Hikaru No Go Fan Fiction ❯ Concerning him ❯ Concerning them (part I.) ( Chapter 5 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
--------------------------------
Chapter 04
Concerning them (part I.)
by Stray
21. 11. 2003
rating: R

Disclaimers: not mine, only fussing around.
Warnings: bad English, angst, heavy OOCness, yaoi hints, pairing: HxA, IxW
--------------------------------

It was already past midnight when I arrived at the Hospital. Isumi drove me there and he offered to accompany me after we arrived. I took his offer without thinking and we went in. The nurses directed us to the 4th floor - 'Intensive Care' - it read. I couldn’t wait to learn what his condition was and what happened to him. I nearly yelled at the nurse who wanted to know who I am and how she could give out information to me when I'm not a family member. I told her about the phone call I received but she couldn’t find the hospital documents and I felt my mind blow up if it continues. Finally Isumi was kind to take over for me and partly with his charm partly because when the nurse also calmed down she found the papers, she was ready to tell me what I wanted to know.

Touya was transported into the hospital about an hour ago when someone found him lying unconscious in on the street. That someone called the police and the ambulance since he seemed to be the victim of an attempted murder. Thank God, he was living and didn’t get a knife in his innards, but a nasty hit on his scalp that bleed strongly and relieved him from his consciousness. He still wasn’t up but the doctors said he is not going to wake up till next day. And there was another thing she told us: he was raped by several men.

I felt my heart sink at that sentence. Was he, or…? But when he intended to do that, why had he called me before and why did he say he would be home soon? Maybe he wasn’t the most immaculate man in the world but he was no liar. He didn’t lie to me once after he confessed me his feelings. And before that he lied to me only to conceal that. But I couldn’t help it; the thought that captured my mind and a little voice in my head continuously told me that I was deceived and he did that purposely.

I was greatly confused; I felt lightheaded like I was tipsy and I didn’t recognize the man suddenly stepping out from one of the doctor's rooms and pointing with his finger on me. "That is the man I had spoken about!" He said and I saw two policemen appear behind him. They were swiftly on my two sides grabbing my arms and telling me: "Shindo Hikaru-san? You are arrested." My bewildered eyes flitted from the two at the man condemning me and that was the moment I recognized him. There stood in his usual traditional robes Touya Koyo, the father of Touya Akira.

"What…?" I wanted to ask what I was accused to have committed but they didn’t let me. "We have to take you in custody till the required investigations are complete. Or should I say, examinations." They weren’t soft on me, and I saw from his glances and the way they treated me, that I was already guilty in their eyes. Isumi tried to stay by my side but they wouldn’t let him. He was rudely dismissed and I was taken into a private hospital room where we waited for something. Meanwhile I tried to ask questions about the nature of the examination and my assumed crime, but they only laughed at me and refused to tell a word.

After what it seemed an eternity a nurse came into the room with a pair of sterile rubber gloves and a glass on a tray. She was middle-aged and didn’t seem that judging like the cops. On her face was a mask of indifference that screamed firmly that she only did her job, not more and not less. She handed the glass to me and I recognized it as the container for urine specimen. I held it up to my eyes confused and then asked her "You want my urine in it?"

She frowned apparently at my not knowing anything, looked at the two officers then back at me. "No, we need your semen." she said plainly. My eyes must have gone wide but she pretended not to notice. I think she had to act indifferent if she wanted to keep her professionalism, so I wasn’t blaming her. The two cops were on a completely different topic. They seemed to enjoy the situation greatly.

"You mean here and now?" I asked not wanting to believe what I heard. But it seemed unlikely that they would let a person under custody have his private moments for that kind of thing. She nodded and the officers snickered at my question. At that suddenly my confusion was replaced with anger. I wasn’t going to let them watch. Not to mention, I wasn’t confident if I could… achieve anything under that kind of circumstances.

My blurry perception took in the image or her putting on the prepared gloves and then she said, "Please, push down your trousers and turn your back to me, sir!" I was so confused, I obeyed her unconsciously and I was going to ask the purpose, but she hadn’t left me the chance for that. "Now hold the container before your penis!" she commanded and I barely had the time to do so before I felt two rubber-clad fingers diving into my rectum and a sharp pain-pleasure as my prostate was suddenly pressed by them. I let out a cry and came instantly.[1] Before the amused eyes of the policemen.

