InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ What Are You? ❯ Chapter Ten: I am Sesshomaru ( Chapter 10 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Chapter Ten

I am Sesshomaru

What are you?

The voice was persistent now. Even more persistent than was usual for it. Probably because, for the first time in my life, I was successfully ignoring it, to my delight and its displeasure. It didn't bother me. The voice wasn't bothering me. That almost never happened. I had always felt how it had desired of me to feel when the echo of that cursed memory rang in my ears, as if it were actually audible and not locked in the safe house of my mind. Once I had locked it away forever, it could no longer haunt me. I would finally be free.

What are you?

I wanted to laugh. Who am I? I smiled softly to myself. No one was around to see it, and if anyone had, it was so slight a movement that no one would have noticed it anyway. I am Sesshomaru-sama. I'm the true heir to Inutaisho. The last of the (purebred) dog demons. I'm dangerous, intelligent, and beautiful—the most deadly combination there was. I am the Lord of the West.

I am Sesshomaru-sama.

My pace was precise, sure, and confident as ever. I knew where I was going, who I was going to, and what I wanted and will do when I got there. Everything seemed right at the moment. Inuyasha was going to die, and I was going to kill him. I was going to kill Naraku too. But first, I was going to use him and betray him. Why not let him have a bit of enjoyment before then? I was going to enjoy myself too. Mostly, I was going to enjoy it because the voice was beginning to yield and leave me. Was it because I was going to kill Inuyasha? Was it because of what I was doing right now? I didn't know, and, quite frankly, didn't care. It was going away, and that was what mattered. The results were what mattered, not the process with which those results came about.

What are you?

The voice of my late father was becoming desperate. It was pleading with me to partake in the banter… begging for me to fall into despair at the sound of it. I smiled again. Not again—not ever again, Father!

Even in death, he sought to demean me, to make me believe that Inuyasha was somehow better than me. He wanted me to believe that I was scum and Inuyasha was a god, was that it?

When I had learned of Father's human pet, I had flew into a rage. He had kept her hidden from me, for her own safety. Father committed an act of bestiality by being with her. At first, before he said that he loved her, I had not particularly cared. So my crazy father had a human pet. Big deal. I had always known the demon was a bit eccentric (look at his best friends, for an example), but having sex with a mortal was utterly repulsive.

What are you?

What are you? I shot back to the voice mentally, pleased with myself. It was not going to tear me down any more. I was not going to succumb to it any more. I would not be controlled by a memory of Father's voice. Not any more, and not ever again. I was strong, and getting stronger.

I had finally looked this problem eye to eye and discovered something of value. I was winning over Father. He may be dead, but I could still defeat him, if I just defeated this echoing voice. Father was losing. Inuyasha was losing. And I was winning.

I was better than them. Stronger than them. And I was proving it now, even as I walked toward Naraku's castle. I was rising triumphant over the voice that had haunted my life for so long. The voice that had shaken me so badly that, for a long, long time, I had locked it away. I had buried it deep inside my memories. When it had surfaced, it almost crushed me.

But I was winning now, and there was nothing a dead youkai could do about it. And there was nothing a soon-to-be-dead hanyou could do either.

What are you?

The voice sounded almost panicked, but was still distinctly my father's. It was strange. The voice pattern was the same, the pitches the same. In fact, nothing had changed. But there were panicked undertones to the voice now. Almost... desperate.

This memory was my last link to my father's voice. I had almost forgotten it. I wanted to forget it. Once you forget a person's voice, you can forget their face, their scent, their touch… Sometimes, you forget the person entirely.

That was what I wanted.

But it wasn't what the father that haunted my mind wanted. He wanted to humiliate me, shame me into admitting I was female just to lose and rid myself of this voice in the way it had wanted me to. I had struggled with it for so long, and had finally found a way to end it forever, and I did not have to admit defeat to do so.

The memory screamed for attention that I would not give. It wailed, pounding against the barriers I had erected around my consciousness. I easily pushed it back. It was like a ningen trying to kill a youkai. It was a wasted effort. But it was persistent like a ningen. But my consciousness had the will and stamina of a youkai, and would not yield to such slime.

I was better than my father.

I was better than my half-brother.

I was winning, and they were losing.

What are you?

The voice had risen to a wail of desperation. I laughed softly. The memory finally drifted away like snow in the wind. It had lost, and had recognized defeat. My father's voice faded away into nothingness, like it should.

Then it came back, meekly this time. What are you? It sounded as though my father thought I was a monster—a monster that would crush him as he had sought to crush my will and resolve. He did think I was a monster—an abomination. An utter failure and disgrace, because of the gender I pretended to be. He hated me for my life choices, and I would never forgive him for such a petty thing.

And it wasn't disgraceful to commit bestiality? Did I not have a right to hate him for his life choices? His had done much more harm than I had. Youkai and ningens alike had died because of my father's life choices. I had harmed none, yet I was the monster? It was laughable.

I smiled—one last time. “Father, I'm Sesshomaru-sama. `The destruction of the circle of life.' Beware. I am sending the child you love so much to you.”