Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Two Thingies of DOOM ❯ The Killing Begins! ( Chapter 14 )

Chapter Fourteen: The Killing Begins!

[The camera pans to Helm's Deep. The Rohan and the DDS Elves are all lined up in various battlements and such. The Uruk-hai army is approaching as the sun starts to set. It begins to rain. Lightning streaks across the sky.]

Eggman: (In an armored mech) Could the weather be any more movie like?

Shadow: It is a movie dip shit.

Megabyte: I hope I don't need to pee during the fight.

Duff Man: Duff Man's Rohan will defend Helm's Deep! Oh yeah!

DDS Elf King: Elves! Line up in the sexiest battle positions you have! If we survive we are most definitely going to get laid!

DDS Elves: YEAH!

[As the DDS elves prepare themselves, the Uruk-hai army marches up. They stop about 500 feet from the walls of Helm's Deep.]

Uruk-hai Leader 2.0: (Yelling) THIS IS HELM'S DEEP, RIGHT?

Shadow: (Yelling back) I THINK SO!

Uruk-hai Leader 2.0: KILL THEM ALL!

[The Uruks start to chant.]

Uruk-hai Army: WE WILL, WE WILL ROCK YOU!

[Gordon Freeman pulls out a sniper rifle and blasts the Uruk-hai leader, who goes down in wonderful blood spurting slo-mo.]

Uruk-hai Army: ATTACK!

Lone Uruk-hai 2: I WANT MY MOMMY!

[The Uruk-hai charge towards Helm's Deep. Elfish and Rohan arrows fly down towards the Uruk-hai. Several Uruk-hai start placing Mario's bombs under the drain of Helm's Deep. Out of nowhere, an Uruk-hai runs towards the bombs carrying a torch.]

Shadow: TAKE HIM OUT!

[Gordon fires the Gluon gun at the Uruk, knocking off one of its arms.]

Shadow: KILL HIM!

[Cervantes fires his pistol sword, removing the Uruk's foot.]

Shadow: KILL! KILL!

[Eggman fires a rocket barrage at the torch carrier, destroying his legs. But the torch carrier crawls on.]

Shadow: WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!

[Gordon Freeman pulls out the Redeemer, a one shot tactical nuclear warhead launcher and fires. The missile blows up the torch carrier, but the torch lands on the mines, blowing them up. The wall of Helm's Deep blows up 33 times at various speeds and angles. The Uruk-hai charge through the new opening.]

Eggman: SONS OF BITCHES!

[Eggman open fires with a rocket barrage, Cervantes starts doing all his mad sick combos (did I just say "mad sick"?) on all the Uruk-hai, Gordon blasts at them with all different kind of weaponry, Shadow starts doing homing attacks, and Megabyte starts to just kick and punch. One of Cervantes' combos causes an Uruk to spontaneously explode in Shadow's face.]

Shadow: HELL NO! THERE IS NO WAY YOU JUST GOT BLOOD IN MY POOFY!

[The fighting continues with blood and limbs flying everywhere. Megabyte starts physically ripping Uruk-hai apart. Shadow goes crazy and in a rage of Poofy madness, starts killing indiscriminately. Despite their best efforts, the good guys have to withdraw to the keep.]

Duff Man: WITHDRAW! RETREAT!

Shadow: NOT TILL I AVENGE MY POOFY! THESE BLOOD STAINS WILL NEVER GET OUT!

[Eggman drags Shadow to the keep. The Uruk-hai pull out a battering ram to knock down the main gate.]

Uruk-hai Dudes: SMASH! BREAK! HULK SMASH!

[The Uruk-hai start ramming the gates.]

Duff Man: Rohan is so screwed. Oh no!

Megabyte: That about sums it up.

Shadow: I'm going to die a virgin…not the way I wanted to go out…

[The Uruk-hai keep bashing at the gate. The scene switches to Moonbeam carrying Rouge and Knuckles on his shoulders.]

Knuckles: So…uh…aren't there more important things happening right now?

Moonbeam: (Wasted) Uggh…

Rouge: Uh…Moonbeam? Do you mind heading south towards Orthanc?

Moonbeam: Yeah. Sure.

[Moonbeam turns and starts heading south towards Orthanc. The camera changes to show Moonbeam walking out of the forest into a humongous blasted region.]

Moonbeam: And then, the government hid the peace loving aliens and did cruel, cruel things to the…(realizes that the forest has been cut down)…What? What happened?

Rouge: I think Mario cut down part of the forest…

Moonbeam: (Anger) These trees had voices! Well, at least when I was high they did…But they were our source of weed…they had feelings…(looks towards Isengard)…MARIO. A wizard should know better! There is no curse in elvish, dwarvish, 1337, or the tongues of men to express my rage but I sure as Hell will try!

Knuckles: Can you not?

Moonbeam: (Opens his mouth and starts to speak) BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPP!

Knuckles: Holy crap…that is some vulgar language.

Rouge: I had no idea Mario's mom could be so many bad things at once…

Moonbeam: THIS WILL NOT STAND! MARIO WILL PAY FOR HIS TREACHERY!

[Knuckles and Rouge look to their left. The forest seems to be moving towards Helm's Deep.]

Knuckles: The trees are moving! Cool!

Moonbeam: The trees have business with the Uruk-hai. MY business is with Isengard!

[Out of the forests hundreds of Hippies appear.]

Moonbeam: THE HIPPIES ARE GOING TO WAR!

Knuckles: (Under his breath) About goddamned time…

Moonbeam: IT IS LIKELY WE MARCH TO OUR DOOM! THE FINAL MARCH OF THE HIPPIES!

[The hundreds of hippies march towards Isengard. The camera cuts to Mario inside Orthanc. He hears some loud noises and goes out on a balcony and sees the Hippies coming.]

Mario: (Stunned silence)

Lumina: (Walking up behind Mario) Hippies? Attacking you? Talk about irony.

Mario: (Stunned silence)

Lumina: Your whole plan for domination counted on the Hippies not having the guts to fight.

Mario: This-a will not-a be a good day…