She removed her fingers, but after the climax settled, the short-lived pleasure was gone and only pain remained. I managed to put the now-filled container on the little cabinet next to me before I felt my sight blur, my head go all dizzy, and nearly collapsed onto the floor of the hospital room.

For a moment she discarded the mask of professionalism and looked at me concerned as she helped me up to my shaking feet then guided me to sit onto the hospital bed. "I'm sorry," she said a little puzzled. "but they said, you are… accustomed to this, and I presumed, it would be less inconvenient for you if I did it quick…" So she wanted to say, she thought, I was gay and had experience with fingers and other things impaling my butt. I forced a weak smile on my face and said, "It's okay, it had to be, ne?" I don’t know whom actually I wanted to calm with that.

She nodded than left swiftly with the little container in her hand. So I was alone again with the two cops, who were eyeing me warily. I didn’t want to look weak so I proceeded to stand up and pull up my pants. Then I sat back on the bed but couldn’t suppress a little wince as the pain came back full force for a moment. I wondered idly, how Touya was able to deal with that amount of pain - and he had to on more occasions as I remembered. Why would anyone let that happen to him? I couldn’t deny that the orgasm was overwhelming, but the other things didn’t appeal to me at all to think I want to experience it once more.

"What now?" I asked after I had found my voice. "We wait till the results are up." the one cop said. They sad down on the two chairs next to the wall so I felt enabled to occupy the bed. First I sat then after half an hour of awkward squirming, trying to avoid the stinging pain in my lower parts, I decided that I don’t care; I removed my shoes and lay down. After what seemed hours of idle waiting and listening to the murmuring of the two men I slowly drifted into a restless sleep on the bed.

When I woke up the next morning, my head felt much cooler and I proceeded to some thinking. I suspected Touya's dad charged me with something and when I interpreted the situation correctly, I was accused of the rape. But why? He had to know that I couldn’t be the one who raped his son. And he certainly knew it. But he assumed - I concluded unbelievingly - that Touya and I were bed partners, and that they undoubtedly would find my semen in his entrails. I didn’t think him to be capable of that!

When my semen would be found in Akira's bowels, it would be enough to prove me guilty because I didn’t have an alibi. I was at home, alone at that time, waiting for him to come. It could have turned out very bad for me, I realized. But if he hadn’t succeeded in convicting me for rape, my reputation as a professional Go player and a righteous member of society would have suffered greatly, supposedly breaking my career in two leaving me there accused and suspicious.

And what of Touya? I doubted that he wanted to forgive him after he succeeded in parting us and welcome him back into the family. I couldn’t predict his intentions. Perhaps, he only wanted to force Akira to leave me. But the nurse said, he had been raped by _several_ men. If he charged them too and the police found them, and they turned out to be the same ones he used to _meet_ previously in the dark alleys, and they told the police about that too… (And why wouldn’t they? It would indicate, that Akira was at least partially willing so that the rape wasn’t actually a rape.) They could easily find other participants of his former escapades to bear a testimony to that. That would mean the end of Touya Akira. His father possibly had enough influence to have been informed about the transportation of his son into the hospital before I could get here, but he certainly didn’t have enough power to conceal something like that. Presumed, if he even wanted to. Maybe his goal was to wreck the life of his own son too.

Now I knew, I'm going to be free soon, since they wouldn’t find any evidence to accuse me further in the matter of the rape. So I will have a word in the investigations too. Maybe I could also speak to Touya's dad and clear up the situation to some point. But the most I wanted to see Touya. I wanted to ask his forgiveness for my harsh words and that I didn’t stop him when I had a chance. I was the cause of his distress and also it's results. I felt ashamed of myself. What kind of friend I thought I was?

I didn’t even notice that during the night the officers of yesterday were replaced with other two. Only when a new one came in and informed my guards that they can let me free now, I became aware of it.

I sprung up from the bed (thank God, the pain was entirely gone when I woke up that morning) and was next to the door in a second surprising all three of them. "Can I see him now?" I asked the cop in the door and he nodded slowly, like he was not entirely certain of that. But I didn’t care anymore, I already dashed on the corridor towards the hospital room I remembered to be his, but before I went in I asked a nurse if he was still there. I was confirmed and with that I didn’t wait any longer.

When I opened the door I was startled seeing Isumi sitting in an armchair next to the back wall. He was sleeping. I presumed he spent the entire night there probably aware of my situation. It occurred to me, that I didn’t see any member of Touya's family in the hospital, so I couldn’t speak with his dad, but it didn’t concern me anymore. He was there, lying beneath the white sheets, face pale, lips dried out and eyes shut.

