InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Father's Favorite ❯ Sex and Feminine Problems ( Chapter 5 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Despite the title, I don't think that this chapter is really explicit. Still I use my usual language and I don't think that I have anything too graphic or out of the ordinary.

Sesshomaru decided that he'd skip out on both a shower and breakfast the next morning, not wanting to face his father's wrath. But such luck wasn't to come. Just as he was about to slip into the palace library for some quiet reading time, the dog general called him. "Sesshomaru! Get your lazy ass over here!" It would've been easy to ignore him. Just walk in the library and act like he hadn't heard a thing. But sharp ears dwindled that down to just pure insubordination. Which would lead to an ass-whooping. Which would lead to him doing the task anyways. He decided to cut out the middle-man and see what he wanted.

Upon first seeing him, Sesshomaru noticed that he looked rather...pathetic. His clothes were wrinkled, his boots were unpolished, his eyes were red-rimmed, and his breath stank. "Father! I hardly recognized you what with you looking eight hundred years older." Inutaisho scowled at him. "Don't mess with me, boy. I just found a gray hair on my head and I am not in the mood." Sesshomaru thought about mentioning the fact that all his hair was gray, but held his tounge. "So, what'd you want me for?" "I need you to pick up some things from the store for me."

Sesshomaru could only stare. Him go to the store?! "But Inuyasha's not doing anything!" he whined. He pointed over to where Inuyasha was sunk into a bean bag chair and watching TV from three feet away (five hundred years later and he still couldn't get over the amazement of that damn box.). Inutaisho looked over to him. "He's learning. With five thousand channels, there's plenty to watch that's informative." "But he's watching Napolean Dynamite! How fuckin' educational that? What could a stupid half-breed learn from it? How not to be a geek?"

Inuyasha narrowed his eyes slightly at him. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Watch it, would ya? I'm right here." But he went back to watching the movie. Inutaisho grabbed Sesshomaru's shirt and pulled him closer. "Listen here, damn it! Neither I nor your mother--" "Izayoi," Sesshomaru corrected. Inutaisho ignored it. "--are having a good day. Just go to the damn store and pick up the shit on the list. It's only ten items so you can even go through the 10 items or less line. Charge it all to the Western palace. Don't ask questions, just do it." Putting the list in his hands, he gave him a hard push out the door and slammed it behind him.

Straightening out his clothes and casting a rueful glare behind him, he left out of the large front gates and into a nearby town. Why the hell don't I have a car? Why the hell don't I even have a drivers liscence? Why the hell don't I even know how to drive so I could get a liscence so I could get a car? Glancing down at the list, he saw that it contained things like milk, butter, eggs... "So I need to go to the grocery store." Then, farther down he saw toilet paper, razors, and...Vaseline? "I don't even want to know what that's for." He decided that Wal-Mart was the best store to go to. I mean, they do have everything, right? Right?! Right. (sarcasm).

As soon as Sesshomaru entered the building he had to stop and enjoy the beauty of air conditioning. His father thought that air conditioning was the devil. That, along with American apple pie, No Boundary shoes, and anything to do with Calvin Klein. Had no objections to watching the Victoria's Secret run-way shows though. The woman by the entrance smiled politely at him and offered him a cart. He took it, but didn't quite understand its purpose, having never went to a store before. That's what servants were for. Looking around though, he saw other people pushing their carts with their possessions in them. So it's kind of like driving a car. Which I can't drive. Still, he resolutly pushed his along with the others.

At first, he didn't understand hrow to turn it. Pushing it straight, he was fine. Turning was a whole 'nother story. Everytime he clipped a corner. Thinking speed was the problem, he sped up each time he was going to round one. The result: twice he flipped the cart, both of those times having the eggs in them. After doing four wheelies along with that, he finally had the hang of it. To celebrate, he pushed the cart real fast ond hopped up on it. Closing his eyes and spreading his arms Titanic style, he enjoyed the ride. Until he crashed through the refrigerated meats. Glass shattered every where, meats flew all over, and Sesshomaru was slammed through the back and ended up in the canned foods section, four aisles away.

He stood up slowly. "Damn," was all he could manage, brushing himself off. All eyes were on him as he made for the exit, waving almost shyly at people at giving them small nods. "Hey, howya doin'? How's the misses? Cute kid. Nice to see ya again. Say hello to your mom for me..." And so on the small talk went until he was outside. He made a break for an alley


"What the fuck is wrong with me?! I couldn't even steer a frickin' buggy! It's all because of--" And here he started ripping his clothes with every emphasis on his words-- "Father's stupid rules and his wife-tale superstitions, and not letting me wear Abercrombie and Finch because he thinks it looks gay on me with my long California-like hair, but he lets his precious Inuyasha walk around barefooted like some kind of slave while he wears silk all the time like a damn geisha and cracks cheap ass jokes like Tim Allen." He was huffing by the time he was finished.

