InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Within You ❯ I Move The Stars For No One ( Chapter 3 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: lil6ter 
He had loved her for forever. Now, he is faced with death for that love unless she can save him with a simple task. Just one task and he will be able to marry his best friend. It is a shame that life never works the way we want it to.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Fantasy / Hentai / Adventure / Shoujo | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 05.25.2010 | Updated On: 12.25.2010 | Pages: 8 | Words: 10.3K | Visits: 894 | Status: Completed
He had loved her for forever. Now, he is faced with death for that love unless she can save him with a simple task. Just one task and he will be able to marry his best friend. It is a shame that life never works the way we want it to.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Fantasy / Hentai / Adventure / Shoujo | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 05.25.2010 | Updated On: 12.25.2010 | Pages: 8 | Words: 10.3K | Visits: 894 | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: I love the only Inuyasha related thing I own. My cute little chibi inu key-chain which lives out its happy life on my iPod making fashion statements everywhere (Ha! Take that Parris Hilton! You want something hot? Then look at my iPod cuz it's so cute and knows how to accessorize.)
Within You
By: lil6ter
I Move The Stars For No One*
Chapter ThreeBy: lil6ter
I Move The Stars For No One*
The months passed and Inuyasha and Kaede would continue to see each other in secret. Kaede felt herself growing closer and closer to him, and all the while she wished that it would not stop. She did not want to give this up.
Things were slowly healing between both Inuyasha and Kagome, and she was worried. She knew how it sounded, but once things had completely healed, they would no longer be with each other. She could just tell. He was deeply committed to Kagome. He had always been, and just because things were suddenly strained between them did not mean that this commitment, and his feelings, would suddenly disappear overnight.
Kaede sighed against Inuyasha's shoulder. She had snuck out see him at the tree by the well once again. It had become their spot. The place that they went when they wanted to meet up, not that there was ever a time that she did not want to see him. She had started to find herself looking longingly at the tree during the day, waiting for the darkness of night to come and mask her meetings with him.
She loved coming to see him, and she loved their budding relationship. They were growing…closer. That was something that she absolutely loved. They could lean on each other's arms, or let their fingers graze ever so slightly and not feel like it was wrong. She felt a shock of electricity run up her arms and penetrate into her pulse every time. She still blushed and looked off to the side now and then, but he seemed perfectly fine with the contact.
They were growing bolder, too. The night before, she had pushed his hair away from his face to behind his ear. She would have almost died then and there if she did not think that she this simple action was a simple testament as to how far their relationship had come in this short a time span. The fact that he allowed this spoke volumes to her.
Oh how she loved this man!
And that was exactly why she wanted to talk to him on this night.
He was still planning to leave. She just knew it. He was a stubborn boy, and a stubborn man. When he set his mind to something, there was no persuading him otherwise. She knew because of this that he was still going to leave, then.
Yes, the conversation had seemed to disappear, but she knew that really it had been slid off to the side, waiting ever so patiently for just the right moment to prance back into their lives like a smug cat after catching the canary.
She wanted to talk to him about his feelings on leaving…or rather…where that would leave them once he left. She loved him, yes, but that did not mean that she would allow him to use her as his play thing. She deserved to be loved and respected and taken seriously. If he were serious about their relationship, then they needed to talk about their future when the time came that he would leave.
“It is a beautiful night,” he whispered, his head tilted ever so slightly in the direction of the stars above.”
He could not help but feel captured by the beauty of the star's shine. It was bright and glowing and stood out against the blackness of the sky. They reminded him of a dress that Kagome had.
It was one of her more…risqué…dresses. It was black and deep navy blue, and covered with hundreds of sparking gems, much like the sky above. She liked to wear a pearl necklace with it too. He knew every fold of that dress almost as well as he knew the sky above.
The way it billowed at her hips into long sweeping skirts. The way the upper body fabric clung to her torso, and deep, plunging neckline. The fabric there clung to her every curve, and the pearl necklace she wore…the pearls cascaded down her neck and past her collar bone, drawing the eye to past it to the flesh of her chest. He knew that he was almost blushing at the thought of how her corset pushed her breasts up and together, creating the perfect shelf for the pearls to rest upon.
Beautiful.
She was so, so beautiful. He could almost cry. He had a chance to be with her, and he had destroyed it beyond any form of recognition. If he had only stayed in the program and became a great warrior.
If only…
Then he would have been able to be the one to remove her from that dress. To kiss her along that neck. Taste that collar bone. Rest his head upon what only the pearls could.
He mentally shook his head to dispel the image.
What was he thinking? He had no right to lust after her like this. Not Kagome…not now. He felt a lump forming in his throat as he gazed at the sky.
The night was a beautiful night…but only because it reminded him of her.
“It is,” Kaede agreed, bringing him from his thoughts. He was glad. What he was doing was wrong. “Have you ever wondered how many stars are in the sky before, Inuyasha?”
“I have…I cannot begin to imagine though. They are so beautiful.”