I proceeded to his bed carefully, not to make a noise to wake him or Isumi up and sat on a stool standing next to his bed. I slowly let down my hand to hold his own. After an hour Isumi opened his eyes and noticed me sitting there.

"Good morning!" he said silently. "You were released?" I nodded my stare not leaving Touya's features. He didn’t ask questions.

"Thank you!" I said, "For being here, I mean." He smiled faintly and then came to stand next to me. He placed a hand at my shoulder. "You must be hungry, I will bring you some dinner."

I looked at him confused. "What time is it?" I really was hungry.

"Half past twelve." he said looking at his watch.

"Didn’t they say he would be up in the morning?" I asked confused.

He didn’t answer for a moment. Then sighed.

"I will also find the doctor and send him in," he told me and then left.

I waited at his bed not moving till the said doctor came in to inform me about Touya's condition. He told me, that his lacerations were healing but the hit on his head was a more critical one. He told me that when he won't wake up soon, he could drift into coma and maybe don’t wake up at all. But if he does wake up, there was another 'problem' he said. One of the semen found in his bowels contained the hepatitis virus and most likely he would be also infected with it.

----------------

Akira found himself in a large grove, surrounded with various kinds of trees, all in autumn colors. Leaves were falling in a constant stream, but the trees didn’t seem to lose their foliage and the ground was fresh with the newly fallen leaves fully covering the parched grass beneath. The sky was clear despite the heavy clouds forming on the east horizon and the sun shone with a mild constant.

Somehow he knew that the place wasn’t real. In the meaning of 'material', because it existed undoubtedly. Though his only proof was a faint feeling and that he was right there.

He looked around and spotted a figure sitting on his knees under a large chestnut tree. He or she sat with his (her?) back to him and was occupied with something he couldn’t see because he/she shielded it with his/her body. The person wore a white silk robe and loose pants, that looked very old in style, complete with a black peaked hat. His/her long, black hair fell over his thin shoulders and spread on his back.

He took a few steps curious about the identity of the person, but as he got around and took a peek at the face he found that he didn’t know him. It was clear now that the person was a male, he didn’t have breasts and somehow Akira knew it was a man. His face was young, skin flawless and he looked a little feminine with the shaped eyebrows and mauve-colored lips. Now Akira could see that he was sitting next to a Go-ban. The board was clear, no stones placed yet, and the containers neatly standing on the two sides. Like he had waited for someone to come and play with him.

His assumption was confirmed as the young man motioned with his fan to him to sit down and take the Go-ke. He obeyed curiously and found that there were black stones in it.

"Please!" the man said, his gentle voice resonating languidly in the autumn air.

He felt an expectation rising up and felt tension oscillate between him and the other. He placed his stone determined to give his best in this game that - he somehow felt - was a great opportunity for him. Something, he was unconsciously waiting for since a long, long time. He thought about every hand and gauged the opportunities and dangers. He felt he didn’t play nearly that concentrated in his whole life and felt ultimate perfection slowly crawl closer to him.

He felt like lifting a hand, he could touch it. Lifting his gaze, he could glimpse it…

Yet he was utterly defeated.

Though he was right with his feeling.

The perfection was there.

It radiated from the man facing him. It was there in every one of his hands, his every move. Once, he had met it, even if it wasn’t that evident like this time. He did recognize it.

"I have nothing…" he said.

"Thank you," the answer sounded.

"I'm the one who has to thank." He said politely.

The longhaired man only smiled brightly. "No, I wanted to learn how far you had improved in your play, since last time."

Akira didn’t pretend not to know what he was speaking about. He knew and it was utterly all right to know that.

"Who are you?" he asked though he assumed, he knew the answer already.

"I am Fujiwara no Sai. I lived in the Heian-era as one of the emperors Go-teacher. But I was betrayed and deprived of my position, my honor and I was deprived of the chance to play Go. So I drowned myself and ended up as a ghost seeking the opportunity to play Go and achieve the Hand of God."

Akira nodded. This was a very short version of a long tale that parallel with the flow of the words unraveled itself in his mind. He knew every detail he always wanted to know about his rival - or his rivals, like he realized. The first was this man - or ghost - Fujiwarano Sai. The second and eternal rival of him was Shindo Hikaru who achieved to catch up with him in that short time.

"Yes." Sai said with a nod. "But it isn’t the real purpose of your being here."

Now Akira was surprised. He looked confused at the man. "What is the purpose then?"

