Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Designed Memories ❯ Never Enough ( Chapter 16 )

CH16: Never Enough

 

“Release him immediately.” Chang demanded realizing I wasn't doing so well. I was suddenly free of the weight on my back, not that it mattered. I couldn't move, my body struggling for air, for life, but my mind unable to comprehend it's request as more pieces fell from it. A numbing cold taking my limbs.

 

“Duo look at me.” I recognized Yuy for the briefest moment before everything blurred from the lack of oxygen and mass increase in synapses firing, which had overloaded my bodies required systems.

 

“Look at me Duo! You need to breathe!” Yuy was panicked.

 

I tried to pull in air, his words hitting that last bit of reason in the remainder of my mind. My teeth chattering the cold reaching my core. My lips quivering in an abundance of anguish as the battle field was reduced in size, wrath and sorrow still clashing, neither relenting, oblivious to the dying of their trophy.

 

“Get some blankets or anything to cover him.” Chang was calmer than Yuy. Light shined from one eye to the next. “He's in shock”

 

“If you know the problem fix it!” Yuy snapped to his counterpart.

 

“I'm giving him a sedative Yuy. You need to calm down.” I didn't feel anything for a moment, then sensations started to return to those overloaded parts and air was pulled in by my thirsty lungs. The battle turned sluggish both parties near exhaustion.

 

“Where's Jaster Duo?!”

 

“Back off Sandman.”

 

“Jinks, don't stand in my way.” Charlie growled.

 

“I'll lay yer ass out if I gotta. You're not gonna get shit from him now. Chang's doped him up good, so yer just gonna have to wait. It ain't nothing against you. I know you gotta be hurtin, but it ain't fair to Pitbull. None of this shit is. I'm gettin real tired of seein him suffer.”

 

“This wasn't what I wanted.” The hand was cool as it came to my forehead. The sedatives were enough to slow me down, but not shut me down. I held to consciousness aware of the passing events.

 

“So do you finally understand why Winner was so against it?” Chang's words held a sharp edge. “I knew the futility of even trying to dissuade you from this madness. And now it has come to this.”

 

“What the fuck are you taking about?” Charlie growled.

 

“Charlie, what about Jaster?” Cliff was full of worry.

 

“Shut up Cliff! There's nothing we can do about it now!” Even in my drugged state I knew Charlie was only mad at the situation not Cliff. “Now what the fuck are you two talking about?!” He was mad at Yuy and Chang.

 

“Sounds like this shit was a set up.” Yoshi's voice was dangerous.

 

“We don't let no one in our crew get fucked with.” Ty followed up.

 

“Preventer, Gundam pilot, fuck all that noise. You can't take us all out.” Joey was in.

 

“Kid might be a pain in the ass, but `e's my pain in the ass.” Mickey was willing to throw down.

 

“If I am anything, I am a Steel Dog first and foremost.” Even Renold joined in.

 

“Boy makes me laugh. An' I ain't one ta laugh.” Maleek added.

 

“I fought in that war too, I know how bad it was, probably worse for your squad. Then you come and do this to him. Maybe we didn't make that shit clear enough for you. We don't care what shit he's done in the past. He's one of us now and he's a good guy. I ain't gonna let you take that away from him.”

 

Chang words were quiet. “It won't be us taking him away from you. Do you realize it now Yuy? Do you realize what you've set in motion? You've played right into his game. You've offered the God of Death what he's always wanted upon a silver platter.”

 

“Why didn't you stop me?” Yuy seared with venom.

 

“How could I?! You don't listen to reason when Duo or this God of Death are involved! Your obsession has driven you to this madness!”

 

“My obsession?” Yuy sounded dazed.

 

“We all knew. We've always known.” Chang indignant. “When the five of us were on missions together the only time you lost focus was when he was around. You let your guard down with him, you would truly smile, your eyes always following him.”

 

“He knew?” Yuy's voice went cold.

 

“Of course not.” Chang sighed. “Even if he did he wouldn't allow himself to recognize it. He doesn't feel he deserves such feelings from others. He has no self-confidence. He only stayed with Hilde because she expressed those feelings directly to him. He couldn't refuse and risk hurting her so forced himself to accept her love and in the end hurt her and himself all the more.”

 

There was a tense silence in the room.

 

“I just thought…” Yuy's words trailed.

 

“You didn't think at all Yuy.” Chang's tone turned hostile. “You just reacted to the misjudgment of your own emotions. You love him, but can't convey that love to him yet at the same time you can't stop thinking of him. You didn't question what happened five and a half years ago because you hoped the distance would make those feelings fade, but you realized time wouldn't change it and distance wasn't enough. Once we started the monitoring system you watched him. You watched him everyday.”

 

“That's enough Chang.” Yuy voice was meek.

 

“Then this God of Death emerged. You destroyed $50,000 worth of equipment at his frist contact, so enraged someone would try and take Duo's name.”

 

“That's enough Chang!”

 

“No it isn't Yuy! It's never enough when Duo's involved! He plagues you and in turn lets this God of Death toy with you. Do you see how ridiculous you've been? Don't you see it now! You threw yourself entirely into this case passing it off as duty when it is only jealousy that fuels you!”

 

“Shut up!”

 

“These are your two obsessions, the God of Death and Duo! Both of them causing emotions in you that you were trained never to have! All of it eroding your sanity driving you to do this!”

 

“Chang…” Yuy was nearly pleading for the Chinese man to remain silent.