“They are,” she whispered as she felt him pulling his arm away from her grasp, only to wrap it around her body. She felt her cheeks light up, but snuggled in closer to his torso, resting her head on his shoulder and her hand on his collar bone. She gazed up at him then.
She did not care about the stars. Not really. She did not think that they were beautiful. Not like he was. He was her God, and to her, he was more handsome then even the brightest star. She would wish upon him, not the stars. She would watch him, not the stars. So long as he were here, she would never need them.
But how long would she have him for if he was planning on leaving?
“I wonder if all the stars look the same,” she pondered, attempting to angle the conversation into a more important one.
“Silly woman, of course they do! Why would they not?”
“I am not sure…I was just thinking that maybe the stars looked different in different parts of the world.”
“I am sure that they do not,” he laughed gently. Why did it matter what the stars looked like in other parts of the world? They had these stars. That is all they need.
“But how do you know?” she pressed.
Why was she so persistent with this tonight?
“I do not know. I am making an assumption, Kaede. Why are you asking this?”
She felt her breath catch and her heart started to race. It was now or never.
“I was just curious. I was thinking that…one day…I would like to see all of the stars for myself. From in different parts of the world.”
“Oh? And how do you think that you will accomplish this?”
Now.
Do it now.
“I would like to go with you, Inuyasha.”
“I beg your pardon?”
How did they go from having a conversation about stars, to her going someplace with him?
“When you leave,” she started tentatively, “I would like to go with you.”
“Kaede…I—”
“No! Let me finish! I know that you are still planning on leaving. You are not one to just ponder something like that without truly meaning it. I care for you Inuyasha. I care for you deeply…perhaps more for you than I should. I cannot bear the thought of you leaving me and never coming back…not unless you are not serious about this relationship. If you are serious about me, then when you leave, I want for you to take me with you. If you are not, then end what we have started now.”
“Kaede...I—”
“Do not tell me now!” she cut off. “Think about it. Please. I just felt that you should know how I feel…but…please do tell me as soon as you can.”
Inuyasha chuckled at her and pulled her closer to his body. “I cannot tell you now even if I wanted to. You will not let me get a word in edge wise.”
She blushed against him at that.
“I am sorry…I just…I needed to say it before I lost my nerve, and I was certain that the moment you were to open your mouth, my resolve would crumble.”
“I see…well, it is a good thing, then, that you are so talented at cutting one off before they are able to say something.”
“I suppose so,” she smiled, suddenly feeling better now that she had said her piece. It felt like a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and oh how she enjoyed it.
A comfortable silence fell over them, and for a time they were content to simply sit there and say nothing.
Inuyasha's mind ran wild then.
He had always known that one day they would have a conversation similar to this. He had just never thought that it would be so soon.
Kaede was no Kagome, but shewasspecial to him. She was the first woman that he had ever courted before. She may not be the first woman that he ever loved, but courting stood for something, and he was sure that if he were to take Kaede with him, he would one day love her.
He leaned his head back and yawned, snapping Kaede's attention back to him.
“Tired?”
“Mmm…yes,” he teased. “Itisrather late, if you have not noticed.”
“I have. We should get you to bed.”
“I will walk you back to your room.” She looked like she was about to argue with him, but he gently placed a finger upon her lips and whispered, “I insist. I will not be able to sleep well not knowing if you made it back safe or not.”
She nodded her head, despite the fact that she would have been happier getting the man back to his own room first. Hedidlook absolutelyexhausted.
They slowly made their way from the secluded and rather comfortable place at the tree to her room. He leaned down and kissed her sweetly on the lips and pulled away so that he could leave, but she caught his arm before he could disappear. He stared down at her grip on him before raising his gaze to meet hers and lifting a brow in silent question.
“Why…why not stay the night? You look like you are going to pass out at any given moment, and I will not be able to sleep knowing that you may not make it back to your quarters in one piece.”
She watched him as he raised his other brow in utter surprise. She knew that she was being bold, yes. But she also knew that he was used to spending the night with women…or at least Kagome…and so she knew that he was perfectly trust worthy to share a bed with. She bit her lip as she watched him silently think about what to do.
“Please,” she whispered. “For me?”
His eyes softened at her plead, and so he consented. He felt himself being pulled into her room and heard the door close ever so gently behind him, locking him in. Her hands moved up to his shirts and started to pull each one off of him until his chest was bare. She wanted to run her palms up and down him, but she could not. They were not that familiar with each other. She folded up his shirts and rest them on her desk.
“Would you…like me to fold up your pants, or would you like to sleep in them?” she asked, her cheeks heating from her question.
“I can sleep in them,” he replied, smiling in an attempt to make the situation a bit less…strange. He threw out the little voice in the back of his head that was screaming at him, telling him that this was wrong. That he should only do something this treasured with Kagome. He told that voice that he could not do this with Kagome any more, and now Kaede could very well be theonlywoman that he ever did this with again.
She nodded her head and asked him to turn around so that she might change. It was his turn for his cheeks to light up, but he complied without quarrel, as she had expected. Once she had changed, she climbed into her bed and told him that he could turn around and join her. She slid to one side of the bed as he laid down next to her, and she settled the covers over the two of them. She snuggled up against him as he turned off the lights, and sighed in contentment when he kissed her gently on her head.
