InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Absolution: The Collected Chronicles of Miroku and Sango ❯ Regrets ( Chapter 16 )

She didn't know the exact moment when her feeling for Miroku changed.  Like a coward, Sango ran to Osaka, looking for a way to avoid what she already knew.  Instead, she met with her past, forced to acknowledge the damage she held inside.  Everything had been buried for so long that Sango pretended as if she had forgotten its very existence.  Only by facing love again did she learn that the pain never really went away and it never would.  Instead, she had to learn the pain couldn't be the only thing to define who she was or what she would become.  Was she willing to live a safe life, lonely, but very little risk of getting hurt or would she be will to take a chance and risk it all?

 

The two-hour train ride back to Tokyo gave Sango a lot of time to think.  She finally admitted to herself that she had fallen in love with Miroku.  She also wished that she had not.  In her heart, she knew he was not ready for a relationship and to be honest, neither was she.  Talking with Kaede during her visit had done a lot to purge the failed engagement from her soul.  Ruefully, she realized that she still had a long way to go.  She finally came to the understanding that it wasn't her fault that things didn't work out with Yukihiro.  Kaede told her until she forgave him then forgave herself, she would never be truly free.  At first, Sango scoffed at the idea of forgiveness.  It was petty but she liked the burn of the anger in her soul.  She was well aware it was a dark road to travel but she couldn't let the anger go. 

 

 Then, the rains came. 

 

Every since she was a small child, Sango had loved rain.  As the heavens fell from the sky, impulsively, she decided to go for a walk.  As the cold water soaked her skin, the year of hurt came to the surface.  Scalding tears fell, burning away all the hurt and anger she had been holding.  By the time, she returned to Kaede's home, she was hollow, save one simple truth.  She loved Miroku and she had thrown him away.

 

As the train sped in the twilight towards home, Sango wasn't sure how to rectify her mistake.  The only thing she was finally sure about was that she had to try it.  The regret at her first mistake of pushing him away gnawed at her and she wasn't going to let fear stop her from trying to make it right.  She could only hope that Miroku was willing to give her that chance.

 

ooOOoo

 

Miroku spent the weekend shuttered in his apartment, resisting the urge to drown himself in a bottle of sake.  He had thought things were going so well between him and Sango when she dropped the bombshell on him.  As the hours passed, he reluctantly realized that she was right.  He had to deal with his past in order to move on with his future.  He knew the moment he had left Sapporo, he was running from his past, praying it wouldn't find him.   Love had not been on his mind.  Instead, he knew there could be no way he could ever give his heart away again.  The pain he endured was enough to make him realize that he just didn't have the strength to endure heartache any more.

 

After tossing Sango out of his apartment in a fit of anger, Miroku had come to understand she completed him in a way Kagome never had.  He had finally broken down and had gone to her apartment, intent on apologizing, only to discover she wasn't there.  He felt a panic overtake him and came close to losing his composure but a kindly but nosy neighbor informed him that Sango had gone to Osaka to visit family.  He wanted so much to make amends but he knew in order to move forward, it was time to let his past go.

 

"When did I fall in love?"

 

Walking back to the train station, Miroku rolled the thought through his mind.  The idea of loving Sango frankly scared him.  It was too much, too soon.  It had become painfully apparent they both had some issues to work through, individually and collectively.  He longed for a time when it was all so simple but for the past year, his life had been anything but simple. 

 

"This was the wrong time to fall in love." 

 

This past year had been filled with pain and regrets.  For love to bloom in spite of it all gave Miroku a glimmer of hope.  His only goal now would be to make Sango understand they should at least try to make it work.