Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ To be, or not to be... In love. ❯ Chapter five ( Chapter 5 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Sorry for the long wait. I've been occupied with other fics... Gomen gomen! -_-

Warnings; X-rated, explicit (!!) yaoi (Gay-sex), some angsty scenes (although this fic isn't an angst, honest), and some selfdestructive behavior.

Pairings; NaruSasu, NejiShika, KakaIruka, Gaara/? (I won't tell you guys who Gaara will be with yet, mwahah.) ^^

I'm so, so sorry this chapter was so late. I worked as quickly as I could! Gomen ne? ^^

Let's get started.

Chapter 5.

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Naruto's p.o.v.

Monday.
I was frantically trying to figure out why Sasuke had left.

Okay, I have to calm down. Think this over carefully... What had happened? What did I do wrong? What happened? Does... does he hate me now!? Shit, I bet he hates- Okay, I'm not calming myself down. Crap.
What if he actually hates me?

The last thought hurt. I mean, it's not like I'm not used to people hating me, but Sasuke... is Sasuke. I really don't want Sasuke to hate me.

My chest tightened painfully and I almost had to clench my jaw to suppress a small, very unhappy whimper. When I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my shoulder I couldn't contain the small hiss of pain though. I glared at the pain-causer. Pink hair, green, glaring eyes... of course, Sakura.

"Come on, Uzumaki! It's your line!" She sneered and turned around with a small 'hmph', causing her chewing gum colored hair to hit my face in the process. Yeah... she was still pissed at me for breaking up with her. I didn't really blame her, since anyone would be pissed at the rude way I ended our relationship, but still...

She really should've noticed what an annoyance she was herself. I mean, is it normal for a girl to force her boyfriend to get up at three in the morning just to take pictures of the fullmoon?

And yes, she did force me to do that- twice. For some inexplicable reason, I had obeyed the she-devil. Well, you can forget about those photographs now! Ha, take that Sakura!

I scrunched my nose up as her somewhat sharp hair hit my eyes, but blinked in confusion as I realized what she had said.

Oh that's right... Monday... theatre. I happen to play the main part, and I was supposed to say something to Rose... Sasuke isn't here though.

Monday. Mondays are not nice. Not nice at all. I'm starting to suspect that Satan himself invented them, a crack for him and his little Monday-demons. Just to see how much I can take before going insane.

Yeah... that makes sense!

It had been three days since I last saw or heard from Sasuke. Each day made me all the more worried. But I couldn't stop myself from daydreaming about our date. Every detail was depressingly clear in my head;
- His black necktie which made me want to jump him right then and there!
- And I noticed how his hair somehow looked even cooler than usual, as if he had been putting extra effort in it, maybe for my sake.
- And I especially remember the way he smelled. He always smells so incredibly good. It's that perfect mixture of human scent and expensive cologne.

Naruto! Focus... theatre, lines, main character... ring a bell? I mentally slapped myself out of my world of neat Sasuke-daydreams.

"Oh... right. Sorry," I mumbled and flipped through the pages of my script. I finally found my line. I quickly tried to enter my character. I turned to face Sakura (or Rose... whatever.)

"'I'm very sorry, miss Rose. But Sa-... James' heart belongs to me...'" My words shrunk and my gaze was stubbornly stuck on the floor. I almost slipped there... The classroom was silent for a few seconds. Sakura cleared her throat.

"'But, sir. That cannot be! He has loved only me for several years now. He is my beloved cousin, and I will not give him up to the likes of you!'" Sakura said dramatically, putting on a cocky, almost angry expression. It was honestly perfect acting. Sakura was perfect for the role as Rose. Ha... the thought makes me want to laugh, although I'm still too depressed to do that.

Yes, the whole lesson would've been perfect if only Sasuke had been there. Ouch... My chest hurts again.

I met Sakura's glare and answered, knowing my lines for that particular scene almost perfectly.

"Perhaps you yearn to fool yourself, woman! But I can really only answer for myself. I love James, and there is not anything you can do about it, miss Rose." I answered, voice low and serious.

A few awkward seconds went by. Seconds of silence, and I worriedly wondered if I had slipped again, but breathed a sigh of relief when I realized what was wrong.

This was the point where James was suppose to rush into the room and yell at Rose. It was still silent. Sakura cleared her throat, and I bit my lip not to laugh. Suddenly the one playing James in Sasuke's place seemed to realize it was his turn.

"Oh, shit! It's me, isn't it? Okay let's see..." Kiba said, frantically searching for his lines. He made a small 'AHA!!' when he found it and turned to Sakura. Narrowing his eyes in a very not-like-James-way.

"'Rose! I love Edward, not you!'" He yelled monotonically, while holding his hand above his head in a typical 'to be or not to be'-pose. After a few seconds of awkward silence the class broke out in hysterical laughter at the dog-loving boy's silly ministrations.

I wiped my tears of laughter away and patted my blushing friends back.

"Dude... you suck." I chuckled. He gave me a glare.

"Don't touch me..."

I froze. What did he say? “Don't touch me”?

The words echoed through my head as clearly as if Sasuke and I were right back at the cinema. “Don't touch me.”

I know Kiba was just pissed because we laughed at him. But the words reminded me, once again, of what I so desperately had been trying to forget during the weekend.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Tuesday.

Yet another day... still nothing.

The silence was beginning to scare me real bad. He still hadn't called me, and I was still afraid of calling him. I could imagine myself calling him, saying "Hey, Sasuke, it's Naruto-" then it would be a loud 'click'. If this actually happened, I don't know if I would be able to handle it.

Look, I know it's hard for you to understand. I've had this... 'relationship', if it's even alright to call it that, with Sasuke for barely three weeks. Before that, we hated each other's guts.
Believe me, it's difficult for myself to understand my own reactions to this.

