Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Immortal Bitches ❯ Don’t Mess with Immortal Girls on Their Periods ( Chapter 12 )

Ch.12

Don't Mess with Immortal Girls on Their Periods

 

 

The next morning the two girls were awoken by being kicked sort of hard.

 

“Get up, you brats.” yelled Kisame. Little did that Kisame know that Rouyakan's fist and his stomach were going to get acquainted. Kisame fell to the ground in pain. This caused both girls to wake up.

 

“Uh… where are we?” groaned Rouyakan.

 

“Some cave. I think with the two guys from the hotel.” Alex said through a yawn.

 

“Great.” Rouyakan said sarcastically. “Then let's get out of here while that guy is on the ground and no idea were the other guy is.” She finished logically.

 

Alex then looked down and saw some weird markings on them. She scrubbed at them for a minute, before she realized they wouldn't come off.

 

“Uh Rouyakan, what are these markings?” Alex held out her arm.

 

Rouyakan studied the proffered arm. “Aw shit!”

 

“What does it mean?”

 

“It means that we don't have our full powers right now, so let's get a move on.” said Rouyakan as she lead the way out of the cave, only to come face to face with Itachi looking down at the two girls.

 

“And where do you think you're going?” He said coolly.

 

“Uh… Away from you?” Itachi looked at the girls and grabbed them by the collars of their shirts, picked up the girls weapons and began to walk while dragging them along behind him.

 

About an hour later…

“Let us GO!!” Alex had been yelling for about twenty minutes straight.

 

“Itachi, make her shut up.” whined Kisame.

 

“Make a move to touch her and you will experience pain.” Rouyakan growled.

 

Itachi went up to Rouyakan and slapped her. “You two had better know the situation you're in. We're in charge and you will listen to us.”

 

Rouyakan was immensely pissed. “You…! Try that again, mortal, and I'll personally see to it that you make your way to Hell.” Alex just `eep-ed' and backed away out of fear of her friend.

 

“You can't do much with that seal, so you better listen to us and we won't hurt you… much.” said Itachi and thus they continued on their journey to god knows where.

 

Soon Alex felt a weird sort of rushing river going down through her privates. “Oh shit!” yelled Alex. Everyone turned to her.

 

“What now?” asked Kisame.

 

“I'm having my period.” hissed Alex.

 

Itachi suddenly tripped, and Kisame said stupidly, “What's a `period'?”

 

“Well, it's when a woman's time of the month comes, and she gets horrible cramps and bleeds out from down there!” Alex pointed downward.

 

Rouyakan just rolled her eyes. “Alex, please. Don't embarrass yourself.”

 

“What? I'm just explaining to the stupid fish man—“

 

“SHARK!”

 

“--over there.”

 

Itachi shook his head. “Do not forget you are our prisoners.” He paused a minute, then added “We will be making a stop so you may cleanse yourself.”

 

Rouyakan mimicked him, crossing her arms and opting a high-and-mighty look. “`You may cleanse yourself'!” she said in a fake baritone. “Who do you think you are, our mother? …Hey, don't you glare at me, mister!”

 

“I really want a tampon right about now…” Alex sighed. Suddenly she reached up and grabbed Itachi's arm, yanking down sharply, causing him to give a small yelp of surprise.

 

“What is your problem, girl?” he turned to glare at her, but was surprised to see her already looking at him. If looks could kill, Itachi would've been dead and buried right then.

 

“GET. ME. A. TAMPON. NOW. OR. ELSE!” Alex growled, radiating with a murderous aura. Rouyakan `eep-ed!' and hid behind Itachi's sleeve. Kisame whimpered and held up a sign that said, `Don't abuse the wildlife.'

 

“`Tampon'? What are these `tampons' of which you speak?”

 

Rouyakan whispered, “ They're these things used to… um…. stop the bleeding down there. I advise you get her one before she kills you. Periods make one very unstable.”

 

As Alex nails began to sink into Itachi's arm, he seemed to have a quick change of mind. “You, the wolf-girl, go into the nearest town and buy one of these `tampons'. Kisame, go with her and make sure she doesn't run away.” He waved his hand like he was shooing them away.

