Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Designed Memories ❯ Life is suffering ( Chapter 15 )

CH: 15 Life is suffering

 

“What?!” Yoshi had an ear for anything sexual not that I was exactly being quiet about it. “Sandman! You hookin up with Pitbull?! Oh I knew that shit was gonna happen! You owe me $50 Jinks!”

 

Adam opened his mouth, rethought. “I ain't even gonna say it.”

 

“Fuckin idiot.” Ty did, nudging Adam who whacked Yoshi upside the head with a stack of papers.

 

“What?” Yoshi asked hurt.

 

“He's fuckin with Yuy.” Charlie snorted. “And I thought Pitbull was the stupid one.”

 

“Yer fuckin stupid!” Lost all interest in Yuy and turned livid shock to Charlie.

 

“No yer fuckin stupid!” He snapped back taking my spot on the futon.

 

“No! Yer fuckin stupid and you took my spot!”

 

“Maybe, if you weren't so stupid, you could have got here faster.”

 

“Maybe, yer fuckin stupid!”

 

“Just stop Pitbull. You're only makin a ass outta yerself now.”

 

“Shut it Jinks. Yer fuckin stupid too!”

 

“That could be an insult comin from anyone else, but I know that's how your special ed ass says you like someone.” Snickers started all about me at Adam's verbal attack.

 

“Nu-uh. Yer…Yer fuckin special ed.” Oh I so lost and the roaring laughter that surrounded me assured me of it.

 

“Oh the pause to think, as if he actually can. Classic.”

 

“FU Sandman!” I gave him the bird, which only increased his laughter. I stumbled through the guys and made it to the futon squeezing between Adam and Charlie, who I seemed to be by way too often. Yuy took a seat by the front door, guarding it I was sure. Joey was keeping him company, the two talking over something on the file, or maybe mechanics, I didn't care to listen to the conversation.

 

Charlie, Adam, Yoshi, Ty, and I shot the shit for a few more rounds before people started falling out, by which I mean passing out where they sat, sliding to odd positions, uncomfortable, yet comfortable at the same time. It wasn't long until the lot of us was in a drunken kind of deadness.

 

The heavy knock sounded at my door. “Delivery. I need a signature!”

 

“Are you fuckin kidding me?” Adam grunted making me realize I was laying on his stomach. The two of us met sleep filled eyes. Adam pushed me off him alerting me that Charlie was laying pretty much on top of me. The push caused us to also have a look of half awake, half drunk, confusion.

 

Charlie didn't think anything of it and got comfortable burying his head in my chest and holding onto me like a prized stuffed animal. I could see this working out better with Cliff. The crack came to the back of my head as the knock sounded again.

 

“Answer the fuckin door!” Adam was not dealing with my slow ass today. I put a hand on Charlie's face pushing off me. He groaned his anger as I slipped away and he caterpillared his way to Adam making him his next victim.

 

“Aw, you got to be fuckin kidding me.” Adam had lost all hope.

 

Yuy was standing in front of the door, he stepped out of the way, gun already pulled. I shook my head at him.

 

“Yer gonna freak dude out. Settle down killer.” I snorted as I opened the door blocking his shot. The guy was from L2 Express. It was pretty much the only delivery company on L2.

 

“Sorry bout it bein so early man.” He gave a nervous laugh. I didn't even bother looking at him. It was too early to pay attention to any details. I took the clipboard he had and signed it. Yes L2 Express was primitive as most the colony.

 

“What time is it anyway?” I asked noting the sun hadn't peeked at the artificial horizon.

 

“5:00am, this package was specifically to be delivered right at five.”

 

“Oh. Then good job. Thanks.” Too early to care.

 

“Thank you.” He said slyly before running off full of delight, while I groaned in fully loaded exhaustion. My job was done back to sleep.

 

“You're just going to leave it?”

 

“Yu, it's way too early for questions.” Wasn't having it. “Grab it if you want. Sleeping.”

 

With Charlie attacking Adam, my futon had opened up a bit more. I took advantage and collapsed on it. I was sleeping in, fuck it all. It didn't take long before I was back to dead, still half loaded from the nights drinking. I think we went to bed about 30 minutes prior, or well passed out.

