Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Forsworn ❯ Abyss ( Chapter 8 )

Title: The Forsworn ~ Abyss

Author: Sita Seraph

Genre: Angst

Pairing: Unknown

Rated: R

Warning: Suicide, angst, depression

Quatre was tired. I watched from my perch in the room as he hung his head low in defeat. The chair turned around in the wrong direction, as he sat in front of his immobile friend. The light from the window danced across the bright room and reflected itself in the blonde's hair, his cream shirt bearing the tan skin underneath. He was wearing his favorite black slacks again, polished black shoes peeking out from the pant's depths. The pocket watch was swinging back and forth from his hands, the symbol catching the day's light and sending it across the wall in a mad dance.

Heero was sitting in his usual spot, the windowsill, as he looked off in the distance with a distracted look on his brow. The light of the sun passing the window melted in his eyes, making them seem to glow with a brilliant white. His skin changed to more of a creamy gold look until his attire of a tank top and jeans covered the rest. He was in another world again, so engrossed in his thoughts that he seemed to forget where who he was. A hopeless dreamy look matched his brightened eyes that stared at nothing through the glass to the nature outside.

It was beginning to look hopeless. Duo no longer spoke to Quatre when he started to question about the `incident'. He seemed to ignore him even and block out the world…but not like that was a difficult task in itself. I looked over at Duo, sitting like a dead corpse within his wheel chair. Today, his head had fallen over the back of the chair and tilted to the side. Staring out the window in a different angle today, eyes looking into oblivion. Unlike the light that melted in Heero's eyes, it seemed the daylight could not reach Duo's. His eyes reflected nothing but a hole of an abyss that grew ever deeper each passing day.

I had always had talent for reading through someone's eyes. It is said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. And this empty look I would receive from the Shinigami pilot just proved it so. If I looked hard enough, I would see nothing. If I dug deeper, all I would find was blackness. If I tried harder…I would fall inside and be swallowed up in a void of nothingness. Duo's soul was nothing but broken shards of night. I would not know where to begin to bring them back together again. They were scattered everywhere, in a mess bigger than rubble after a horrific battle. Some pieces were even dust, departing very slowly into nothingness. We were losing time. It might even be too late…

Quatre may have the ability to sense feelings of despair and loss. But I could see the soul.

And Duo had none.

Slowly, I tore my eyes away from the hypnotizing gaze that promised to swallow me in one more time. To show me the terror of a soul that was nothing but shreds. What could have happened to Duo to make his whole soul depart into pieces of ruins? If the war couldn't do it, what else was worse? I couldn't think of anything.

"Ahem."

I looked towards the doorway as a white nurse entered the room, coughing to acknowledge her presence. I watched her gingerly move forward, clenching a little clipboard to her white dress. She almost seemed to melt into the room of white and disappear from my view. Almost. Red curls peeked out from under her nurse hat, flattening themselves around her tiny ears. She coughed again and slowly Quatre raised his weary head.

"Yes?" Quatre said, voice quiet.

"Mr. Winner…would…would you please come with me?" The timid little nurse said, head lowering as if in shame. I raised my eyebrow, curious to what she had to say. Quatre rose from his chair, the seat making a little squeak in response, and he allowed the nurse to lead him out of the white room. I looked over as Heero stood up and started going after them. I thought about stopping him, about telling him that it was Quatre's affair, but then stopped myself. I watched Heero's back as he left the room and the door slid shut behind him.

And then I looked at Duo. Quickly standing up, I walked over to the chair Quatre once occupied and took a seat, my dark blue windbreaker crinkling with my movements. Hesitantly, I reached across the short distance between us and I brushed Duo's chin lightly. Such pale, deathly skin. We had to remove him from this white hell and bring him outside soon…He was going to rot away in here…

After a moment's pause, touching the pasty skin of Duo's chin, I took a deep breath. I tilted Duo's head back straight and immediately, our eyes locked. Instantly, I felt myself being sucked in and with little resistance, I let myself in. You might think I was fearless for doing this. That there was nothing to worry about. But…you don't understand. Duo's eyes…were more different than anything you will ever experience. The hollowness that you might see…there is something more. Much deeper, a hole that keeps going farther downwards into a pit of night. A hole made from Duo's soul, the only thing left in this corpse of a body. Somewhere, at the bottom of this black hell, was Duo. Hiding from us. Curled away and letting the shadows of his soul caress him with their fingertips. And if I ever ventured deep into the hole…if I ever went far enough…

I might end up just like Duo. A corpse. An empty shell. I wouldn't be locked up in my own mind though. I would be fastened into Duo's hole, lost within the pit, the Black Ocean of his entity. I might never get back out again.

