Gravitation Fan Fiction ❯ On the Outside ❯ Chapter Seven ( Chapter 7 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Author's Notes: I sincerely apologize about the lateness of this chapter. My Tatsuha muse has not been agreeing with me as of late. I'll try to be more prompt with the next chapter. ^_^ (Sorry about it being so short, too.)

Chapter Seven

There are moments in one's life that one feels like an absolute, outrageous, pathetic loser. I seemed to have those moments more often than anyone else in the world. If I wasn't being caught molesting my brother's new boyfriend, I was throwing up on the shoes of my idol, or stuttering like a retard in front of him, or just being an all around teenage idiot. All of my life seemed to be one big idiotic event. I swear to God, when I die, my grave stone will say, 'Uesugi Tatsuha -- Died An Idiot's Death.' It would be very befitting.

I felt like an idiot with Ryuuichi. I didn't know why. I just did. He was being nicer to me than he even had to be, more than I could even understand he would want to be, and what was I doing? Either stuttering like an idiot or doing something else stupid. Great.

When I said I had wanted to go somewhere, I had been vague. But when I got in the car, Ryuuichi did not ask me where I wanted to go. He just started to drive. I stared out the window. I was too embarrassed to look at him. What the hell was I doing, asking him to go 'somewhere' with me? What the hell did that mean?

But he didn't say anything. He just drove.

I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. People always say that celebrities look more glamorous than they actually are on television and magazine covers. What a load of bull. Ryuuichi looked the same as I had always seen him on interviews and in magazines and then some. I was having a hard time tearing my eyes away from him. Wouldn't that be nice, to be caught looking at him like some starving wolf about to jump its prey.

Bad analogy.

He didn't notice me looking. Or if he did, he was just being polite enough to not say anything. I averted my eyes after a few lingering seconds. I could feel my cheeks burning. Even better! When I wasn't being a stuttering idiot, I was being a blushing idiot!

It wasn't like me to get so nervous around someone. I thought it was probably just nerves. I was still shaken up thinking something bad had happened to Eiri.

"What were you doing?" I finally mustered up enough courage to speak. Yup, courage. Me, loud-mouthed Uesugi Tatsuha, was too embarrassed to say a damn thing and had to work up to it.

"Uh?" He looked at me, confused.

"I mean driving around the neighborhood," I said. "Were you going somewhere?"

He smiled. "Nope. I was just driving around."

"And you found me."

"Yup."

He said it so innocently I figured it had to be true. But it still seemed kind of weird that he just happened to be in the area. Tokyo was too large of a city for it to be that easy. Then again, maybe it really was that easy to find someone. I had no idea. Tokyo wasn't exactly my area of expertise.

But still, it was weird. Just magically showing up and finding me.

"Really?" I asked.

He was silent, staring ahead at the road. I thought he wasn't going to say anything at all.

"Not really," he said finally. "Mika-san told Touma about your father and said that you were still out somewhere. Touma asked me to find you."

Ah. Made sense.

I blinked. It did not not make sense. Touma could have found me on his own. Or he could have sent out one of his usual lackies. Or he could have just left me for dead, too. He hadn't ever shown much concern for me before. He was polite and nice to me and all, but it's just because I'm his wife's little brother, nothing else than that. At least that's what I thought it was. Maybe he really was worried.

If he was worried, then it was because he was feeling guilty.

Something was definitely up, and nobody was telling me a damn thing.

"Right," I muttered beneath my breath. Ryuuichi must have sensed some of the hostility in my voice.

"Really, that's the truth!"

I looked at him, surprised. "I didn't mean... er, I mean that I didn't... I'm not mad at you."

He looked so relieved. I wondered why it bothered him so much to think I was upset with him. He was just that nice of a guy, I figured. Nothing else, really. Well, maybe he really didn't want to upset me. He probably thought I already had enough to think about, with my dad having another of his relapses and all. I wondered what he would think if I told him I wasn't worried at all.

"Is there somewhere we can go?" I asked. I was watching buildings pass us by, apartment complexes and businesses, people in them and people outside of them. Not a one of them would think for a single moment that the car passing them by contained Sakuma Ryuuichi.

"There're a few places," Ryuuichi replied. I didn't bother to ask where. I didn't care where we went, as long as it meant I didn't have to go back to Eiri's place anytime soon.

We stopped outside of a restaurant squeezed between two larger buildings, some big tycoon businesses running something or another that completely flew over my head. It wasn't in a very populated area of the city. Hardly anybody seemed to be in the place either. Maybe because it looked so Western. I had been to Western places before, and while hamburgers can be damn good sometimes, I'll always take some good ol' Japanese cuisine over Western. I guess I wasn't the only one that felt that way, judging by the number of people that seemed to come to this place.

No one even looked at us as we walked together, down the sidewalk and into the restaurant. Most of the people we passed were adults, guys in suits and ties probably getting off from work and heading to the subway to go home. There was a distinct lack of fan girls that would have quite happily tackled Ryuuichi to the ground and steal all of his clothing, I was relieved to see.

He took off his sunglasses when we stepped into the place. The host, a young guy I'm guessed in his mid-thirties, looked at us, and obviously recognizing Ryuuichi, brightened up like a light bulb.

"Sakuma-san," he said, "we haven't seen you in awhile."

Ryuuichi smiled at him. "Stuff's been busy lately," he replied.

I was looking around, barely even listening to their conversation. It seemed like a decent place. It was dark and secluded at least, that was a major plus as far as I was concerned. I didn't really want to be around five million people. There were only a few other people in the place, mostly young and older couples alike. None of them seemed too interested in what we were doing.

I felt a hand on my arm and turned to see Ryuuichi looking at me. "Come on, Tatsuha-kun," he said.

The host took us to a booth near the back of the restaurant. Another plus. But it was sort of intimidating. I could still hear faintly the conversations of other people in the restaurant, but just barely. Ryuuichi and I were pretty much going to be all alone. Alone in a dark, secluded booth at the back of a restaurant. Ooooh, joy.

"Can I get you two anything to start with?" the host asked us.

I shook my head. "I'm not hungry. Just some water." I glanced at Ryuuichi.

"Me too," he said. "That's all for now." He smiled again, that bright, cheerful smile that seemed to be able to suck in anybody's soul. I was reminded a little of Shuuichi.

The guy left to get our water. I watched him go, more to just get a better look of the place. Definitely Western. Everything was all redwood and boards and smelling of some kind of rubbing oil, or something. Whatever it was people used to make things shiny. Like shoe buff stuff. I couldn't really name what it was, so hey, shoe buff stuff is as descriptive as I'll get.

And the seats were squishy cushions. I had to restrain the urge to bounce like a little kid.

"Why'd Touma send you out to find me?" I asked instead. When one cannot bounce, one can ask questions to fill awkward silences. But I really would have rather bounced.

"Mika-san was worried," Ryuuichi answered. "Yuki-san said that you were with Shuuichi, and so she went to him, but he said you had never come to the studio."

Oh. Oops. I guess I had worried her. That would explain why she had left me four voice mails. Note to self: keep cell phone on at all times.

"I didn't mean to worry her," I said. I didn't know why I was defending myself to him. I just felt like it needed to be said. "I just didn't feel like going to the studio, so I went out for a walk."

The host came back with the water. He left us a menu too, just in case the mood struck, he said. I was getting hungry despite saying I wasn't, but I didn't have any money on me after wasting most of it in the arcade. I wasn't about to ask Ryuuichi to pay for me.

"You seem unhappy," he said.

I looked at him, surprised. "I'm not unhappy."

He fisted a hand to his cheek. "Well... you seem like something is bothering you," he clarified.

"... well, not really." I shrugged uselessly. "There are some things bugging me, but it's nothing I can change, so why worry?"

"Are you worried about your father?"

There was the question. Did I tell him the truth or not? It was obvious what I would say.

"No," I said. "I'm not worried."

"Not a bit?"

"Not a bit." Why lie to him?

The pocket of my jacket was vibrating. I blinked and took out my cell phone. The I.D. said it was coming from Eiri's place. I kind of doubted it was him. Shuuichi was probably home and looking for me. I put the phone back in my pocket.

"It's not important?" Ryuuichi asked me. He had his head cocked to the side slightly, mouth around the straw in his water. Only a grown man like him would drink water with a straw.

"It's just Shuuichi," I said. "They'll see me later. I don't need to talk to them now."

"If you say so." He shrugged. I grinned.

"I say so."

It almost seemed normal for a second there, to be sitting in a restaurant having a conversation with Sakuma Ryuuichi. Yeah, right. If only I could be so lucky. Cool things don't happen to guys like me. Well, not often, anyway. Not as much as I would like them to.

"Mika always rushes home," I said. Just to have something to say at all. "Dad cuts his finger and suddenly it's a life or death situation. So she'll rush home. That's why she's the favorite kid."

Ryuuichi looked puzzled. I smiled slightly.

"I mean because he hasn't got me and Eiri trained like that. We don't get as worked up about stuff as she does."

