to him. "Last night I said something about having a bed to myself. You said 'sure.' Where were you when I woke up this morning?"

"I don't remember doing it." It had been nice to wake up to, though. At least until he'd gotten up and Sanzo'd fanned the crap out of him.

"You climbed into my bed in your sleep?"

"Yeah," he said softly, miserable. He had. He'd made a promise, then infringed on Sanzo anyway. He was like Gojyo.

"Tch." Sanzo's expression changed a little, then he said, "If you promise something, you do it. If I say I need space, I need it and will damn well beat the shit out of people who won't give it to me. It pisses me off having you hanging on me all day and all night. Take a break once in a fucking while. Especially when I tell you to."

To someone that spoke Sanzo, that translated to "I forgive you. I know now that you didn't mean to break your promise. You can shadow me sometimes and I won't mind, but if you're on top of me all the time I'll be eight times as pissy and make your life hell. But sometimes is okay." Cheered, Goku said, "Okay. Breakfast?"

"You don't have to do that," Gojyo whined.

"Your shoulder needs to be put back in its place," Hakkai answered lightly, but with an undertone of steel.

Sanzo resisted making the obvious comment about Gojyo needing to be put in his place. Even though Hakkai had won the single bed in the small room as he always did in these situations, leaving the rest of them to pallets on the floor, Sanzo felt almost mellow. Blind, he'd still kicked ass today. Unlike certain people in the room.

"You're not coming anywhere near me!"

"Big baby," Goku said.

"Am not!"

"Gojyo," Hakkai said, "turtles!"

"What? Owwwwww!"

Idiot.

"That wasn't so bad," Hakkai said.

"Yeah," Gojyo answered, sounding choked, "that was just fucking wonderful. Turtles?"

"I needed a distraction. Fictional turtles did the trick."

"I hate you. I'm taking my toys and going home." Suddenly he moved over enough to put him near Sanzo. "I'm staying near the priest. He doesn't attack me after lying about turtles."

"Get away from me, or I will attack you," Sanzo said as he felt his blood pressure start to rise.

"But you're so warm, and I'm injured and need warmth."

Liar. Sanzo could feel Gojyo's body heat radiating out toward him. "I'm not here for you to take advantage of. Get on your own pallet."

"Aw!"

Sanzo woke up with Gojyo plastered to his back and Goku nestled against his front, making him the filling in an idiot sandwich. Damn, he'd been around Goku long enough to be using food metaphors. Gojyo smelled excited, but he always did. Sanzo fought the urge to squirm, certain that movement would make it worse. They were so hot against him....

Gojyo's arm moved over him. Sanzo identified it by length.

Goku suddenly shouted, "Gojyo! You have your hand in my hair, you perverted bastard!"

"Your hair? I thought it felt too bushy," Gojyo answered.

Sanzo was in hell. That had to be the explanation. Was it better or worse that he couldn't see any of this?

"Bushy? What do you mean by that?"

"Nothing!"

"Whose hair were you aiming for? Wait a minute, why would your arm be that low?"

"Why was your head that low?"

Sanzo didn't want to know the answers to any of those questions. "Shut up and let me go back to sleep, or I'll pistol-whip you both! And get your arm and every other body part off me, Gojyo. I don't need you rubbing off against me."

"Yeah!" Goku said.

"Hmph," Gojyo answered. "Tetchy. Do you store your new cane up your ass?"

Goku actually growled. Sanzo didn't know whether to be amused or annoyed by that. "I could shove it up yours, but I'm afraid you might find a way to enjoy it."

"Be nice," Hakkai said from above them. "Perhaps you should all go to your corners now."

"I'm in my pallet," Sanzo answered. Thankfully, Gojyo and Goku backed away, although they muttered the whole time.

When Sanzo woke up, he had Gojyo plastered to him and Goku nestled against him again. But it was a cold morning, Gojyo was warm and too injured to get really freaky, Goku often ended up on top of him, and Sanzo was still sleepy and decided that it wasn't worth the argument. Yet. So he went back to sleep.

Well, well. Once upon a time Gojyo hadn't been keen on sleeping near guys, but he'd since learned the benefits. "Hakkai," Gojyo whispered, "take a look at this." He couldn't talk too loud for fear of waking sleeping beauty.

Fortunately, youkai ears were more sensitive than human's, so Hakkai heard him just fine and looked down over the edge of the bed. He then looked impressed, as he should, but he whispered back, "Wait until he wakes up."

"He did once, but he didn't pull away or try to beat me up."

Sanzo slept peacefully in Gojyo's arms. Someone with such a wicked temper and mouth shouldn't look so sweet in his sleep, but he did. Like this, he almost looked too young to be messed with.

Almost.

Gojyo desperately wanted to stroke the peach fuzz growing in the shorn spots on Sanzo's head. Fuzzy Sanzo!

"I bow to the master," Hakkai said with a smile. "But are you sure it's not Goku's influence?"

Muckraker. "He's curled up near Sanzo, but I'm the one with the armful."

Hakkai might know the right Sanzo words, but Gojyo understood the physical stuff and figured out that Sanzo would have to be broken in slowly. Gojyo would have to get him used to being touched and held and stuff. Get him used to the collar, kind of. Oh, pretty thought.

Sanzo looked content right now, so content that he didn't seem like Sanzo. Gojyo wanted to see that more often.

Gojyo had spent most of his life working hard to try to make the people he loved smile.

Yeah, he wanted Sanzo, but he wanted Sanzo to want to be wanted too. Gojyo wanted him to be happier and look less pinched, to have some improvements to his life from having a steady sex life. Gojyo wanted him to be less haunted by whatever the hell his problem was.

Gojyo worried sometimes that lately he might be stressing Sanzo more than the already short-tempered priest could take. He hoped not.

Sanzo woke up suddenly and almost head-butted Gojyo getting out from under his arm and sitting up. His body language had changed somewhat since being blinded, something Gojyo still had to get used to. Though Gojyo did like how Sanzo was now so sensitive that sometimes you could stroke the air near him and he twitched as if he felt it. That had such possibilities.

Hoping for a freakout, Gojyo asked, "Sleep well?"

Sanzo disappointed him with a cool "Once you stopped moving."

"You liked it."

"Enjoy your delusions. Monkey, breakfast."

That immediately brought Goku out of a deep sleep like nothing else would. "I hear they make incredible omelets!"

The award for best distracting use of a monkey went to Sanzo. Those two could be a well-oiled team sometimes.

Ow. Sometimes having a dirty mind could really suck.

"There's only one way to find out," Hakkai said. "We have a long day's drive ahead of us, so we need to be well-fortified."