InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Betrayal's Gift ❯ Chapter 41
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: ldymoon 
Finally what was written in the letter that Kagome gave to Miroku to read
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Hentai / Romance / Angst | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 01.30.2007 | Pages: 3 | Words: 5.3K | Visits: 207 | Status: Completed
Finally what was written in the letter that Kagome gave to Miroku to read
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Hentai / Romance / Angst | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 01.30.2007 | Pages: 3 | Words: 5.3K | Visits: 207 | Status: Completed
A/N: Are you having fun??? Read and Review let me know.
40
`Where do I begin, it's like a nightmare with a happy ending. I feel as if this is all my fault, if I hadn't ever followed my stupid cat into the well house I would have never brought such an evil creature back out of hiding and no one would have suffered. Of coarse I just stood there and watched everyone else fight as Shippo and I stood ground in the back. I shot my purifying arrows when I could to assist Inuyasha, but it was of no use.
Naraku came out at us from no where. One minute we were forming a plan and the next minute Kaede was spouting blood from her mouth as a tentacle protruded her chest. Her one eye widened with the knowledge of deaths fingers taking her life. Realizing too late that the fragments of the obscure stone was no longer shining we all headed out of the hut to see a rather amused Naraku with his band of evil incarnates.
I watched my friends of the village fall one by one as they scurried like mice in a maze to safety. I wondered what I was supposed to do. I wasn't strong enough, I wasn't Kikyo with her almighty arrows, I wasn't prepared to watch my friends die and most importantly I wasn't' prepared to end this journey. I am so ashamed of how selfish I felt…even now…I know I will be punished for my selfishness. I watched as if I were in third person watching a horror movie. I watched as Kohaku ran at Sango with his sickle blade held high swinging over his head intending to save her from one of Naraku's demons that was behind her, I could have, no I should have done something, but I was too weak. Sango took it as a threat and ran her Katana through him, I had shot my arrow making the demon disperse, but it was too late. And that's when she realized what he was trying to do and in her grief she decided to go with him…even now…I cry…the pain of what happened what I witnessed it's just to much for me to even bear. In a maddening loss of the one he held dearest to his heart the first woman who ever tamed the amorous monk, Miroku opened his wind rip and without any care to his own life or the lives of those around him, he absorbed Naraku and his bandits and a few villagers who were trying to find safety within his cursed hand. Watching the heart broken monk, my friend, my ally crouched in front of the bodies of the two embraced wishing with all his might that he had died after saving the entire world of Naraku and his foulness all I could think of was… I was thankful to have Inuyasha. It all happened so fast, Its' been a few weeks since this all happened and only now can I write about it, I expected Inuyasha to come, but, he hasn't. I miss him and I need to be with him. But, what do I say to Miroku…he's lost so much and the only thing I could think of is I want Inuyasha, I love him and though he's never as much said that he harbored the same feelings for me…I only hope that he say so at the end. But, I am still too selfish for I am afraid I don't want my journey to end.
“We see you are feeling better.” Ino said as she walked into the room. It was a couple of days after the attack on Shippo and Hotaru was feeling emotionally miserable and guilty.
“H..how is he doing?” Hotaru asked quietly as she closed the book. So much was going through her mind. Feeling the pain that her father had gone through washed over her and reading how her mother only thought of Inuyasha she wondered about her life just a couple of days ago. She was willing and ready to let Inuyasha kill her and she loves him. She thought she had killed Shippo, not really her, but she was the tool and she was helpless to stop it. She thought maybe she was as weak as her mother and if that was the case doesn't she deserve to die?
“We believe he is doing better lady Hotaru. He is still recuperating, but he is able to walk around now. We believe he wants to visit with you.”
Hotaru looked away from Ino shame coloring her face. “Please…don't address me so…I am no lady but a monster. How? How can he want to see me…he must want…”
She looked down feeling that lump in her throat. Maybe she was a lot like her mother after all, all she wanted to do was be with Inuyasha, she wondered why he hasn't come in to see her yet. Was he upset, did he regret that he mated with such a confused personality. She tried to kill his sergeant child, maybe that's why Shippo wanted to come to see her, to see if she is well enough to exact his revenge.
“I must want what?” Shippo said leaning mischievously on the shoji screen smiling at the girl lying on the futon. Hotaru let out a gasp of shock that made Shippo smile more. Embarrassed, Hotaru tried to hide from him under her blanket.
“Sh..Shippo…I…I'm so…sorry please forgive me.”
“Keh, it's nothing, see Hotaru I'm all better please don't cry.” He said patting the top of her head soothingly. However, Hotaru did the opposite. She cried harder.
“You don't get it do you?! I almost killed your wife and the unborn baby! I tried to kill you, why you aren't dead is beyond my comprehension and you sit there and tell me that it's nothing, water under a freakin' bridge...Hakuna Ma tata!”
Shippo looked at her weird after her last expression, but, he shrugged it off.
“Haku a what? Hmph, I didn't die because you didn't let her kill me. I saw you behind her eyes, I saw you so frightened for me. That's why I couldn't let Inuyasha kill you.”
Wiping at tears that wouldn't stop flowing Hotaru sniffled out.
“You should have left him alone Shippo, you should have left him to do it.”
“My sentiments exactly.” All who were in the room turned to the direction of the cold voice that filtered the atmosphere like a strike of lightning in a dismal gray sky. Shippo stood up an angry expression on his face.
“Inuyasha can't kill her, we can find a cure for her I know we can, we just need more time Lord Sesshomaru.”