 

“B-but Itachi-sama, she'll abuse me!” Kisame whined. “She's violent!”

 

Itachi gave him a `does it look like I care?' look, and pointed again for him to leave.

 

“Hold it!” shouted Rouyakan “I've got a different solution.” She reached into her haori sleeve and rummaged around a bit. The two men watched curiously as she gave a triumphant “Aha!” and pulled out a small box that read `Playtex Gentle Glide'.

 

“Voila! Tampons!” Rouyakan handed the box to Alex who in turn lost her `I'll kill you' look and smiled brightly. Itachi and Kisame surrounded Rouyakan.

 

“These sleeves must be some sort of portal to another dimension! How do you summon such things?”

 

“Hey, hands off the magic sleeves! I don't remember all the things I put in there.”

 

“Well, I'm just gonna go put these in now…” Alex started to walk away.

 

“Itachi! Follow her!”

 

“You dare tell me what to do?” Itachi growled.

 

“Hey, no way `Jaws Reject' there is gonna see my ass! Better you than him. I'm leaving.” and she left, rather annoyed.

 

Kisame snickered, but Rouyakan smacked him upside the head. Sighing, Itachi followed Alex into the woods.

 

“No peeking!”

 

Itachi sighed again. “Why me?”

 

A few minutes later Alex came out. “Ah… I feel so refreshed.” sighed Alex. Itachi rolled his eyes, took Alex's hand and dragged Alex back only to find Kisame getting the shit beaten out of him. Not bothering or caring to ask just why this was happening, he continued on his way.

 

“Let's go.” said Itachi.

 

Alex was now going into `La-La Land', which she usually does on her period, thinking of milkshakes. “Can I get a milkshake?” asked Alex randomly.

 

“No.” said Itachi.

 

“Please?”

 

“No.”

 

“Pretty please?”

 

“NO! Now stop asking.” snapped Itachi.

 

Now Alex was mad. Now if you know Alex and you deny her cravings while she's on her period you will find yourself soulless. Rouyakan went up to Itachi and whispered, “Do as she says and you won't lose your soul.”

 

But it was too late. Alex had yanked her scythe from Kisame and proceeded to put the blade to Itachi's heart and said something he couldn't understand. Itachi felt a sucking feeling and he passed out. He woke up and looked around and saw that the sky was purple, the clouds were black, and the grass was a midnight blue.

 

“Where am I?” groaned Itachi. He saw Alex looking down at him.

 

“Well, I didn't think that it would work.” smiled Alex.

 

Itachi then saw Kisame hitting his face. “Kisame, stop hitting me!”

 

“Itachi-sama?” said Kisame as he looked at Itachi's soul in the scythe. “What the hell happened to you?”

 

“I'll tell you.” said Alex.

 

“Please do.” Itachi said sarcastically.

 

“Well since you denied me my milkshake I sucked out your soul.” smiled Alex really happily, like it was a perfectly reasonable exchange.

 

“Let me out!” yelled Itachi.

 

“Let me think about it for a minute… Uh, no.”

 

“You better let me out of here…”

 

“You're in no position to threaten the daughter of Death.” smirked Alex.

 

After a moment of silence, Itachi sighed. “What will get me out of here?”

 

“Getting me a milkshake.” smiled Alex.

 

“Fine. Kisame, take them to the next village and get her a milkshake.”

 

“YAY!” screamed Alex.

 

“Holy shit, don't scream like that.”

 

“Let's go.” yelled Alex happily.

 

Kisame just stared and said, “Uh… Itachi, do you think this really is a good idea?”

 

“I want to get out of here so just get her milkshakes.” sneered Itachi.

 

So they began to make there way to the next village. Kisame was forced to carry Itachi bridal style seeing as he had no soul. Rouyakan was snickering about how feminine Itachi looked.

 

“My god has anyone ever tell you that you look so girly when Shark-Man carries you.” smirked Rouyakan.

 

“Yeah you two look like a married couple.” snickered Alex.

 

“Maybe we should start calling him `Itachi-chan'…?”

 

Itachi stayed stonily silent.

 

“When I get out of here…” Itachi started to threaten.