But Sasuke...

Our first kiss was wonderful. Really wonderful. And it was such a weird feeling. Now when I think about it, it felt almost as if I wanted to say 'thank the gods'. As if Sasuke's lips upon my own had actually saved my life. I felt relieved that I could actually find someone who made me feel like that. Sakura just wasn't enough.

What I feel for Sasuke is nowhere near what I felt for Sakura. Not even close. Sakura was... just a piece of flesh. Pretty flesh with the ability to talk. I just wanted to show her to everyone. Feel the triumph, feel proud.

I was the boyfriend of the hottest chick in school. Who the hell wouldn't be proud, even if she was a pain?

I, Uzumaki Naruto, was the boyfriend of Haruno Sakura. Feel my wrath. It felt almost like a revenge.

When... when I was younger, people often teased me. Picked on me. Mocked me. I'm not sure why.

Some of them said stuff about me being damn lucky to have such a rich man to take care of me, and that if it hadn't been for Sarutobi, I would've been nothing but trash. It seriously hurt. I was richer than them... thanks to Sarutobi. Well, according to them. Sarutobi was the mayor after all. I was among the richest kids, but those with less money mocked me.

Some of them even called me 'half-blood' for some odd reason. As if poor people and rich people are different species.

I never told them that my real father was dead, not some alcoholic freak somewhere like most kids at school thought, and that when he lived he was even richer than Sarutobi. Maybe I was afraid of being called a liar. Maybe I just didn't want to care. Maybe it was because of Iruka's comforting words as he put bandages on my bruised knees after I was beaten up by some of the older students. Which happened quite often.

I wanted someone to accept me for who I was, for who I am. Not because of my money or because of my family. Maybe that's why I never told them about my father.

But then, by the time I was thirteen, everything changed.

First, Shikamaru came to our class. A brilliant genius, which I was aware of, but I only knew that because I overheard Shikamaru's mother talk to Asuma. Shikamaru told no one else of his brilliance. I noticed that. He was just like the rest of us in class. He talked to his friends during the lesson, he skipped homework sometimes...

I observed him for a few weeks before gathering my courage and talk to him. He fascinated me.
First I told him my name. Nothing else.

Then, he told me his own name.

This act was pretty stupid; we already knew each other's names, but it still felt right to start our friendship like that.

Then, out of the blue, he told me that he knew who my real father was! I guess he really is a genius. Somehow he had managed to figure that out, but he never told me how.

"I know who your true father is."

"What?!"

At first I was angry with him for not telling me that he knew about that sooner. Then I realized that I was the same, so I told him that I knew about his skills. That he was a genius. I remember the look on his face so clearly. He looked... as if he gave up all hope. He looked tired.

"I know how smart you are, Shikamaru."

"...Oh."

I asked him not to tell anyone else about my father.
He asked me not to tell anyone else about his intelligence.

We agreed.

And after that... we kinda automatically became friends. Then we became good friends. Pretty soon we were best friends. That's when my luck started to turn. Shikamaru was my first friend. Because he knew my secret, and also that I was unpopular. Still, he wanted to hang out with me.

I think that saved me. Shikamaru seemed so cool in my eyes. And he seemed to enjoy my company as well.

That's when I realized that maybe I wasn't such a screw up as everyone wanted me to believe.
Shikamaru was the first one to point out that I was good looking. Guess I should have realized his sexuality by then, but I was still naïve. And he told me in a cool manner, just pure facts.

I started to think about it. Then, I started to believe it.

And I can't tell you how nice it was to be able to think... that I was beautiful. I started to dress up again. Before Shikamaru told me about my looks, I dressed in dark, loose fitting clothes, refusing to dress in colors, like I did when I was little. Back then I had bright shining clothes; orange was my favorite color. But when people started to avoid me in high school, I was beginning to avoid them as well.

But I was slowly starting to dress in jeans and modern shirts again. Even went as far as styling my hair once. Since it seemed to be a success, I continued. Shikamaru was always by my side.

We kept each other's secrets, he never told mine, and I never told his. Although, people soon started to notice how smart he was, even though he tried his best to hide it.

Being my best friend and everything, he told me about his previous school. He looked so sad when he told me about it.

After the teachers at his old school found out that he was a genius, they started to praise him, and pretty soon, they wanted him to take more complicated classes. He started to study mathematics at college-level.

But... the older students felt threatened by the younger boy who outclassed them in almost every subject. So they started to dislike him. Then, they started to hate him. Then, they started to hurt him. His best friends left him out of fear for the older students.

Pretty soon, everyone avoided him. The teachers wouldn't listen; they just nodded, tried to look understanding, and then gave him more homework.

Shikamaru didn't want that to happen again, so when he arrived to Sakura Academy he tried to act stupid, and he tried to get bad grades on the tests. But I think he slipped, and accidentally got the highest grade anyway. I could tell he was frustrated. But he was my best friend. And I didn't leave him. No one else did either.

Suddenly, people wanted to be around me again. They talked to me, and then they started to hang out with me and Shikamaru. Kiba started to hang out with us pretty often, and I think I was in heaven when people started to call me popular.

I was popular. People liked me. The senpais* wouldn't bother me anymore, because I had friends.

Then, I got together with Haruno Sakura, the pink-haired beauty who had never given me a look before. As if she suddenly noticed my presence, she clung onto me and announced to the whole school that I belonged to her. It was a very nice feeling- at first.

She started to be annoying. In just a matter of months I started to regret being her boyfriend. But she was gorgeous. And I was still drunk on my own success.

Sasuke was always there, in the background. Giving me occasional glares, like he always did, not just to me... to everyone.