Sesshomaru paid no attention to the kitsune standing between him and the girl. He stared hard at the young woman squirming in the bed smelling of shame and remorse.
“Unfortunately, these two have been around mortals too long and tend to allow their hearts to sway toward unnecessary emotions, however, you realize that you are a danger to everyone around you and yet you stay…”
Pulling into his long sleeve he pulled out a dagger and tossed it over to the girl. Hotaru looked at the dagger and then back up at him with wide eyes. The message dully noted. Hotaru clutched the blankets tighter around her body. Knowing that what he spoke was true. Even here in this world, in a world with magical creatures with supernatural powers so great her powers were not normal. She was and still is an outcast, a freak.
Ino looked at the girls' condition and gave a mean eye toward the great lord.
Sesshomaru gave one last long look at the girl and left the room. He didn't have anything against the creature, he harbored no ill will toward the girl, but, with great power comes great responsibility and the girl had to know that if she couldn't control or banish the one named Hitomi than she should leave the Earth and allow peace to reign. Hotaru broke down crying to the point where she was inconsolable. Shippo had no choice but to leave the room.
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`Two nights ago'
Inuyasha found himself on the other side of the well. He walked blindly not knowing where he was going. Too grieved and too upset. He saw Shippo's body floating in the air he saw the look upon his face when he was about to meet his maker and heard his desperate cry `”Hotaru!'' He saw vividly the tears running down her face when he realized that Hitomi had left her body and Hotaru now stood in place. He heard her beg him to kill her. What shocked him most was that he was going to do it. He remembered feeling his brother's hand on his shoulder supporting him. So many emotions were traveling through his mind that he found himself sitting in the tree in front of Kagome's old room when he heard someone say.
“I thought I felt your presence Inuyasha.”
Growling he jumped out of the tree and stood in front of Miroku threateningly. However, Miroku showed no sign of being intimidated. In fact, Inuyasha was sure he saw heartache etched all in Miroku's face and taking a better look at the guy he could see that Miroku looked aged. Curiosity getting the best of him he asked.
“So…what's up?” Mentally he groaned was this all he can say to his sworn enemy?
Miroku sighed and sat down looking up at the stars.
“You know, I miss the stars, the clarity of the night sky, I remember all those years ago our little odd gang searching for the foul creature Naraku…sometimes I find myself missing those days.”
Inuyasha looked up at the same sky that covered all of the stars. He saw a couple of blinking lights from what Kagome had called airplanes flying across the sky. Miroku continued on.
“So much as changed Inuyasha, yet nothing has changed at all.”
“What are you getting at monk?” Inuyasha said casting a suspicious eye toward his ex best friend.
“I hope that Hotaru is well. I want to thank you for taking her with you when you did, so much has happened here and I am afraid that if she were here she would have probably ended her life as well like that boy that raped her. I failed her as a father, I was supposed to protect her, keep her safe and I…Kagome…well…I thought I could make it up to her, for taking away all of her dreams and hopes that laid with you, but, I failed to do that too.”
“What are you getting at? If you're apologizing to me…”
“I am apologizing to you Inuyasha, I never meant any of this. I wanted to die that day with Sango and I cursed Buddha for taking her, I cursed him for allowing me to live but letting her and Kohaku die. You know, when I saw…I didn't care who lived or died that day. I am a monk and I believe that I might have taken innocent lives that day all because my emotions had gotten the better of me. I killed Naraku but at what cost and that is why Buddha has punished me. I failed at trying to make things right.”
They were both quiet for a while, just looked up at the sky while in their own thoughts thinking back on that day with Naraku.
“Inuyasha?”
“What?”
< br> “By the well…that day…”
“I don't want to hear it you damn bastard.”
Miroku stood up and boldly grabbed Inuyasha by the collar of his kimono pulling his face nose to nose.
“You will hear me, I have to tell you this…that day…I took advantage of Kagome, my mind in my grief…when I…it wasn't Kagome I saw, it was Sango. I closed my eyes and for the life of me…I made love to Sango, not Kagome. It was her body, but for me…and now all those years she has done the very same thing to me…every time she used my body it was you she made love too. She tried to…she tried to…and she's never been the same, she tried to kill herself when she found out that you…mated with our daughter. I know she's very depressed, but she was slowly loosing her rationality, she wasn't in her right mind.”
Miroku started to cry, sob like a broken man does. Inuyasha was shocked at first; to see Miroku like this, he's never seen Miroku cry like this even after Sango died. His grief was different then and even more shocking was the information he let out. He had to change the subject; he was beginning to feel uncomfortable. All those years that he wanted to seek revenge it never occurred to him that they both messed up their own lives with the guilt they felt. And now, he knew that his mate was stuck in the middle of this, no wonder she is the way she is.
“I almost had to kill Hotaru.”
Miroku picked up his swollen red eyes and Inuyasha noticed how much Hotaru's eyes were like his.
“What?”
“She has two people living inside her. The other girl is Hitomi, claims that she's been with her from the beginning. Hitomi tried to kill Shippo, she so angry, she hates…everyone. She believed she loved me until well you know how I say stuff. She got all pissed off and tried to hurt Shippo and his new upcoming family.”
Miroku looked at Inuyasha with thoughts flashing through his mind. Incidents from Hotaru's childhood, things that Kagome's told him and things he just learned they all started to fit like a puzzle.
“Inuyasha, I think…I think I know what is wrong with my baby girl.”