 

“Oh please… At least act your gender.” scoffed Alex.

 

Itachi spent the rest of the trip to the village glaring at the blonde.

 

Alex got starry-eyed as soon as she spotted the village. “Let's go, let's go!” cried Alex like a kid as she went running looking for an ice cream shop. Rouyakan and Kisame (still carrying Itachi) followed her.

 

“I want a large vanilla milkshake, please.” said Alex sweetly, running into a small parlor

.

“Sure.” said the shopkeeper. “And since you're such a sweet girl, I'll give you your milkshake for free.”

 

“Really? Thanks!” Rouyakan and Kisame entered as Alex received her milkshake.

 

“Okay you've got your stupid milkshake, now let's go.” ordered Kisame as he began to leave.

 

“Now girl, put my soul back.”

 

“Not `til after my milkshake.” said Alex as she sipped on her milkshake. Itachi grumbled something incoherent and turned to snap at Kisame to vent some anger. “Kisame, put me down. NOW.”

 

Kisame, startled, dropped Itachi's body, efficiently making his head hit a rock.

 

“Kisame, what the hell are you doing?!” Itachi apparently could show a lot of emotion when he wanted to.

 

“Whoops, sorry!” Kisame picked Itachi's body again and turned to the scythe. Karma just wasn't with Itachi today, because the shop wall just happened to be a little too close, and Itachi got his head smacked against it. Itachi cursed, Kisame hurriedly apologized, swung around, and swung Itachi's legs straight into someone leaving the shop, knocking him unconscious.

 

Chaos descended; Itachi was yelling, Kisame was apologizing, the guys' friends yelled, the shopkeeper tried to keep peace and Alex and Rouyakan were laughing too hard to do anything. All in all, however, the milkshake remained unharmed.

 

About thirty minutes later the four were on the road again. Alex was still sipping her milkshake sometimes giving a sip to Rouyakan. Itachi was still being carried by Kisame, much to his chagrin.

 

“Are you almost done?” growled Itachi.

 

“Nope, I'm not even halfway through.” grinned Alex, thoroughly enjoying her newfound power over him.

 

“Hurry up. I want my body back.” growled Itachi again.

 

“You do know patience is a virtue.”

 

“I don't feel like rotting in this mixed up world.”

 

“It's not mixed up. That's my subconscious, and your not going to die. I would have been jumping for joy.” said Alex as she took another sip of her milkshake.

 

“Please. Like you could `sense' someone dying, it's impossible. It just happens.” said Itachi.

 

“No it's not, you sense it when someone's soul seems to be fading away from the body to make a painful death not painful at all.” Alex sipped her milkshake again.

 

“That's stupid.” said Kisame.

 

“It's not! It's been working for my father for years.”

 

“Your father just takes people's lives and hurts people.” said Kisame. “It's amazing how your mother fell in love with your father. She must've been pretty brain-dead.”

 

Alex went deathly silent. No one dared to make fun of her mother to her face. “You know nothing! My father loved my mother! And she loved me too! Do you know what it's like to be an outcast because of something you couldn't control?!”

 

“Kisame, leave her be.” Itachi's stern voice came from Alex's scythe. Alex was a little surprised that he even said something remotely nice to defend her, so she took Tsuuka and put it over Itachi's heart. Itachi, feeling that he was once again in his own body, walked up to Alex and grabbed her Tsuuka. “You are not to touch your scythe again `til you get permission.”

 

“Okay.” sighed Alex in a depressed manner as she walked beside Rouyakan.

 

A few minutes later it was getting dark so they decided to make camp.

 

“I'm hungry.” whined Alex out of the blue.

 

Rouyakan went rummaging through her magic sleeves, and she pulled out a chocolate cake. Itachi and Kisame were looking quite confused how this cake was unharmed. Rouyakan then took a cake cutter out and cut everyone a piece.

 

“Dinner is served.” said Rouyakan with fake bravado. They ate in silence until Rouyakan and Alex began to talk and giggle like they were at a sleepover. Soon Kisame was asleep, now the girls just had to wait for Itachi to go to sleep.

 

“Don't you sleep?” asked Alex. It had been hours and he didn't even look fatigued.