Too many close calls. After awhile, you had to start to wonder when there was something really wrong with him, or when he was crying wolf. I don't know, I blame a lot of it on age. He's getting older and the more the cancer spreads and the realization he's going to die in the next few years settles in, he wants us around more often. I guess the least we could do as his kids is be there for him, but he screwed up too much. Too much with Mika, more with Eiri, and I would have gone down the same path if he hadn't been diagnosed and reevaluated his life.

"He's your dad," Ryuuichi said. He was still confused. I didn't think he would understand if I tried to explain my screwed family.

"He's my dad, and I care about him, but why cry about it all the time?" I asked. "He's going to die. Everybody dies, so why worry about it? Just enjoy life."

"That's sad..."

It was sad. But it was the perfect way to survive. Indifference. The perfect shield to everything the world throws in your face.

"I don't wanna talk about that," I said, shifting a little uncomfortably in my seat. I didn't like that it was bothering him. And I didn't like to think that it was giving him a bad impression of me. I wanted him to like me.

"Okay," Ryuuichi said, and he let it drop just like that. He looked up at me, head inclined slightly. "Are you sure you're not hungry? I'm sta~rving."

"Uh, I haven't got any money..."

"That's okay! I'll pay."

Just what I had been trying to avoid. "You don't have to do that..."

"I want to." He blinked curiously, as though that should have been enough. I slumped down.

"If you want, then," I muttered.

The waiter came back and Ryuuichi ordered us an appetizer, something that completely flew over my head. I wasn't really listening. The pocket of my jacket was vibrating again. Shuuichi was probably trying to get a hold of me, or maybe it was someone else, one of my friends in Kyoto wondering when I'd be coming back. Didn't know, didn't really care.

"Sakuma-san," I began, but Ryuuichi cut me off.

"You can call me Ryuuichi," he said.

Wow. I could call him Ryuuichi. Be still, my beating heart.

"Ryuuichi," I repeated slowly, "did Touma... well, did he say why he wanted you to find me?"

"He said your sister was worried," Ryuuichi replied simply.

"That was all?"

He shrugged. "I guess so."

It was still weird. There had been a million and one times that I had gone out without telling anyone where I was going or without answering my phone, and Mika had never asked anyone else to help her find me. Granted, this was my first time being alone in Tokyo, but I still didn't think it was just dad that would make Touma felt guilty. Touma was rarely moved by anything. I only ever saw him worked up about anything if it had to do with Eiri.

Which made me worry. I was sure Eiri was okay. He had a headache at the concert, no big deal. But Mika and Touma were acting like it was something else, something to really worry about, and that bothered me.

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" I asked suddenly.

Ryuuichi shook his head. "Nope. Just me."

"Lucky."

He cocked his head. "Really? I think it's kinda lonely..."

"Maybe... but it's also somebody to worry about all the time, and be annoyed with all the time, and to be lectured by, and... a whole lot of other crap that goes along with siblings." Mika and Eiri were driving me bonkers.

"But you care about them," Ryuuichi said.

"Yeah," I muttered, "I care about them."

Sometimes I thought I cared more about them than they did me. I knew Mika cared. She was always trying to do things for my benefit, like this whole trip to Tokyo. But it always seemed like she had some kind of ulterior motive when she was doing nice things for me. And Eiri... hell, Eiri had pretty much ignored my existence ever since he had come back from New York. He had ignored everyone's existence, really. Hard to remember sometimes that they secluded jerk was the same guy that used to give me piggy-back rides around the back yard.

"When're you having a concert next?" I asked. I wanted to turn the topic away from me and my siblings, to something he could talk about easier. Something about sitting around and bitching about my family just kinda rubbed me the wrong way.

"Ummm." He scratched the back of his head, thinking. "Um... um... oh, yeah! I think we're supposed to go to Hokkaido to do a show." He took a swig of his water through the straw. "I think Shuuichi and them are coming."

I blinked. "Yeah? Shuuichi didn't mention it."

"It's not for awhile."

The waiter came back with an order of gyoza. I was suddenly relieved. Something I was familiar with. He left us two pairs of chopsticks, and with Ryuuichi's approval, I snatched up a dumpling and popped it into my mouth.

"Do you wanna come?" Ryuuichi asked me suddenly, head inclined, eyes wide and curious.

"Uh?" I choked down the food in my mouth. "What, to the show?"

He nodded eagerly. "Yeah, yeah."

I didn't doubt I'd be back home in Kyoto when Ryuuichi and Shuuichi were going to do their show in Hokkaido. Asking dad to let me run away for a weekend for a concert would probably earn me an ear-splitting lecture. I was already disregarding too many of my 'family duties' by being here in Tokyo to begin with, not to mention the million and one times I've skipped out to go to concerts before. I didn't think I'd be able to get Mika on my side either.