 

I faintly heard Yuy bring in the package, but my body was processing too much booze to acknowledge it. I was pretty hammered when I passed out. It took a lot to get me to pass out in the first place, so when I got to that point I wasn't going to be worth anything once I got into deep sleep. A bus could crash into the apartment, wasn't getting up.

 

I woke up wrecked completely and totally. Head was pounding, my arms hurt, hell my whole body hurt. All the aches settled in and I was feeling them. Mental note, hitting a car was bad. I tried to get up and only succeeded in groaning in agony.

 

“What up Pitbull?” Adam sounded like he wasn't doing that well either. The smell of coffee filled the apartment. Someone was up and efficient.

 

“Everything hurts.” I grumbled.

 

“You should have stayed in the hospital like you were told.” The cup of coffee was handed to me. I rolled to my back struggling to a sitting position greeted by cobalt.

 

“Thanks mom.” I grunted to Yuy thankful for the coffee which I eagerly sipped.

 

Most everyone had come to in the same out of it state. The smell of coffee must have called their eyelids open. No one had left yet, course none of us were really in the condition to do anything. Well minus Yuy and Chang who were looking all clean and ready for a day of saving the world and colonies. I wished death upon them for not sharing the suffering of the rest of us. Damn controlled drinkers.

 

Karma attacked swiftly and resourcefully for my wayward thoughts. A twinge of pain running from the gash in my forearm up to my wrist and inevitably to my hand causing my grip to slip. Sadly my left hand was only offering support to the cup with fingers leaving me no means to rectify the situation as my right forgoed its hold on the handle.

 

Blinding pain, scalding hot. My mouth open the shock to my system so great not a sound left me. The piping hot liquid coated my bare chest splashing over my arms dripping into the wounds.

 

“Oh shit.” Adam was the closest to me and had the best view, but his reaction time was slow. Hell our collective reaction time was slow.

 

“Get a fuckin towel!” Charlie was next to Adam. He had processed past the initial crisis and was into problem solving.

 

I was able to get beyond the shock and pain as it was fading, but it didn't lead me to action, instead it was irritation. Of all the luck. I mean seriously, I had to be cursed.

 

By the time the towel hit my chest it was too late. Already, my body had become used to the piping hot liquid or maybe it was just cooling that fast, either way the whole concept was useless.

 

“I got it.” I snapped snatching the towel from Charlie with a glare.

 

“Why don't you settle the fuck down Pitbull?” Charlie wasn't in the mood for me it seemed.

 

“Why don't you fuck off Sandman?” Morning, pain, and a hangover made me in just as bad of mood as he was in.

 

“You have a package.” Yuy interrupted our glaring contest. The complete randomness of the statement diffused the situation.

 

“When did that come?”

 

“This morning at five. You were to busy cuddling with Jinks to notice.” I snorted to Charlie getting to my feet to see what I'd gotten.

 

“He's the same size as Cliff.” He defended mimicking my move.

 

“Oh yeah?” Perversion to my words, anger didn't stick long with us when we were all together. The other guys gave some whistles and hoots.

 

“That's…I fuckin hate you Pitbull.” Charlie's face bright red.

 

Adams nearly the same. “Just go open the fuckin box.”

 

“Shit's too far. You over there Yu. Open that shit.” Chang was next to Yuy and the two shared a glance.

 

“What you guys think it's something dangerous?” I shook my head. “Come on, dude don't want me dead. If he did he'd a killed me by now. Already proved he can get me anytime he wants. Now quit bein a pair of pussies. Yer gonna get Sandman all hard.” The punch hit my shoulder thankfully Yoshi had stood up and was able to keep me up as we laughed at Charlie.

 

“So immature.”

 

“Ha, look who's struggling for comebacks now eh? Pitbull's got you and Jinks on the ropes.” Yoshi snickered steadying me.

 

“Hey, what? Don't drag me into this.” Adam said as he rose to join us.

 

“Shit, you were in it since you cuddled with Sandman all night.” Joey added standing next to Adam.

 

“Wait. Who was in who?”

 

“My fist is bout to be in your face.” Jinks said to Yoshi cracking his fist in his free hand.

