Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Two Thingies of DOOM ❯ Let Loose the Cat-Dogs of War! ( Chapter 10 )
Mario’s forces once again show off their staggering incompetence.
Non Anime: Sonic Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Adventure / Action | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 08.04.2004 | Updated On: 11.11.2004 | Pages: 2 | Words: 711 | Visits: 179 | Status: Completed
Chapter Ten: Let Loose the Cats Dogs of War!
(Author's Note: This chapter title should have "Cats" crossed out, but alas, mediminer.org doesn't allow that…)
[The camera pans to Orthanc, inside are Mario and Lumina. Mario is speaking out loud to no one in particular.]
Mario: To-a recap: I-a have-a knocked down a big-a part of-a the forests, dammed-a the river, sent-a troops to destroy-a parts of-a Rohan, and-a assembled a big ass army.
Lumina: And lost your control over the King of Rohan!
Mario: That is-a not important…
[Mario is working on three small mines, which he's filling with gunpowder. Lumina wanders over.]
Lumina: What's this for? You going to use it to blow up Helm's Deep once the Rohan drag their asses over there?
Mario: What-a the hell else-a would it-a be for?
Lumina: Uh…
Mario: Exactly!
[Lumina leans over one of the mines which blows up in her face.]
Lumina: Aggh! My eyes! My freakin' eyes!
Mario: I-a warned you not to-a do-a that!
Lumina: SWEET MERCY! I'VE GOT SHRAPNEL IN MY EYES!
[Lumina runs around screaming for a few seconds. Mario pulls out a wrench and bashes Lumina upside the head with it. Lumina falls down, then gets up, fully recovered.]
Lumina: Lord Mario, even if you use these to destroy Helm's Deep, it would take an army to kill the Rohan.
Mario: Look up-a few-a lines, I-a mention the-a big-a ass army.
Lumina: Well, yeah, but to create a sense of fear among the audience, you need to show me this army.
Mario: Son-of-a-bitch…ok, I'll-a show you-a my-a army.
[Mario leads Lumina to a balcony overlooking the 10,001 strong Uruk-hai army. The army starts cheering.]
Uruk-hai Army: MARIO! MARIO! MARIO! MARIO!
Lone Uruk-hai: Mario sucks! Mario sucks! Mario sucks!
Mario: I-a have-a been over-a this already…
Lone Uruk-hai: Mario sucks! Mario sucks! Mario sucks!
[Without really trying, Mario launches a fireball and incinerates the Lone Uruk-hai, giving him (Mario) a nice 10,000 strong army.]
Mario: You will-a ride out to-a Helm's Deep! There-a will soon be-a lot of-a Rohan there! Kill them all! FOR-A NINTENDO!
Uruk-hai Army: KILL! KILL! KILL!
Mario: The-a land will-a run-a red with the-a blood of-a the Rohan!
Uruk-hai Army: RED! RED! RED!
Mario: YES! KILL-A THEM ALL!
Uruk-hai Army: FOR MARIO! FOR MARIO! FOR MARIO!
[The Uruk-hai army charges away from Orthanc, heading south.]
Lumina: Isn't that the wrong way?
Mario: My-a Uruk-hai know-a what they are-a doing.
Lumina: No, seriously. Helm's Deep is to the west.
Mario: Oh. SHIT!