 

“I stay up late. One of us has to keep a lookout.”

 

“Damn.” sighed Alex.

 

“Come on Alex, let's just go to sleep.” sighed Rouyakan, but Alex was already asleep.

 

“Well it seems you two give in quite easily.” smirked Itachi.

 

“Please after awhile we'll be gone.” yawned Rouyakan as she went to sleep next to Alex.

 

In the middle of the night, Rouyakan woke up to find Kisame wasn't anywhere around. Figuring he was keeping guard, she went to the bathroom. Alex woke up and found out Rouyakan was gone. She figured that she rolled away, and went to find her. After about a minute of trying to find Rouyakan her hand brushed against something. Too tired to think, she assumed it was Rouyakan so she wrapped her arms around her. Alex noticed that Rouyakan was really warm so she snuggled closer. Rouyakan had returned from the bathroom and noticed that Alex was gone, so she went to look for her. Being a wolf meant she had better night vision than Alex, so she spotted Alex snuggled up… next to Itachi.

 

`That idiot. Can't she tell that's not me?' thought Rouyakan. After a moment's deliberation, she decided she didn't want to sleep alone and if Alex was going to be that comfortable then be damned if she wasn't going to too.

 

There was very few times in his entire life that Itachi was genuinely surprised. Waking up to find Alex and Rouyakan sleeping soundly next to him was one of those times. He proceeded to shove them off him.

 

“What the hell!” yelled Rouyakan, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Alex just looked confused. As they were getting ready to leave, Rouyakan went to the bushes to go to the bathroom. There was a loud growl followed by a, “Damn it, not now!”

 

Itachi looked at Alex and asked, “What's with her?”

 

“I guess she's on her period too now. Wow, you two will have two very emotional girls on your hands.” grinned Alex. Suddenly her face contorted in pain as a bad cramp hit her.

 

“Rouyakan, I need another tampon!” yelled Alex as she ran to the bush clutching her abdomen.

 

Itachi sighed mentally, for he knew it was going to be a long day.

 

A couple hours later the four were walking down the road. Rouyakan's mood right now was pissed off. Alex's mood was hyper. Why? Because Rouyakan fed her sugar for breakfast, so now she was hanging off anyone who was within arms reach. Right now that was Rouyakan.

 

“Rouyakan you're bony.” complained Alex as she tried to get comfortable on her back.

 

“Then get off if you don't like it.” growled Rouyakan, ready to beat Alex to a bloody pulp.

 

“Fine.” pouted Alex as she jumped off. Alex then saw Itachi and began to jump on his back. Itachi had a split second before…

 

“HELLO!” yelled Alex into his ear.

 

“Get off!”

 

“No, you're comfy… This coat is soft.”

 

“Wolf-girl, get her off me.”

 

“Do it your own damn self.” As you can tell she wasn't in a good mood. Kisame decided to stay far away from them. Alex remained on Itachi back, though most of the time Itachi was trying to pry her off.

 

It wasn't until later that Rouyakan asked about something that no one could get her. It started out rather simple.

 

“I'm hungry.” Rouyakan said.

 

“Then let's stop for lunch.”

 

“I don't want whatever you're having… I want something else.”

 

“And that would be…?” asked Itachi, sensing another problem like the milkshake façade.

 

“I want Burger King.”

 

“Burger King?” asked a confused Itachi.

 

“It's a place that sells wonderful food, and makes most of the human population fat.”

 

“You know I could go for some nachos… Mm, that would hit the spot.” commented Alex.

 

“What're nachos?” Alex nearly fainted.

 

“Y-you don't know what nachos are? They're only the most delicious food ever created in the whole wide world.” said Alex melodramatically, placing a hand to her forehead and staggering back.

 

“It's a sad day in `Alex World' when someone doesn't know what nachos are.” muttered Rouyakan.

 

They went to get a hotel room for the night in a nearby village because it was getting dark out.

 

“Ah! Nothing like a soft bed.” cried out Alex in delight, flopping on the nearest bed.

 

“Who says you two get a bed?” muttered Kisame.

 

“Well we're not sleeping on the floor.” snapped Rouyakan.

