InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Enlightenment ❯ Chapter 13 ( Chapter 13 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chapter 13

Inuyasha walked through the mall holding Tai's little hand in his. He never really liked the mall since it over powered his sensitive nose but his son needed cheering up. He glanced down at his son to see him sucking on his thumb again with the same perplexed expression he had on in the car before visiting Miroku. Inuyasha's dark eyebrows drew together at the sight of his son. Kids shouldn't have anything to be worried about and should be as carefree as possible. Tai was only a child for goodness sake! All he wanted to do right now was wipe the frown off Tai's face and cheer him up.

“What else do you want to do after we get some ice cream?” he asked looking down at his son.

“See mommy,” Tai said without having to think.

“Alright then. I'm sure she's home since it's a weekend so we'll go right after we get some ice cream,” he said smiling at the sudden change in Tai's mood at the mention of his mother.

“Can we bring her some ice cream too?” Tai asked hopefully.

“Well… I suppose we could. I mean she did help us move our stuff back into our house right?” he smirked.

“Lets go daddy! I wanna see mommy and she'll be so happy when we bring her some ice cream,” said Tai excitedly.

Inuyasha lifted his son playfully to sit on top of his shoulders. This is how Tai should be all the time. He wanted Tai to be always laughing and completely carefree. He realized at that moment that he wants to make Tai's childhood as happy as he possibly could and save him from what he had endured as a child. He grew up barely knowing his father and his mother died when he was slightly older than Tai. His son will have the best of everything. He will always be around no matter what when Tai needs him and include Kagome as much as possible even if they had some issues that weren't settled yet.

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“I'm pooped out,” sighed Kagome as she plopped down once they made it to the food court.

She, Kouga, and Chiyo had been shopping all afternoon. Chiyo should have more than enough clothes to last for her entire visit. It was fun shopping for a little girl. Kagome had always wanted a daughter but she was still extremely happy when Tai was born, though the idea never left her. If she was still married to Inuyasha would they could have possibly had another baby on the way around this time.

But even that thought couldn't bring down her spirits. She was having such a great time with Chiyo and Kouga. She felt as if she was a part of their family. Chiyo had held her hand as well as Kouga swinging it merrily as they walked from store to store. Kouga was such a great father to Chiyo and it made her heart melt how different he was around his daughter. He was no longer the arrogant, over-bearing man she had first met, but an easy going and patient person. She couldn't get over how Chiyo brought out the best in Kouga. The little girl was even able to bring her out of her bleak mood. It's only been a day and she was already attached to Chiyo.

“Kagome?”

“Oh sorry! I must've spaced out,” she smiled sheepishly at Kouga.

“Daddy I want some ice cream!” cried Chiyo tugging on Kouga's sleeve.

Kagome giggled at Chiyo. “You know you remind me of my son whenever we're here at the food court. He's always asking for ice cream!”

“You have son?” blinked Chiyo.

“Yeah. He's a bit younger than you,” smiled Kagome.

“Ladies. I want some ice cream too! All that shopping wore me out,” Kouga chuckled.

Chiyo and Kagome laughed at the look on Kouga's face. “There should be an ice cream shop around the corner over there. They have the best ice cream,” Kagome pointed.

“And what flavors would you two like?”

“Cookie dough please,” chirped Chiyo.

“Mint chocolate chip for me,” answered Kagome.

“Alrighty then. I'll be back in a minute,” said Kouga walking off in the direction of the ice cream shop.

He quickly found the shop and was pleased to see that he was first in line. Good thing he got there soon because a family of six and a day care group lined up right behind him.

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“Damn it! Look at this line!” cried Inuyasha.

When they had made it to the ice cream shop there was a long lineup waiting for them. He hated long lineups. But then again who didn't? He heard Tai whimper above him and knew that he was trying to look over the heads of the people ahead of them. Well at least the line was moving no matter how slow it seemed due to the number of people who wanted ice cream…

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“Wow. That didn't take long,” smiled Kagome as Kouga gave them their ice cream.