 

“You'd have to get it off Sandman's jock first.” I was cackling.

 

“Oh that's fuckin it.” Adam was going to come after me. I pushed Yoshi in front of me.

 

“What the fuck man!” Yoshi coward at Adam's aggression.

 

“Heel Jinks. Heel!” Joey jumped on Adam trying to stop him. Charlie was just laughing at the whole thing.

 

A sopping wet smack, a loud thump and a bottle rolling along the floor caught our attention. Joey turned his head where he was still on Adam's back; Adam looked over his shoulder, slightly turning to see around Joey, which gave Yoshi, who Adam was scruffing by the collar a view, while I leaned my head around Yoshi to see. Charlie's laughter stopped so I assumed he was looking as well.

 

Yuy's ass was on the ground. There was something fleshed colored, some oozing viscous liquid surrounding it, on the floor in front of him. Part of it was still lying in the styraphome container that must have been hid by the cardboard. Yuy had been exposed to a lot, I didn't like the feeling I was getting seeing him with that look of disbelief in his eyes.

 

“No…this can't be.” Renold gasped as he was standing opposite the box. He was sickly pale. His legs caved under him tears fell from his eyes. “This can't be.”

 

The group of us exchanged looks, none of us moving yet, unsure if it was something really worth our time or if we should keep on our path. Our collective attention returned to the happenings by the door.

 

Chang, who was behind Yuy, walked towards the mass. He reached a hand to it. I swear all of us cocked our heads to the side as Chang lifted it. There was something familiar about what we were looking at, but none of us could place it.

 

Chang quickly released the item. The opposite hand was in a fist and to his lips almost like the hand was cold and he was going to blow in it for warmth. He didn't, instead he stayed crouched, the hand that touched the object extended away from him like it was laced with a contagious disease.

 

“Yuy.” Chang paused. It sounded like he was fighting the urge of his throat, which seemed to want to release the contents of his stomach.

 

“That wasn't…tell me it ain't what I thought.” The five of our heads shifted to the kitchen where Mickey was. The coffee cup in his hand shaking violently enough to spill most the contents over his hand. He didn't seem effected in the least by the heat.

 

“Where did this come from?” Chang was finally able to get out.

 

“L2 Freight. 6 hours ago. 5am.” Yuy sounded dazed. Again the five of us shared a perplexed glance. I was more shocked that we slept in something fierce, hell usually we were on site anytime between 5 and 7am.

 

“Tell me that ain't…” Mickey's aggressive words ended as everything connected in his mind and he was losing it in the kitchen sink. Joey fell from Adam's back; Adam released Yoshi and the playfull mood we once had died at the sound of Mickey vomiting.

 

Yuy shook his head as if he was trying to shake the feeling. He stood closing his eyes for a moment. It was like his whole disposition changed. It was terrifying in way, how easily he could turn on and off his emotions. I guess robots could only play at being human, never really be.

 

He crouched next to Chang. “It looked like there was something on the chest.”

 

The four around me looked to me. We all heard the same word. It was flesh colored and Yuy most certainly said chest. I kept my eyes forward watching the progressing action. My body moving on its own accord, separating me from the rest. Yuy flattened the thing on the floor. I could see the black edges, like something was burnt into it. As I closed in, Yuy flipping pieces into the right direction, I started to see letters. In the letters I found words.

 

ANSWER

THE

PHONE

 

The instant the words made sense in my mind my first thought was what phone. Yuy was already on his feet looking for said device. I couldn't even move as the reality started taking me. It was hard to come to terms with the blatant cruelty at my feet. I knew what I was looking at standing this close, but I didn't want to. It was human or at least had been. The outer shell peeled away from the body lying on my floor. I understood why Yuy was shaken. All the flesh of a decent sized woman laying hollowed, with that message burned into it's chest.

 

Hollow eye sockets, the lipless mouth, a flattened nose, the raven black hair sopping wet from that viscous fluid. No words could describe the unsettled feelings that rose in me staring at such an atrocity. There were so many tears in this fleshed blanket. The finger nails long gone, bruises in odd splotches over the white skin. I was certain that all the torture occurred well before she met this fate and there was no doubt in me she was alive while they skinned her.