Maybe that's why I hated him. Because Sasuke was so beautiful, and graceful and so incredibly popular, even though all he did was glare at people. I never talked to him in person. I don't think I had the guts.

Oh sure, there was a few "get out of my way!" and "what's your problem?"... but nothing more. Whenever he looked at me, and I know I told you this before, it felt like he thought I wasn't worthy of him. As if I was beneath him. Trash.

Then, by the time I was fourteen, Sarutobi died.

And I became even more popular. Sakura suddenly had to defend her Naruto's-girlfriend-title.

And maybe that's when I really fell out of love with her. Maybe that's when I became colder, and more collected. Sarutobi was dead, and because of his death my popularity grew. It disgusted me.

I almost wished that I never gained my popularity. All I had was a bunch of misunderstanding friends (except for Shikamaru). The loathing of it all started to burn me, and I felt dirty. I felt as if I dirtied the memory of Sarutobi. I tried... I really tried to get some space from everyone. Shikamaru understood, being a genius and all, and tried his best to help me get space. But people only tried harder to get to me.

I was obviously getting more interesting in their eyes, by avoiding people. I was becoming like... Sasuke, know that I think of it.

Sasuke. I never stopped disliking him, but during those first weeks after Sarutobi's death, I caught myself several times thinking about him. Thinking about why he never talked to me. I was subconsciously thanking him for leaving me alone, attracting the girls so that they would go to him instead of me.

That's what it's been like ever since. I'm still Mr. Popular. Sasuke is still more popular than me. And after a while, that started to bother me. Shikamaru said it was good for me. That I was pissed with Sasuke for getting all the girls. Shikamaru said "That's what being a teenager is all about." I understood what he meant. I was becoming so depressed over Sarutobi's death that people started to worry about me. The fact that Sasuke's popularity bugged me was just a sign that I was returning to my old self.

Maybe... during all this time, I only imagined that I was pissed at Sasuke for getting all the girls, when I was in fact pissed with the girls for trying to steal him. Maybe, during those first hard weeks of not having a dad anymore, I started to subconsciously like Sasuke for giving me space. For acting just as cool as always and for being so damn indifferent.

Oh right... back to tuesday...

"Naruto, you do know that we're in class now, right?" I didn't even have to look up to know who said it. My precious ex, Sakura. I sighed and looked out the window, making it very clear for miss I'm-So-Damn-Hot that I was not in the mood for her cheeky comments. She didn't get the point.

"Don't you ignore me, Uzumaki!" She sneered and waved her nail polished hand in front of my face. I growled irritated.

"What the hell, Sakura?" I gave her a glare, silently telling her to piss the fuck off. She smirked, and I had to clench my jaw not to hit her.

"Ooh, someone's being snippy," she said, clearly amused from my behavior. I stared at her, waiting for her to say something else. She didn't. She just stood there and smirked, as if she had just said the most clever thing in the world. I rolled my eyes.

"If there wasn't something else, I'm leaving." I grabbed my bag and stood up from my chair. Sakura's smirk was wiped off. She blocked my way and gave me an impatient face.

"You may start begging for me to take you back now!" She said frustrated. As if that was her evil plan. I snorted.

"No thanks," I said and brushed past her. She stopped me by grabbing my wrist. I stopped, not because of her strength (since I could've easily brushed her hand off), but because of the fact that she dug her sharp nails into my skin, making me hiss.

"You can't just walk away from me, Naruto! You can't break up with me, I'm Haruno Sakura damnit!" She shrieked and caused people to send us strange looks.

"Yes I can, and I did... last Thursday, remember?" I whispered and tried to free myself from her brutal grip. She wouldn't budge.

"Then why are you looking so gloomy, Uzumaki?" She obviously wasn't used to call me by my last name yet. "If it's not because you've lost me, then why?" She demanded to know in a low voice. I met her gaze, giving her my rare ice-glare. She looked a bit caught off guard.

"First of all, let’s get one thing straight; I didn't lose you, Sakura, I broke up with you! There's a difference," I hissed and finally freed myself from her hand, grimacing when I smelled the scent of nail polish on my wrist. "Second, it's none of you fucking business who I'm thinking of!" I growled, turning around and stomping out of the room. It took me five seconds to realize my own mistake. I told her that I was thinking of someone.

I could've said "what I'm thinking of", but noo... I had to say "who." Damn my own stupidity. I mentally smacked my own forehead and stepped out to the garden. I sat down on a bench. It was time to go home, but I didn't want to see anyone. I just wanted to think.

Before I knew it, the same dark thoughts that had been haunting me through the whole weekend entered my brain, putting me into a very depressed state of mind. I sighed loudly.

"Naruto," someone said behind my back. I jumped, rather startled by this sudden sound.

"Shika... what's up?" I tried to sound happy and uncaring, but to no avail. Shikamaru is my best friend after all. He sat down beside me on the same bench we had been sitting on the day I asked Sasuke out. Shit... there I go, thinking about Sasuke again. I grinded my teeth and tried to force myself not to think about the raven haired boy anymore. I didn't succeed.

"Well... I was just wondering," Shikamaru murmured, managing to sound both worried and uncaring. I've always wondered how he does that. "Sasuke's not here today either, and I just thought... you know, maybe you know where he is?"

I scoffed. I'm Shikamaru's best friend too, and I knew what he was doing. This was his, seemingly very uncaring, way of asking if I was worried or if anything had happened. I sighed again.

"I dunno, guess he's at home," I answered nonchalantly. I could feel Shikamaru's gaze upon me, even though I was stubbornly staring on a very interesting spot on my shoe.

"What happened?" He sighed, obviously seeing through my pathetic attempt to hide my irate.

Yah... Shikamaru's clever. But why does he have to be a mind reader too?