He found Chiyo sitting on Kagome's lap and couldn't help the smile that warmed his face. Since the moment he had met Kagome she had left an impression on him that she was the kind of woman he had been looking for. He couldn't get over how fast Chiyo had warmed up to Kagome as well. Chiyo usually made trouble for the girlfriends or other women he had introduced her to in the past. But this was strange that Chiyo had behaved in front of another woman other than her mother. And if he didn't know any better, it looked as if Chiyo and Kagome were mother and daughter…

Kouga licked at his rocky road ice cream and smirked at her with ice cream covering the side of his mouth. “Well I never told you that I'm extremely fast.”

“Oh daddy. You got a good spot in line didn't you?” asked Chiyo clearly enjoying her cookie dough.

“Yeah well…” shrugged Kouga.

Kagome giggled at the two and took one of the napkins to wipe Kouga's mouth. “Even Chiyo eats her ice cream better than you!”

She didn't know what came over her but it felt so natural being with them. This was exactly what she needed to get her to smile again. Being with Chiyo and Kouga made her feel as if she was part of a real family. One that wasn't so broken beyond repair and full of disappointment. She knew that it wasn't right for her to imagine herself as being part of their family but she couldn't help it. It brought back memories of times when she and Inuyasha would bring Tai to the mall and get ice cream right after shopping. She hasn't laughed like this in a long time… She had forgotten how good it felt to laugh again, especially when you're having fun with people that you care about.

“Yeah daddy!” laughed Chiyo as Kagome finished wiping the remainder of the ice cream off Kouga's mouth.

“Thanks. It must've been the ice cream numbing my mouth so I didn't notice that I was missing my mouth half the time I took a bit of ice cream,” he joked.

The three laughed as if they had always been one happy family enjoying an afternoon at the mall.

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From around the corner two pairs of golden eyes watched the three together. One pair of golden eyes were wide with surprise and the other were wide with excitement.

“Look daddy! Isn't that mommy?” cried Tai pointing.

“Tai don't point,” Inuyasha said weakly.

He didn't know what was coming over him. Wasn't that the wolf that was Kagome's date for that charity thing she had? And who was that little girl sitting on Kagome's lap? Must be the wolf's daughter… His sensitive ears picked up Kagome's laugh and he was plagued with countless memories of moment he had heard that tinkling laughter. When was the last time he'd heard her laugh like that? Guilt washed over him as he realized he was the reason why she had stopped laughing… why she had stopped being happy. But what caught his attention and brought him out of his thoughts was the sight of Kagome reaching across the table with the little girl still on her lap laughing to wipe the side of Kouga's mouth.

“Oh Inuyasha… When will you learn? You're a father now, you can't let Tai see how much of a slob you are or else he'll grow up to be like one too,” she teased as she took a napkin and wiped the corners of his mouth.

“Keh! Of course he'll be like me.” Inuyasha felt his gaze soften as he continued to look at his wife. “But I sure hope he grows up to be more like his mother…” he laughed planting a wet, ice cream kiss on his wife's lips with baby Tai burbling in the background.

“Daddy! Let's go see mommy!” cried Tai tugging on his father's ears.

Inuyasha's focus remained trained on the three people who looked like a family. If he didn't know any better he'd think that they were one. He watched intently as the little girl who was sitting on the woman's lap holding a camera up and urging her father to sit with them to be in the picture. He continued to watch all three of them as the little girl, who was now sandwiched between her `parents' cried “cheese”. They all had cheerful smiles on their faces as if they had always been used to being with each other. He couldn't explain what this feeling was that was taking control of him. Is this feeling jealousy because Kagome is now being a `wife' and a `mother' to someone other than him and Tai? Is it possessiveness that he thought he had long lost over her because he'd always felt a strong feeling that Kagome belonged with him? Or is it regret because watching them made him think of how everything was before? Were they as happy and perfect, as these three people appeared to be?

“Daddy!”

Immediately he was brought back to reality and out of the depths of his thoughts. He looked at his son to find him anxiously staring up at him. A small trickle of something cold and sticky brought his attention towards his hand and noticed that their ice cream was melting.