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It was a dream that Hotaru found herself in. She looked to the left of her and there was her mother looking at her just as confused.
“Mom?” Hotaru said unsurely reaching out to feel her. Kagome looked at her daughter and reached out for her.
“Hotaru?”
Kagome embraced her daughter as they both looked around their setting. They noticed they were in their house. The atmosphere seemed to have a mist surrounding them like a memory. They turned to the sound of running water. Hotaru let go of her mother's hand and began to walk really slow toward the bathroom. The hairs on her neck and arms rising one by one as she heard her own heart beat within her ears. Turning to look back she noticed her mother following her with the same thoughts running through her mind.
`What's going on here? What kind of dream is this? Why does it seem as if my mom is feeling the same things I'm feeling, what is this dream trying to tell me?'
“Hotaru don't…don't open that door!”
Hotaru's hand paused at the door that was slightly ajar. But there was a voice deep inside her head; it was so deep that it seemed as if the voice was coming from her heart.
`Hitomi? Are you trying to tell me something? Hitomi?'
She saw her mother trying to run toward her but she was moving in slow motion. She could see the desperation on her mothers face but couldn't understand why. Hotaru opened the door and saw her mother sitting at the edge of the tub with her arms in the water her mother was crying and whispering something that Hotaru couldn't hear when all of a sudden she was sucked in and when she finally realized what had happened she felt her lungs burning with fire and she felt that it was impossible to breathe. She opened her eyes only to find a blurry image of her mother over her with her arms stretched out and around her throat. She could see her mother was crying and she could hear her mothers muffled words, no more like a chanting `die you are not my daughter, die.'
`Mom, mom what are you doing are you trying to…oh my god…are you trying to drown me?'
“Yes and no…she was trying to drown me. She knew it was me when we set out to take this bath. You and I were always together. She used to watch us when we played together, at first she thought that you were playing with an imaginary friend, but one day she had come in and she knew…she knew that you had a dual personality. I remember because I was there, this was the day that I told her that I existed. She covered her mouth and fell to the ground staring at me. She was crying. I didn't understand why, I still don't but she asked me to get my things ready for a bath. Happily I did. Once there I remember telling her if she knew I wasn't you, she shook her head yes…
And then as if her life was being rewound she went back to that day.
“So you know who I am mommy?”
“Yes, I know you are Hitomi…I always thought that Hotaru was just playing with an imaginary friend. Tell me Hitomi, why did you kill that bird?”
Looking sad as she climbed into the tub the little girl shrugged her shoulders. “I didn't mean too. I tried to help it like Hotaru does, but, when I did it, I accidentally killed it.”
“How did you feel about doing that?”
“It was different mommy, but, I felt the bird suffer and I somehow felt funny mommy.”
“Really, funny how?”
“I don't know.”
The little girl looked down and was twisting her hair nervously in her fingers.
“Hitomi? You could tell me.”
“If I do will you still love me?”
Kagome crossed her heart. The little girl smiled and then with happy eyes told her mother.
“It made me feel happy, it wasn't in pain anymore, I took it away, but it made me feel happy that I felt the little bird suffer when I tried to heal it.”
“I see. Ok would you like to hear a story while you bathe Hitomi?
“Yes, yes!”
“Okay well, here lets get the soap lathered up while I tell you.” Kagome picked up a bar of soap and the wash cloth and began to lather up the little girl.
“Once upon a time there was a queen, the queen had a daughter who was very special, but the daughter was very dangerous. She was like a bomb waiting to explode and the queen although she loved her daughter so very much had to fix the problem. See, the daughter had a very bad demon living inside her body; in fact, they were two different people sharing one soul. Having the daughter was a mistake to begin with. It prevented the queen from being with the one she really loved. And although the queen hated to do this she realized that as much as she loved her daughter… she had to make sure that her daughter would not suffer or make others suffer. But now that the queen knew for certain that she had a time bomb on her hands she had to do what needed to be done. Do you understand Hitomi? The queen had to do this. She had no choice. The little princess left her no choice.”
Hotaru opened her eyes and found herself under the water and she began to panic. Flailing and thrashing she tried to dislodge her mother's hold around her throat until she felt that hot power rise through her body. Once she unleashed it….
Hotaru woke up in the bed sweat pouring off of her, her heart slamming inside her chest. She still felt the suffocating sensation in her lungs.
“What the hell was that! Oh god…please…tell me that was a dream..please…please….” She kept chanting as she rocked back and forth.
“Inuyasha…I need you Inuyasha…”
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Kagome sat up from her hospital bed her hair sticking to her face even the gown stuck to her from her sweat. She remembered that day and Hitomi made sure that Hotaru would find out what she had done. But there was no excuse for what she tried to do. She tried to kill her daughter. She remembered how she felt when she came home with the baby girl. At first she was happy; she pretended that everything was alright. She was going to go on with her life and forget about Inuyasha, but soon she realized she couldn't. So, she began to pretend that Hotaru was a product of her love for Inuyasha, in her mind she'd pretend that Hotaru was Inuyasha's and when Miroku would do his dance of desire with her at night she'd pretend it was Inuyasha. Afterward she would feel guilty and promised to think straight the next day.