 

I couldn't take my eyes off the deflated human carcass. To do this to another human, the barbarity it took. Was this truly as far as we evolved? I had tried to keep my faith in humanity, but moments like this made me doubt its need for survival. Granted this was an extreme case, but it was a perfect representation of what our race had become. Ruled by greed, lust, hate, wrought with sin hidden by false kindness. No other animal killed for sport, jealousy, hate or love. Only humans had that ability and even with this forced peace, man was still dying by its own hands. Those truly kind and innocent were becoming extinct leaving this cruelty in its wake. It was no wonder why the God of Death was able to rally followers, as history has proven, man is built for war.

 

I felt disgust with the thoughts assaulting me as I further studied the skin. Disgusted because it forced me to recognize all those things I despised about humanity in myself. Killing with out guilt or remorse, my heart so full of hate and vengeance. I was no better than those that created this.

 

The gasps surrounded me. The guys had come up to see what stilled me silent. Some ran to the bathroom to alleviate the need of their stomachs at seeing what one should never see. Others fell to the ground like Reynold, their minds not able to make sense of it knowing it would push them over the edge.

 

“Never thought I'd see somethin like that again.” Adam's smooth calm voice tore my stare from the mass at my feet to him. He paid no mind to me keeping his eyes on the mess on the floor.

 

“Used to do it to Ozies we caught when we wanted to send `em a message. Killed a lot of our guys, granted we took a lot of them out too, but it wasn't enough. We reasoned it was our way of payin `em back. If they didn't scream when we burned the message in `em, you could be damn sure they would when you started skinnin `em. They screamed so loud, loud enough you thought you'd go deaf.” He said haunted. “That silence after made you sure you had.”

 

The ringing of a stray phone found my ears as I stared blankly at Adam. We only talked about our roles in the war in passing, never delving too deep. I couldn't even react to his straight forward confession.

 

“That's the life I chose.” Adam looked to me. “All of us in the war chose to lead that life, to fight and kill with only one guarantee; none of us will ever see Heaven.”

 

The pile of flesh on the floor was easier to face than Adam anymore. Luckily I was able to be distracted by both as Yuy handed me the phone. It was already flipped open and the ringing had stopped. How long it had been that way and Yuy been standing just in front of me, I didn't know. The Ziploc bag was in his other hand dripping with that clear viscous ooze. The phone had been in the box.

 

The irony wasn't lost on me as I took it and I'm sure Yuy had noted it too. The phone was the one Chang and he had given to me. It wasn't a shock. There was never a doubt the person who had my effects was the God of Death and this was assuredly his work.

 

“What the fuck is this shit?” It was the first thing that came to my head.

 

“Droppin the pleasantries all ready eh? And after I worked so hard to get yer attention.”

 

I was struggling for a reply. It was the same voice I heard yesterday.

 

“Cat got yer tongue.”

 

“W-Who is this?” Breathless and desperate. A tempest of emotions and memories raging inside me. Always hoping for impossibilities, why couldn't I let him go.

 

“Heh, ain't that a good question.” Amusement in the voice that tore at my heart.

 

“Who the fuck is this?!”

 

“It's the God of Death, who else would be callin ya?” It was time for a new direction; he wasn't going to give me what I wanted.

 

“What the fuck do you want from me?” I snarled.

 

“Everything.” Darkness killed the playful tone he had carried.

 

“Everything? Everyfuckinthing! What the fuck is that suppose to mean?!” Laughter poured from the other end.

 

“Right ta anger, so predictable.” The laughter left his words. “That's good. Get mad Duo cause you can't run away from me.”

 

“Run away from you? Ha, I don't run from nothin.”

 

“Oh yeah? So lyin yer new thing? Should know yer terrible at it. So now that ya can't run, lie, and ya damn well know ya can't hide from me, whad'ya gonna fall back on? Aw, you gonna face me head on? Naw that's way too flashy for you. I'm guessin yer gonna do nothin' cause ya got no idea how to deal with it and ya damn well ain't gonna ask no one else for help. Am I close?”

