InuYasha Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Urusei Yatsura Fan Fiction ❯ The Official Fanfiction University of Rumiko Takahashi! ❯ Make the pie higher! ( Chapter 24 )

Chapter 24

Cait had a very strange dream.

It started in a school. Cait thought it was Furinkan at first, but it looked totally different. There were many dark alleys and oversized bushes, and in the background there was seductive music playing.

Cait heard something coming from behind a bush. She peered through the leaves, and there were Kuno and female-Ranma in each other's arms.

"Oh, Kuno-sempai!" Ranma kissed him, as she took off Kuno's shirt. "You are so manly! I love you soooooo much! Let's make love!"

Cait blinked. What was happening? What the hell was wrong with- Cait stopped thinking as a booming loud voice rang through from the sky.

"Little did Kuno know, Ranma had earlier that day been given some ramen by Shampoo laced with Passion Spice, and now wants to do it with the first person she sees. Next chappie-Kuno deals with getting onna-ramna pregnent by volonteeering to marry her. (RS/TK) R+R pleez!"

Cait removed her hands from her ears. As the voice faded, the setting and characters faded into darkness. A new scene was appearing now. It looked like . . . a college dorm.

Kagome and Koga were in the room, Kagome standing back a little.

"Koga! I told you not to see me anymore!" Kagome started whimpering.

"Kagome, I will not give you up. I heard rumors that you are dating someone. Do not deny it. Kagome, you are my girlfriend . . . and no one else's!"

Cait heard a crash coming from the door.

Inuyasha broke down the door. "Hands off her!" He broke Koga's neck and threw his body in the trash disposal. "Oh Kagome, I'm so sorry he troubled you. I love you oh so very much."

Cait blinked. Kagome and Inuyasha were making out. "Um . . . excuse me?" She waved her hand. "They can't see me? Maybe I'm just drunk. It must have been all the sake . . . " Cait shrugged as the scene faded.

Ataru and Lum were sitting together on a park bench. "Oh, darling!" Lum tried to kiss Ataru, who, predictably, pushed her away. "Get off me!" he shouted.

Lum glared at him with fire in her eyes. "You have pushed me away for the last time, Darling! Time to DIE!" Lum started beating the crap out of Ataru. Cait watched from a nearby oversized bush.

After Ataru had stopped breathing, Lum cut his corpse into pieces and buried them underneath an oversized bush. Unfortunately, it was the one Cait was sitting under. "Ge-ross!" As Ataru's disembodied head landed on top of her, Cait shot out of the bush, right after Kuno and his pigtailed goddess, Ranma.

"Who is this new beauty?" Kuno grabbed Lum's hand, and kissed it. "I will allow you the honor of dating Tatewaki Kuno."

Lum and Kuno flew off in a unicorn-drawn carriage, leaving Ranma to get pounded by Akane, who looked like a cave troll. In fact . . . she was!

Akane was the embodiment of un-cute. A twenty-foot cave troll, she carried a large mace and roared "Ranmaaaaaaaa nooooooooooooooooooooo baaaaaaaaaaaaakaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Akane slammed her mace down on top of Ranma, flattening him. Ranma popped back up, unhurt. "Oh Akane, I've never really expressed my true feelings for you! Please forgive me, I'm in lo--" Akane shortened his proclamation with another swipe from her giant mace. "Iiiiii knooowww... I'm in looooove with Ryooooooooooougaaaa though... why else would Iiiiiiiiii let him sleeeeeeeep in my bed as a piiiiiiiiiiig?"

A girl Cait recognized from her class, Yomiko Yamada, screamed "Nooo!" and ran for Ryoga. "I love Ryoga more than you do!" Yomiko huggled Ryoga, not letting him run away.

Akane tried to flatten the girl with her mace, but Yomiko ran off first, carrying Ryoga off with her. Akane gave a roar of frustration, smashing buildings left and right.

Kikyo appeared with her bow and arrows. Casting them aside, she transformed into a sailor fuku, shouting "I am Sailor Kikyo! Aku-ryo Tai-san!" Blatantly stealing Sailor Mars's magic, she slapped a sacred seal on Akane the cave troll's head, then shot it through with a sacred arrow. Akane promptly fainted.

Ryusuke, a half dragon demon who was also in Cait's class, popped up, racing after Kikyo. "Hey, Kikyo!" Kikyo tried to kick him off unsucessfully.