But then again, I wasn't Duo. He thought he was dead; he had no reason to fight the hole that was swallowing him up. Unlike Duo, I knew the way was up, while he kept twirling downwards. If I entered the hole…Maybe I could find Duo and bring us back up. I could bring Duo back…

It was a chance I had to take. It was the only way. There was no other way…

Swallowed up by empty violet hues. Into the darkness of Duo's broken soul. I saw the hole up ahead and I was drawn to it without a choice. Something tugged me ever downwards.

It was too late to back out now. I closed my eyes as the shadows welcomed me with open arms.

*****

Duo.

Duo.

Duo, where are you?

Duo.

Duo.

This hole, this soul, felt like pain. It felt like death. A cold chill of ghostly air that kept caressing my naked form. The smell of blood in the waves of darkness. I had been falling. Falling for what seemed like a century. And through all that time, I kept dreaming about my past, my memories. It seemed that this endless pit demanded the history of those within its hands. I couldn't stop the flood of…pain. Each memory was like opening an old wound, refreshing it and letting the ruby flow leak free with burning agony.

I couldn't make it stop. I wish I had some sort of different childhood, just to remember some sort of happiness. Any happiness. All this refreshing agony was almost too much to bear. It seemed to be attacking my heart, making it want to crack and…shatter…

Shatter…

Duo…your heart broke and then your soul. Is that what happened? Is that why you gave up? What happened? Where are you?

I tried to concentrate through all my pain to Duo. Try to figure it out. What happened to him to make such an agonizing torture for himself like this pit? Why would Duo want to punish himself with memories of the past? Why did he make this place up? Why did he…blame himself?

Did he think he did something wrong? Did he think he needed to be punished for some sort of crime that he tried to take his own life? Why? What did he do? Why did he do it? WHAT did he do!?

Something brushed against my face. I was shocked at first. Something hard that broke upon contact against my cheek. I had to open my eyes. There it was again. Another one. What was it? I had to open my eyes.

It took all my will power. It was so tempting to keep them close and drift off like some sea wood into the ocean. But I had to see. I had to know what was in front of me. And it just left me exhausted afterwards. So much energy spent just trying to open my eyes…what sort of irony…

I blinked slowly, trying to see through the haze of black in front of me. It was coming again, something that was drifting towards me in a lazy way…

I watched with tired eyes as a crystal of red floated by. Blood. Frozen blood. Dear God, was that Duo's? Was he still bleeding? What…was…going…on…?

My eyes had drifted closed without knowing. I was so tired. I had to rest…just a bit…so…tired…

Oblivion met me in my dreams. Or, at least I wish it had.

*****

I was…lying on my back. I was warm, soft, and happy…until I realized that I wasn't supposed to be. I peeled my eyes open, the terrain of old sheets covering my gaze. I was lying on a bed; my head propped on a pillow and the covers covering my once sleeping form.

But I wasn't supposed to be here!

I was confused. Perhaps, a little lost. I didn't recognize the bed as one of Quatre's. It…almost reminded me of a cheap dorm room bed like the ones I'd seen when I had fled for a cover to one of the private schools around the country. But…why?

Sudden, heavy breathing. Someone was in the room with me and…almost sounded it was in great deal of pain. My hand flew up on it's own and threw away the covers, my body lifting to sit up from the lumpy, creaky bed I occupied.

The other form in the room had his back turned towards me, the shadows eating away at his form like hungry animals. I couldn't quite see him clearly; maybe it was my eyes, the sleep still tearing at them. It was sorta weird…he almost looked like he was a shadow…

"Hello?" I called, watching the heavy rise and fall of the shadow's shoulders. He didn't answer me but continued his heavy breathing; head so far low that it seemed it had been cut off. Something, a darker shape, was trailing down the middle of his back like some sort of uplifted fur or...or…braid?

Duo?

"Duo, is that you?" I whispered.

