InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Stream of Consciousness: A LiveJournal Collection ❯ My Little Bubble ( Chapter 4 )

Title: My Little Bubble

Community: Challenge Destiny (edficlets)

Theme: Covet

Place Earned: none

Genre: Angst

Rating: PG

Word count: 323

Warnings: none

 

 

My Little Bubble

 

What do I covet?

 

I think about that as I sit alone at night, stuck in my little bubble. There is only one who can rescue me from this lonely pastime of mine. The same person can also pop my little bubble and send me falling, until I drown in that great sea of despair I am currently floating over. Whenever that happens, he always seems to save me just before I completely lose hope.

 

So what do I covet?

 

Him.

 

It is a simple, one word answer, but it completely encapsulates everything I feel. Inferiority. Why does he run off to see her when I am right here? What makes her so much better than me? Why am I so helpless? Envy. Why can't he look at me the way he looks at her? Why does he get so damn quiet for days after he sees her? Why does he have to think about her all the time?! Why do I put up with this crap?!!!

 

Because I covet him.

 

It's true; I can't help it. Even now, as I sit alone at night, I'm thinking what my life would be like if he were mine. And I smile, despite it all. I must be stupid. Only a fool would smile while the man they covet is off with another woman.

 

But I can't stop.

 

Every time I try to break this addiction, he does something that makes me almost forget about the pain. How he screams my name when I'm in danger, the tone of his voice one of utter panic. Like if I died, the world would cease to be. Or his fumbling attempts to make amends, when his ears droop because he knows he hurt me. I know he feels obligated to see her, and maybe that's why I'm still here, sitting in my little bubble. I hope he doesn't covet her.

 

I want him to covet me too.