Although, I felt somewhat relieved for Shikamaru's hidden power. I suddenly felt the need to tell him, to tell someone. To tell someone what had happened. I was so desperate for guidance that I would even have spoken to Kiba! And that’s bad... way bad. I didn't know how to tell him though... I was still too shocked, I think. And ashamed.

"I'm not sure," I mumbled. "I think... I think I screwed up." I said weakly. Confusion, anger and fear were lurking in my chest, since I had been pondering... every second the whole fucking weekend! I could barely sleep any more. Spending the nights considering every possible fault I might have done. Okay... There was the thing in the bathroom... cough.

But that didn't really explain what was wrong. Not really... when I did it... he seemed willing. Very willing. Not at first but...

And I didn't even have the guts to call Sasuke and ask him what was wrong. He didn't call me either, so I figured that he wanted to be alone for a while. I was planning to confront him after the weekend. But he didn't show up at school.

"Oh?" Shikamaru said coolly. I smiled despite my heavy depression. That's Shikamaru for you... he's not forcing me to go on, but he's not ending the conversation either. Giving me the choice.

"Yeah," I sighed. There was no point in coating the words in sugar. "I gave him a hand-job in the toilet." I said, staring up into the sky now.
Shikamaru gave a small, choked sound and turned to face me.

"You did?" He blurted. I nodded and buried my blushing face in my hands, growling frustrated.

"Yes, I did!!! I hissed, very embarrassed. Shikamaru stared at me, obviously wanting to hear the whole story. I sighed. "He... well, he obviously does not like scary movies." I mumbled, not being able to keep the amusement out of my voice completely. Shikamaru gave me strange look.

"So?"

"So... I took him out of there, since he looked like he was about to faint at any second and then I took him to the men’s room... where he threw up." It was actually quite painful to tell Shikamaru this, since it meant that I had to reawake every memory, every second of it as well. Shikamaru nodded, encouraging me to go on.

"I told him that he should've told me that he didn't like scary movies..." I murmured with a small smile on my lips, as I remembered how incredibly adorable Sasuke had looked, pouting and shivering. "And then I just... I just hugged him... you know, and-" I stopped. Unable to go on... Shikamaru stared at me.

"Come on, tell me. You know you'll feel better," Shikamaru smirked. I snorted; he just wanted the juicy details.

"Well... soon, we did more than just hug," I murmured, very embarrassed. "He seemed so tense, so I figured that he must not have been used to it... and after a while, he seemed almost scared of it... but I..."

I looked away before continuing.

"I just wanted to touch him... I love his skin... it's so smooth..." I realized that I was murmuring to myself and quickly cleared my throat. " I asked him if he was afraid of having people touching him, and he didn't answer me... so..." I swallowed, desperately trying to keep my voice steady.

"I did it any way." I said quietly, utterly ashamed of myself as I met Shikamaru's gaze. "Does... does that make me a rapist?" I whispered, nauseous feelings haunting my throat.

Shikamaru frowned a bit.

"Well... did Sasuke-kun want it?" He asked bluntly. I blushed.

"Yeah... I-I think so." I nodded to myself. "He didn’t give me any signs that he didn’t. He kissed me and... I made him come," I whispered, faintly smiling at the memory. Shikamaru smiled too, sensing my happiness over the fact.

My smile vanished quickly.... the memory of what happened afterwards came flooding into my mind.

"But then..." Shikamaru looked at me, his smile also disappearing. "He kinda... panicked. He told me to wash it away, and when I tried to touch him he told me to piss off." I tried, really really tried, to sound stoic, but my voice was trembling like mad anyways and I had to bite my lip to prevent myself from growling with frustration.

"Then he ran away." I finished weakly. I felt dirty, and suddenly angry with myself for telling Shikamaru. What the hell would my best friend think of me now? Said person was still staring me, not saying anything. I avoided his eyes.

"What... what did I do wrong?" I asked quietly. Shikamaru still said nothing. The lack of response suddenly pissed me off. "Tell me! What the fuck did I do wrong?" I hissed, facing Shikamaru, desperately searching for a reply from my genius-best friend. Shikamaru put his hand on my shoulder.

"Calm down." He put his forehead against mine, just like when we were younger and stared straight into my eyes. I stared back. "You did nothing wrong, okay?" Shikamaru said calmly, sounding almost like an adult.

His intelligent words filled me with relief, and I wanted to hug him, but I felt so weak. As if I was about to cry... I faintly wondered how many times I had felt like crying that dark weekend.

"Then why did he run away?" I asked, in spite of Shikamaru sounding very childish. Shikamaru frowned thoughtfully, still leaning against my forehead. I bit my lip, full of expectation, as I awaited his answer.

"Well... my guess is that something must've happened to him, perhaps when he was young. Something that made him afraid of other people touching him."

"But I've touched him before..." I said.

"Have you ever given him a hand-job before?" Shikamaru raised an eyebrow.

I blushed and looked away.

"No..."

"Well, you are a male, and so is he." Shikamaru mumbled, stating the obvious.

"You're an observant one, aren't you?" I said smirking. He snorted and smacked the back of my head a little.

"Oi, do you want my help or not? I wasn't finished." He muttered. I nodded apologetically. Shikamaru gave me a bored frown before continuing.

"Well, as you said... you made him come. A powerful, human sensation," He murmured thoughtfully. "A hug is probably fine, and even kisses... but to be given a real orgasm can trigger memories and reactions that no one saw coming. Especially if Sasuke, who is a male, orgasmed by the hands of another male. Do you understand?"

I nodded again. Shikamaru was making sense, as usual. His explanation made perfect sense comparing it with Sasuke's behavior.

"What should I do?" I asked, feeling extremely childish now. Shikamaru gave me a sad smile and sighed a bit.

