InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Sleep Paralysis ❯ My Bleeding Heart ( Chapter 23 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Kagome kneeled down before the Goshinboku…

She felt naked before its purity, baring her soul to the tree. Indecision raced through her…

…all her hopes for being with Inuyasha had been crushed, and scattered to the wind like grains of sand…

Why did I ever meet him…?

She tilted her head further down, allowing her bangs to shield her eyes… Her soul cried out to the tree, wondering, remembering…

If I had to suffer like this…

His smile… the way he frowned at her when they got into their stupid arguments… His laughter, his arrogance, his prideful selfishness…

It would have been better to have never met him…

…proof of her soul's yearning traced down her cheeks soundly, as Kagome tried to choke down the lump in her throat…

She couldn't ignore the clenching in her heart… the wish for…

…I want to see him again…

She lifted her eyes, in askance, to the tree where they first met. Tears dripped from her eyes, one by one, dropping to the earthen ground…

Once again… I want to see Inuyasha!

She lifted her trembling hands to her face, wiping at the tears… wondering as realization came to her as if she were waking from some sort of dream....

I…I love Inuyasha…

All she could see… was his face, turning to smile gently at her...

Since… when… did I love him this much?

…Kagome sat on the edge of the well, unable to stand just yet… She wanted to wait… just a little longer, to be able to have just one last strand of quiet peace before it slipped away from her with her decision. She knew… what she chose was right… but she could not stand just yet to face him.

The wind blew softly in her hair, caressing her, reassuring her that it would all be okay… and she knew it would be… it was always okay as long as she was with Inuyasha.

“Kagome…” she heard him gasp behind her.

Turning her head to greet him, she offered him a soft smile. Slowly, she stood, to meet him halfway…

…She had to say it, she had to say what she needed to say, before he messed it up…

She smiled quietly to herself…

He had a habit of doing that.

“I kept thinking, while I was staying on the other side… About you, Kikyou, and me…”

Inuyasha started a bit, stepping forward, “Kagome, I am…”

Shaking her head, Kagome spoke gently, “I know. I thought…”

She tilted her head away a bit, finding herself unable to say what she needed to say while looking at him.

“I thought that I couldn't stay here any longer, knowing how you feel.”

She was still unable to meet his gaze, but when he spoke… she absorbed his words into her heart… they elated her, made her feel a warmth, reassuring her that she knew… she was making the right choice…

“Kagome… I could never trust anyone before I met you… But you cried for me.”

Turning to the side, Kagome could no longer keep her eyes off of him… it was so rare to hear him speak his heart… though he did so with clenched fists, looking towards the ground as if uncertain.

…she was reminded then… why she loved him…

“…You were always there for me… It was fun being with you, and you made me comfortable. However… I can't be having fun, or relaxing. Kikyou was…”

She watched him as he swallowed thickly, hesitating before he continued. And she allowed him… she allowed him to say what he had to say, because she knew it was eating him up inside… he needed to clarify himself, justify himself… though she never really found he needed justifying in her eyes.

She always just… simply understood.

“…Kikyou died because of me. I must pay her back with my life.”

Nodding slowly, Kagome assented. Again, she found herself looking away as she spoke. Her eyes spoke too much for her…

“Yes… I can't compete with Kikyou… since I am alive…”

Sighing, she felt herself growing heavy again… the sadness seemed to reign through her, and she found herself resting against the well. But she accepted it. She accepted what she felt, if only to be here...

If only to be with him…

“I thought a lot about Kikyou too. Kikyou and I, are totally different. Even though it's said I'm the reincarnation of Kikyou. But I am not Kikyou.”

Kagome tilted her head to the sky a moment, allowing the sun to shine down upon her. The warmth of the sun filled her… when otherwise she might have felt alone… maybe cold…

But she couldn't…

Because she understood something.

“My heart is my own.”

Kagome paused for a moment, letting the thought sink into them both. Because it was true… it was completely true.

I am my own person.

“But you know… I understand one of Kikyou's feelings. It's the same as mine…”

She turned her head to look at Inuyasha, and caught him rising his head to meet her gaze after it having lingered on the forest floor for so long.

“I want to see Inuyasha again.”

As she spoke those words to him, he gave a quiet gasp… and a small look of surprise passed over his features for only a moment.

She tilted her head away again, resuming to speak softly to him.

“Somehow… when I thought that might Kikyou have had the same feeling as me, it calmed me a little… The wish to meet again might be the same… So I gathered my courage and came to see you.”

Silence consumed them both for a few moments, as Kagome lowered her head slightly… Might he reject her, either way she had to say her decision. Say what really lay within her heart.

“I want to be with you, Inuyasha. I can't do such a thing as forget you.”

She wasn't surprised when he didn't answer her. She knew, it was probably because he didn't know how to.

So she spoke first for him.

“Inuyasha. Answer one thing for me.”

Kagome stood, turning to face him as she approached him with a hopeful, yet questioning look.

I hope…

“…Can I stay with you?”

She watched as his eyes filled with uncertainty, perplexity… perhaps, if this could be real…

“You would… stay with me?”

Kagome nodded slowly, offering him a small… and loving smile…

“Yes…”




Kagome's eyes opened slowly, the light in the room blinding her as she groaned loudly and threw her hands up to her eyes to block it out. It was making her dizzy and nauseous, so she tried to block it out the best she could.

“…you… you're awake?” a hauntingly familiar voice buzzed in her ear, and she opened her fingers a bit to crack one eye open, only to be greeted by a pair of golden orbs.

“…hai…” she moaned, closing her eyes again and covering it up.

“You know I'm going to chew you out later, right?”

She rolled over, trying to bury her face into the pillow.

What was that dream…? A horrible sense of déjà vu? Didn't we do that already?

“…hai…” she painfully grumbled. Couldn't they talk about this later?

“Good. Because I'm going to chew you out so bad that you're going to beg me for mercy,” from there she could hear the voice smirking, even with her eyes closed…

She didn't need to see.

She knew that voice better than she knew her own soul.

No… it wasn't the same… We're together…

“You know… you're probably just bullshitting again, right?”

She heard a few muttered curses at this.

She knew she was right.

And it's going to stay that way…

Silence.

Kagome twitched her foot nervously.

“Mou, Inuyasha?”

He grunted.

“…I'm sorry…”

…another inaudible grunting noise.

“…Inuyasha?”

He grumbled, “What?”

Kagome clenched the pillow a bit, finding the words hard all of a sudden.

“…if you're going to say something, then say it wench. I'm already pissed off enough as it is.”

She flinched as the harsh tones in his voice, but she knew she deserved it.

“…I just wanted to say… thank you for staying with me…”

Silence again.

Kagome sighed, burying her face into the pillow further to conceal whatever tears might be coming. She deserved him leaving her now… she knew it.

But she couldn't stand it in her heart if he left her.

…yet… she felt something warm brush the back of her neck…

And he simply whispered to her softly, “…go back to sleep... I'll be here when you wake up…”

…that was all Kagome needed to know…

…that everything was going to be okay…