She was content, and she never wanted it to end. Soon after that night, they started spending every night together, and she never wanted it to stop.
The months came and went, and soon it was late winter…just on the verge of Spring.
Spring…
The perfect time for leaving.
Kaede and Kagome both felt the tension in the air. Inuyasha, if he were to leave, would need to leave soon and in this weather. They were both expecting it, and it showed. Most were relatively happy now. They could practically taste the new season on their tongues and they wanted more of it. They were giddy with excitement, and most found it rather odd that the Princess was not as well. There was something bothering her, and it concerned all.
Inuyasha was one of these people, but he was almost never alone with her now. Kaede always came in at some of the most inopportune moments, and it was starting to annoy him to no end. He wanted to have some alone time with his best friend before he left—especially since he did not know if he would ever return.
Still, as spring approached one thing became clear to him: he needed to take a chance on Kaede. She was loyal to him. She cared about him. She was kind. He did not mind being with her. For these reasons, he knew that he needed to ask her to come with him to wherever it was that he decided he wanted to go.
She was ecstatic when he asked her to come with him. The joy in her eyes, and excitement in her voice, and the passion of her kiss. He could still feel it on his lips.
She had pulled him down, holding his face in place. Her lips had not been gentle. They claimed his without a second thought, pressing up against them with such a force that the air left his lungs. He felt her lips moving against his, so he responded in kind and started to move his back in turn. He felt her arms wrap around his neck and her hands snake up to bury themselves in his hair, massaging his scalp. She pulled him down further and tentatively parted her lips, pushing her tongue out to see if he would let her in. He was startled by the contact, and unsure of what to do, he parted his own lips, only to feel her invade his mouth. The battle was on, and he was not one to give in without a fight. He quickly caught onto the rules, and by the time he had forced her back to her own turf as the victor, he felt hot and breathless.
He blushed at the memory, but it was safe to say that she would indeed be coming with him.
Inuyasha had told Kaede to not tell Kagome just yet. He felt as if they should tell her at the same time—especially since they were both keeping this from her still.
Still, her depression was worrying him, so he sought her out one day and set aside a time to meet with her in the library. There was much the now eighteen year old wanted to discuss with the now sixteen year old woman.
He had specifically chosen a time when he knew that Kaede would be busy doing this or that, which worked out well for him. After all, he wanted for this to be a conversation between just Kagome and himself.
He was the first to arrive there, and this did not surprise him, somehow.
Kagome had made herself busy, lately. She would find odd tasks to do, and then she would work on them until completion for no apparent reason. This too was beginning to worry him.
Oh Kagome…what is going on in your mind?
Inuyasha sighed as he started skimming over the scrolls and books. There were so many…he thought it nearly impossible for one to be able to read over all of them in one life time. The room was covered floor to ceiling with nothing but wooden shelves and books. It was a rather intimidating site.
“You wanted to see me, Inuyasha?”
He turned around to face the source of the rather tired voice, and found himself looking at the woman of his deepest desires.
“Kagome…” he whispered, his gaze softening when he took in the bags under her eyes.
“Yes, Inuyasha?”
He shook his head and pulled her over to one of the couches in the room, snuggling her up to his side and draping his arm across her, keeping her there with him.
“Inuyasha,” she whispered, blushing gently against him. “I do not understand…what are you doing?” They had not been this close in the longest time…almost a year. They had done a relatively good job of keeping each other at an arm's length physically ever since he had been kicked out from his training.
“I have been so worried about you lately. You have been different. Sad. You know I hate when you are sad. What happened? How can I help?”
His kind words struck something in her. She was not alright. Far from it. He was going to leave soon…she just knew it, and when he left, there was a good chance that she would never see him again.
She would never see him again.
That thought ate a bit of her soul away.
How could she never see the man she loved, and her best friend, ever again and not feel distressed? And moreover, how could he think that she would not be affected in some way by his plans to leave?
“I do not want to talk about it,” she whispered miserably into his side. She inhaled deeply, hoping that it would calm her nerves, but instead her senses were washed by his sent. God she loved his scent. Deep. Strong. Masculine. Completely Inuyasha.
“Please…talk to me. I feel like you are shutting me out. What is going on? You know that you can talk to me. You have always been able to talk to me before.”
She turned her face and hid it against his arm. “Not this time. This time is different.”
“Why?”
“It just simply is.”
“That is not a very good reason, you know.” He had meant to tease her. He had. But somehow, this only seemed to make things worse. She just became more introverted and seemed to slump even more into him. “Kagome…please…talk to me.”
“I cannot, Inuyasha.”
“Please, Kagome. I want to make it better. Why will you not let me?”
“Because it is not something that you can make better.”
“So you are simply sad for no reason?”
“I never said this either. I just said that you cannot make it better.”
“Oh really,” he asked, the side of his mouth quirking up as a mischievous idea took root within his mind. “Even if I do…this?”
He suddenly pounced on her, pinning her down to the couch and letting his fingers find her sides. They started to tickle her and his evil plan seemed to be working. She was loosening up and starting to laugh.
“Stop!” she begged between gasps of air as her entire torso began shaking from his torture.
“Now now Kagome…you had your chance to do things the easy way. Now we get to do things the hard way.”
If her eyes had been open she would have been able to see his smirk, but she did not need them to be open to hear the smugness oozing out from behind his comment. He was happy with what he was doing. Damn pleased with himself, to be exact. And she was not fond of it. Not at all.
“Yash, please,” she gasped, her lungs starting to burn as he found a particularly ticklish spot under her second rib.
“Please what?”
That smug bastard…
“Please stop!” she practically shrieked.
“I do not think that I can do that, Princess.”
He really was a bastard. She was going to die from…laughter…and the only way to make it stop was forhimto stop.
“If you want me to stop,” he whispered is a hushed voice, “then I need for you to tell me how to make it better.”
Her breath hitched at this, and not from his fingers.
“Tell me how to make itallllllllllgo away, and I will stop. That is all you have to do.”
“Then I shall die on this couch,” she wheezed.
Her words struck a chord with him, and his fingers slowly became less insistent until they were no longer torturing her. He started backing away from her still panting and flushed form as he felt anger start to boil up from within him. She hadneverkept something from him.Never. No matter what the situation, they had always been open and honest with one another. That was one of the better parts of their relationship. They could tell the otheranything. She knew this. She knew that she could tell him the truth—yet she was not.
Why?
Why was she forcing their relationship to take a turn for the worse?
What was so troubling to her that she could share it with no one? Not even him?
He got up from the couch and stood before the books, his eyes roaming over all of them. Spines of red, blue, black, and green leather gazed back at him with their golden letters. They puzzled him. He really did not see the point in owning so many books, especially if you had no intention of ever reading them. They were useless then…just like he was now useless.
“Why do you have so many books? They are never read. They just sit here, collecting dust. What is the point then?”
“Sources of information, diagrams of places, languages that can be learned, explanations and the telling of myths. It is more than one could ever hope to learn, so we keep them here as references.”
“Diagrams of places,” he whispered, and idea suddenly taking hold in his mind. “Do you have diagrams of the whole world? And of sea currents?”
“We do.”
“Might I use them?”
“I…do not see why not. What do you need them for,” she asked, trepidation seeping into her voice. She already knew the answer, yet somehow she wanted to hear it from his lips. It would make things more concrete. It would tell her that he really was going to leave her.
“I still have not decided where I would like to go. Looking at sea currents may help.” His smile was kind and hopeful, but somehow it felt like he cut out her heart and stomped on it in front of her.
“Hold on…I will get it for you.”
There it was again. That sad, utterly demolished demeanor. What was going on with her? Why would she not just…just open up to him and tell him what was on her mind!
He watched her bring a rolling ladder over to a certain area so that she could climb up to the right section with sea currents. Inuyasha moved so that he was right under her so that if she were to slip and fall, he would be there to catch her. He stared up at her form as she climbed just a few more steps. His cheeks suddenly turned a dark red. He should have not been able to see up her skirts. He quickly looked away. What kind of man and friend was he? Well…he was a red blooded male, but he was a horrible friend. She trusted him to do nothing of the sorts, yet he was betraying her trust and almost openly gazing at her. He had to avert his gaze to her feet as his need to gaze up at her—in that particular area—strengthened.
“There are quite a few scrolls here…would a general map work, or do you need a very specific one?”
“A general one would be fine…thank you.”
Her fingers danced across the spines and the rolls of paper before landing on one book in particular. She slid it out from its place among the books, and brought it down with her.
“Here you go…are you going to look at it now, or later?”
“You mean…I can take it with me?”
“Yes…I trust you to not do anything to it. You will bring it back, will you not?”
“You know that I will.”
“Good. If you would not, then I would be forced to track you down and throw you into the torture chambers,” she teased. Finally, there was light back in her eyes again. He missed that light…
“And you know that I would fight you every step of the way,” he threw back, walking towards her.
“Ha! You know that you are not truly a match for me. If I wanted to, I could have you on your knees in a moment!” She challenged, closing the gap between the two of them.
“Oh really? I would just like to see you try!”
Her breath caught in her throat as she seemed to close the distance between them, her head so close to his.
No.
This was bad.
This would mess everything up between them again. She did not want that. He was going to be leaving soon, and she did not want to part with them on bad terms.
She quickly backed up from him and ignored the questioning look he gave her. He did not understand. He could not understand…and it was better that way. He could not possibly begin to fathom how much she was going to miss him. How much she already did miss him. Nothing was truly ever the same since she had kissed him that time, and now with all the progress they had made…
“When,” she croaked after a moment, her throat seemingly as dry as the sand in the desert. “When are you planning to leave?”
She knew that she would regret asking, but…damnit, she needed to know!
“I am not sure. I suppose soon. Spring is going to be here in a matter of weeks, after all.”
“I see,” she whispered, the near finality of the situation weighing down on her heart, crushing her. It demolished what little bit of herself she had been able to regain.
Her change in demeanor was not lost on Inuyasha. It concerned him. Back again was that same look in her eyes. The same look of having lost something essential to life. She seemed dead almost.
This look and what they had just spoken of allowed him to connect the dots.
“Kagome,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around her from behind. “I know you are sad, and I think I know why now, but please understand. This is something that I need to do. I need to leave…for so many different reasons.”
He felt her choke back a sob and turn around in his arms, nodding her head against his chest.
“I just wish that you did not feel like you need to.”
“I know…me too.” She could feel him rub his hands in large circular motions across her back.
Those hands…those large beautiful hands that made her feel safe and secure and wanted. They would be gone soon. He would be gone soon. She started sobbing harder. Their friendship would be gone. The one person she was able to talk to about everything may never come back. Her steady rock would crumble away into the wind, carried off to far and distant places so that she may never see it again.
Why did this have to happen?
“Please,” she begged between broken sobs. “Please stay. I need you.”
“Kagome…”
She looked up at him, her eyes glassy and red. They were full of want and sorrow and spoke of a desperate need. Her hands slowly side up him to around his neck and into his hair.
“Please…”
Neither knew when it happened. One second they were a safe distance away from each other. The next they were tangled up in each other's arms, their lips hungrily feasting off of one another. She was starving for him, and for the food that only he could provide her with. His being was the only thing that could sate her hunger and her need. He was the only one that ever could.
She pressed her lips desperately to his and savored the feeling that was consuming her from the resulting friction. It was hot. Flaming hot. It was like just pressing her lips to his was igniting her entire being on a glorious white fire, covering her from head to toe. Every nerve end was on alert, and every sense was focused on just him.
Him…
Her beautiful, wonderful, best friend Inuyasha.
In this moment with him, there were no thoughts of leaving. No…nothing mattered but this simple feeling of his lips on hers.
His lips moving against her lips. His teeth gently nibbling on her flesh. Her tongue running between his parted lips and plundering his mouth.
The sensations…oh how she loved them. Craved them. This would be her drug. Inuyasha had always been a drug to her, but this new change in their relationship… It was addicting. Their duel was making her loose all connection with the real world. Feeling his tongue against her tongue was the most potent drug there could ever be, almost like a sweet opium. His hands around her waist pulling her closer only intensified her need for him. Her one hand dug itself further into his hair, guiding him as to what to do to please her, while the other arm wrapped possessively around his body as their kiss became even more demanding.
Much like a ship sailing through rough waters, she felt her senses become more and more muddled as he became more and more demanding. He nibbled on her lips and suckled on them with aggression. It was like with each turn of the head he was trying to show her how much he needed her. Each powerful thrust of his tongue made her feel overwhelmed and breathless until they could take no more, but she was unwilling to let him go.
She ran her tongue across his bottom lip one more time as she felt him roughly pull away.
“No,” he panted, distancing himself from her. “This is wrong.”
She regarded him with hazy eyes, her brain not catching up to understand the words coming from his puffy lips.
“We cannot do this.”
“Why?” she still was not sure what he was trying to say, and it was so hard to focus on him when she was still tingling all over from their kiss.
“I am with someone else.”
That snapped her attention straight to the conversation at hand with astonishing speed.
“You are…with someone else?”
He nodded his head, averting his eyes to the ground, almost as if he were both afraid and ashamed.
“When…how…I just…I do not understand. When did this happen? Why did you not tell me? Who is she? I just…Inuyasha,why?
“Would you just ask one question at a time? I cannot answer all of them at once!”
He could feel their conversation becoming more and more violent by the second, and it scared him. There were so many emotions flowing through his veins, and it was both scaring him and confusing him. When he became scared and confused, he lashed out to protect himself. He did not want to harm Kagome, but soon…
“Who is she?”
“I cannot tell you, Kagome. We wanted to tell you when the time was right.”
“So I know her.”
“You do,” he confirmed with some reluctance.
“And you will not tell me who she is?”
“Again, Kagome, we wanted to do it when the time was right.”
“How long has this been going on, then?”
“Ever…ever since I was kicked out of the program.”
He had just slapped her in the face. Not physically, but it may have well have been with his hand. It would have hurt less. The sting would not have been as great. That was around the first time they had kissed. The first time she had touched him as a man, and not as a childhood friend. The feeling of his naked chest beneath her hands still made her blood run hot and sent a shiver up her spine. Every dip and rise was engraved into her mind forever. The feel of his nipple hardening under her curious fingertips still both embarrassed her and made her heart race, and his soft lips under hers… That was a night that she would never forget.
Now, he was telling her that after that night—a night which had meant so much to her—he had found another to satisfy him. Did she really mean so little to him? So little that there was now another in his arms? So little that after that night he wanted to run away to God only knows where, and come back God only knows when, if at all?
Now…now after they had kissed for a second time, after he had shown her a passion she had never dreamt she could ever experience, he was telling her this?
Why her? Why wasshedestined to this fate? Why washedoing this to her? Why did
God find it fun to torment her heart so? Was it because of her power and wealth? She did not want it. Any of it. Not if it meant this. She would give it all up in a second if it meant that she could be happy and could marry him. That she could be with him. That she could feel him as she had that one night, and as she had just moments before without him pulling away and telling her no.
“Why are you doing this to me, Inuyasha?”
“What?”
“You know how I feel about you. I do not think that I need to say it for you to know that my heart beats only for you.”
“Kagome, please—”
“No! You kissed me back. This was not one sided. Do not eventhinkof telling me otherwise. I felt it, Inuyasha. You care for me as I care for you. You need me like I need you. Please…I am begging you. End what you have with this woman and be with me. What we could have…just think of how happy we could be together. Please Inu. Please…please come to me. Please.”
She was near tears. Oh how he wanted to go to her and comfort her. How he wanted to take her in his arms and tell her that he would end his relationship with Kaede. That this very night, they could run off with each other into the darkness and get married only to never look back. He wanted that. He wanted it as much as he wanted to become a knight. The problem was that this was reality—not a dream.
In his dreams, he could whisk her off to his old home filled with servants and riches and the finest goods money could buy. He could lay her down on his bed and slowly discover each and every part of her being. He could taste her skin and her soul as they experienced the deepest love he could ever share with a woman, and with the only woman he ever wanted to share that with. He could rest his head upon her swollen belly and listen to the smaller life beating from within. He could cherish her and the children that they would have. He could have a family again. After growing up as a lonely orphan with the sole exception of Kagome, he wanted nothing more in the world then to have a family, and to have Kagome as the mother of his children.
But it was just that: a dream.
This was the reality of the situation.
He had nothing. He could do nothing. He was nothing. Because of this, he could never have her, and someone like her could never have him. It was just the way of life, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Not even God himself could change this, just like God could not give him back his position in the program. No…if anything, all of this was God's fault. God was the one to blame for everything. If it had not been for God, then maybe…just maybe…he could be happy. They could both be happy.
“I cannot, Kagome.”
“Please…I am begging you,” she pleaded as she fell to her knees, “leave her and be with me. We feel the same…I know that we do. I need you to live, Inu. I need you by my side and in my life. I can ever only want you. Please, come to me. Please…”
Why did this have to be so hard? Why did she have to do this to him?
He knew what he had to do, no matter how much he wished he did not have to.
He steeled his gaze and straightened his posture.
Do it.
“It is all in your head, Kagome.”
He left her there without a backwards glance as he strode out with not only the map, but the heart of a woman who would forever and always hold his.
That night he met with Kaede once more in her room. He was sitting on her bed after having changed into his night attire and was going through the maps. Nothing seemed all that appealing to him, and while his brain was telling him to get out of here now, his heart was no longer in the effort.
He flipped through a few more maps when he saw Kaede put down her brush and stretch. He allowed his eyes to roam over the image of her arched body hidden by the thin yet baggy cloth of her nightgown, but he did not feel as attracted to her as he did to Kagome when she did the same. He was sure that Kaede was trying to get his attention, but when Kagome did the same, she was not trying. She did it with an air of innocence, and to him that was all the more alluring.
She rose from her chair by her desk and walked over to the bed, sitting down on the edge of it next to him as she studied the current map.
“The East? You want to go there?”
“I—”
There was a knock on her door. That was very odd. No one ever came here this late at night. After quickly exchanging looks of confusion and uncertainty, Kaede quickly walked over to the door and cracked it open. Neither were prepared for Kagome to throw the door open and run into Kaede's arms, her eyes red and her cheeks wet from tears. Inuyasha watched in utter shock as she sobbed on her shoulder, mumbling something that he could not quite make out. Some part of him told Inuyasha that he should not go to Kagome, but he really did not care about that part at this moment.
He walked behind the two of them to close the door, then wrapped his arms around Kagome from behind, trying to sooth her in any way that he could. Seeing this, Kaede slowly left Kagome's form so that the only one comforting her was Inuyasha. He started rubbing her back and humming to her, which only made her sob harder. He did not know what to do, so he picked her up carried her over to the bed, sitting her down in his lap between his legs. He started swaying with her as her sobs lessened in severity until they stopped all together.
She clung to his shirt, not completely understanding that it was Inuyasha. All she knew was that she was with a person that cared about her, and so she poured her heart out to them.
“Father is making me court Koga. I do not want to court him. I hate him. He is nothing but a bully, and so is his father. He is a stupid, pig headed, selfish bully that father wants me to marry. Oh what am I going to do!”
Koga? Her father had chosen Koga? Yes, he had known that the King was considering the man, but he had never truly thought that it would turn into something of substance such as this. Did the Kingwanthis daughter to live a life of misery…not that he even knew what her life was like anymore.
“It is not like I can run away anymore,” she continued, “Inuyasha may have gone with me, but now he is in love with someone else. It would have been beautiful if we had run away and wed. Our children…they would have been so cute. He has turned into such a handsome man over the years. I just know that I would love our children.”