"Naruto, I would love to say 'Buy him chocolate and kiss him on the nose', but that wouldn't work. I... I think this is more serious than that. He must have suffered some kind of childhood trauma, and my guess is that he's still in shock. This must have something to do with the fact that you gave him an orgasm, because sexual emotions are very intense. The only thing you can do right now is..."

I stared, grinning at my best friend, awaiting his wise answer; so incredibly thankful over the fact that I have genius as best friend. He would tell me a super-smart plan to win Sasuke back and then he would be mine again and woah (I silently howled happily in my mind) - Shikamaru's my hero...

"...To talk to him." Shikamaru finished flatly.

Then again...

My smile disappeared, replaced by a large pout and puppy-eyes. I groaned, silently begging Shikamaru to come up with another idea. Talking has never been one of my better skills. Shikamaru scoffed.

"That expression is not going to help, Naruto. If you want to restore your relationship with Sasuke-kun, you have to talk to him. Do you understand how serious this is? He's too upset for you to flirt or buy him flowers." Shikamaru said seriously, and made me feel oh-so childish again. Then he snorted. "Besides, I don't think he would appreciate it anyway. He is an Uchiha, after all." Shikamaru smirked. I smirked back.

"Yeah well... you don't him as well as I do," I chuckled to myself. Feeling very proud to be the seme. Well, if Sasuke wanted to be mine, that is.

Fuck... am I going to run away from this the whole year? I'm such a coward. I gotta go to him.

Sasuke...

I silently made up my mind. I had to see Sasuke.

"See you tomorrow, Shika. Thanks for the advice." I stood up and walked towards my bike.

"Don't mention it... and Naruto?" I turned around, facing Shikamaru who had some kind of worried yet uncaring smirk on his lips. "Good luck."


-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-


"Oi, Iruka-nii!" I shouted from my room, as I frantically searched for a clean shirt. Pretty soon a brown head peeked into my messy room with a quirked eyebrow.

"What?" He sighed, sounding a bit annoyed.

"Have you seen my green t-shirt? You know the one with-"

"Naruto," he interrupted, walking into my room. "You know that I can't possibly know where you keep your clothes. We've talked about this." He bent down and started to search for anything green in my large pile of clothes. I gave an annoyed look at my brother's oh-so grown up words and continued to search in silence. Well, until I broke it by speaking again.

"Is Kakashi coming over?" I asked, trying to sound normal. The truth was that I was still a bit embarrassed about the fact that my older brother was dating my teacher. It seemed so... cliché.
Iruka stiffened, and his following movements were jerky and clumsy.

"Y-yeah... he said he'll stop by later," Iruka replied quietly. He was also embarrassed. Probably more than I was.

You wanna know why? I'll tell you.

~Flashback~

"Sasuke!" I rushed out of the bathroom after quickly washing off his little mess from my hand. Panic filled my head as my eyes desperately tried to find a flash of black, pointy hair.

I looked over at the doors and gave a small sound of triumph as I saw someone with dark clothes and pointy, black hair run out to the cold streets. Without a doubt the young Uchiha. I ran after him, but was stopped by a large hand around my arm.
I turned around with an ice-cold glare, ready to snap against the obstructorr.

"Let go of me!" I sneered, but quickly shut up as I recognized my drama teacher. Kakashi held my arm in a firm grip and looked... well, serious. It was simply very shocking.

"I think you should let Uchiha-kun be alone," someone said behind Kakashi's back. I recognized the voice a bit too well for my liking. But, despite my silent prayers, it was indeed my brother who gave me a peek from behind Kakashi. I stared at him. Why was he here... with Kakashi..?

"N-nii-san?" I said weakly. When Kakashi finally let go of my arm, I almost dropped to the floor, the shock finally setting in. Kakashi led me to a chair. I sat down, thinking about what had happened.
I had just jerked Sasuke off, and now he had run away from me, telling me to piss off. Then I tried to run after him, but was stopped by my crazy drama-teacher and my own big brother... together.

As I brought my hand up to rub my forehead, I could still sense the faint smell of Sasuke’s musky cum. It made me want to cry... or throw up. I'm not sure.
I slowly stuck my tongue out, licking carefully at my palm while pretending to wipe the sweat off. It tasted salty.

I stood up from my sitting position and sighed.

"I'm sorry, but I think I should go after him," I said and staggered to the door, but Iruka's voice stopped me once again.

"Naruto, leave him alone for now."

I turned around, staring furiously at my brother (who flinched under my stern eyes), then at Kakashi, standing there so rudely calm and 'normal', then back at Iruka. They were really starting to piss me off... and why were they there together?!

"Why should I?" I hissed. "I have to talk to him!"

Kakashi shrugged, which made me even more pissed. He made me feel like I wasn't important to Sasuke, or as if I wasn't needed. His answer didn't make things better.

"Well, maybe he doesn't have to talk to you," he murmured coolly. I glared at him.

"What?!" I sneered. "What the hell is that suppose to mean?"

Iruka stepped in.

"What Hatake means is that-"

"'Hatake'?!" I gasped and stared wide-eyed at my brother. Since when the fuck did he have the right to call Kakashi-sensei by his first name?!

Okay, I think it's pretty safe to say that I was losing it pretty badly. But hey - I had good reasons.

Sasuke had run away from me, and now two 'outsiders' were trying to stop me from going to him. Nonetheless, the 'outsiders' were my brother and my teacher, obviously knowing each other a whole lot better than I thought. Iruka flinched at my harsh tone, then sighed.

"Naruto, just calm down, okay?" He said, so calmly it made me want to scream at him. "We'll figure this out, but you have to keep calm."

I shook my head, and almost felt like laughing with frustration. They hadn't seen his eyes. They hadn't seen that look in Sasuke's eyes. The mere thought of it alone is enough to make me shudder.