However, Hotaru was growing up and soon the little girl was the spitting image of her father, only fairer. She noticed the girl talking to herself and thought nothing of it until she began having those dreams again. Dreams of death, dreams of her duties as a priestess who failed, dreams of how everyone died because of her failure to be a great priestess. She dreamt of her daughter having an evil sadistic side that tortured everyone and saw Kikyo looking down at her disdainfully. She saw Sango crying tears of blood and she would wake up in a fright. The worst part of it all was when she had visions of her daughter as a woman being with Inuyasha and it was those dreams that caused Kagome to grow hate in her heart for her daughter.
One evening when the sun was setting in the west she saw her daughter crouched over an injured crow, she knew her daughter had special powers which also caused her to have a bit of envy, because what if somehow she inherited Kikyo's natural ability to do everything right. She shrugged it off and continued to watch when she felt a dark energy flow from the girl, that dark energy was so familiar, so ingrained in her memory, but, somehow, she wasn't strong enough to purify it, to destroy the evil that housed itself inside her daughter. So, she had to come up with a different way. A way that will save them all a way to make sure that her nightmares won't come true.
`I won't fail this time, watch, I will not fail.' That's when she set her plan into motion. However, even after she was almost successful at achieving her goal the girls' power overwhelmed hers and Kagome was knocked back into the wall of the bathroom. Angrily Kagome surged forward again to complete the mission when her mother stepped in and pulled Kagome off of the little girl.
“Kagome! What are you doing? Have you lost your mind!?”
“Get back mother, she's evil, I hate her, she destroyed my life, it is all because of her…all because of her that I lost Inuyasha! If it wasn't for her I would have never met him! She needs to be destroyed once and for all!”
Her mother managed to get Kagome away from the girl and the girl just stood there looking at her with utter distrust and hate. Kagome's eyes widened when she finally came to her senses. Falling to the floor reaching out towards her daughter with an insane tint to her eyes she whispered…
“Oh my god…what have I done…Hotaru….baby…I'm so sorry…I'm so…”
The little girl ran from the room with her grand mother running after her and that left Kagome alone soaked to the bone shivering and crying.
`I'm going crazy, this is my punishment for betraying Inuyasha, this is my punishment for being weak.'
She decided to write out what she needed to do on small pieces of paper and put them in the blue box. `I will sacrifice myself and set everything to right. I will die to make up for my sins; I will leave this Earth and go to the seventh level of hell where I belong.'
Kagome came back out of her trip down memory lane to look at the bird in the window.
`That's right, and that night my mom talked to me, told me I needed help, that I must be suffering from some type of post partum depression, though my daughter was then five she said it was possible. That I haven't really been acting myself since I had the baby. She asked me again what had happened in Feudal Japan, but I couldn't tell her. I couldn't tell her what I knew about my daughter. I asked her not to tell Miroku…he must've felt awful as if my condition was his fault, but it wasn't. No one understands that it is my fault. I woke it up, I caused all of this to happen and I was selfish…I wasn't anything like Kikyo.'
Sitting up and pulling the IV in her arm out she began to get ready. She had a long battle in front of her, it was going to be hard and if she survived it would be a miracle, but now she had to do it for everyone's sake, now was not the time to be selfish. “That's right I must sacrifice myself, I must die to make everything right again.”
~flashback the contents of the letter that Kagome wrote to Miroku that was contained in the box~
Dear Miroku,
If you are reading this letter it is because our daughter is in Feudal Japan. You are probably wondering why I am saying this.
I will sacrifice myself and set everything to right. I will die to make up for my sins; I will leave this Earth and go to the seventh level of hell where I belong.'
Let me start from the beginning, so that you would understand. When I was fifteen I was brought down the well because I was not an ordinary fifteen year old. I was born with the shikon no tama within my body. Why it never showed up in any x-rays when I fractured my hip bone is beyond me, but, it was there. It was later revealed that I was the reincarnation of Kikyo how ironic that my name mean reincarnation. Because I only felt that I was good at just detecting jewel shards I allowed myself to become physically weak only depending on Inuyasha to protect me, allowing you all to protect me as if I were some sort of princess only firing my arrows every once in a while. I enjoyed the adventure because I didn't want to lose Inuyasha, I didn't want the adventure to end. So that is why I never trained my powers better.
I'm not saying that I wanted anyone of you to get hurt and I truly loved each and everyone of you, but, my main concern was of Inuyasha's welfare. A part of me knew that every time he suffered from seeing Kikyo was because of me. If it wasn't for me, he'd still be on the tree, Kikyo would have never walked as the undead and you would have never suffered the loss of Sango. Sango would have never suffered the loss of her clansmen and family because Naraku would have never resurfaced. Although, I can't do anything about the past, I can do something for the future. In order to protect our daughter I must go back to Feudal Japan and I must finish what I alone was supposed to destroy. I have to be braver and I need not to be selfish. Miroku I probably wont' be able to come back to you, for I am most likely going to die. It's funny; I think I've already seen it in my dreams. You probably won't see Hotaru either, for right now she is with Inuyasha and if my dreams are correct and my instinct is on target, she will be his mate. I don't know for how long, but, she is going to go through hell and back if she can. But please don't worry, you will be free and when you die, you can freely be with Sango. I will be in hell where I belong with our daughter.
I know you don't understand anything that I am saying; it's just that, I don't know what to really make of it myself. You think I'm crazy but your wrong and you'll know why soon enough. But I can't tell you anything else for now. I can't allow anymore people to die because of my selfishness. I can't allow Inuyasha to die, and I can't allow you to hurt anymore because of me. I will be the sacrifice as I was meant to be.