Giving a sigh to calmly release the rest of his energy, he stepped out onto the street again. Immediatly, people screamed, kids started crying, and women fainted. An elderly woman walked up to him. "Honey, are you a nudist?" she asked. Sesshomaru looked at her for a moment before catching a good breeze in parts down under. Feels kinda nice. he mused. Focusing back on the woman, he said, "Yes, I am a nudist." Then raising his voice for everyone else to hear, he said, "And it's a shame that a person cannot display his own true self all because of the views of a few. When you are born, are you not nude? But doesn't your mother still love you? And you're naked when you bathe, that doesn't stop you from washing! And women, you go plastic surgeons to have your breasts enlarged, but who gets to see them? Nobody! So people, do not be ashamed of the naked body! If you have stretch marks, who cares! That's nature's way of telling you that you're overly healthy! And if you have wrinkles, show 'em off! All you're saying is that you've been on this earth to see so and so many years! And if you're growing a forest down below, don't cut it down! People, be free! Free at last, free at last, thank Kami almighty, be free at last!

One person, then another, and another started taking off their clothes. "I don't have to wear a bra anymore!" One woman said. "I can finally just 'hang' out!" A man exhulted. "I'm tired of thongs riding up my ass!" A few pople said (both men and women!). "Yes, take it all off!" Sesshomaru encouraged. But then something strange happened. His vision flickered. Not like lights flicker as in it went dark for a brief second and came back on. It was more like a TV flicker. For a quick moment, all the people around him looked different. He squinted and cocked his head in a puppyish way. Then it flickered again. The third time, the picture stayed. He was still staring at the old woman, but she and everyone else was dressed. He was the only one naked.

Quickly covering himself, he ran inside a store and grabbed some clothes (Abercrombie and Finch) and charged it to the Western palace account. "Now, back to shopping." Walking up to a Target, he figured he'd try his luck there. Grabbing a cart, he pushed it along like a decent, civilized person. Proud of himself for completing the grocery shopping, he started on the house-hold items. Thankfully, each aisle had a small description of what was on it so that part also went smooth. Until he got down to the last two items. Tampons and condoms. He about lost it.

I will do anything for love...but I won't do that. The song from an old Dr. Pepper commercial went through his mind. Sesshomaru wouldn't say that he loved his father. Highly respected him and felt a strong fondness of him to the point of killing for him and he'd even admit that at times he wished he'd show more attention and affection toward him, yes. But love? No. Still, this was his father. He took a deep breath and started down the aisle.

He felt like he was walking the green mile. Or in this case, the blue and white mile. Reaching the appropriate spot, he stopped. You know, I could've sworn that I was supposed to have died last weekend when I fell down the stairs. Why can't no Final Destination type shit happen and the roof just falls on me or something? He gave another huge sigh, grabbed the dreaded box, and pushed it under everything else in the cart. He doubted Target sold condoms.

He went to the ten items or less line. It was supposed to be quick check out, but it seemed like everyone and their dog was using it. He patiently waited. Every few minutes, he'd shuffle up an inch or two. This is worse than rush hour. The movie, not traffic. After what seemed like forever, finally the teen girl behind the counter checked out his stuff. He busied himself by flipping through a Contemporary Living magazine. But a quck, repetitive motion in his peripheral vision caused him to look up. The girl kept trying to scan the tampons but it wasn't going through. Grabbing a microphone, she said into it, "Price check on tampons, line 12. Price check on tampons, line 12." All heads turned his way. He buried his face deeper in the magazine, but it only proved the point more for those who could tell what he was reading.

"Look mommy, he's queer," A little girl said. "No honey, we don't call them queer, they're just peculiar. Or, if you want to be more religious, you can say they're Kami's special people." Sesshomaru was about to reply, but he noticed that another man in the next lin was looking at him. When he caught his eye, he winked. Oh no. The price check for the tampons took forever. He was all too happy when it finally came and he couldn't have gone faster leaving there. He took the magazine with him.

Finally, he only had one item left. The condoms. But where to get those? He remembered hearing something about being able to get them at drug stores. So, Walgreens sold them? No, think smaller. Convienince stores? Yes, that's where. He went inside a 7/11 and stood at the counter examining their inventory. What's better, Trojan or Lifestyle? And why would they have flavored one's? Unless...no, they wouldn't! The man behind the counter stared at him expectantly. "Well?" "Um...all of them." Sesshomaru figured that he'd let his father find out what kind he wanted. The man squinted at him. "All of what?" "You know, those, (coughs) things..." The guy still looked confused. "Those what?" Sesshomaru was almost beside himself with nervousness. "The ..." he trailed off to a mumble. "Speak up, boy! I ain't got all day!" Sesshomaru cleared his throat. " I said, I want the...condoms. All of them." The man stared at him for a moment, then started laughing. "You...you want all of them? Boy, you don't even look old enough for your other kid to have dropped! Probably still wet behind the ears! And here you are talking about all of them! You probably wouldn't know what to do with it!
Sesshomaru wouldn't give this man the satisfaction of knowing that he really was a virgin. "It's for my father. I'm on an errand for him." That only made the guy laugh harder. "Yeah, and I'm the frickin' Lord of the Western Lands!" Finally, some leverage. "No, but my father is. This ring on my finger is the dog lord crest. Wanna challenge it?" The guy sobered up and started packing a bag full of one box of every type of condom that was there. He silently slid the box toward him. "Thank you," Sesshomaru said sarcastically.

He figured he had put the man in his place. That is, until he had left out of the store. Immediatly the man started cackling like a heyena again. Sesshomaru could only shake his head and curse his father for sending him on such an errand as buying tampons and condoms.


Weird and perhaps a bit too long, but now do you get the title? Okay, so review and tell me what you thought!