A look of pure hate.

"No... We won't figure out shit! I will go find him, and you two can stay here and keep calm for all the hell I care!" I yelled, not caring about the people who were coming out from the large halls.

Kakashi walked up to me before I had the time to escape and grabbed my arm again, harder than before. I hissed.

"Don't go after him now. He needs to be alone." His one revealed eye was staring coldy at me. I turned my gaze away.

"What do you know?" I snorted, fighting the angry tears back. This date was not turning out the way I wanted. Kakashi smirked a bit and ruffled my hair. I brushed his hand away.

"By the look on his face, I can tell exactly what you guy's had been doing." He snickered and snuck an arm around Iruka's waist. I looked away, embarrassed about the situation. Iruka tried to push the silver-haired man away, but Kakashi wouldn't budge.

"Just trust us, Naruto," Iruka said, while trying to free himself from Kakashi's grasp. "Sasuke needs to be left alone for a while." He blushed as Kakashi placed a kiss upon his cheek. "Hatake!" He hissed and looked as if he was about to slap Kakashi who just snickered and let go of Iruka's waist. I sighed.

"Fine. I'll leave him alone." I turned around and gasped as I almost walked into the firm chest of one Neji Hyuuga. Shikamaru was on his left side, looking curiously at me.

"Naruto? Where's Sasuke?" He asked. I looked at him, then my gaze started to trace his arm until I reached his hand, which was captured by Neji's.
I suddenly felt so incredibly jealous of my best friend for having that...for having that wonderful thing. For being able to hold Neji's hand without being embarrassed. For having what I wanted so badly I almost felt like screaming out of rage.

But I couldn't admit my failure, not yet. So I just smiled.

"He felt sick, so I sent him home. You should have seen him. He looked as if he was about to throw up," I explained, laughing a bit, trying to sound unbothered. But the laughter sounded terribly fake, even to me, and Shikamaru gave me a look of mixed boredom and suspicion. I had to save myself from his sharp mind.

"Any way," I quickly switched subject with a large grin, which probably looked even more fake than the laughter. "He forgot his jacket, that loser, heh... I'll just go pick it up for him. See you guys on Monday!" I said all of this a lot quicker than I usually would have, but my voice was beginning to tremble dangerously.

I entered the now bright hall, searching for our seats. I found them quickly and pulled my own blue coat on. Sasuke's black jacket was still there. Of course. I already knew that. The thought of him running home without a jacket made me very worried. It was so cold outside.

I touched the soft material. It felt expensive and smooth against my palm, and when I brought it to my nose, it barely had any weight at all. It smelled just like Sasuke. Just like him. I closed my eyes, forcing the smell further into my nostrils. Gods... I love that smell. My eyes were beginning to feel warm.

I cleared my throat and left the hall, Sasuke’s jacket neatly tucked under my arm.

I went home with Iruka and Kakashi, although Kakashi left after just a few minutes of kissing and groping Iruka, which I tried my best to ignore.

As I lay in my bed I was really trying to be optimistic. Maybe Sasuke was a little bit shocked? He would be fine! Of course he would be - he's an Uchiha after all!

With these comforting thoughts in mind, I managed to fall asleep.

Sasuke didn't call me the next day. That must've been the longest Saturday* in my life. I didn't call him either, afraid of what he might say and also because I still had Iruka's and Kakashi's words in my mind.

Sunday went by, still nothing. The silence was beginning to worry me.

Ironic. A few weeks ago I would've been happy to get rid of him. A few weeks ago, Uchiha Sasuke was still my nemesis.

I felt incredibly silly for reacting so strongly, as if I needed Sasuke to be with me every second to prevent my own death. As if me and Sasuke had always loved each other. That wasn't true, because we haven't always loved each other. I know that. It would've been silly, even to think that we had.

But the thruth is, that I have no idea how long I have been in love with Sasuke.
I remember the first kiss we shared, just a few weeks ago. The kiss seemed so right, and soothing... as if I had been subconsciously yearning like mad for it. I have no idea how long I've been in love with Sasuke. Really no idea.

And after finally realizing it, I honestly felt like I never wanted to be separated from him again. Silly, I know. Cliché. These things don't happen in real life, people aren't just 'meant to be'.

But all I could think of, that last night before the Monday on which I was hoping to confront Sasuke, was that I was indeed in love with Sasuke. And the thought of me being the cause of his suffering made my chest hurt, and my eyes water.

I know what you're thinking, even though I don't know you. But my mind is dark, and my thoughts blank. You're thinking that I've only been in love with Sasuke for a little while. You're thinking that I shouldn't be so fucking upset because of this, since we're not an old married couple. You're thinking 'God, is he overreacting, or what?'

That's what you're thinking.

You want to know what I am thinking?

I think you're wrong.


~End of flashback~

"Are you going somewhere?" Iruka asked, and held a green shirt up, silently asking if it was the right one. I shook my head no to the shirt and continued to look for it.

"Yeah... I-I want to visit Sasuke," I murmured, carefully avoiding my brother's gaze. Iruka sighed behind my back, and my heart sank to the bottom of my belly. If Iruka still thought it was a bad idea, I didn't know how long I would be able to take it. I felt pathetic enough by smelling Sasuke's jacket every evening to be able to sleep.

But Iruka didn't tell me to stay home or anything like that.

"Okay, good luck," he said, and sighed while pulling out the right shirt from the small mountain of clothes and handing it over to me. I gave him a small smile.

"Thanks. I have to give his jacket back anyways, so..." my words drifted away. They meant nothing, since it was a lie. Sasuke's jacket didn't really have anything to do with it. It was just a lame excuse I was going to use, since I'm still a coward. Iruka gave my shoulder a squeeze.