“Daddy look there's mommy! Let's go!” cried Tai not waiting for his father's reply. He started pulling him towards the table where his dear mother sat. “Mommy! Mommy!”

Kagome whipped her head around to the voice of her son. A worried frown took over her joyful expression remembering exactly why she needed a day off from everything and what had transpired this morning. There was Tai with a huge heart melting smile on his face as he pulled a not so eager Inuyasha behind him. She felt guilty for just leaving without bidding Tai goodbye this morning. Kagome felt Chiyo shift on her lap and look up at her with a questioning gaze.

“Is that your son Aunt Kagome?”

“Yeah it is,” she answered smiling down at the little girl.

“Mommy!” cried Tai running to their table. He found his mother sitting at the far end and Kouga sitting at the nearest to the aisle. As if noticing for the first time, the little girl who was sitting on his mother's lap. “Mommy me and daddy bought you some ice cream!” With that, Tai scooted onto the empty seats across the three until he was directly in front of Kagome.

“Are you and daddy going shopping?” asked Kagome ignoring Tai staring at Chiyo who continued to cling to her.

“Me and Daddy wanted some ice cream. Daddy give her the ice cream!” cried Tai excitedly towards his father. Inuyasha merely stood there with a hesitating look.

“Please join us,” said Kouga motioning to the sit in front of him.

Inuyasha mumbled something that sounded like thanks as he set down the dripping ice creams on the table. This situation couldn't feel any more awkward than it already was…

“Aunt Kagome has already had some ice cream,” chirped Chiyo.

“Oh this is Kouga's daughter Chiyo,” she said looking to Inuyasha and Tai. “And Chiyo this is my son Tai and his father Inuyasha,” she said motioning to her family.

“Nice to meet you,” said Chiyo politely and shook both their hands.

“Mommy here! We got you your favorite,” said Tai reaching for the strawberry ice cream.

“Don't force your mother Tai. She said she's already had some,” said Inuyasha in a hushed tone.

“It's okay Inuyasha,” said Kagome forcing a smile towards the man who had caused her so much pain in one day.

Inuyasha stared back at her intently. He knew the moment he made eye contact with her, no matter how brief it was, that there was something wrong. Was that really why Tai had been so upset? There was a mixture of sorrow and resentment on her expression. He could always tell if there was something wrong with her. Her expressions always gave away what she was feeling. That was Kagome. You couldn't make her smile a real smile if she was feeling anything but happy. When she was troubled her brows would be furrowed and drawn together. So of course he'd know when and if there was something wrong with her.

“Your mommy says you and I have lots in common. I don't know many kids my age around here because I'm just visiting my daddy,” said Chiyo starting a conversation with Tai. “How old are you?”

Tai thought for a moment before holding up his hand. “I'm three!”

Chiyo giggled noticing the fact that Tai's hand indicated that he thought he was five. Inuyasha meanwhile brought down Tai's thumb and index finger to spare his son further humiliation.

“I didn't get to my numbers yet…”mumbled Tai as he blushed like a tomato.

“It's okay honey. We'll start working on it again,” smiled Kagome towards her son.

Tai looked triumphantly over at Chiyo who frowned slightly. Inuyasha noticed this and realized that Tai must be feeling pretty possessive over his mother since he's never had to share her with other children before. That was the same way he'd felt whenever she was around other males. Naturally Tai would feel possessive over some other child who came out of no where who is now clinging to Kagome possessively. At that moment he made eye contact with Kouga and can't help but a feel a familiar feeling of jealousy at the pit of his stomach.

“Excuse me miss,” interrupted an unknown voice breaking the tension.

“Yes?” blinked Kagome.

“I couldn't help but notice that you have the cutest little girl!” cooed the woman.

“Hey I'm not -!”cried Tai.

“Thank you,” Chiyo blushed and gave a few bats of her eyelashes.