"I'll try," I said. It was the least I could do.

Ryuuichi was happy with that much anyway, and that was good enough for me.

We finished the gyoza and the waiter brought the bill. Ryuuichi paid while I kept swearing up and down I'd back him back. He just waved me away, smiling. I was still feeling pretty bad about mooching as we walked back to his car.

It was already dark outside. If it was home in Kyoto I was returning to, Dad would've worn out my hide yelling at me for being home so late. Eiri, on the other hand, would probably give me one of his bland looks and ignore me.

"You've been taking care of me a lot since I got here," I said, watching as the buildings passed us by as Ryuuichi drove down the street. I glanced over at him. He looked back, smiling faintly, and shrugged.

"No, really," I said. "I've spent more time with you than I have my brother.

"Sorry?" he said, somewhat puzzled.

I grinned. "Nah. I'd rather spend time with you."

He just smiled.

It was completely dark when he pulled up in front of Eiri's apartment complex. He pulled up to the curb and turned off the car. I sat there for a moment in silence, not really sure what to do.

"You don't have to walk me up," I said finally.

"Okay," he said. He smiled. "I'll watch until you're safe inside, then."

I nodded. I started to reach for the door handle, but something stopped me. The words were coming out of my mouth before I had the chance to do anything to stop them.

"So do famous singers like you date?"

He didn't miss a beat. His eyes didn't leave me, his expression didn't change. He simply replied, "Sometimes."

"People like me?" I pressed.

The smile widened slightly. I could have sworn it did. "Sometimes," he repeated.

"Then would you?" I asked.

He didn't say anything. He reached across the space between us, wrapping his fingers around my wrist and drawing my hand toward him. I stared blankly as he turned it over, palm facing up, and from wherever he materialized it from -- I guess famous people always need one ready -- he used a felt tip pen to write out something on my hand. He gently released my hand, still smiling that strange smile that I knew meant there was more to him than anyone could ever see. I was only getting a glimpse of the person he really was.

I looked down at my palm. It was a phone number.

Sakuma Ryuuichi had given me his phone number.

Excuse me while I hyperventilate.

"Uh," I stuttered, "well, uh... I'll call you, then."

"Okay," he said.

I stumbled out of the car. "G'night."

"Good night, Tatsuha-kun."

By a kind stroke of fate, I was able to stumble into the apartment complex without falling flat on my ass. I closed the glass door behind me and turned around. Ryuuichi was still parked outside of the building. I didn't know if he could see me, not with the tinted windows of the car, but I lifted a hand and waved, smiling like an idiot. The cat that had gotten the mouse.

I waited until the car had slowly driven away before turning around -- more like whirling around -- and barreling my way over to the elevator. I don't know how I reached Eiri's apartment. I swear my feet not once touched the ground until I was standing outside his apartment door and knocking. He hadn't given me a key. Thoughtful of him.

It was Shuuichi that opened the door. Still grinning like an idiot, I bounded in.

Eiri was sitting on the couch, smoking a cigarette. He didn't look happy.

"Where were you?"

I stopped in my tracks. "No where important," I said.

"Mika was worried," he said.

I shrugged. "Yup, I know." I wandered into the kitchen and started to dig around the fridge, looking for something to drink. I pulled out a coke and leaned back against the counter. "I talked to her already," I continued. "It's no big deal."

"You said you would be at the studio," Eiri said.

What the hell was he so pissed about? "I decided I didn't want to go."

"You should have let someone know."

"Well, I didn't. Sorry. I'll try to remember next time."

He sighed. He looked as though he wanted to say something more, maybe lecture me, be the responsible adult, but at the same time he looked like it was the last thing he wanted to do. Too tired. Too exhausted to give me a proper yelling session.

But I was already annoyed. Him trying to be the responsible adult figure all of a sudden pissed me off. Eiri had always been nothing but a brother to me. When we were younger, he was always there for me, always dragging me along with him when he went places, even though he didn't want to. Even after he had come back from New York, and after whatever it was that had changed him, he was still nothing but a brother. Mika and Dad were the big, bad responsible adults. Not him.

"You've got a severe stick up your ass, big brother," I muttered. "Don't take it out on me."

His eyes flicked up to me. All I saw was anger. Pure and raw anger, and to be honest... it was scary.

He didn't say anything. Nothing at all. He stared at me for a moment, just staring... and then he stood up and walked out of the room. I heard the door of his study slam shut and winced.

What the hell had I just done?