 

“I always knew your plan. How could I not after working with you for so long. You know well what the God of Death is capable of. You wanted him to take Duo, to erase him from this world and when he did you could act. Few would question it so many would sympathize, standing against those that wouldn't.” Chang fell silent in disgust.

 

“Then both of them would be gone. You're going to use Duo's death as a reason to kill the God of Death. You're a fuckin monster.” Charlie said breathless.

 

“You…you're fuckin insane!” Yoshi exclaimed.

 

“If ya can't have what ya love, destroy it? That's fuckin sick man.” Appall to Joey's voice.

 

“But it's not like that anymore is it?” Adam's voice was eerily calm.

 

“Not at all.” Chang took to answering. “Seeing him, interacting with him, touching him, being near him it has all made you question your resolve. You don't want to let him go. You don't want to lose him, not now, not when he's right in front of you.”

 

“You motherfucker.”

 

“Tank! Cool it!” Mickey snapped.

 

It started low and grew to full out laughter. It fell short of the joyful sound it was meant to be, stained with a harsh regret. “I should have given you more credit Chang. You didn't come here to warn him.” Yuy left it there.

 

“In fact I did, but not as you thought. Words would never work with either of you. It was inevitable Duo would get involved. The God of Death always follows through. Winner doesn't have the strength to face the viciousness of the God of Death and Barton would be too focused on protecting Winner. You knew this as well as I.” There was a short pause. “That's why I volunteered. There was no question you would follow me. It's in your nature to think you would be double-crossed, but I didn't come to warn him of you. I came here to warn him of the God of Death and in that warning your paths would cross. Despite everything that has happened between us, I still consider you both friends and I will do whatever is in my ability to aid the both of you.”

 

“Hn, have I always been this gullible?”

 

“When it's to do with Maxwell, yes.”

 

“Then tell me Chang. How do I protect him? How do I stop this? Aid me now.”

 

“I…” Chang's thought trailed to nothing as my eyes shot open and my torso upward. The reasoning behind such a quick movement, I didn't have. It was just time to get up.

 

In my frighteningly quick and unexpected movement my head came in contact with Yuy's chin knocking him back from me. I clicked my tongue angrily rubbing my head not exactly sure what was happening, but not happy about anything.

 

“Maxwell, what are you doing up? You aren't supposed to be aware yet.” Chang snapped like this was my fault.

 

“Pitbull you're up! Where's Jaster?” Charlie was grabbing on my arm. “Duo, tell me where Jaster is!”

 

“Get off me.” I snarled, pushing him away from me less then gentle my hand going back to rubbing my hurting head.

 

I pulled my legs in closer thinking about standing. As I did so, my toes ran into a silken softness. My eyes focused between my legs as both arms fell on my raised knees. I stared down at that deflated face that rested on the floor just before me. The skin getting a grayish tint to it. It was too wide, the face. My right hand fell from my leg running along the lashes around the eyes. They tickled my finger before they broke away.

 

No one deserved to die like this. I thought she had been on L1, did she come back, did she ever make it? I highly doubted the last. He must have grabbed her before they left. Albel was most likely long dead, maybe in the same way, but knowing the God of Death's cruelty she was probably forced to watch him die first.

 

My eyes studied all those wounds, imagining each inflicted on her, how she must have screamed. Even I would be hard pressed not to scream. She was so strong.

 

My throat tightened; I would never hear her voice, she would never come through my door again. These memories were all I had left, these fading memories. That thought alone hurt more than any physical blow I could ever be given.

 

I slid my hand along the cheek. Many times I'd longed to touch her like this, but now her skin was rough and so cold. The tips of my fingers ran along the jagged flaps around that lipless mouth remembering the voice it once held.

 

“Aren't you going to call me a pervert?” Sorrow had long won the battle crushing wrath with its unyielding misery. “How can I know what you're thinking if you don't say anything?”

 

“Duo.” The soft voice called from behind me.

 

“Say something, anything.” I urged futilely knowing nothing could save me. My hands fell to the ground between my knees mixing into Lania's hair. I pulled them up the black threads slipping through my fingers. My eyes burned the liquid fleeing them falling to my empty palms. In all the time that passed I hadn't gotten any better. The only thing my hands could ever hold onto were my own tears.

 

The heart wrenching despair was destroying me. I cast my eyes back upon her face seeing it for what it had been. The lips pursed in annoyance, those brown eyes betraying them with a smile. Her cheeks slightly red so full of warmth.

 

“Please Lania, please say something. Don't leave me alone.” The last barely audible. Fear and regret strangled me silent. It felt like I was going to loose everything again. The only difference was they would all be a casualty of me, like she was. There was no denying her death was on my hands, my worthless hands that could do nothing to stop it. How many more times was it going to be like this? How many more times would I have to feel this unbearable pain?

 

“Duo.” Yuy's soft voice came from behind his hand lightly squeezing my shoulder.

 

“I'm never enough” The image fading to what was truly left of Lania causing my pride to collapse. The tears escaped my eyes; a sorrow laden smile took my lips one hand still in her hair the other laying languidly on my leg. “I've killed myself a million times so I can keep going. Buried all this pain in a smile lying to myself. It won't happen again. I won't suffer like that ever again. If I drink, if I exhaust myself, I don't have to think about it. I don't have to see how broken I am.”

 

My smile fell apart as my lips quaked. “But I'm still not enough. I can't do anything. I can't even save myself.”