Inuyasha and Kouga exchanged glances from across the tiny table, both glancing at the two children. Kagome just thanked the woman with a slight bow of her head for she knew as well what must have been transpiring between Tai and Chiyo. Such rivalry among children…

Tai was after all part inu youkai even if he was only a quarter. She had seen how possessive Inuyasha had been over the years they'd spent together and she wouldn't doubt that Tai had inherited that from his father also. And to make matters worse, Chiyo cuddled up to her more and giggled. That was the last straw for Tai.

“NO!” he said slamming his little fists on the table. “She's MY mommy not yours!” Tai continued to pound on the little table, and forgot about what little demonic strength he had. All at once the contents on the surface of the table fell upon both Inuyasha and Tai's laps as the table had tipped over on their end.

Inuyasha sprung up from his seat and began to furiously wipe at his jeans to get the ice cream off. Tai was on the brink of tears as he watched his mother hold another child and sit with another man other than his father with sad, frustrated eyes. Tai also began to growl at the little girl in Kagome's arms. Inuyasha watched as Chiyo's lip trembled and let out a wail worthy of her wolf clan. Alarmed, Kouga and Kagome began to try to calm Chiyo. This sight appeared to make matters even worse for little Tai.

“Oh no you don't,” grumbled Inuyasha as he caught Tai before he could catapult himself between Kagome and Chiyo.

“Mommy! Mommy!” he cried pounding on Inuyasha's back. “She's MY mommy!” Tai was crying his eyes out now and struggling against his father's grip. Now the group was starting to catch some unwanted attention with passers-by and the two adults (not including Inuyasha who was growling) shot them apologizing looks and embarrassment.

“Tai-” Kagome said trying to get up to her son but Chiyo wouldn't let her go.

“Don't worry Kagome. I'm taking him home,” mumbled Inuyasha as he began to turn away which only made Tai cry louder for his mother.

It was extremely hard to get to the parking lot without attracting a lot of attention with Tai's ear pounding screams. He somewhat understood how Tai must've been feeling or what must be going through his head. Tai was after all an only child and this would be the first time that he had ever seen his mother warm up to another child just like she did to him. Especially when the said child seemed to claim Kagome as her mother and unintentionally embarrassed Tai. He had no doubt that Tai was feeling very much possessive over his mother and had a newly found rival in Chiyo.

Throughout the walk to the parking lot Tai's screams only grew louder if possible and his ears had decided they'd heard enough for one day. He understood why Tai was upset but he was just so tired of listening to his son cry all day. He knew it was wrong and he should work on trying to calm him down but his patience was running thin as it is. He thought about speaking but afraid that he might yell or upset Tai even more, he took a deep, calming breath.

“Tai…” he started. “Please… we'll talk about this when we get home. Right now I really want you to calm down so daddy can concentrate on driving okay?” he said as gently as he could.

Tai nodded his head to show he understood his father's request. Pleased, Inuyasha gave Tai a quick hug after buckling him into his booster seat. The drive home was particularly quiet except for Tai's sniffles. Inuyasha noticed once again that Tai was sucking on his thumb again in a worried manner. He sighed in frustration. He just didn't know what to do anymore. Was he doing anything right if possible by his son? Why couldn't he make him happy? Was fatherhood so hard that his own father gave up on him? He gripped the steering wheel tightly with the mere thought of giving up on Tai. He could never do that to his own son. No matter how far apart they have drifted since their happier days as a whole family.

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Not a minute sooner Inuyasha found himself pulling up onto his driveway at last. He carried Tai in the house and opened his mouth to tell the boy something when Tai leapt out of his arms and ran straight up the stairs and into his room. Inuyasha was surprised at Tai's sudden change in mood. Unsure of what to do or say once, he followed Tai only to find his bedroom door locked.

“Tai?” he knocked softly.

“Go away!” his little anguished voice, yelled.

“Tai let me in right now!” Inuyasha answered his voice losing the gentle and soothing tone.

“No! It's all your fault daddy!” a loud crash could be heard from inside Tai's room.

