Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Two Thingies of DOOM ❯ Some Stuff Happens ( Chapter 6 )

Chapter Six: Some Stuff Happens

[Eggman, Gordon, and Shadow are traveling through Fangorn Forest, trying to find Rouge and Knuckles.]

Shadow: Hey. This looks like the Green Forest/White Jungle levels from sonic Adventure 2!

Eggman: I wonder if lard grows in trees?

Shadow: I'm sure it does…

[Eggman walks up to a tree and attempts to climb up it. He gets about three inches off the ground when his massive bulk brings the tree down. Gordon jumps out of the way, but Shadow gets a face full of tree.]

Shadow: Shit. This hurts!

Eggman: Hey! There's lard in this tree!

[As Shadow massages his face, Eggman starts to chow down on his new slab o' lard, sending lard fragments every where.]

Shadow: Oh hell no. You just didn't get lard in my poofy!

Eggman: LARD *gulp-swallow-slurp* LAAARD!!

Shadow: MY POOFY! My poofy…my preciousss poofy…

[Shadow starts doing the "Gollum Fondle" to his poofy. Eggman has finished his slab o' lard. The trees are now making threatening sounds. How a tree can sound threatening beats me.]

Shadow: He's behind us.

Eggman: Who?

Shadow: The blue wizard. Get out your strongest weapons.

[Gordon pulls out the Gluon gun, Shadow a kind of DragonBall Z Kamehame type thing, and Eggman gets into some kind of mech suit he must have been carrying…somewhere. Fully armed, they turn around and open fire. The Wizard is standing in front of a blue lamp. He uses his magic to deflect and destroy Eggman, Gordon, and Shadow's weapons.]

Mysterious Wizard: You are looking for two hobbits…

Eggman: Actually, we're not.

Mysterious Wizard: Oh. Well. Whoever you are looking passed here a day ago. They are safely hiding with the…Hippies of Middle-Earth (Twilight Zone Music).

Shadow: Who are you? Show yourself!

[The Mysterious Wizard steps out from the blue light, revealing himself to be…

SCENE CHANGE!!!! BWA-HA-HA! Rouge and Knuckles are riding on the Moonbeam's shoulders.]

Moonbeam: You see, it's obviously a government plot that killed Kennedy, because he was about to find out about Area 51, jeopardizing American security, cause Kennedy was a Soviet spy directly under the control of the reincarnated Hitler…

Rouge: Do you ever shut up?

Moonbeam: No.

Rouge: Why? Why won't you shut up?

Moonbeam The Hippie-Wives all left.

Knuckles: Hippie-Wives…heh-heh.

Rouge: I'm not surprised…

Moonbeam: The Man and the Establishment corrupted them. The System broke them. (sniffs some pot) They wanted to "wash" and have "indoor plumbing" and "stuff".

Rouge: That's a real tragedy…

Moonbeam: I wrote a song about it during a pot induced hallucination…wanna hear?

Knuckles: No. Just no.

Moonbeam: TOUGH! I will not be constrained…I am a Hippie of Middle-Earth, free to do as I please! Living off the land, sucking the life out of countries, and when it comes time to fight for the country, running off to the mystical land of "Canada".

Rouge: Thrilling…

Moonbeam: Ok here's my song…(Moonbeam starts to sing his "The Hippie-Wives Song".)

We used to smoke

We used to get unbelievably high

But then you left, what a joke!

You left. (Sniffs some pot)

Wooooooooooooooooooo…..

We used to do it every day

We did it in the fields

We did it in the hay

Mmm…hay (Sniffs some more pot)

Woooooooooooooooooo…..

I think I'm gonna pass out…

We got the greatest dreams!

We saw red frogs jumping across a green sky!

We saw purple streams!

WE GOT SO HIGH! (Sniffs more pot)

Woooooooooooooooooo….

[Moonbeam falls down like a rock throwing Knuckles and Rouge to the ground. Before we move on I want you readers to know this: The Hippie-Wives song is supposed to be crappy. You can't write good songs when you're high. Believe me. Now we return to Eggman, Gordon, and Shadow.]

Shadow: Who are you? Show yourself!

[The Mysterious Wizard steps out from the blue light, revealing himself to be…

Luigi the Green and Some Blue.]

Luigi: Its-a me-a, Luigi!

Shadow: What the hell is a "Luigi"?

Eggman: He sounds like a bad Mario impersonation.

Luigi: I'm-a Mario's brother!

Eggman: Mario has a brother?

Luigi: You-a see? That's-a why I'm-a here!

Eggman: Because I didn't know Mario had a brother?

Luigi: YES! My-a whole life, Mario has-a overshadowed me! I-a get-a no thanks! I-a saved his-a ass countless-a times, and I-a get-a no thanks!

Shadow: And this relates to us how?

Luigi: I'm-a going to help-a you defeat-a Mario and-a Sauron.

Eggman: Ah. Well that's good. You wouldn't happen to have some lard?

Luigi: No. O-a-k, Knuckles-a and-a Rouge are in-a good, yet-a dirty, hands. We-a must go to-a Rohan, and-a warn-a their-a King.

[Eggman, Gordon, Shadow, and Luigi walk out of Fangorn Forest.]

Shadow: (Muttering) He never said what a Luigi was….

[Luigi attempts to whistle, but gives it up, and pulls out an actual whistle, which he blows. Soon a majestic…thing rides up to them.]

Luigi: This is-a Yoshi, lord of-a all things! Well, he-a was till I-a had him neutered…

[Luigi gets on Yoshi, and rides off with Eggman, Gordon, and Shadow running along beside him.]

Eggman: I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE!