InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Stream of Consciousness: A LiveJournal Collection ❯ Am I Tarnished? ( Chapter 5 )

Title: Am I Tarnished?

Community: Challenge Destiny (edficlets)

Theme: Tarnished

Place Earned: 2nd

Genre: Angst, psychological

Rating: R

Word count: 398

Warnings: language, brief mention of sexual acts

 

 

Am I tarnished?

 

Is my integrity being tarnished? I ask myself this as I make love with my hanyou. Well, perhaps `making love' isn't quite the right term. We have done that before, but this time I am getting fucked like a dog by a dog hanyou. Well, actually our romp ended a full ten minutes ago, and I am just now regaining the ability of conscious thought. You hear the phrase `mind blowing' get thrown around a lot these days, and only in rare cases is it actually appropriate. Let me tell you, the orgasm I just had qualifies.

 

So I ask myself whether I'm tarnished. Here I am, still a teenager, having amazing, incredible sex with a half demon from the past. I love him more than life itself, and though he hasn't said the words back to me yet, I see in his eyes all I need to know about his feelings. If you had told me where my life would lead when I was fourteen, I would have promptly called emergency services and had you checked into a mental institution. That's the problem; how I—and my family—imagined my future is so different from what has actually happened. I was supposed to go to school, meet a nice, upstanding man, and get married. It was an unspoken rule that I was to remain chaste before my wedding night and my husband would get the privilege of taking my virginity. We are a shrine family, after all, and that makes me a shrine maiden. Or at least it did… Is it right that all of my female friends are still virgins and I am being worshipped nightly by some sex Kami Adonis? Does it make me a slut, a loose woman? I am fairly certain my grandfather thinks so, at least a little. Is he right?

 

That's what my pesky rational mind tells me. What my heart says is completely different. It soothes me, makes me feel like everything is right with the world as long as I am in his arms. When he is loving me, warmth blossoms in my chest so intensely that I often get tears in my eyes. How can a feeling like that be wrong?

 

Now he is licking the back of my neck, nibbling my ear, his hands ghosting over my skin. Oh, KAMI!!!

 

Screw it…I think I like being tarnished.

 

 

A/N - two Kagome introspectives in a row? How did this happen? *shrugs* I wish I knew how my brain works sometimes…