Suddenly, the shadows seemed to peel away back into their corners, some giving a shudder and melting off the curves of the shaking, panting pilot. Duo's form materialized back into the living, the golden chain of the Shinigami pilot's necklace catching the pale light from the street lamps outside. His whole body was vibrating, shoulders rising then falling with a quiver of outward breath. His right hand was gripping the sheets beside his thigh with desperate need, crinkling the entire bed with ripples of imperfection. He made a small noise and his head fell even lower, disappearing completely and his body leaned forward just a bit.

"Duo…" I whispered, my words like a forbidden aura in the air. "Answer me…"

But he wouldn't. Instead, he started rocking back and forth, his breathing taking a sudden hitch as if he was desperately out of breath. The bed creaked and groaned against each movement, protesting and begging for Duo to stop…

"SON…OF…A…BITCH!!!!!!!!" I gasped when Duo suddenly screamed at the top of his lungs and flew to his feet. His first target was the wall and he ran at it with full speed, kicking it with a shout of fury. He whirled around again, finally coming to face me, and I took a sudden breath of air. Pure purple eyes glittered and glowed, almost lightening up his dark features. They twisted and turned with mad rage, coiling his features into a dark scowl of wrath. I had never, ever seen Duo so hideous, so unreal before. His body was radiating with tense ferocity that filled the entire room in its wake. Quatre wasn't needed to feel such intense, emotional feelings. It seemed that everything in the room was throbbing with this dangerous energy of hate and lividness. It was almost agonizing, it almost burned. Duo wasn't just angry. He was infuriated.

Duo's hand came in contact with a lamp and it flew across the room, crashing with a thunderous echo in the almost quiet room. The pieces shattered and spread themselves everywhere as if in an attempt to attack Duo back for his cruelty. Duo's rage continued on, him moving with dangerous speed back to the bed where his fingers curled around the metal bar that supported the mattress. He let out a roar, lifted the bed from the floor and slammed it back down. His hair seemed to be floating with his ire, shuddering like a child that had been hit. He lifted the bed again and it came down with more force. Just a little bit more power and Duo would be able to crack right through the floorboards.

"DUO!!"

SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!

Duo didn't even bother to lift it very high anymore. He just kept striking down, over and over again, with a cry of mad hate echoing off his voice box against each hit. Holes had finally broken through the thick floorboard but he kept striking, muscles rippling and his sleeves slipping down his sweaty arms against each hit, desperate for some sort of release in his uncontrolled haze of rage.

SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!SLAM! It bounced off the walls.

SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!SLAM! It had to be echoing down the halls.

SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!SLAM!SLAM! It rang in my head like a bad mantra.

"Stop!" I yelled.

Sudden noise. My head whipped to the door and Duo's crazy pounding ceased. He made a casual sidestep, covering the bed holes with his own body and…

Click.

I blinked. The throbbing, intense emotions that had been vibrating off everything in the room were suddenly…off. Like the switch of the light, it was all over and it left everything silent and foreboding. I stared shakily at Duo and watched with complete fascination that his body was relaxed. The glow in his eyes that was just a moment ago showing incensed insanity was now calm, happy, free. The heavy pant that had taken over his body just seconds before was nothing more but deep breathing, like after an exercise.

Duo…was not just an actor. He was a demon that could control anything he wanted, including our own minds and our beliefs. He had fooled us good…and could still twist our minds even if we saw his true self. For it was true; if we ever heard odd sounds coming from Duo's room, we immediately shrugged it off, coming up with an excuse all by ourselves. If we ever saw a glimpse to Duo's hidden identity, his mask would easily sweep up the fallen hints.

…Amazing…

The door slowly opened and Duo cracked into a large, wide grin, as if he was the happiest person alive, that he was glad to see the face of the man behind the door. He walked forward with unbound energy, light with his footsteps, and his braid twisting joyously behind him.

"Hey, Trowa! Ready for the mission?" Duo called out merrily. My eyes jerked and for a moment, I thought time froze in place. I was now standing in the doorway, a mask of indifference upon my brow.

"Yes," I/he answered with an affirmative nod. An excited grin grew across Duo's face.

"Then lets get the hell out of here!"

I watched with dismay as the two Gundam pilots left the room and very slowly, I hung my head. I remembered this day, fetching Duo from his room. But that wasn't the sad part of this whole flashback.

The disappointing thing was that I didn't even notice the holes in the floor or the shattered glass across the carpet.