The ghost smiled and lifted a hand to gesture against the empty air beside him. And the air wasn’t empty anymore; it filled with an image of a little hospital room. Akira recognized himself laying on the bed and another man with dual colored hair sitting next to him.

Shindo! His heart heaved.

He looked tired, very tired. But he didn’t let go of the pale hand of the one lying amongst the sheets. He slowly bound his head down next to him and rested his temple on his knees. Akira saw the spasms rocking his back and he knew, the man was crying.

"You see him?" Sai asked suddenly. Akira looked at him with tears in the corners of his eyes.

"Yes, I do. …you don’t…?"

The man shook his head.

"I cannot see him anymore. I left him, though it wasn’t my doing entirely, I made a mistake and I cannot come back to correct it. I knew he loved me back then, but I didn’t want to know. I pretended not to notice. I said to myself, that I was interested only in Go and the Hand of God. On the other hand, he was my friend and I knew I would be gone someday. And I wasn’t someone, he could rely on, he could be with. I wasn’t supposed to be the one he loved. So I thought if I didn’t return his feelings, his emotion would calm down and be once again, what it was destined to be: simple friendship. But I didn’t say him I would leave soon when I felt the time nearing. I didn’t know how I was supposed to tell him, but it doesn’t relieve me of my guilt. I should have found a way. Any way. It would have been much more considerate of me. Though I cannot see him, I feel him sometimes, and I know, how hurt he was… he is. He doesn’t want to give himself up to a feeling of love anymore fearing the disappointment. And it's my fault."

He went silent. Akira waited for him to continue, but he didn’t and in the silence his words found their meaning and Akira slowly understood what he wanted to tell him.

"You say he will never love me back?"

"No, that wasn’t I wanted to say. In fact, he does love you already. Though he would admit it neither to you nor to himself. He wants to protect his heart from another breaking. You have to be patient and go slowly with him. Prove yourself worthy of his love and more importantly, his trust. You mustn’t shrink back when he says he doesn’t feel like that for you. You have to hear his true words with your heart, not with your ears.[2]"

"Yes, I understand." Akira nodded. "Thank you for your advice and thank you for the game. I will forever remember that."

Sai smiled sadly. "I doubt that. I don’t think you will remember a word from what I said nor the fact we played. Your conscious mind won't remember a thing when you wake up, _they_ will ensure it. But your unconscious will. And you will do right."

Akira was sad hearing that, but he understood that he couldn't prevent that to happen.

"So, I will wake up soon."

"Good. Don’t let him worry needlessly."

Akira felt himself drifting away from the clearing and the autumn trees. He saw the man - Sai - smiling at him and then another man appeared at his back and put his hands on Sai's shoulders. He saw the ghost's lips move forming the word 'Torajiro' or what seemed like that to him. The other man sat down where Akira sat a little while ago and took the Go-ke with the black stones in his hand…

----------------------

I spent the day and the following night at his bedside. I know I felt like the world was going to fall apart. My only wish was that he would wake up, then all would be good. I thought about the other things the doctor said, and his father's intentions and how far the police progressed in its investigation (I could have inquired about it, but I didn’t feel like stand up an leave Touya's side). One time Waya came in with food and told me that the police didn’t find anything yet. After he left, I remember that I cried and then I must have been dozed off somehow.

I woke up to the feeling of light pressure on my hand. I opened my eyes and saw him looking at me warily. I knew how I had to look like, I felt the warmth of my skin - probably a light temperature - and felt the stains of dried tears on my cheeks. But it didn’t matter now.

"You scared me!" I muttered roughly. My mouth was all dry. And I didn’t want to say that. Though lately that sentence seemed to come up in our conversation more frequently than I wanted to.

"I'm sorry, I ran away…" he looked down.

"No, you don’t have to. I was the bad one."

"And now my body has become more stained…"

"Not your fault!" I squeezed his hand I still held. I wasn’t going to tell him that in the beginning I doubted him. I didn’t want to tell him about the virus either. Nor about what his father did to me.

He shook his head. "It seems, that I cannot escape my past."

"But they knocked you down… That says to me that you tried." I said pale-faced.

He shrugged. "But I didn’t succeed. I begged them but they wouldn’t let me go. Not until they got what they wanted…"

"You knew them?" I wasn’t surprised when he nodded. "The police is seeking them currently. If you want…" I wasn’t sure, what he would say.

"No, I want to forget it. I will let the charge fall."