Kagome
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a/n: I know it's like chapters ago, but I know you were all wondering what she wrote in that note. And now, it goes to show that she's had this written out a long time ago and everything she dreamed was coming true. Miroku must realize this too for he remembers that note. And what about Kagome trying to drown her daughter??? I know it sounds like I'm twisted. Believe me I am. XD no in all seriousness, if anyone ever feels like hurting their children they should go seek help seriously.
I hope that you all enjoyed that chapter. Please review and tell me what you think. As you can tell, we're getting to the climax of the story. Till next time.
ldymoon
Naraku came out at us from no where. One minute we were forming a plan and the next minute Kaede was spouting blood from her mouth as a tentacle protruded her chest. Her one eye widened with the knowledge of deaths fingers taking her life. Realizing too late that the fragments of the obscure stone was no longer shining we all headed out of the hut to see a rather amused Naraku with his band of evil incarnates.
I watched my friends of the village fall one by one as they scurried like mice in a maze to safety. I wondered what I was supposed to do. I wasn't strong enough, I wasn't Kikyo with her almighty arrows, I wasn't prepared to watch my friends die and most importantly I wasn't' prepared to end this journey. I am so ashamed of how selfish I felt…even now…I know I will be punished for my selfishness. I watched as if I were in third person watching a horror movie. I watched as Kohaku ran at Sango with his sickle blade held high swinging over his head intending to save her from one of Naraku's demons that was behind her, I could have, no I should have done something, but I was too weak. Sango took it as a threat and ran her Katana through him, I had shot my arrow making the demon disperse, but it was too late. And that's when she realized what he was trying to do and in her grief she decided to go with him…even now…I cry…the pain of what happened what I witnessed it's just to much for me to even bear. In a maddening loss of the one he held dearest to his heart the first woman who ever tamed the amorous monk, Miroku opened his wind rip and without any care to his own life or the lives of those around him, he absorbed Naraku and his bandits and a few villagers who were trying to find safety within his cursed hand. Watching the heart broken monk, my friend, my ally crouched in front of the bodies of the two embraced wishing with all his might that he had died after saving the entire world of Naraku and his foulness all I could think of was… I was thankful to have Inuyasha. It all happened so fast, Its' been a few weeks since this all happened and only now can I write about it, I expected Inuyasha to come, but, he hasn't. I miss him and I need to be with him. But, what do I say to Miroku…he's lost so much and the only thing I could think of is I want Inuyasha, I love him and though he's never as much said that he harbored the same feelings for me…I only hope that he say so at the end. But, I am still too selfish for I am afraid I don't want my journey to end.
“We see you are feeling better.” Ino said as she walked into the room. It was a couple of days after the attack on Shippo and Hotaru was feeling emotionally miserable and guilty.
“H..how is he doing?” Hotaru asked quietly as she closed the book. So much was going through her mind. Feeling the pain that her father had gone through washed over her and reading how her mother only thought of Inuyasha she wondered about her life just a couple of days ago. She was willing and ready to let Inuyasha kill her and she loves him. She thought she had killed Shippo, not really her, but she was the tool and she was helpless to stop it. She thought maybe she was as weak as her mother and if that was the case doesn't she deserve to die?
“We believe he is doing better lady Hotaru. He is still recuperating, but he is able to walk around now. We believe he wants to visit with you.”
Hotaru looked away from Ino shame coloring her face. “Please…don't address me so…I am no lady but a monster. How? How can he want to see me…he must want…”
She looked down feeling that lump in her throat. Maybe she was a lot like her mother after all, all she wanted to do was be with Inuyasha, she wondered why he hasn't come in to see her yet. Was he upset, did he regret that he mated with such a confused personality. She tried to kill his sergeant child, maybe that's why Shippo wanted to come to see her, to see if she is well enough to exact his revenge.
“I must want what?” Shippo said leaning mischievously on the shoji screen smiling at the girl lying on the futon. Hotaru let out a gasp of shock that made Shippo smile more. Embarrassed, Hotaru tried to hide from him under her blanket.
“Sh..Shippo…I…I'm so…sorry please forgive me.”
“Keh, it's nothing, see Hotaru I'm all better please don't cry.” He said patting the top of her head soothingly. However, Hotaru did the opposite. She cried harder.
“You don't get it do you?! I almost killed your wife and the unborn baby! I tried to kill you, why you aren't dead is beyond my comprehension and you sit there and tell me that it's nothing, water under a freakin' bridge...Hakuna Ma tata!”
Shippo looked at her weird after her last expression, but, he shrugged it off.
“Haku a what? Hmph, I didn't die because you didn't let her kill me. I saw you behind her eyes, I saw you so frightened for me. That's why I couldn't let Inuyasha kill you.”
Wiping at tears that wouldn't stop flowing Hotaru sniffled out.
“You should have left him alone Shippo, you should have left him to do it.”
“My sentiments exactly.” All who were in the room turned to the direction of the cold voice that filtered the atmosphere like a strike of lightning in a dismal gray sky. Shippo stood up an angry expression on his face.
“Inuyasha can't kill her, we can find a cure for her I know we can, we just need more time Lord Sesshomaru.”
Sesshomaru paid no attention to the kitsune standing between him and the girl. He stared hard at the young woman squirming in the bed smelling of shame and remorse.