 

I went quiet. I wasn't sure if this guy was just fuckin with me, been watching me, or had gotten info out of someone close to me. All of them were bad scenarios. I scanned around the room most everyone was looking to me, even Maleek and Ty who were just waking up and playin catch up, my yelling apparently got their attention. Any one of them could be on his side.

 

“Let me guess you suspecting I got one a yer friends to work with me huh? It ain't like that kid, I knew you long before they came around.” My eyebrows fell. The anger emerged like a hungry amoeba absorbing all the weaker emotions until it was all that remained clouding my thinking and forcing me to react to it's every whim.

 

“Is this some kinda fuckin joke?!” The decent began. “You gonna fuckin play like you know me?! Fuck you; you don't know shit about me!” I was assaulted by his laughter once again.

 

“Not a leg to stand on eh? Gotten real good at dealing with your problems huh? Gotta say I really didn't know how ridiculous yer ass gets when yer cornered. Too bad that bark is way bigger than that bite of yers.”

 

“I'll tear yer fuckin throat out.” My teeth grit together, my voice a low growl. “Remember yer just borrowin that name, I'm the real God of Death.”

 

“If yer tryin to impress me, try harder.” He had shifted to condescension which completely enraged me.

 

“You motherfucker!” It was over, the vein was out in my forehead, spit flying from my lips as I screamed, face a deep red. Never in my life had I been so mad, never.

 

“It just gets better and better!” He was rolling on the other end of the phone like it was the funniest thing he'd heard in his life. My blood pressure had reached heights unheard of, my entire body was shaking in rage.

 

“Fuck this shit!” The phone was from my ear and cocked back ready to face the same fate my previous alarm clocks had. Yuy's hand tearing it from me before it launched forward was the only thing that saved the delicate device from my wrath, that didn't save him though.

 

Yuy faced my rage unphased. “This is our only lead. You're getting too emotional.”

 

“And you're gettin in my fuckin way!” He should have known better. At least tried to get some distance between us. His hands being occupied by the phone, one holding it the other covering the mouth piece, made him an easier target. Not a thought crossed my mind, I just acted on the violence that filled me.

 

The left side of Yuy's face got to get up close and personal with my fist. It felt better than it should have, but I always wanted to hit Yuy. We both seemed to derive some kind of sick pleasure out of things like this. It made me recall the fight we had all those years ago. Both of us putting our all into each hit. Neither of us came out of that fight uninjured, but nothing I had come across in my life had felt so good. At one point I had completely forgotten why we were even fighting so wrapped up in the fun, even he was smiling as our fists met the unwavering will of the other.

 

Sadly he wasn't hitting back this time and my hit sent him stumbling back from me. Adam grabbing me from behind was the only thing that kept the situation from escalating as it had that day. There was aggression in Yuy's eyes that flashed up to me as he wiped the trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. The phone still held in his other hand.

 

“Finish the conversation.” Yuy mouthed moving the phone towards me.

 

“I'm not talking to that fuck anymore!” I struggled violently in Adam's grip. The idea came to mind and I acted pushing off the ground with my feet. I had two tries and went to kicking at the phone Yuy was extending to me. Adam used my momentum, shifting me to the side and slammed me on the ground. Needless to say, Adam's strength along with my already aching body brought me groaningly still on the floor as his knee came into my back. In my off state he grabbed my hands holding them behind me while his other hand crushed my head into the floor.

 

And to top it off, course I didn't even hit the phone. Yuy just pulled it out of my range leaving me to my fate of failure. Guess there was one way to cool my anger, sever pain.

 

“Stay the fuck down Pitbull!” Adam wasn't playing.

 

A pounding came at the door, while Yuy put the phone to my ear forcing me back into the conversation. My view of the door was obstructed by the styrafome container I'd received earlier.

 

“Seems yer havin a rough time of it there. Pitbull huh? Fitting name for ya kid.”

 

“Oh shit.” I didn't even get a chance to call the anger back as the door came into view smacking into the box causing it to tip toward Adam and I. Yuy yanked the phone away, Adam not caring at all kept me pinned. I squeezed my eyes and mouth closed as the freezing ooze splashed over my face. My nose fell victim to the fluids and the chemical taste drained from my nostril cavities into my throat. I snorted and spat trying expel it from me. Adam still giving me no freedom.