“What's my fault? I can't talk to you when you've locked yourself in there!” he cried. He was really starting to get worried. He didn't understand what was going on. What did Tai blame him for? He didn't want to make matters worse by kicking down the door no matter how concerned he was. And what was worse was that he was afraid his temper would get the better of him and make him do something irrational.

“You! You made mommy leave us!”

“What?! Tai open the door so we can talk about this!” by now Inuyasha was pounding on Tai's door which shook lightly by the hinges.

“You've been bad daddy! You made mommy cry for so long!” cried Tai.

It took a while for Inuyasha's mind to process all this after recovering from the shock of Tai's statement. So that was it. Tai was angry with him. Of course he would be angry with him. He didn't understand why he hadn't expected it sooner. “Tai please let me in so we can talk about this,” he pleaded.

“No! Hana told me everything! It's all your fault that mommy doesn't love me anymore! You didn't love mommy anymore because of the lady I saw at the store today!”

He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't do this by himself and he knew that if he attempted this alone he wouldn't be able t o fix it. Doing the only thing he could think of, he dialled Kagome's number and told her to come as soon as possible because Tai had locked himself up in his room. Like any mother, Kagome sounded panicked and said that she would be there as soon as she can. Now all he had to do was get Tai to calm down so that he'd be ready to talk to them once Kagome arrives. “Tai we have to talk about this and we can't do that if you're in there.”

“No! I hate you! I hate you!” yelled Tai over and over again.

Inuyasha for a moment felt the wind get knocked out of him. Memories of his childhood screaming the same thing to his father floated into his mind. The feeling of complete and utter resentment flooded back into his heart. The words being directed at him was something new. A greater pain that he felt certain he was not going to experience when he cursed his father for neglecting him.

He had promised himself that if he ever had children he would love them with all his heart and save them from a childhood like his. But here he is now. Standing outside his son's bedroom door, listening as Tai repeated the hurtful words like a mantra. Locked into his own world, Inuyasha's back touched the wall and he slid to the floor submerged in his thoughts.

It was his fault. Why hadn't he thought of Tai before he decided to completely alter all their lives during that entire night? He hadn't known it would affect his son this much though he should have. Why had he been so selfish as to not think of how it would affect Tai? He had ripped Tai out of the comfortable and familiar life they had without a second thought. And as a result, his own son hated him.

He smiled sadly to himself. As much as he would hate to admit it, he was very much like his father. He had become a man who took everything he had in life for granted and neglected those who loved him most. And because of that, he had managed to ruin all of their lives with his mistake. He hurt Kagome and still couldn't bring himself to apologize to her. He hurt Tai by ruining their family and involving him in this whole mess of divorce. And him… had he ruined his own life also?

“Inuyasha!” knocking could be heard at the front door as Inuyasha was brought out of his reflective state.

He knew at once that it was Kagome. He leapt over the flight of stairs and opened the door to reveal a dishevelled Kagome. She ran past him without another word and up the stairs to stop at Tai's bedroom door. He closed the door and followed her upstairs.

“Tai honey?” Kagome asked knocking on the door.

Inuyasha watched as Kagome stood by the door looking every much as worried as he felt. The noise from Tai's room quickly vanished at the sound of Kagome's voice.

“Mommy?” Tai's voice was that of surprise and of relief.

“Tai… let mommy in so we can talk,” Kagome pleaded.

Tai complied and opened his door. Inuyasha found himself gasping with Kagome at Tai's appearance.

“Tai… honey what have you done to yourself?” asked Kagome grabbing Tai by the shoulders.

Tai was covered in black paint dripping from his silver hair. His face was streaked with tears and his warm amber eyes were red and puffy from crying. Inuyasha watched as his son kept his head down and that was all he could do at the moment. He was afraid that Tai wouldn't allow him to touch him. But what he feared most was the possibility that Tai really did hate him.

“I- I-…” he began. Kagome lowered herself to her knees and began to rub Tai's back to soothe him. “I- I didn't want to look like daddy anymore…” he whispered.