"I find it's wiser too." I stood up. "I call the doctor," I said.

Suddenly his hands clutched on my sleeve, as I was about to turn away.

"No! Don’t leave me alone!" he looked at me with wide eyes. I hesitated. But neither I wanted to leave him. He pulled at me abruptly when he thought I want to go away, I lost my balance and ended up sitting nearly on his lap. When I was there for him to reach, he clasped his arms around my torso in a tight embrace my own arms pinched by them to my body.

"Please! I know, that I didn’t fulfill your condition, but I cannot endure it without you! Please! Promise me that you won't leave me! I don’t care if you don’t love me back. Just please, stay with me…" it was a plea, I haven’t imagined ever hearing from him. Maybe the aftermath of the hit on his head I tried to explain myself, but deep inside I knew that it was much more to that.

"I won't leave you, I promise, as long as you want to have me by your side…" I said trying to calm him. "But please, let go of me now! If someone comes in and sees…"

"I don’t care." He cut me off. Now I knew I couldn’t speak with him reasonably as long he was in distress. I had to soothe him. So I didn’t fight against him anymore instead I twisted my body to face him and lifted my arms into a similar hug. He loosened a bit but only to be able to catch me in a more comfortable position and then resumed the firm hold on me. Strangely enough I didn’t mind it. Since in the last hours no one came in, I thought it would be safe for a little while to stay like that and enjoy the comforting feeling.

I felt something wet on my shirt and couldn’t suppress the unconscious move of my hand slipping under his chin and lifting it so that I would be able to see his face. I guessed correctly the source of the wetness; he was sobbing and trying to conceal the dampness soaking his long lashes. My index finger traveled up to wipe away the offending tears from his reddened cheeks. I wanted to tell him not to cry, but my words struck on my throat at the glance of his eyes. I moved purely on instinct when I hovered myself closer till my lips touched his salty, tear-drenched ones.

I felt him moving closer too and pressing himself more tightly to my body. His lips moved in a slow, tentative but somehow sensuous manner and I followed his pace naturally. In a strangely divided perception while I drowned in the sensation of him being so near but at the same time I felt my rational mind caution me about the madness of the situation.

'I shouldn’t do that!' the little voice screamed in my head. I only wanted to comfort him and maybe a little myself too. But I went too far! The thoughts whirled in my head like a tornado. 'What am I thinking by this? Kissing him in a hospital room where he just woke up from a near-coma-like state… it's not fair to use his condition to take advantage on him. And also, what would he think of me after that? He would believe that we have something where we don’t! I must stop this insanity! Someone could come in any second. And I barely escaped the charge of Touya's father...'

At that I suddenly sobered and managed to recoil. I pulled his head to my chest; slowly caressing the tousled bangs till his breathing - and mine too - slowed down to a normal rhythm.

"I'm sorry…" I uttered in a raspy tone, "I didn’t mean that…"

"It's okay," sounded his muffled voice since his head was still buried in the crook of my neck. I felt his warm breath on the skin and it caused me to shiver lightly. "I know how you feel. I said, I'm content with you just being my friend."

He lifted his face and looked up at me with an expression of sadness and contentment mingled into a strange combination, his lips curved into a trembling smile.

"And you just promised me that you won't ever leave me. Does that mean that you will stay being my friend forever?"

I slowly nodded and stood up slipping past his loosened grip. This time he didn’t try to hold me back. He closed his eyes as he sank back into his pillows. But the peaceful curve didn’t leave the corner of his mouth even when he heard me opening the door and stepping out onto the hospital corridor.


---------------------------------
Author's note: in this chapter I wanted to write about how the relationships between Akira and his family - Hikaru and his friends - and the two of them and the world outside develop slowly with the time passing, (that's what the title suggests) but I ended up writing this. Not quite what I imagined. (First I wanted to put a light lemon part into it but it simply didn’t fit together with the storyline.) So this chapter won't live up to the title, furthermore it's another two-part-chapter split in two in the middle (though I don’t know how long the other half will be). Since now I am settled to the routine to log on to the Net once a week, I figured, it would be cruel to MY readers (! ^__^ yay! I have some!) if I waited with the uploading till the next part is ready. So it's up now and the other half will be preferably next week. Though I don’t yet know what exactly will happen in it. I hope it will be worth waiting for!

Another notes to the signed parts:
[1] I'm not a medic. It was in an American-pie-like movie I saw once and I don’t know the English title. But you can guess I think.
[2] Like Little Prince?