 

“Cliff what the fuck?!” Charlie snapped informing me of my unknowing attacker in my blind state. There was no way I was going to open my eyes feeling that liquid clinging to my lashes.

 

“Charlie! Charlie! What do I do? What do I do?!”

 

My eyes shot open despite the danger. The panic in Cliff's voice caused a fear to rise in me. They burned as that chemical laced fluid entered my eyes causing me to squeeze them shut with a hiss.

 

“Cliff, calm down alright, I can't tell you anything if I don't know the problem.” Charlie sighed.

 

“It's Jaster! He…”

 

“Wow, sounds pretty busy there?” Yuy pressed the phone to my ear cutting off Cliff's voice.

 

“What he fuck are you doing Yuy!?” I was back to struggling beneath Adam. I needed to know. I needed to know what the hell was going on with Jaster.

 

“Nn, Heero's there too. Shoulda expected that.” Pure disdain clung to his voice. I didn't care.

 

“Shut the fuck up! Get this god damn phone away from my ear!” I couldn't see what was going on, I couldn't hear with my other ear suction cupped to the floor. I felt like a mother being called to the emergency room knowing her only child was there unsure if he was alive or dead.

 

“Damn, yer terrible in a crisis, its hard to believe you were ever a Gundam pilot.” I wasn't even hearing him anymore.

 

“Jinks! Let me up man! Come on its fuckin Jaster! Just tell me what's going on! ” My panic fell into desperation knowing I was at his mercy. “Please man. I'll talk to guy no more problems, just let me up.”

 

Adam didn't give in the least, for once I was thankful.

 

“Uncle Duo?”

 

“Jaster? Jaster! Is that you?” I was elated.

 

“Yeah!” He sounded fine, but even I was like a worrying parent with him.

 

“Are you okay? Are you hurt? Where are you? What are you doing? You need to…”

 

“Ah, slow down Uncle Duo. I'm confused.” He said bewildered by my rapid fire questions.

 

“Just, are you okay? You're not hurt?”

 

“Yeah, why would I be hurt?” He was oblivious as ever to the dangerous position he was in. “Your friends are nice, they let me eat cake and ice cream and play all the video games I want! You're gonna meet us soon right? Bring Dad and Coach too! Oh, you want to talk to him again. Okay.” He wasn't talking to me in the last. “Bye Uncle Duo, see you soon!”

 

“Jaster! Wait! Jaster!”

 

“Do I got yer undivided attention now Duo?”

 

“Yeah.” I barely breathed knowing guy had me by the balls with this move.

 

“Cute kid. Reminds me lotta you. Goes into things without knowin at all how dangerous it is. Course you always knew the danger, you just never cared.”

 

“W-What do you want me to do?” Submission in my voice. I would do anything in my power to keep Jaster alive, no questions asked, no deviating from the plan. He meant too much to me and to the people I cared about.

 

“Well, I told this kid you'd be meetin us, so I guess you should come, but I think this all might go better if yer alone, get what I'm sayin?”

 

“Yeah, where?”

 

“Follow yer instincts. You'll find me; just make sure it ain't too late. Ya don't want this kid endin up like that lovely lady Lania?” That's who it was. That's who came in the box. This fluid covering me had soaked her skin, had brought that empty shell to me.

 

“No.” I barely breathed the denial.

 

“Life is such a twisted thing and fate it's corrupt irony.” The solemn tone the voice carried turned wicked. “I told you before; we'll never escape this agony.”

 

The phone went dead in my ear as I shatter to pieces. I couldn't breathe, couldn't think enough to save myself as I choked on too many emotions. Even the absolute zero of space couldn't compare to the cold that was overtaking me. Joy, fear, anger, sadness and so many other emotions waged war inside of me. Each as overbearing as the next all wanting to be recognized in the same moment.

 

Jaster. The name faded in the battle field of my mind, being trampled by the excess of myself. No unification, no alliances, it was a battle for dominance, which ever part won would rule the body. Those weaker emotions falling easily leaving the heavy hitters to continue on. Sorrow and wrath, nearly even matched, a battle that could continue for ages. Their wayward strikes ripping my mind to shreds. A scream of the purest agony tore from my lips.