“Unfortunately, these two have been around mortals too long and tend to allow their hearts to sway toward unnecessary emotions, however, you realize that you are a danger to everyone around you and yet you stay…”
Pulling into his long sleeve he pulled out a dagger and tossed it over to the girl. Hotaru looked at the dagger and then back up at him with wide eyes. The message dully noted. Hotaru clutched the blankets tighter around her body. Knowing that what he spoke was true. Even here in this world, in a world with magical creatures with supernatural powers so great her powers were not normal. She was and still is an outcast, a freak.
Ino looked at the girls' condition and gave a mean eye toward the great lord.
Sesshomaru gave one last long look at the girl and left the room. He didn't have anything against the creature, he harbored no ill will toward the girl, but, with great power comes great responsibility and the girl had to know that if she couldn't control or banish the one named Hitomi than she should leave the Earth and allow peace to reign. Hotaru broke down crying to the point where she was inconsolable. Shippo had no choice but to leave the room.
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`Two nights ago'
Inuyasha found himself on the other side of the well. He walked blindly not knowing where he was going. Too grieved and too upset. He saw Shippo's body floating in the air he saw the look upon his face when he was about to meet his maker and heard his desperate cry `”Hotaru!'' He saw vividly the tears running down her face when he realized that Hitomi had left her body and Hotaru now stood in place. He heard her beg him to kill her. What shocked him most was that he was going to do it. He remembered feeling his brother's hand on his shoulder supporting him. So many emotions were traveling through his mind that he found himself sitting in the tree in front of Kagome's old room when he heard someone say.
“I thought I felt your presence Inuyasha.”
Growling he jumped out of the tree and stood in front of Miroku threateningly. However, Miroku showed no sign of being intimidated. In fact, Inuyasha was sure he saw heartache etched all in Miroku's face and taking a better look at the guy he could see that Miroku looked aged. Curiosity getting the best of him he asked.
“So…what's up?” Mentally he groaned was this all he can say to his sworn enemy?
Miroku sighed and sat down looking up at the stars.
“You know, I miss the stars, the clarity of the night sky, I remember all those years ago our little odd gang searching for the foul creature Naraku…sometimes I find myself missing those days.”
Inuyasha looked up at the same sky that covered all of the stars. He saw a couple of blinking lights from what Kagome had called airplanes flying across the sky. Miroku continued on.
“So much as changed Inuyasha, yet nothing has changed at all.”
“What are you getting at monk?” Inuyasha said casting a suspicious eye toward his ex best friend.
“I hope that Hotaru is well. I want to thank you for taking her with you when you did, so much has happened here and I am afraid that if she were here she would have probably ended her life as well like that boy that raped her. I failed her as a father, I was supposed to protect her, keep her safe and I…Kagome…well…I thought I could make it up to her, for taking away all of her dreams and hopes that laid with you, but, I failed to do that too.”
“What are you getting at? If you're apologizing to me…”
“I am apologizing to you Inuyasha, I never meant any of this. I wanted to die that day with Sango and I cursed Buddha for taking her, I cursed him for allowing me to live but letting her and Kohaku die. You know, when I saw…I didn't care who lived or died that day. I am a monk and I believe that I might have taken innocent lives that day all because my emotions had gotten the better of me. I killed Naraku but at what cost and that is why Buddha has punished me. I failed at trying to make things right.”
They were both quiet for a while, just looked up at the sky while in their own thoughts thinking back on that day with Naraku.
“Inuyasha?”
“What?”
< br> “By the well…that day…”
“I don't want to hear it you damn bastard.”
Miroku stood up and boldly grabbed Inuyasha by the collar of his kimono pulling his face nose to nose.
“You will hear me, I have to tell you this…that day…I took advantage of Kagome, my mind in my grief…when I…it wasn't Kagome I saw, it was Sango. I closed my eyes and for the life of me…I made love to Sango, not Kagome. It was her body, but for me…and now all those years she has done the very same thing to me…every time she used my body it was you she made love too. She tried to…she tried to…and she's never been the same, she tried to kill herself when she found out that you…mated with our daughter. I know she's very depressed, but she was slowly loosing her rationality, she wasn't in her right mind.”
Miroku started to cry, sob like a broken man does. Inuyasha was shocked at first; to see Miroku like this, he's never seen Miroku cry like this even after Sango died. His grief was different then and even more shocking was the information he let out. He had to change the subject; he was beginning to feel uncomfortable. All those years that he wanted to seek revenge it never occurred to him that they both messed up their own lives with the guilt they felt. And now, he knew that his mate was stuck in the middle of this, no wonder she is the way she is.
“I almost had to kill Hotaru.”
Miroku picked up his swollen red eyes and Inuyasha noticed how much Hotaru's eyes were like his.
“What?”
“She has two people living inside her. The other girl is Hitomi, claims that she's been with her from the beginning. Hitomi tried to kill Shippo, she so angry, she hates…everyone. She believed she loved me until well you know how I say stuff. She got all pissed off and tried to hurt Shippo and his new upcoming family.”
Miroku looked at Inuyasha with thoughts flashing through his mind. Incidents from Hotaru's childhood, things that Kagome's told him and things he just learned they all started to fit like a puzzle.
“Inuyasha, I think…I think I know what is wrong with my baby girl.”
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It was a dream that Hotaru found herself in. She looked to the left of her and there was her mother looking at her just as confused.
“Mom?” Hotaru said unsurely reaching out to feel her. Kagome looked at her daughter and reached out for her.
“Hotaru?”
Kagome embraced her daughter as they both looked around their setting. They noticed they were in their house. The atmosphere seemed to have a mist surrounding them like a memory. They turned to the sound of running water. Hotaru let go of her mother's hand and began to walk really slow toward the bathroom. The hairs on her neck and arms rising one by one as she heard her own heart beat within her ears. Turning to look back she noticed her mother following her with the same thoughts running through her mind.