"Naruto, you have to understand that Sasuke's been going through a very rough time," Iruka said seriously, acting like the perfect older brother. I turned my head away.

"Because of me?" I don't know why I asked, because I certainly didn't want to know the answer! But Iruka shook his head and gave me an encouraging look.

"I'm sure everything will be fine," he said and left my room. I sighed and pulled the shirt over my head.

After giving myself one last glance in the mirror (yes, I want to look good in front of Sasuke, is that really so strange?!), I tucked his jacket into my bag and left.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-


Sasuke's apartment complex looked somewhat different in the dim light of the setting sun. Last time I was there, it was already dark. Although the long staircase to reach Sasuke's floor was just as long as the last time.

I was panting pretty badly by the time I reached it.

Pull yourself together, damnit!

I took a deep breath and corrected my hair (I used a small window as a mirror), and hoped I looked okay. Then I discretely lifted my arm to see if I smelled bad. I didn't. Thank the gods.

As I came closer and closer to Sasuke's black, closed door, I was desperately trying to come up with something other to say than 'Here, you left your jacket at the cinema after I jerked you off, remember?'

No, saying that would not be a good idea.

Unfortunately I had very little time to think about it, because suddenly Sasuke's door flew open. I was not the one to open it; I was still at least five steps away from the dark door. A dark-haired woman in a maids outfit stepped out with a stressed look on her face, she turned around before closing the door.

"Please call me if you need anything else, young master." She said, bowed and closed the door after receiving no answer. Then she brushed past me, as if in a rush. I stared at the door, confirming to myself that it really was Sasuke's flat. Then I turned around.

"Excuse me, miss!" I called out to the woman before she got to the stairs. She turned around, confused. I waved so that she would understand who called out for her. Then she gave me a shy smile.

"Yes sir?" She asked and bowed. I pointed towards Sasuke's door.

"The guy who lives here is Uchiha Sasuke, correct?" I asked. She nodded with a sad smile which made me worried. She looked as if Sasuke was terribly sick and on the verge of death.

"Is something wrong with him?" I asked and silently cursed at my own very worried tone. I quickly coughed and put my hands in my pockets. "I was just wondering why he wasn't in school." I said coolly, hoping that she wasn't as good as Shikamaru at seeing through me.

The lady nodded, and I almost gave her another cascade of worried questions, but remembered to keep my manners. Cancer? Oh please god, don't let it be cancer... Or maybe leukemia? Fuck...

The woman lowered her head and stared at the ground. I swallowed, feeling the panic sear up my spine. Then she finally answered.

"He's got a cold, sire," she said. "Although I'm sure he will be fine soon, he's stopped coughing. But he still has a bit of a fever. Have a nice day, sir." She smiled and bowed one last time before going down the stairs.

I was staring after her. A... cold?

Then why did you have to look as if he was dying, you bitch!?

I took a few calming breaths before turning away, preparing myself to knock on the depressingly black door. There was a small silver sign on it; Uchiha Sasuke.
I lifted my hand, preparing to knock, then...

"But..."

I jumped and almost winced as the woman’s voice was so much closer to me. She was a few meters away, staring at me with large, creepy eyes.

"He's been very down lately, sir. I do not know why, because he won't tell me, but something must've upset young master very much for him to act like that. I-I don't think I've ever seen him so depressed... not since Itachi..." Her name trembled at the last word. She got silent. I stared at her, waiting for her to finish the story.

She shook her head and left without another word. I stared after the strange woman until she finally left. But as soon as she did, I became annoyed with the fact that she hadn't finished her story. Who the hell was Itachi?

Then I turned to face the door again. Stared at the small silver sign. Sasuke... Uchiha Sasuke lived there. I bit my lip.
And then I knocked...'knock knock'... two times. Each knocking was ear shattering to me and made me almost cringe and want to run away, but I forced my feet not to move. I held Sasuke's jacket in a firm grip under my arm and stared at the door, waiting for someone to open it. Waiting for Sasuke to open it.

My blood froze with fear as I heard steps from inside and a muffled voice. Sasuke's voice.

"I already told you Mikoto-san, I don't need anything-" he opened the door and stared at me. "..else..."

Three seconds went by without any of us saying anything. His face was just as pretty and flawless as I remembered... although his nose seemed a bit redder than usual. Probably due to the cold.

Suddenly Sasuke glared at me, changing his features so much it was hard to believe it was the same person.

"What the hell do you want?" He sneered. His voice seemed a bit hoarse.

Ouch... that seriously hurt...

I swallowed to make the large lump in my throat vanish and took a step closer to the black haired boy. Sasuke flinched and tried to slam the door in my face, but my foot was already in between the door and the frame, preventing Sasuke from closing it.

"I brought your jacket," I mumbled and handed him the black jacket. He gave it a look, then continued to stare at my face. The small blush on his cheeks should've made me happy, but I wasn't sure if it was because Sasuke felt something... or if he was just angry with me. Maybe he was embarrassed. Maybe he hated me.

He snapped the jacket out of my hand and tried to close the door once again.

"Whatever. Now get out of here!" He growled hoarsely and tried to push my foot out of the way. He almost succeeded, but I had already snuck my hand inside and forced the door open.
Sasuke, in his weakened state, lost the pulling contest and had no choice but to let me into his dark apartment. Although it wasn't a bad darkness... it was soothing. Dark, calm colors lingered on the walls and the sealing.

Sasuke backed away a few steps from me, which also caused that suffocating pain in my chest to return. But I kept Iruka's words clear in my mind, since they were my only hope.

"...Sasuke's been going through a very rough time."
"I'm sure everything will be fine."

I swallowed and focused on talking to him. Which was easier said than done, considering that the first thing he said to me was "What the hell do you want?"