 

“Yes you are… because I refuse to sleep in the same bed as Kisame.” said Itachi.

 

“Bastards.” muttered Alex.

 

Later that night Itachi and Kisame were going to go out to get away from their annoying `hostages'.

 

“Can we come?” asked Alex.

 

“No.”

 

“Why?” asked Rouyakan. “We wanna go out for food… We're starving.”

 

“No! We don't want you tagging along.” said Kisame.

 

With that Itachi just left with Kisame following. They sealed the door behind them to make sure the two girls stayed put.

 

“Okay, that's it. We HAVE to get them back.” said Alex.

 

“I concur… But how?” agreed Rouyakan, sitting Indian-style on one of the beds. The two girls began to ponder.

 

“I have an idea!” said Alex suddenly.

 

“What?”

 

“Well… I saw this in a movie once…” started Alex.

 

“If it's from American Pie 2 where Jim glues his hands to his balls… No.” said Rouyakan.

 

“Fine.” pouted Alex.

 

“How about we dye Itachi's hair hot pink? I have some hair dye in my sleeve.”

 

“Okay.” said Alex.

 

“Now what to do with Jaws-Reject…” pondered Rouyakan.

 

“I still say--”

 

“No.”

 

“But--!”

 

“NO!”

 

“Please? It would be SO funny.” Alex was practically begging now.

 

“No! Not in a million years.”

 

“PLEASE?” whined Alex.

 

“FINE! If it shuts you up we'll do it!” yelled Rouyakan, giving in at last.

 

Just at that moment Itachi and Kisame came charging into the room. Itachi grabbed Rouyakan and said, “Could you be any louder?”

 

“I say we punish them for it.” said Kisame grinning with bloodlust.

 

Rouyakan then growled, turned to Kisame and said, “If you wanna be a fat bastard… fine, be a fat bastard.” Rouyakan turned to Itachi, “And if you want be an anorexic jackass with a thyroid problem… fine, be a twig.”

 

Both guys looked at Alex with a questioning look.

 

“She's on her period. What do you expect?” said Alex with a shrug.

 

“Bed.” ordered Itachi.

 

“Which bed are we getting?” asked Alex.

 

“The floor as I have told you before. I refuse to sleep with Kisame.”

 

“Are you afraid of a homo-erotic experience?” asked Alex slyly.

 

“No! …Kisame snores” said Itachi. “Now bed.”

 

It was in the early morning hours when Operation Get-Annoyingly-Cocky-Ninja-Guys-Back-for-Kidnapping-Them went underway.

 

“Okay, put them asleep.” ordered Rouyakan. Alex said a little spell that anyone could do to make sure the two guys stayed asleep.

 

Rouyakan then picked up Itachi and headed to the bathroom and proceeded to put the dye in his hair after bleaching it. After about forty minutes (they had to wait twenty minutes for the dye to set in), they then blowdried his hair, laughing quietly. He looked hilarious. They then put him back in his bed.

 

“Okay, now Kisame.” said Rouyakan. “Pull his pants down.”

 

“No.” said Alex.

 

“Alex, you're the one that wanted to do this prank, so pull down his pants and pour the glue and stick his hand there… it's not that hard.”

 

“But I don't want to see his penis.” whined Alex.

 

“Alex, you're not going to see… Hell, I would be scared for life if I saw it. Just look away when you do it.”

 

Alex did that and the deed was done. Just to be more evil than they were already being, they took pictures.

 

The next morning most of the hotel was woken up by screams.

 

 

 

 

 

ooooooo-End Chapter-ooooooo

 

ROUYAKAN: I'm too lazy to think of something creative to say here.

 

I hope you don't get too upset with how Itachi and Kisame are becoming more and more OOC. Sorry! I don't want to change them, but in order for the storyline to work…

 

And you might also be wondering “I thought you said Alex and Rouyakan's powers got sealed by Itachi? How can Alex do magic and all that?” Well, as time goes on the spell's been weakening, so while they don't have their full powers back, simple spells and abilities they were born with (like Alex being able to take souls because she's the daughter of Death and Rouyakan being able to turn into her wolf form) are coming back right about now.

 

Please read, enjoy and review. :]