`What's going on here? What kind of dream is this? Why does it seem as if my mom is feeling the same things I'm feeling, what is this dream trying to tell me?'
“Hotaru don't…don't open that door!”
Hotaru's hand paused at the door that was slightly ajar. But there was a voice deep inside her head; it was so deep that it seemed as if the voice was coming from her heart.
`Hitomi? Are you trying to tell me something? Hitomi?'
She saw her mother trying to run toward her but she was moving in slow motion. She could see the desperation on her mothers face but couldn't understand why. Hotaru opened the door and saw her mother sitting at the edge of the tub with her arms in the water her mother was crying and whispering something that Hotaru couldn't hear when all of a sudden she was sucked in and when she finally realized what had happened she felt her lungs burning with fire and she felt that it was impossible to breathe. She opened her eyes only to find a blurry image of her mother over her with her arms stretched out and around her throat. She could see her mother was crying and she could hear her mothers muffled words, no more like a chanting `die you are not my daughter, die.'
`Mom, mom what are you doing are you trying to…oh my god…are you trying to drown me?'
“Yes and no…she was trying to drown me. She knew it was me when we set out to take this bath. You and I were always together. She used to watch us when we played together, at first she thought that you were playing with an imaginary friend, but one day she had come in and she knew…she knew that you had a dual personality. I remember because I was there, this was the day that I told her that I existed. She covered her mouth and fell to the ground staring at me. She was crying. I didn't understand why, I still don't but she asked me to get my things ready for a bath. Happily I did. Once there I remember telling her if she knew I wasn't you, she shook her head yes…
And then as if her life was being rewound she went back to that day.
“So you know who I am mommy?”
“Yes, I know you are Hitomi…I always thought that Hotaru was just playing with an imaginary friend. Tell me Hitomi, why did you kill that bird?”
Looking sad as she climbed into the tub the little girl shrugged her shoulders. “I didn't mean too. I tried to help it like Hotaru does, but, when I did it, I accidentally killed it.”
“How did you feel about doing that?”
“It was different mommy, but, I felt the bird suffer and I somehow felt funny mommy.”
“Really, funny how?”
“I don't know.”
The little girl looked down and was twisting her hair nervously in her fingers.
“Hitomi? You could tell me.”
“If I do will you still love me?”
Kagome crossed her heart. The little girl smiled and then with happy eyes told her mother.
“It made me feel happy, it wasn't in pain anymore, I took it away, but it made me feel happy that I felt the little bird suffer when I tried to heal it.”
“I see. Ok would you like to hear a story while you bathe Hitomi?
“Yes, yes!”
“Okay well, here lets get the soap lathered up while I tell you.” Kagome picked up a bar of soap and the wash cloth and began to lather up the little girl.
“Once upon a time there was a queen, the queen had a daughter who was very special, but the daughter was very dangerous. She was like a bomb waiting to explode and the queen although she loved her daughter so very much had to fix the problem. See, the daughter had a very bad demon living inside her body; in fact, they were two different people sharing one soul. Having the daughter was a mistake to begin with. It prevented the queen from being with the one she really loved. And although the queen hated to do this she realized that as much as she loved her daughter… she had to make sure that her daughter would not suffer or make others suffer. But now that the queen knew for certain that she had a time bomb on her hands she had to do what needed to be done. Do you understand Hitomi? The queen had to do this. She had no choice. The little princess left her no choice.”
Hotaru opened her eyes and found herself under the water and she began to panic. Flailing and thrashing she tried to dislodge her mother's hold around her throat until she felt that hot power rise through her body. Once she unleashed it….
Hotaru woke up in the bed sweat pouring off of her, her heart slamming inside her chest. She still felt the suffocating sensation in her lungs.
“What the hell was that! Oh god…please…tell me that was a dream..please…please….” She kept chanting as she rocked back and forth.
“Inuyasha…I need you Inuyasha…”
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Kagome sat up from her hospital bed her hair sticking to her face even the gown stuck to her from her sweat. She remembered that day and Hitomi made sure that Hotaru would find out what she had done. But there was no excuse for what she tried to do. She tried to kill her daughter. She remembered how she felt when she came home with the baby girl. At first she was happy; she pretended that everything was alright. She was going to go on with her life and forget about Inuyasha, but soon she realized she couldn't. So, she began to pretend that Hotaru was a product of her love for Inuyasha, in her mind she'd pretend that Hotaru was Inuyasha's and when Miroku would do his dance of desire with her at night she'd pretend it was Inuyasha. Afterward she would feel guilty and promised to think straight the next day.
However, Hotaru was growing up and soon the little girl was the spitting image of her father, only fairer. She noticed the girl talking to herself and thought nothing of it until she began having those dreams again. Dreams of death, dreams of her duties as a priestess who failed, dreams of how everyone died because of her failure to be a great priestess. She dreamt of her daughter having an evil sadistic side that tortured everyone and saw Kikyo looking down at her disdainfully. She saw Sango crying tears of blood and she would wake up in a fright. The worst part of it all was when she had visions of her daughter as a woman being with Inuyasha and it was those dreams that caused Kagome to grow hate in her heart for her daughter.