"You're avoiding me again," I said quietly. My voice sounded so sad, even though I tried to make it sound like a joke. Sasuke stared at me. His eyes seemed blacker than before... maybe it was becasue of his dark apartment and the fact that his usually so perfect hair seemed a bit unorganized and covered large parts of his pale face.

He wore a large, grey t-shirt and baggy, black sweatpants. Barefoot. To put it short, he looked as if he just got out of bed. Still, he managed to look so beautiful. I swallowed again.

"Go. Away." Sasuke whispered furiously. I didn't move.

"I won't leave until you tell me what's wrong." I kept my voice as cold and impersonal as I could. Maybe that would calm Sasuke down. He shook his head and took another step back.

"Just leave, dobe." He said. "Leave, or there will be consequences." He sounded just as cold and inhuman as me. Our staring competition continued.

I swallowed and closed my eyes. It was getting harder and harder not to show emotions... and when the hell did I decide not to do that any way?

"Sasuke, please," I begged. My voice was almost whispering. "Tell me what's wrong."

I watched as Sasuke's eyes grew slightly bigger, and for a few seconds, I thought that I had succeeded. But I hadn't.
Sasuke clenched and unclenched his fists, looking dangerously calm.

"Get out."

"Sasuke-"

"Get OUT!" He yelled and tried to push me against the door. It didn't work, since he was still weak from the cold. I captured his left fist in my own, and held it in a firm, but gentle grip. I reached for his other hand but that was obviously a big mistake. Sasuke saw my intention and slapped me hard across the cheek. I gasped with the pain, but it was really nothing compared to what Sasuke said to me.

"Don't touch me with those hands!" He hissed and freed himself from my grip. He didn't push me away though. I guess he understood that there wasn't much he could do about it.
I palmed my own cheek to cease the pain and sent Sasuke a look which I hoped was cool and collected.

"I need you to tell me what is wrong."

Sasuke groaned and seemed so frustrated. I was obviously not acting like he wanted me to.

"Can't you hear me? I said 'get out'!" He sneered and pointed towards the door. I ignored it and took a step closer to him.

"Tell me now," I begged. "Please!" My voice sounded desperate, and I guess I was.

"Don't come any closer!" Sasuke hissed and gave me a full-blown glare, despite his obvious fatigue.

"Please tell me..." I repeated and took another step closer. Sasuke looked panicked.

"No, get out!" he whispered.

"Tell me..."

"No."

I sighed, and had to swallow to stop myself from crying with frustration.

"Why?" I asked with a firm voice. "Why?!" I was starting to get angry, unbelievably angry with Sasuke for not telling me what was wrong! How the hell was I suppose to help him if I didn't know?

"Tell me why!!" I yelled, anger and hopelessness were searing through me, making me nearly numb. I felt a pair of hands weakly punch at my chest.

"BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO!" Sasuke yelled and sunk to the floor. He didn't succeed to push me away.

I stared down at him for what seemed like ages. His head hung down in a defeated way, so that I only saw the black, messy hair. Then he started to speak. Very quietly.

"There's nothing you can do, it's too late." He mumbled and brought a hand up to his face, as if to rub his forehead. He fisted his hair and whimpered.

"What have you done to me, Naruto?" He murmured and lifted his head to face me. He wasn’t crying, but his face held such a sad expression it made me want to cry. "Look what you have done to me," he murmured quietly.

I didn't move. I just stood there and stared at Sasuke, and concentrated on breathing, for several minutes it seemed. Then I noticed a small tugging on my pants and was cruelly brought back to reality.

Sasuke was trying to get up from the floor by climbing my pants, and I quickly reached down to help him.

When he was finally up, he just stood there. We didn't touch, although we stood just inches away from each other. Gods, how I wanted to claim his lips once again. I wanted to cry and scream and yell at him for not telling me. But I kept my calm manner.

"What did I do to you?" I asked quietly. Sasuke closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, his gaze was on the floor. Then he shocked me by taking a tiny step towards me.

"Baka..." He whispered. I didn't move, afraid of what he might do if I made any moves at all.

My breath hitched as his torso touched mine, ever so slightly.
Then he put his forehead on my shoulder with a small sigh. He didn't put his arms around me, and I was afraid of touching him. I didn't want to scare him away again.

I don't know how long we stood like that in Sasuke’s dark apartment. The only things that were heard was our breathing and the faint tic-toc from a clock somewhere in the room.

I was just about to ask him again, when he made me shudder with pleasure by giving my skin a slight kiss, just above the collarbone. He still didn't move, and neither did I. I just stared wide-eyed at his messy black spikes under my chin.

Then he finally answered, and I closed my eyes in bliss, put my arms around his back, burying my face in the nape of his neck.

"You made me fall in love with you."


TBC
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Authors note;
Yeah, it's slooowly returning to the fluffiness. ^^ I know I didn't tell Itachi's story, but that's because I want it to be in Sasuke's p.o.v, so it'll come in the next chapter.
The next chapter will also be a bit special, which you will notice in the end. ^^ "The dark times" isn't quite over yet, but don't despair. Things will get better. Way better.

Oh and I just want to thank the wonderful ppl who warned me about the person (I won't give her username away) who stole this fic from me. Yes, it's true, she stole the first chapter and added it! But, luckily, she got very yelled at, not only by me. I just want to say thank you. ^^ She removed the fic she stole from me (and two other fics she had stolen from other authors) and has even changed her username. Che, what a loser.

To the fic-thief; That's pathetic, girl! Write your own fucking story! I mean, what's the pleasure of stealing another persons story? You like getting reviews thanks to MY work? Is that it? Che. Pathetic.

C ya'll! You know I like reviews, you guys are my heroes! Thank you all for reading, the sixth chapter will be up a.s.a.p. *chu*