InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Gamble ❯ Chapter Three ( Chapter 3 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

I probably then made the stupidest mistake of my life.

...I didn't say a word to Kagome.

I just watched her, as those tears of hers filled her eyes and rolled down her cheeks one by one like broken dreams…

And after a long while of suffocating silence, she stood up…

...and simply walked away.

I sat there, feeling like I was frozen from head to toe… all feeling in my body left me, leaving me numb.

...I didn't even notice the breeze as it blew through my hair.

...Keh, hell, I don't know how fucking long I sat there like that, staring off in the direction she left in…

I just know that I finally saw Kouga coming up to me.

I could tell he was pissed.

I really didn't give a shit about him, though…

And I don't even remember how I felt as he approached me and landed a stone solid punch against my right cheek that sent my sprawling to the ground.

`Inu-kuso! What the fuck did you do to Kagome?!' he growled at me, pressing his muddy boot down on upon my chest.

I just stared blankly right at him.

...I remember thinking how I didn't care.

It was like a fucking mantra in my head.

...like I was trying to convince myself of something.

Fuck, I don't know what I was thinking…

`Why, did she come crying to you?' My voice to me then never sounded so empty before, so lifeless...

I remember Kouga applying enough pressure to my chest to send the air flying from my lungs quickly, enough to leave me breathless.

`No, you fucking idiot! I saw her walking down the street bawling! She fucking wouldn't talk to me, and she looked so goddamn lost!'

I analyzed him. My mind seemed to focus, seemed so sharp and logical.

I wanted to fuck with him. I wanted to hurt him, because I was angry.

Because I was hurting.

Because I was guilty, and I wanted to make it go away.

`Then how are you sure it was me?' I questioned him, though we both knew fucking well it was my fault.

He took his boot off my chest. I sat up.

He grabbed my collar, and heaved me into the air, pulling my face as close to his as possible. I was slightly choking, but I didn't show it. I wouldn't struggle. I wouldn't show my vulnerability, my weakness to him. Not even to someone I claimed to be my friend at the time.

`Cause only you would do that to her, you fucking piece of shit!' he shouted at me.

I agreed with him, but didn't say it aloud.

He threw me on the ground, and kicked me in my side.

Then, he spit on me.

`You don't fucking deserve her, you asshole. I don't even know why she cares about you anymore.'

I didn't move.

I didn't attack him as he walked away.

Because he was absolutely right.

I didn't deserve her…

Kagome.

At some point… that night, I stumbled up… and limped home. I drank myself stupid.

I passed out in my own vomit on the bathroom floor.

My father didn't even notice.

I didn't care.

I wasn't at school the next day.

Or the next.

Or all that week, for that matter.

Because it seemed to me, that in some way the universe had shifted against me then.

I felt it in my bones, like someone with a bad knee feels the change in the weather.

It was a cold sort of pain.

And it was all the worse, because I knew the upcoming storm was all because of me.

It was my fault.

And the only way to hide from it was to hide from her.

At least, then, that was my reasoning. I hid in bed, barely sleeping, though I barely moved from that spot. I only did so for the necessities.

And finally, I dragged myself out of it the next Monday. I doused myself with a scalding hot shower, and scrubbed myself all over three times. My skin was raw.

But I felt like filth.

I kicked around the clothes on the floor in my room, trying to find clean ones. Somehow, I did. Heh, there were no boxers though.

I went without. I'd live.

When I made my way to the area the six of us generally hung out (Shippo was still in Junior high… one more year he'd make it to tenth grade and high school), though it was no surprise to see Kikyou wasn't there. She hardly was around us anymore, finding a new group she deemed more worthy than us, even after years of our loyalty to each other.

I tried not to let it fucking bother me, but it did.

She started that stupid fucking trend around the time we broke up.

But what surprised me that day was the fact that Kouga and Kagome were not there… Only Sango and Miroku.

And when Sango caught sight of me, she looked ready to murder.

Even to this day, Sango angry is enough to make anyone piss their pants and commit suicide to avoid her wrath. I never really understood how we found females who were pure demons when they were pissed.

Just our luck, eh?

Well, besides the murderous glare Sango sent me that clearly stated `Drop dead, fool', Miroku looked nervous. There was something up besides them thinking I was the usual asshole everyone knew me to be.

So I decided to interrogate Miroku.

`Spill it, Monk.'

Miroku of course, lifted his hands, all in fake innocence.

But I was having none of it.

`Why, Inuyasha, whatever are you…'

`Spill it.' I was ready to beat him to a bloody pulp if I needed to. I knew it had to do with Kagome. There was no other thing it could be.

She wasn't here…

She was always there.

You have to know, before that… Kagome, no matter how much of an asshole I was, was always there for me.

`As far as I see it, you fucking idiot, it's none of your business,' Sango cut in.

I growled at her. Who was she to say that it was none of my business?

`I don't see how it's any of your business, bitch. I asked the monk, not you. So stay the fuck out of this.'

Wrong thing to say to her.

She boxed me harshly upside the back of the head, and I yelped loudly. The girl had a swing. My head throbbed when she had done it, and the migraine it caused didn't go away until fourth period that day.

`As far as I see it, it's all my fucking business when you break my best friend's heart, you fucker. So maybe you need to get your head out of your ass and deal with it. Either way, I'm fucking out of here. Asshole,' she hissed at me lowly, every word dripping with poison and a promise of pain as she grabbed her bookbag and left in such a furious state that she damn near shoved me into the table as she left.

I was shaking.

Yeah, she was freaky when she was pissed. But I didn't like to show how it would get to me.

`Nice going man,' Miroku said dryly, and rather sarcastically to me.

I knew he was pissed off at me too.

I growled and closed the distance between him and I.

I had him all to myself now, without his girlfriend there to save him. I wasn't even sure why he was still there.

I grabbed the collar of his shirt and lifted him up, snarling at him, `Spill it, Houshi. I'm not in the mood for highschool bullshit and mind games.'

Miroku waved his hands, `Chill! I was fucking going to tell you anyway, but Sango didn't want me to. We actually got in an argument about it, but… I know how you feel, man. You have every right to know.'

I sighed quietly and let him down gently.

...Maybe I was getting a little on edge.

`Kouga and Kagome are dating, man…' Miroku just said it.

Bluntly.

Just like bam, it's out there.

I felt like he had fucking smacked me.

`…what?' I asked him.

...I didn't believe it.

I couldn't.

It was bullshit.

`… they're dating man... You… you wasted your chance, man. She was lonely, and hurt. And Kouga was there… I'm sorry.'

I shook my head.

It was too hard.

I grabbed my bookbag, and left. It was fucking bullshit. Too fucking much.

I grabbed a cigarette from the pack I kept when shit got too much, and lit it up.

I was gonna fuck school for that day, just… fuck it.

But then I saw him.

...I saw Kouga, and he was fucking around with his little buddies.

I wanted to beat the shit out of him.

I knew he was right, though.

And I knew he would take care of Kagome…

But then, in my mind, it was like he took what was mine.

So, I had another choice.

Walk away… and let him have his chance, and let him fuck it up. And go in, and take what was rightfully mine again…

Or, beat the shit out of him and put him in his place?