Suddenly, Sessho-maru appeared, carrying Rin bridal style. Akane crushed Rin with her mace.

"Rin! Nooooo!" Sessho-maru started bawling. "I must go seek comfort in my brother's mate's arms!" He ran after Kagome, who happened to appear right across the street holding Inuyasha's hand.

"Oh, Inuyasha! Now that we are married nothing can come between us!" She leaned up to kiss Inuyasha, but instead Sessho-maru ran up and she kissed Sessho-maru. "Eek! However, I am strangely attracted to this demon who has tried to kill me... what a sexy youkai!"

As she said youkai, a little makai insect flew up and rearranged the letters.

"Youki!"

Cait consulted her handy-dandy Japanese dictionary. "Cheerfulness?"

"Hyoukai!"

Cait flipped the pages. "Ice cube?"

"Kyouki!"

Cait stared at her dictionary. "Um... chivalrous spirit? What the..."

The insect flew away as Akane the cave troll swung her mace at it. Suddenly, a giant bath flew in, creating a huge crater in the cement street as it landed and immediately filled with bubbly hot water.

Naraku, currently a pink, fluffy, cuddly spider, spun down and tossed Inuyasha into the steaming hot tub. "Meep!" he purred.

Inuyasha instantly evaporated as he touched the scalding hot water. Naraku the pink, fluffy, cuddly spider giggled happily.

Sessho-maru calmly watched his brother's anti-climactic death, and said to Kagome. "We have both lost one dear to us to Naraku, Kagome-chan. Let's find comfort in each other's arms."

Kagome flung her arms around Sessho-maru, crying. "Oh, Sesshy-wesshy! I'll do anything to make you feel better!"

"I'm not feeling that bad, but if you want to, you can go get me a bowl of ramen. For some reason, I'm quite fond of it."

Cait felt the ground tremble beneath her feet. She looked up to a giant vat of sizzling ramen, about to topple on top of everyone.

"NO ONE CAN RESIST THE RAMEN!" an evil sounding voice emanating from the tremendous vat yelled.

A girl named Itsumi jumped around happily amid all the destruction ensuing from the ramen. "Oh, how I love stabbity deaths!" Cait watched Itsumi go happily on her way. She rolled down on the ground to dodge the steaming ramen that was splashing everywhere from the giant vat.

All around her, the ramen was causing strange effects upon whoever it touched. Kagome had turned into a demon with long, silky hair. Shampoo had completely lost her accent, and was carrying many different bottles of love potion. Lum was lifting her bikini up to anyone who asked. Miroku was acting caring and sensitive, not the least bit perverted. Akane the cave troll was crying her... er... its eyes out over Ranma's corpse, which she had just crushed along with Kuno's.

Cait ducked again as sizzling ramen scattered everywhere, splattering the bush next to her. She screamed as the bush suddenly sprouted two squinty eyes, a mouth, and two large ears.

"Leeeeeet's... ROLL!" The face in the bush bellowed, grinning goofily.

Cait shook her head. "What the hell! This isn't a dream, it's a nightmare!"

"I've got reliable sources sayin' eye-rack's havin' them there Nukyaler weapons! Let's ROLL!" The bush shouted loudly. Cait covered her ears from the obnoxious sound of the bush's voice, which was now unceasingly spouting random babble.

"Bring it ON! Is our children learning? Let's ROLL! They misunderestimated me. Make the pie higher! MAKE the PIE HIGHEEEER!" Suddenly, pies started raining down on Cait. She covered her head as pies of every flavor pelted her from above. The bush's incoherent voice grew louder and louder until Cait had to cover her ears with both hands to keep out the relentless unintelligible noise.

"Cait! Cait! Wake up, Cait!" Cait awoke to Pia tugging her right arm and her fluffy pet Sessho-chan tugging her left. "Are you alright? You were screaming with your hands over your ears."

Cait sat up nervously. So it had all been a dream. There were no cave trolls or killer ramen or miko Sailor Senshi or...

"Since you're awake, can you help me with my new poster? It's hard putting one up by yourself, especially one so big." Pia held up a giant poster with a picture of a pie. "Isn't it cute? But it's too heavy to lift, I need someone to help me make the pie higher."

"AAAAAAAUGH!"

***

Note:

Gomen nasai, this chapter is so late it's not funny. I had trouble coming up with ideas, so I just settled with something silly. I promise I will never update this late again!

Please review and tell me if you like it. I love ideas and comments!