Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Two Thingies of DOOM ❯ The Taming (Beating) of Omochao ( Chapter 1 )

Chapter One: The Taming (Beating) of Omochao

[Black screen. Camera pans down along a mountain, and zooms in on Sonic and Tails, picking their way through the blasted and charred mountains.]

Sonic: Am I on? OK. Err-hm…We have been wandering through these mountains for days!

Tails: I know. You've only mentioned that about 8 trillion times.

Sonic: We have been wandering through these mountains for days!

Tails: Really?

Sonic: (Pause) Yes.

Tails: Good. I was afraid that we weren't wandering through these mountains for days.

Sonic: You did? Because we have been wandering through these mountains for days.

[Tails and Sonic continue to pick their way through the mountains. Night starts to fall. Sonic and Tails duck for cover. Wow. That was lame. On with the story.]

Tails: Do you think we'll reach Mt. DOOM in this sequel?

Sonic: Not a chance.

Tails: Damn. I wanna go home! I had five new tapes to watch including some Amy-on-Rouge I pilfered from another fan fiction.

Sonic: Tails, I guess now is a good a time as any. It's time we had THE TALK.

[The camera pans to and zooms in on Tails' face, a look of pure horror plastered all over it. As the camera pans out of the mountains, Tails screams.]

Tails: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Sonic: You see, when a man and a woman really love each other…

[The scene blackens, then lightens and returns to Sonic and Tails, sleeping. Slowly crawling down the hill is…Omochao.]

Omochao: The Ring will be mine!

[Omochao suddenly falls down and slams into Tails' head. Tails doesn't notice anything and starts cuddling up to Omochao. Tails is talking in his sleep.]

Tails: Ohhhhh, AMY! Yes! Yes! YEEEESSSSSS!!!!! AMY!!!!

Omochao: HELP! He thinks I'm Amy! He's trying to do me! HE'S TRYING TO REPRODUCE WITH ME! HE'S TRYING TO ACHIEVE INSERTION! HE'S CUTTING OFF MY CIRCULATION! I CAN'T BREATH! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELP ME YOU DEAF BASTARD! HELP ME!

[Omochao's racket finally wakes up Sonic, who separates Tails from Omochao.]

Sonic: I'm not going to ask why my hands are sticky.

Tails: I was having a wonderful dream! Why did you wake me?

Omochao: You were attempting to mate with me.

Tails: I feel so violated.

Omochao: HEY! You were the one trying to insert your d…

Sonic: SHUT UP NOW! Ok, Omochao why are you here?

Omochao: Because I want to take the Ring!

Sonic: Waa…

Omochao: I mean, help you destroy the Ring! I'll be your guide!

Tails: I don't trust him. He tried to have sex with me.

Omochao: Sonic! You know who he was dreaming he was having sex with? Amy! Your girlfriend!

Sonic: SHE IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND! WHY DOES EVERYONE SAY THAT?

Omochao: Because she always follows you around. I mean, if Tails were still doing that we'd still think he was gay.

Tails: That's ok; I've gotten over my obsession with Sonic.

[Omochao and Sonic both turn and look at Tails.]

Tails: I didn't say anything.

Sonic: I sure as hell hope so.

Omochao: I mean you do absolutely nothing to get rid of her. You must really love her, deep down inside.

Sonic: What do you mean "do nothing"? I set the trap on the Bridge of Khazad-DOOM that sent Amy to her death!

[Tails and Omochao stare at Sonic for a second.]

Sonic: I mean…Tails can have her!

Tails: Oh thank you Sonic!

[Tails rushes to Sonic and hugs him. After about half a second, Sonic pushes him away using his right foot.]

Sonic: Tails, you're still sticky. Go wash.

[Tails wanders off to find a puddle he can roll in.]

Omochao: You do realize you promised him someone who is most likely dead?

Sonic: And?

Omochao: Never mind.

Sonic: Whatever it takes to stop him from following me. It's starting to get creepy.

Omochao: It took you about eight games to figure this out?

Sonic: Yep.

Omochao: Moron.

Sonic: (With an absolute retard look on his face) I know!!!!