Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Two Thingies of DOOM ❯ The…Ah Hell, I Can’t Think of a Good Name ( Chapter 13 )

Chapter Thirteen: The…Ah Hell, I Can't Think of a Good Name…

[Sonic, Tails, and Omochao are wandering around in a…place. Maybe.]

Sonic: Shit. My feet hurt…

Tails: I can't feel my legs…

Omochao: COME ON! LET'S GET MOVING!

Tails: Shut up…just shut up…

Omochao: FOX BOY! YOU ARE A FREAK!

Tails: (Crying) My mommy said I was special! Not a freak! I'm…not a freak!

[Tails falls down and starts crying. Sonic deciding that he won't get anywhere sets up camp. Night falls. Omochao is sitting a bit away from the sleeping Tails and Sonic. He starts to have an argument with his nice personality which is called…uh…damn. Uh…Omochao2! The imagination is stunning.]

Omochao: We have to kill them to get the preciousss.

Omochao2: But they are the good guys! They're going to win!

Omochao: Never! We can kill them right now!

Omochao2: Then why don't you?

Omochao: Well…

Omochao2: OH! YOU DON'T KNOW!

Omochao: Ah…

Sonic: (Groggy) Can you and your split personality shut up? I'm trying to sleep!

Omochao2: Well? (pause) Heh. My evil personality is gone!

Sonic: GOOD! NOW SHUT THE HELL UP!

[It's well into the next day. Sonic, Tails, and Omochao2 are walking towards Mordor, when they stop.]

Tails: I can hear something…

Omochao2: It sounds like…humans.

Sonic: Crawl towards the noise…

[Sonic, Tails, and Omochao2 crawl towards the noise. They reach the end of a cliff and look at the source of the noise.]

Sonic: Wow.

Omochao2: This must be a part of Sauron's army.

[They stare in awe at the huge…whatever they're called…Oliphaunts, Mumakil, whatever.]

Tails: OLIPHAUNTS!

Sonic: You do realize that you sound stupid beyond all reason?

Tails: Well, yeah.

[Suddenly mysterious warriors appear and start shooting arrows at the troops. Omochao2 gets up and slinks away. A few seconds pass, and Sonic gets up to find where Omochao went.]

Sonic: Omochao? Omochao? Where are you?

[Creeping up behind Sonic is the leader of the ambush: Wind Waker Link! He's only knee high compared to Sonic. He pulls out a blanket to try and pull over Sonic's head. He starts jumping trying to reach.]

Sonic: (Completely oblivious) Omochao? Where the hell are you?

WW Link: (Jumping) EEE! EEE! EEE!

Sonic: The frick is making that noise?

[Sonic turns to see WW Link and about 40 Gondor rangers surrounding him.]

Sonic: Crap.

WW Link: (With an English accent) Right-eo old chap!

[The Gondor rangers jump on Sonic, who screams. Cut back to Tails.]

Tails: Now what? Don't tell me that Sonic is in trouble again…

[Tails is beaten over the head by an immense sword and goes down like a rock.]

Tails: URRG!

[The scene changes to Sonic and Tails tied up in a cave.]

Sonic: Ow. I had forty guys jump me.

Tails: Damn you! I wish I had forty guys jump me.

Sonic: Now I'm worried. Can somebody separate me from Tails over here? Please?

[WW Link walks in.]

WW Link: Well. Why are a hedgehog and a freak fox…

Tails: I'M NOT A FREAK!

WW Link: Whatever…walking through the outskirts of Mordor?

Sonic: We're carrying the One Ring of Power and we have to take to Mordor and dump it into the lava spewing Mt. DOOM!

Tails: My God Sonic, you really are an idiot.

WW Link: You have the One Ring? Well, well, well. Maybe you will have some use for me. With this I will be able to prove myself to my father, defend Gondor, and maybe add a few feet to my height.

Tails: No! The Ring is evil! You can't use it for good!

WW Link: Enough! Where is the other member of your group? The robot?

Tails: What robot?

Sonic: And you call me stupid? He means Omochao, dumbass.

Tails: (On the verge of killing everyone) OF COURSE HE MEANS OMOCHAO! WHAT THE HELL ELSE WOULD IT BE? WE HAVE TO ACT LIKE WE DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT AND YOU RUINED IT!

WW Link: So, there was no third person?

Tails: (Stunned) I get the feeling I'm the only smart person here…

Sonic: Yeah. No third person *wink-wink* No third person.

[Tails shakes his head in despair. WW Link grabs Sonic and drags him outside the cave. WW Link points to an oil slick where Omochao is playing around.]

WW Link: This not your robot? He has entered our sacred oil slick, doing so bears the penalty of death. You won't mind if we kill him?

Sonic: Of course not! He's not my robot *wink-wink*

WW Link: (Signaling) Prepare to fire!

Tails: (Screaming from inside the cave) SAVE OMOCHAO YOU MORON!

Sonic: (Yelling back) BUT HE'S NOT OUR ROBOT!

Tails: (Screaming) YOU ARE THE DUMBEST CREATURE ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET!

WW Link: The mutant seems to want to spare the robot…

Tails: (Near tears) I'M NOT A MUTANT!

Sonic: Let me talk to him.

[Sonic goes to edge of the oil slick and talk to Omochao.]

Sonic: Get over here! Come on!

Omochao2: Huh? Sonic! You're back!

Sonic: Get over here! There's no ambush to capture you! *wink-wink*

Omochao2: All right.

[Omochao2 walks towards Sonic, when suddenly a bunch of Gondor bowmen jump on him.]

Omochao2: THE FUCK?! TRAITOR! GOD DAMN YOU SONIC!

Sonic: Don't hurt him! Too much! Ah, as long as you don't kill him I'm good.

[The scene switches back to the interior of the cave. WW Link is talking to one of the rangers, who is about five feet taller than WW Link.]

WW Link: If this is true we must go to the Mystic Ruins. We must push back the Orc hordes.

Ranger 1: Yes sir. They will control the city if we don't get there soon.

WW Link: Ready the men. Bring the blue Ring carrying hedgehog, the mutant fox…

Tails: (Yelling from other side of cave) I'M NOT A MUTANT! I'M SPECIAL!

WW Link: (Completely ignoring Tails) …and the retard robot with us. They are most…preciousss to me.

Ranger 1: You should check that lisp out sir.

WW Link: I know. I can't say "preciousss" anymore. What do I say to a hot babe if I'm making mad passionate sex to her?

Ranger 1: I wouldn't know, sir.

WW Link: Why in hell did my father stick me in the Queer Brigade?

Ranger 1: Well, to be honest sir, you look like you fit right in.

WW Link: Shut up and march.