Inuyasha staggered back to the wall to support him. So Tai did hate him… Kagome shot him a puzzling look and turned back to her son.

“Why?” asked Kagome gently.

“He… he… he hurt you… and then you don't want to be my mommy anymore because everyone says that I look too much like daddy. He hurt you because of that lady we saw today, didn't he mommy?” he asked innocently.

Kagome broke into tears and hugged her son tightly forgetting about the black paint. Inuyasha was still frozen on the spot when all he wanted to do was wrap his arms around the two sobbing figures and tell them that he could fix everything. But he couldn't. He couldn't because everything was beyond repair…

“And now you have a new family because ours is so broken…” cried Tai into Kagome's shoulder.

Tai's confession only managed to make Kagome's sobs louder. Inuyasha himself found that tears were pouring out of his eyes. What had he done?

“I don't want silver hair anymore… because it hurts you to look at me because I look so much like daddy…” continued Tai.

“No baby… You're the only thing that reminds me of how much I loved your daddy…” cried Kagome. “It does hurt me sometimes but happy memories are sometimes painful to remember…”

“Really?” asked Tai lifting his head to look his mother square in the eyes.

“Really. And whatever happens between your father and I, will never affect how much we both love you,” said Kagome wiping the paint and tears from her son's cheeks.

“Mommy… I'm sorry,” Tai whispered.

“No honey… if anything I should be sorry. I should have explained this to you. Can you ever forgive mommy for being so stupid?” laughed Kagome.

“Mommy isn't stupid! I love you mommy…” answered Tai wiping Kagome's cheeks in return.

“We better get you cleaned up. All this black paint is covering just how handsome you are,” giggled Kagome as she carried Tai into the bathroom. “Inuyasha?”

Inuyasha didn't answer.

“Inuyasha?” Kagome repeated. Finally he raised his head to look at Kagome and saw Tai peaking over her shoulder. “Will you make some ramen for Tai?”

“Sure.” He mumbled.

It took him a moment to gather himself and the running water mingled with gentle laughter helped him regain his composure. He made his way to the kitchen and made the ramen as Kagome asked. While he waited for the water to boil he was once again over come with such emotion as he replayed what had transpired moments ago.

“I don't want silver hair anymore… because it hurts you to look at me because I look so much like daddy…”

He bit his bottom lip to prevent a sob from coming out. His own son was ashamed of him… He was a good for nothing father. He couldn't even keep his son happy and smiling for more than a day. What else was he good for other than making those he cared about miserable? How had he managed to screw up so badly?

“I hate you! I hate you!”

Inuyasha gripped the edge of the kitchen counter tightly in his hands. He wished that he could take everything back. He wanted to take back all his mistakes and prevent himself from making them. He wasn't any happier now than he was before. In fact he miserable.

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“Kagome?” whispered Inuyasha as he shook Kagome gently to wake her. She had fallen asleep by Tai's side after tucking him into bed and kissing him goodnight. Tai had immediately calmed down after a warm bath and having his supper in bed.

“I should really get going,” she yawned.

“You can stay if you want… I can sleep in the living room and-”

“No it's all right Inuyasha,” she answered quickly. “I have to get home anyway. If anything else comes up just call me.” And with that, she gave Tai another gentle kiss on the forehead and left.

After Inuyasha had shut the door after Kagome left, he made his way back to Tai's room. He looked down at his son who was sleeping peacefully on his bed. Inuyasha sat done where Kagome had lain as gently as he could to avoid waking Tai. “I really screwed up didn't I?” he whispered stroking Tai's hair. “I'm sorry kid.” He sat there for a couple more minutes and decided that he needed his rest too. He mumbled a quick goodnight and was half way out the door when a little voice stopped him.

“Daddy?” said Tai sleepily.

“Yeah?”

“I didn't mean what I said. I love you…” whispered Tai drifting off to sleep again.

Inuyasha couldn't help the small smile forming on his lips. Maybe his son wasn't so much like him like everyone said he was. Inuyasha considered this to be a more than good thing. “I love you too…”