Her words were crumbling his heart. She wanted to have his children. She would have loved their children. She would have enjoyed being a mother to his children, and a wife to him. She would have been happy with that life.
“I am afraid. I fear that I will not love a child of Koga's. I fear that I will hate the way that it came to be. I do not want to do that to an innocent child…but I will not be able to help myself. Is there nothing that I can do?”
He kept rocking with her as she continued to pour her heart out to him. Oh how he wished that he could do something to make this better! The idea that her father had honestly chosen Koga was astonishing. He knew that there were ties in there, and that he was considering him for political reasons only, but he could not help but wonder as to why he would have chosen him over all the other suitors. Kagome would have rather married an old and fat man then wed Koga.
Inuyasha started to stroke her hair, calming her enough for her to become drowsy. Soon, the swaying combined with humming and the feeling of him stroking her hair soon put Kagome to sleep. Inuyasha gazed down at her sleeping form still contently snuggled against his chest and could not help but think of her as the most perfect angel there could ever be.
“Kaede,” he whispered quietly, “I want her to stay with us for the night.”
She bit the inside of her lip in though as she played with the edge of her sleeve, but she did nod her head. The resulting smile from Inuyasha made her feel like she had done the right thing as he tucked her under the covers of her bed, snuggling her into a cocoon of Inuyasha, sheet, comfort, and love. She felt a bitter jealousy rise up from the pit of her stomach at the site.
She wanted to be the one in his arms. She knew that Kagome was in pain…it was very obvious. Still, she wanted to be the one that he held tight. The one that he gently kissed the top of their forehead as he tucked them under his chin. She wanted to experience the kind of love that was clearly between the two of them. She wanted that…but she could not have that. Not so long as Inuyasha clearly felt this way from Kagome.
She could not wait until they left. Then he would learn to forget about Kagome, and he would come to love her completely.
Kaede joined the two under the sheets and pressed herself against Inuyasha, wrapping her arms around him from behind.
This was going to be a long night for them.
As long as the night was, the morning was even more painful…especially when Kagome woke up and found herself in bed with not only Inuyasha, but apparently the woman that he was now courting.
“Kaede,” Kagome hissed after Inuyasha had just awoken. “You are with Kaede?”
Inuyasha leaned up and looked down at her, eyes wide. “When did you wake up?”
“Long enough ago to realize that the way that she is holding onto you is not the way a friend would.”
“You have held onto me like this before!”
“I never said that I just wanted to be friends! I am past that want Inuyasha!”
“Be quite! No one knows that you are here,” he warned. If she kept yelling, someone would notice not only that she was in here, but also his presence in Kaede's room.
“I think that you really want to let your dearest Kaede to sleep longer,” she spat, the venom sinking into his blood and slowing his heart.
“Kagome, please, w—”
“Why did you have to keep it from me? That is all I want to know. Why her and why the secrecy?”
“We did not want to hurt you.”
She snorted at this.
“Well, congratulations Inuyasha. You did whether you wanted to or not.”
“I am sorry Kagome.” He could feel Kaede wakening from the noise. “That was never our intent.”
“When did you get here last night?”
This may have been what she was asking verbally, but he could tell what she really wanted to know. “Did you hear my confession?” That was what she truly wanted to know.
“Kaede got me last night and told me that you were a mess, but she never said why. By the time I got here you were already asleep.”
She nodded her head, clearly skeptical but not wanting to push the issue. She would just have to take his word for it this time.
“We should get you back to your room before someone notices that you are missing.”
She snorted at that. “So now you care about my reputation.”
“Now wait just a min—”
“No…have no fear Inuyasha. I am leaving. You will not have to worry anymore.”
She had meant what she said, too. From that day until the day Inuyasha and Kaede left, she never said two words to them.
That day was a day that he would never forget. His relationship with Kagome had been completely damaged. He had tried to talk to her the day before he left, even going so far as backing her up into a wall and pinning her there between his arms, but nothing that he did could convince her to speak to him. He and Kaede were set to leave at dawn the next day, but he just could not leave with things like this. He had gone into town recently to purchase supplies and tickets to the East. While he was there though…he found a bracelet. The idea of purchasing it for Kaede never even occurred to him. Instead, the second he saw it he knew that he would give it to Kagome. Unfortunately, they had been on horrible terms, so he could not give it to her.
He would be damned if he left her on bad terms though, thus why he snuck into her room at night and placed it on her pillow next to her sleeping head. She looked so beautiful…so peaceful. He was sorry that he was leaving this, but she was never really his to leave to begin with. Still, he could feel his heart in his throat as he stared down at the beautiful angel before him.
He did not know what overcame him, but he needed to kiss her. Just one more time.
Inuyasha leaned down and gently pressed his lips to hers, careful to not wake her up. He sighed when he pulled away from her. This could be the last time that he ever saw her, and not only was she still angry with him, but she refused to talk to him. He found it childish, yes, but mostly he was saddened and there was nothing that he could do.
