Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Two Thingies of DOOM ❯ The Riders of Rohan and Stuff ( Chapter 2 )

Chapter Two: The Riders of Rohan and Stuff

[The camera pans along the plains of Rohan. The Uruk-hai that took Knuckles and Rouge are running at full speed carrying the two treasure hunters on their backs.]

Knuckles: Rouge! Snap out of it! My ears…

Rouge: (Still screaming since the end of Movie 1) -OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOO!!

Random Uruk-hai Dude: Man! She is getting annoying! All that screaming and yelling over becoming Mario's sex slave.

Uruk-hai Leader: If she screams that bad now…boys, it's only going to get worse.

Rouge: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Knuckles: Stop you genetically engineered bastards! You're being mean to her! And put me down! And this guy smells bad! And I need to go pee! And my feet itch! And…

[The Uruk-hai stop. The Leader turns and looks at Knuckles.]

Uruk-hai Leader: And you! Your whining is getting on my nerves! If you shut up Mario will share Rouge with you!

Knuckles: I'm going to pass on that. I won't share Rouge with a fat ass Italian plumber!

Rouge: (Thinking Knuckles said something heroic along the lines of "I'll die before Mario can have Rouge.") That's so kind of you Knuckles.

Knuckles: This is a trap, right? You never agree with me.

Rouge: No. I'm serious; you're sticking up for me, and not being an ass at the same time.

Knuckles: Heh…ass-y goodness.

Random Uruk-hai Dude: Sir! I smell something…funny.

[The Uruk-hai suddenly stop moving. They stand in one place and start sniffing the air. An Uruk-hai in the crowd raises his hand and speaks up.]

Uruk-hai 2: Uh…sorry…I had several cans of baked beans before leaving.

Uruk-hai Leader: FOUL! JUST FOUL!

Random Uruk-hai Dude: No, I smell something different…

Uruk-hai Leader: (Sniffing the air) Smells like…lard? Crap! They're after us! Full speed to Orthanc!

[The Uruk-hai pick up speed and start to run towards Isengard. The camera pans to Eggman, Shadow, and Gordon Freeman, several miles behind the Uruk-hai. Eggman is viciously devouring a huge slab o' lard.]

Eggman: Mmm…lard…is there anything it can't do?

Shadow: You! You IDIOT! We could have sneaked up on them and saved Rouge and Knuckles! But you have to eat LARD! And now they know that we're following them!

Eggman: Don't hate me because I've got food.

Shadow: Fat ass.

[Eggman attempts, in vain, to see if what Shadow said is true.]

Eggman: Must…look…at…my…ass…

Shadow: What a freak…All right, let's get moving.

[The camera follows Eggman, Shadow, and Gordon as they run after the Uruk-hai. The camera pulls out and rotates around the hills and mountains that they're running by. Eggman starts humming.]

Eggman: Hmm…hmmm….I like big butts and I cannot lie!

Shadow: Shut up and run!

Eggman: You got the runs?

Shadow: MORON!

Eggman: I couldn't agree more!

Shadow: RETARD!

Eggman: …BABY GOT BACK!

[The camera goes back to where the three heroes just where. Climbing up the hill are: The Two Evil Mofos, appearing a little beaten.]

Megabyte: Why can't we have horses or flying dragons to ride on?

Cervantes: Arr…

Megabyte: Yeah. Life sucks.

Cervantes: Arr! ARR!

Megabyte: They sell beer here? Onward to beer!

[Megabyte and Cervantes run off in a completely different direction than the Eggman, Gordon, and Shadow in the quest for beer, a very noble quest indeed.]