One evening when the sun was setting in the west she saw her daughter crouched over an injured crow, she knew her daughter had special powers which also caused her to have a bit of envy, because what if somehow she inherited Kikyo's natural ability to do everything right. She shrugged it off and continued to watch when she felt a dark energy flow from the girl, that dark energy was so familiar, so ingrained in her memory, but, somehow, she wasn't strong enough to purify it, to destroy the evil that housed itself inside her daughter. So, she had to come up with a different way. A way that will save them all a way to make sure that her nightmares won't come true.
`I won't fail this time, watch, I will not fail.' That's when she set her plan into motion. However, even after she was almost successful at achieving her goal the girls' power overwhelmed hers and Kagome was knocked back into the wall of the bathroom. Angrily Kagome surged forward again to complete the mission when her mother stepped in and pulled Kagome off of the little girl.
“Kagome! What are you doing? Have you lost your mind!?”
“Get back mother, she's evil, I hate her, she destroyed my life, it is all because of her…all because of her that I lost Inuyasha! If it wasn't for her I would have never met him! She needs to be destroyed once and for all!”
Her mother managed to get Kagome away from the girl and the girl just stood there looking at her with utter distrust and hate. Kagome's eyes widened when she finally came to her senses. Falling to the floor reaching out towards her daughter with an insane tint to her eyes she whispered…
“Oh my god…what have I done…Hotaru….baby…I'm so sorry…I'm so…”
The little girl ran from the room with her grand mother running after her and that left Kagome alone soaked to the bone shivering and crying.
`I'm going crazy, this is my punishment for betraying Inuyasha, this is my punishment for being weak.'
She decided to write out what she needed to do on small pieces of paper and put them in the blue box. `I will sacrifice myself and set everything to right. I will die to make up for my sins; I will leave this Earth and go to the seventh level of hell where I belong.'
Kagome came back out of her trip down memory lane to look at the bird in the window.
`That's right, and that night my mom talked to me, told me I needed help, that I must be suffering from some type of post partum depression, though my daughter was then five she said it was possible. That I haven't really been acting myself since I had the baby. She asked me again what had happened in Feudal Japan, but I couldn't tell her. I couldn't tell her what I knew about my daughter. I asked her not to tell Miroku…he must've felt awful as if my condition was his fault, but it wasn't. No one understands that it is my fault. I woke it up, I caused all of this to happen and I was selfish…I wasn't anything like Kikyo.'
Sitting up and pulling the IV in her arm out she began to get ready. She had a long battle in front of her, it was going to be hard and if she survived it would be a miracle, but now she had to do it for everyone's sake, now was not the time to be selfish. “That's right I must sacrifice myself, I must die to make everything right again.”
~flashback the contents of the letter that Kagome wrote to Miroku that was contained in the box~
Dear Miroku,
If you are reading this letter it is because our daughter is in Feudal Japan. You are probably wondering why I am saying this.
I will sacrifice myself and set everything to right. I will die to make up for my sins; I will leave this Earth and go to the seventh level of hell where I belong.'
Let me start from the beginning, so that you would understand. When I was fifteen I was brought down the well because I was not an ordinary fifteen year old. I was born with the shikon no tama within my body. Why it never showed up in any x-rays when I fractured my hip bone is beyond me, but, it was there. It was later revealed that I was the reincarnation of Kikyo how ironic that my name mean reincarnation. Because I only felt that I was good at just detecting jewel shards I allowed myself to become physically weak only depending on Inuyasha to protect me, allowing you all to protect me as if I were some sort of princess only firing my arrows every once in a while. I enjoyed the adventure because I didn't want to lose Inuyasha, I didn't want the adventure to end. So that is why I never trained my powers better.
I'm not saying that I wanted anyone of you to get hurt and I truly loved each and everyone of you, but, my main concern was of Inuyasha's welfare. A part of me knew that every time he suffered from seeing Kikyo was because of me. If it wasn't for me, he'd still be on the tree, Kikyo would have never walked as the undead and you would have never suffered the loss of Sango. Sango would have never suffered the loss of her clansmen and family because Naraku would have never resurfaced. Although, I can't do anything about the past, I can do something for the future. In order to protect our daughter I must go back to Feudal Japan and I must finish what I alone was supposed to destroy. I have to be braver and I need not to be selfish. Miroku I probably wont' be able to come back to you, for I am most likely going to die. It's funny; I think I've already seen it in my dreams. You probably won't see Hotaru either, for right now she is with Inuyasha and if my dreams are correct and my instinct is on target, she will be his mate. I don't know for how long, but, she is going to go through hell and back if she can. But please don't worry, you will be free and when you die, you can freely be with Sango. I will be in hell where I belong with our daughter.
I know you don't understand anything that I am saying; it's just that, I don't know what to really make of it myself. You think I'm crazy but your wrong and you'll know why soon enough. But I can't tell you anything else for now. I can't allow anymore people to die because of my selfishness. I can't allow Inuyasha to die, and I can't allow you to hurt anymore because of me. I will be the sacrifice as I was meant to be.
Kagome
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a/n: I know it's like chapters ago, but I know you were all wondering what she wrote in that note. And now, it goes to show that she's had this written out a long time ago and everything she dreamed was coming true. Miroku must realize this too for he remembers that note. And what about Kagome trying to drown her daughter??? I know it sounds like I'm twisted. Believe me I am. XD no in all seriousness, if anyone ever feels like hurting their children they should go seek help seriously.
I hope that you all enjoyed that chapter. Please review and tell me what you think. As you can tell, we're getting to the climax of the story. Till next time.
ldymoon