That day he left with Kaede, his possessions, and a messenger bird. He left with everything that he needed…but he did not leave with his heart. That Kagome would always hold…he just did not know it.
A/N: (Original Posting: 5/25/10)
*Lyric to David Bowie's song Within You (http://www.youtube. com/watch?v=y1-l0UNCKJM)don't own it.
I know that died…but life happened.This last…month-ish has been particularly…stressful? It has just been filled with a lot of drama. I guess life is making up for the drama I never had to deal with in high school (you heard me right). My new best friend at college (I think best friend…not sure what to call what I have with him…it's different from my best friends in HS) has just been having a hard time lately from social things, to love, to family,to school. It just hasn't been all that great for him lately, and unfortunately, that has left you guys in the dark for an additional month. Yeah…I had this done a month ago. It just was never edited, and I never found the time to edit it.
I hope that you guys liked this last chapter!! There was nothing citrus in this chapter…but that was because I thought that I would have gotten them outta here by now. I know that people are not…fond…of the idea of Inu and Kaede getting' it on…but it is gonna happen. It just depends on if it is implied or not, and that depends on how I handle the next chapter. I need to establish a very close relationship between the two in order to leave the possibility of something open later. Feel free to try and guess if you want…but it won't do much good.
Again…I'm SO sorry that it took this long to update! I never wanted it to…but honestly…if it weren't for the reviews that I have been getting the last few days on different sites, I would have forgotten all about this for a while longer, sooooooooooo….PLEASE REVIEW!!! Not just for me, but for you too!! They honestly keep me on track and remind me tokeep going!!Also, it would be a great birthday present since tomorrow is my 19th;-).
Thank you SO much to everyone that has reviewed so far!!! I hope that you guys will continue to read! You guys rock and are what keep me going. I don't know what I would do without you :).
Now for the ARs!!!!!
To: Kawa-Misterii
I was actually surprised when I heard the comparison! While I have heard of the book, I never bothered to look into what it was about. I certainly see similarities between the two…but I did not base this story off of Wuthering Heights. Thank you so much though for thinking that, and for the comparison!! I feel like this story has a lot ahead, and I can't wait to go down that path and show everyone how he stopped trying to fight his heart and decided to pursue Kagome. As for why I chose Kaede instead of Kikyo…well…I have several different reasons for that. 1. Kaede's character is always rather static, and she almostneveris shown having genuine feelings and desires for someone. She neverlovesanyone. 2. I wanted to leave my options open for if I need Kikyo later in the story. The way that I have it planned out now I will need Kikyo for something else, however, this is not yet set in stone. 3. I like to push the boundaries of fanfiction and what people deem normal. I hope that helps answer at least one of your questions :). Thank you SO much for the glowing review :). I feel very touched. Thank you for reading, and I hope that you will continue to read!!!
To: kokooronagomu
Already responded to.
To: SplendentGoddess
Thank you!! I'm glad that you understand the importance of why I am writing this the way I am. Sure I could have just started in the past, but that would not have been quite as interesting, and people would think that this was quickly turning into a Inu/Kaede story. I also could have just started it in the present and continued forward, but we lack the depth and understanding of the characters. I know that some people may regard this little bit as slightly pointless…but as I always like to say…we need to understand our past to know where we are going. I think that this is carrying through here too. Also, it just adds a whole new layer of depth to them. After all…this is an AU and my characters always seem to be VERY OOC. I'm glad to hear that you don't mind the “other woman” being Kaede. I have potential plans for Kikyo, and I like to try and make my stuff a bit different from the average Joe story and push the limits. Thank you so much for the review!!! I'm So glad to hear that you are enjoying this story, and I genuinely hope that you will continue to both read it and enjoy it :).
To: frannnnn
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww….Thank you!!!!! It means so much to hear that :). I will try and update as soon as I can…but it's difficult to do during the school year…or at least it has been this school year. I hope that with summer coming up I will be able to update more often. We will see :). Thank you so much for the review, and I hope that you will keep reading!!!!!
To: WyckedFrankie
Awwwwwww….Thanks!!!!! I will try and update as often as I can, but it has been rather difficult this school year. I blame it on the fact that it was my first year of college and it took some time to adjust. Fortunately, summer will be here in a matter of weeks and then I will have a lot more time to write! I hope that I have not become rusty in my hiatus…I find it more and more difficult to write the intimate scenes. And I used to be so good too!! Anyways...thanks for the review, and I hope that you will keep reading!!!
To: ocelot125
Thanks!! I don't plan on ever abandoning this story. I really like this time period, and I enjoy writing about it. That, and I love what I have in store for this!! It should be an interesting journey to see how he goes from a man who wants to run from what he wants, to one who wants to fight for it…but how we see that depends on how I handle the next chapter. Ahh...yes…the choice. That is the meat of the whole plot right there. As for the lyrics…I intend to use all of them, and when I run out, I will have to switch over to a different song or come up with something else. We will just have to wait and see…because one thing is certain with how I write: this story will be loner then that song!!! Thank you so much for the review, and I hope that you will keep reading!!!!!
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